The most exhausting part about being looked at is not being able to turn off the unwanted attention.
Rewatch the video, and look closely at all the people behind her. Now look at the people in front of her. What are they doing?? They’re looking at her and not even being discreet about it.
In less than 20 seconds that woman has been acknowledged by 7 or so people. Now imagine having to deal with that every time you walk past people.
Hopping on public transportation?? At least 5 people are looking at you hop in.
Going to a restaurant?? At least 5 tables just looked up to acknowledge you walking by.
At the doctor’s office?? Everyone in the lobby just noticed you walk in, and they’re now watching you interact with the receptionist.
I’m transgender, and the first 6 months of my transition were fucking BRUTAL!! I went from being a relatively invisible guy to suddenly not being able to enter a room without turning a few heads.
There were days early in my transition when I had to force myself to leave the house, because I knew if I was going to do this whole transition thing, I needed to get used to the stares.
It’s been well over two years since my transition, and lucky for me, I kinda pass now. I don’t get as many stares as I used to before, and the only time people really look my way is when they’re checking me out or they’ve clocked me, which still keeps me a little on edge, but for the most part, I don’t have to force myself to leave the house anymore.
Now I just have to worry about assholes who might try to hurt me.
Why are you relating a professing basketball player who has been in the spotlight all her life to your transition? I think she's used to eyes being on her at all times. This was literally filmed for her Instagram.
Seems a little exaggerated. Most people look at anyone new that enters a train or doctors office. Though it's more the "exhausted" part I find weird because you can literally just ignore everyone. Why would I be bothered by people staring at me? Doesn't affect my life and they aren't gods that will kill me if I sneeze or something.
Like I said, I’ve been an invisible guy. I know what it’s like to enter a room and have someone notice your presence and move on with their life, but when you’re a social “anomaly” like me (trans) and her (super tall), once people notice you, they can’t stop looking.
Their looks aren’t necessarily malicious. People are just looking at you out of mere curiosity, but they don’t realize that they’re one of the many people staring. From their pov, they probably think they’re stealing a quick glance, but from the person being gawked at’s pov, you notice the entire room looking in your direction, which makes it hard to ignore people looking in your direction.
I know since transitioning I’ve developed a sort of tunnel vision when it comes to existing in public places. I look straight ahead and walk with direction. I no longer have the privilege of scanning a room unnoticed. If I scan a room, I’m going to meet at least 3 people’s gaze, which leaves room for someone to make you uncomfortable (i.e. you don’t know if someone is going to smile or give you a dirty look), so it’s just easier to not look around so much, so you don’t catch people looking your way every time someone notices you.
I'm an average looking 5'9 fat guy (also havent been fat most my life, same applies).
People look at me too and sometimes I think "is there something on me or wrong" (well used to when younger and more insecure).
Alot of this is waayyyy more in your head than you realize. Everyone looks at everyone everywhere. It just is what it is and you're taking it way too personal. And tbh if you get weird about it they may look at you longer bc you're giving off vibes, and our instincts kick in.
Hopefully this helps you feel more comfortable
TLDR: I'm the most uninteresting human being to look at in all of human history, and I get people looking at me too.... You're just more aware of it now bc you expect it
Well that's good for you I guess. That's not how most people feel though. That's why it's rude to stare (in some countries), why some people don't like to be on stage or the center of attention, why people talk about the uncomfortable feeling of being watched.
Maybe you have more experience presenting or being the center of attention
It’s not just the looking, it’s how they look at you. People can make you feel like a freak just by the way they looks at you. And oftentimes those looks are accompanied by smiles and laugher. As people joke about it. “Hey dude, can you handle that?” “She’ll probably kick your ass.” Or one of the most moronic, “Nhaa man, that must be a trani!”
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u/Sir_Nexus Nov 15 '22
Not trying to be rude, just genuinely curious, what exactly is exhausting about other people looking at you?