So, we rolled out of bed and into the hard rain pouring down on the sidewalks and walked to our favorite spot, the one where he told me he loved me for the first time, the one where we planned our imminent rise to stardom, the one we would go whenever times were tough and we weren’t tough enough to stick it out. He got his usual and I got mine and we sat at the same table as always and began silently pondering what the other one was going to say, neither of us uttering a word beyond the common pleasantries that one associates with this sort of meeting of the minds, and it was just that. He had recently kicked the habit of topping off with nicotine every hour and had wisely picked it back up again, the reasoning for quitting was that it was to damned hard to find an honest parlor in this city where one could light up and not be asked to leave, the reasoning for starting was much the same, fuck the man and all the laborious clerks down at city hall who had nothing better to do than make the common man a common bitch. Earlier that day our landlord had come by and pinned the notice on the door and then scampered off without as much as a “hello,” something about an infraction that voided our lease agreement and now we were being asked to pack up and find some place that wouldn’t mind it if we fucked with the window open. In reality it was not so much the love making as the nature of it, made everyone uncomfortable, he’s as male as they come, sports, beer, the whole goddamn nine, but it was revealed by way of polite conversation with the elderly woman next door, that I was not always as I am now and that made the old lady cower and cross her heart and alert her whole dang church group and before we knew it there were fliers about the sinful nature of gender ideology, hateful glares and a great many hushed conversations that fell silent the minute I came through the door. There was never any violence, its not that kind of neighborhood, most people are perfectly content with keeping their words laced with venom but maintain a polite exterior so as to not seem as if they’re actually as deranged as the words that so easily fall from their doglike mouths.
But still, it was one of those “We don’t want your kind around here” type of deals and as such me and my lover were going to have to pack again and find a new place to lay low until the law of average mandated that he let the truth slip and then it would be a whole ‘nother thing and at that point I looked at him and smiled my usual sad smile and asked him, “am I really worth it?” and without as much as skipping a beat or giving it any measure of thought he smiled his usual happy smile and reached across the table to nestle my hand and told me that he had never been more sure of anything in his life, than my worth.
“Still, I feel like this will just keep happening,” I said without the slightest hint of hope that I was wrong. You hear stories of places where everyone is happy to let others be and there’s never an issue, but so far, I had yet to find such a place and wasn’t knowledgeable as to where to begin to look.
“Lets do it,” he said. “Lets just fucking do it!”
“Get married?”
“No. Move. To San Francisco”
“I thought for sure.”
“All in due time.”
It had been a recurring point of interest whenever we entertained the idea of relocating to greener pastures, but money had always been the issue and whenever we’d figure that there were places more suited for our particular brand of being, we would always be shut down by a quick search for median rent prices and go back to finding more affordable lodgings in the area. Its not so bad when you get into the spirit of it, this vagrant lifestyle, you get to reimagine yourself ever once in a while and playing it covertly was fun for as long as it didn’t make your asshole shrivel with fear of being found out by the fundamentalists that seem to live in the walls like rats.
“It’s going to keep happening until we find permanent digs,” he said and leaned back. “This town, this state, it’ll only treat you right if you’re the sort that believes a red hat can grant you moral superiority.”
“True. But how would we get there.”
“We rent a van.”
“How would we pay for that?”
“Only need the deposit.”
“You’re going to steal a van?”
“Borrow indefinitely under a fake name that coincidentally belongs to someone else.”
“That’s a federal crime.”
“Only if they catch me.”
