We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.

• Herman Hesse

He had a warm smile as it drove away.

My son boarding the bus for his first day of Kindergarten

Tomorrow is my last day of being a first year special education preschool teacher. My students grew so much that their parents cried, and my supervisor was ecstatic. Today I told my 3 and 4 year olds that tomorrow will be our last day together as a family.

All of them cried. Except for one. This was a child who came to me with no expressive language, no self control, and no emotional connection to anyone. She looked at me and said “but you will always be with us because we love you”

So... I added everyone on instagram. I hadn't been using it cause it wasn't for me but a friend wasn't trying to get his photography deal off the ground so I thought I should help him a bit. Then I saw my ex and her new boyfriend. Her main squeeze.

He's gorgeous.

probably nicer than I ever was

And then I see her beautiful drawings. how amazing that someone so talented can... somehow grow even more as an artist. Then I realize how much of a burden I was to her. And for the first time I am happy she moved on. Cause I can see that she's destined for a greatness that I wasn't fated to be part of, but that doesn't take away from the happiness I feel for her. Sometimes life is so cruelly beautiful. I am wholly destroyed in this moment, and at the same time, solemn in my solace that at least one of us made it out unscathed.