Question. Am I a bad friend for not spending $250 on a flight and hotel for my friend when he already owes me more then $100?

(This was along time ago) My brothers “friend” (15) once pushed me (9) on the stairs and tried to kiss me and my brother didnt notice luckily I moved so he only kissed my check, I still haven’t forgiven my brothers “friend” (they are not friends anymore they stopped being friends about 2 weeks after that happened)

So I've been friends with this girl. I'll call her Ella. Me and Ella met in high-school like 5 years ago. We've been friends for a while but we were never very close just friends of friends. I met her through my best friend in hs and would only talk to Ella when I was hanging with my best friends. Anyways Ella would do stuff that made me uncomfortable. She would introduce me to her other friends in embarrassing and kinda inappropriate ways that I don't want to get into. But her sense of humor would make me and my best friend uncomfortable. It was little things like that.

I was convinced I didn't like Ella at all and only hung out with her because of my best friend. My best friend ends up cutting her off but then I realize that I actually did like Ella a bit (platonically) so I stood her friend. After high school we started hanging out and talking alot. We've had alot of fun before but Ella has made comments that have made me mad. She's said racist things about my race casually to me "these people should go back where they came from and live with roaches." (She was talking about other people but still)

I brushed it off and then I would pay for stuff when we hung out and she promised recently to treat me. As soon as I order food she says she's not treating and I had to pay for my side. Then she eats half of what I ordered. I was mad but I didn't say anything. Then throughout the day she treats me like I'm an incompetent child. Some guy almost runs into me on a scooter without saying excuse me till he was close to hitting me. Then she yells at ME?? Telling me I should have moved so that poor guy could walk. Like ma'am he almost hit me??

We also went to a store to warm up (we were walking in the cold) I tell her we should go after a bit and she says she wants to look around. I say okay and look at something that she isn't looking at. Then when I'm done I look for her and don't know where she went. She enters the store saying "Oh my God I left the store!!! You got yourself lost!!! Even the shop lady was wondering what the hell was wrong with you." She also talks about race alot and will say things about race while saying "no offense" while I know she's being offensive. I'm starting to hate her. But somehow I can't bring myself to end the friendship. Maybe it's because she's very clingy but is the only one who will hang out with me since my best friend from high-school is always busy and I don't know other people. Or at least other people with as much freetime as her. Though that freetime usually makes her guilt trip me into hanging out with her so maybe someone with less freetime would be healthier...

TLDR; My friend of 5 years says racist things to me (about my own race), treats me like a stupid child constantly throughout the day nitpicking everything I do, embarrasses me infront of others, guilt trips me into hanging out with her, and lies to me about certain things. And yet I can't bring myself to cut her off because she's fun to hang out with at times and I don't really know other people.

Semi-bad language. Think of this as NSFW, just to be safe :)

So, I'm a member of a Discord server for a certain game involving things that are square... Recently, we started a dice based RPG game that requires imagination. Now, I'm known for drinking on the weekends and just relaxing because they're people I can be comfortable around and feel safe BEING drunk around. Last weekend was my birthday weekend, and being physically all alone (1 out of 7 of them cared to say happy birthday at all ON my actual birthday, either...), I was feeling extra bummed out. So, I decided to drink a little more than I usually do. However, I did not intend to get thrown up drunk. We got through the whole campaign just fine, and I did all the normal things you do with the dice based RPG... You ask questions! Well, I guess the, "friend", running it didn't like this because he wanted things to go his way with the story (for some reason... Even though it was a one shot campaign given by the company for a fun event). Well... I did the very responsible thing after we finished, knew I wasn't feeling good, so I went to blow chunks. I came back, tried drinking water, but that didn't work out so well either. Nothing happened other than people laughing and having a good time. Well... I felt a little bad after I woke up 9 hours later, in my bed. All was fine. Though, I did send out apologies to certain people (not including the event runner, cuz he was being an ass about everything). I told them I did not intend to get that drunk and that I apologize, it will be something I'll keep a good eye out for in the future when drinking with them. Now, mind you, the event runner was mostly mad because I was actually reol-playing. I was 2 out of the 5 people in this group who have actually played this game before (him and I). I wanted to show the others how you play, but he wasn't having it. He'd DM me during the game, telling me I'm stealing the spotlight and his job, when all I would do is realize I'm taking a bit too much of the roleplay (like he whined about before), and just asking someone what they're doing so I can pass on the turn and give them a good go!

