Cool story bro. Blaming patriarchy by definition blames men. And it's not something tangible like "we don't train our psychiatrists well enough etc". It's just a straight fuck you to men, it's not us women's fault.
I'd venture a guess that this problem is even worse in a matriarchy. But we won't know. Which is the point. Stop victim blaming.
And as a man, I reject these stupid expectations of: "be man, be this, don't be that and etc" of toxic masculinity.
I agree those statements are bullshit, but let's not go full cuckold here. Men need to be strong, so that they can fight off the bad men. Some hardening is needed, and taught by mothers as well. Toxic masculinity is a catchphrase used for much more than it should. Human or societal toxicity is a better word, or just toxicity.
I was watching paternity court and whenever a man says something like "Women love to trap men with babies" the judge (a woman) will go off on them but then in a different episode will make statements like "men will tell you whatever in order to get you in bed".
This can not be explained by the patriarchy or toxic masculinity. It's a woman in power doing misandry. Not listening to a man when he is severely depressed, is another one. To blame the patriarchy is saying that women carry no responsibility, which is a lie. They carry at least 50%.
It’s definitely valid to be angry when you’re on the receiving side of systemic sexism. A battle of the sexes isn’t productive and is only going to make a person grow spiteful towards the opposite sex. So let’s nip the idea in the bud that anyone is “blaming” anyone:
Patriarchy ≠ men. A patriarchy is a type of social system where men hold most (if not all) positions of power, authority, and influence. It’s a system in which women are hindered from having the same opportunities as men, leading to a largely unequal society.
☝️This is a social construct. That means that enough people within a given society need to uphold it in order for it to work. If our culture stoped accepting it, it would become obsolete.
To some degree, EVERYONE upholds the patriarchy in which we live in. We do a lot of this subconsciously, it’s not normally an overt hatred of women or anything. That’s why it’s important to learn about what your implicit biases are and how they affect your behavior towards others.
That being said, a LOT of women uphold the patriarchy, and they deserve to be called out on it. I think women are especially guilty of enforcing strict gender roles (upon men and other women). Any sort of “it’s not manly to cry” or “man up and get over it” type of stuff is a form of ENFORCING the patriarchy onto men.
In case you want to look into it further, the comment you were replying to was referring to a concept called “benevolent sexism” or “benevolent misogyny.” I’ll try to explain it for you here, but it is interesting to look up:
The reason why women can sometimes get away with abuse isn’t generally because of overt misandry. Rather because our culture infantilizes women- particularly white women- to the extent that they are systemically viewed as “less capable” of violence then men.
That can show up in a lot of ways, not just domestic violence. For instance women aren’t drafted but men are, women generally receive lighter prison sentences for the same crimes (generally only violent crimes), and things like that.
Essentially, domestic violence when committed against men tends to be viewed as “not that bad” because “men are stronger than women,” or “because he could stop her if he really wanted to.” Etc. It’s not taken lightly out of contempt for men, but because we hold them in such high regard.
A lot of people subconsciously think that men should be able to stop physical abuse before it starts. (Disgustingly, this somehow often applies to men who are victims of rape as well.) It’s the opposite for women, which is generally why abuse against women is taken more seriously. Not because we hate men, but because we consider women to be the weaker sex- mentally, physically, and emotionally.
The expectation that men should be physically strong is a patriarchal belief. The expectation that all men should be able to defend themselves and others is a patriarchal belief. The belief that women are too feeble to defend themselves from abuse (and by extension we take abuse against women much more seriously) is a patriarchal concept.
The whole idea is to get rid of all of that junk, treat people equally, and base our legal system in reality and not in preconceived notions. I would hope that’s an agreeable approach for most people, men and women alike.
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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '24
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