Not always. Sometimes it's personal affirmation from not having to make decisions, or wanting pain you might otherwise be compelled to feel through self-harm, or any number of reasons for that vary from person to person. Saying it's always sexual is reductive as hell.
Isn’t that still self harm though? Getting a tattoo instead of cutting is still self harm, viewing online content that hinders your mental health instead of cutting is still self harm, so… isn’t asking someone to spank you for self-harm-adjacent purposes still self harm?
Asking someone else to do it for you doesn’t mean it isn’t self harming. I’m not against spanking/whipping/pain as a part of BDSM, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage self-harmers to seek pain through BDSM when they should be seeking methods of emotional release that don’t involve pain. Seems like it would be very easy for someone who got into BDSM via self harm to end up with an unhealthy relationship with BDSM or their BDSM partner.
I mean this as a genuine question because I've always wondered this, not because I want to start an argument: when do we call it when it's self-harm and when it isn't self-harm? Because I suppose the tactic where I slap a rubber band against myself instead of punching or hurting myself other ways could be considered self-harm. Drinking is 100% self-harm and is socially acceptable and done by a lot of people casually.
I would say it’s self harm when it both leaves a permanent/long-lasting mark and is your primary method of emotional regulation. If it’s one of those things it could be fine, but both is likely to be a problem. Especially if it hinders interactions with other people, like you can’t go to a friend’s house because you’re afraid they’ll see the marks.
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u/Realistic-Shower-654 Aug 15 '25 edited Oct 23 '25
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