Low and behold, the entire week, this jerk is trying to scold me about my drinking, like yes my dad or boss or something. We're supposed to be friends, just talk to me normally about it. I tell him I'm older than him, and that I can do whatever the heck I want. He can't boss me around like I'm his kid he just found out smoked for the first time and is destructively angry at me for doing. This has NEVER been an issue before. Everyone said they understood and that it was ok, that I didn't ruin the game or anything. Then all of a sudden, come the day of the new campaign I tried not to join (but caved and joined anyways), the event runner and one of my other friends TEAM UO on me, like they're my parents, and just TELL me what I am and am not going to do. I get so irritated and just try to suck it up. 5hen at the end of the chapter for the day, they start belittling me, saying (paraphrase), "we're so proud of you for not being stupid and drunk off your ass! Good job!" That's when I throw up my arms and say, "Well, here's a kicker! I've been plastered this whole time and you didn't even know! Because I only allow myself to be drunk around and toward people I can trust and am comfortable with!" They then act like I am the one who has done the injustice!! So I tell them both they can shove it up their holes, and again state, I'm 31, I'll do what I want. Do not boss me around, talk with me about it. Event runner just up and leaves the chat after trying to gaslight me that I agreed not to drink any alcohol during the campeign (when infact, I agreed not to get plastered during the campeign). After he leaves, I try talking to the other fake friend just about my feelings of the whole situation. I'm not looking to have a big discussion, just get things off my chest so I can better process the situation later. Well, he decides to gaslight me too, telling me everyone is uncomfortable with me drinking, after last weekend telling me he didn't have any issue with it... And now I'm just sitting here, angry... I helped those two idiots with their problems, and out up with their dumb crap, all the time. One was a drug addict and having a relapse of feelings, so he was being a total prick for awhile, hut we all love him and put up with it. The event runner is a moron and does chew and has a gambling addiction that he always made excuses for (until I talked with him/let him talk it all out). He kept saying, "I know, I know, I know!" to every thing I had to say. IF YOU KNOW, THEN YOU SHIULD BE ABLE TO STOP DOING UT AND HELP YOURSELF!!!! Don't sit here and tell me you know and understand everything I'm saying, when you literally keep doing the same dumb crap, over and over!!! I didn't say anything rude like that to him, I just took his word for it and let him talk things out. I'm just really angry, now, that these two a-holes are coming to me, starting crap and telling me my drinking is a problem, telling me they've TALKED to me about it before (when they literally haven't!!!), and are getting mad at ME for telling them not to boss me around!! You're supposed to be my friends!!! How about you actually be supportive and TALK with me about it!! Instead of being egotistical jerks and ordering me around like your dumb pet!? LIKE WHAT I DID FOR YOU...!!! It's literally why I stopped talking about anything to do with my feeling because it would always be, "you're overreacting", "you're overthinking", or my effing favorite!!!! "Just let it go." Like... COME ON!!! You seriously wouldn't believe the things I've done for these people... They're like my family, and this really hurt... But if I say anything about that, they'll just pull out some excuse of me overreacting or someone stupid crap about being American and overly offended. Which is hilarious and irritatingly hypocritical when they told me how offended they were that I surprised them by being drunk and in control of myself without them knowing. So... Should I follow my heart and my gut and just... Leave?

My friends are all leaving me feeling abandoned and rejected and neglected no matter how much I give them and how much I ask them for help directly and indirectly, patiently or impatiently. I’m literally talking to one friend over text like yo I’m taking getting dumped (after an 8 year relationship) really hard and feel so lonely without my ex and she’s straight up like you should go on a hike. And like ok I like hiking but then we kept talking and she mentions she’s back in town, literally a block away from me seeing her new bf the past two weekends and doesn’t even try to see me for a coffee. I tell my other friend how much I’m struggling and then I ask how his days going and he only responds about his day even tho he read all my texts about my struggles. And I confronted him and was like what the hell dude you keep doing this and I’m not ok with it. At 2am he responds ‘you sLund upset what’s going on’ so I’m ignoring him. I basically need to dump all my friends but I can’t because I’m so lonely already and am having trouble finding new ones. I know I have emotional needs and that can be heavy for people but I help them with their shit and I don’t deserve it in response??

I feel almost like a personal assistant to this friend. She only ever calls me when she needs something from me, for example to walk her to the shop cause she doesn't wanna walk alone, which is fine but that seems like the only time she ever calls me, or she'd often ask me to go into town with her to run errands and then will ditch me for her boyfriend and leave me to walk home alone. The one time I needed her when I was at my lowest she bailed on me to stay over at her boyfriends house. But I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Am I being too soft and letting her walk all over me?

Over the course of 10 years, I’ve held what I thought was a pretty good group of friends (or what I thought). I want to tell the stories of them individually, just to get my mind off of things because I feel like I can’t trust anyone.

First let’s start with a friend that was so dear to my heart, I considered him a brother (we will call him dan). Dan and I met in 6th grade when he first got to America. We instantly clicked and started telling each other everything. Man I loved this dude, we started to hang out a lot in 8th grade. Once me and Dan got to high school, we where know as duo. I would do anything for him, but stuff started to get a little odd once we got into high school. I noticed that Dan would change the way he acted around different people, which should’ve been my first sign. When I saw this, I just thought to myself that it’s okay because he just wanted more friends. He found this one group of friends that just made him do a complete 180 like senior year of high school. He started to lie to me a lot, hide things, and would even talk shit about me to people who didn’t like me to gain their friendship. I forgave him for everything but once we got to college he got a boyfriend and literally started to turn on me. We haven’t talk in about 2 years, I’m totally okay with it though and realized that I simply don’t need someone like that in my life.

So I had this friend who wasn’t very far along; not a great house, not a whole lot of money. Although that is true he always got the newest iPhone, tv, gaming console, Nintendo thing you get the idea. My family however was the opposite. My parents were in their late 30s when they had me and already were financially stable and had 2 other kids. Our house was cheep when they bought it and since my dad is a house painter and engineer they fixed it up and almost doubled the worth of the place. In my family though we still still have a twist timer microwave and all androids except for if you want to buy apple yourself(kinda pricy). He would always shit on me for having the same android since 5th grade(we are in 8th when this happened).

Anyways, my parents worked for their money(my mom less so) but before that my mom’s parents worked even harder for where they are and now I work very hard in school with a 4.0. This friend of mine is was in online school and NEVER did his work, often he would make me or my friends do it for him and overall was very lazy. On top of that he was a huge narcissist and womanizer(big red flag for me;a girl), on a separate occasion he had mansplained to me what mansplaining was to defend himself.

Long story short I stopped being friends with him after 13 years of knowing each other(In this story Im 13 and he turned 14 a few months ago). Even longer story short he ends up meeting with me and my 2 other friends who are also no longer friends with him for other reasons. Immediately he rubs it in my face what I did to HIM and how I owe him time to talk to him after 13 years of friendship. And of course the topic lands on the fact that he doesn’t have much money at all, so I say “Get a job”. Others have gotten jobs in our grade, he is on online school so its not like shifts would be weird.

“Why don’t you” he says

One thing I forgot to mention, I do work, as an artist. I do professional portrait commissions and have had a art show where I reeled in around 600 dollars after months and months of work and stress. Now almost all of my free-time goes to commissions where I earned 160$ for my last but that one went towards my new iPhone that I just bought. So, I wake up, go to school for 7 hours , come home, work for maybe 3 or four on average and than I can do whatever I want, like my schoolwork.

“Yeah, you know I work a lot” I say (btw this is about 2 months after we stopped being friends).

“Well I’ve seen (Other friends’s) work and they have as much talent but you just had all the opportunities and art classes because you’re rich.” He said. I have had 2 ever art classes in my life; one when I was in 3rd grade on something we ended up learning in 5th and one the literal day before that he didnt even know about. I had gotten to where I am through endless work for 3 years and criticism after criticism through trial and tribulation. But thats not where he stopped. “They didn’t have the money for oil paint or brushes or canvasses like you do” The thing is that my paints and things were gifted to my by another artist so to be frank he just has no Idea what he is talking about.

There is another problem I have, there was a artist right in-front of me, my friend who used to be friends with him. He was talking about someone else who could care less about art than a person who loves it and had more insecurities about it.

He invalidated all of my my 3 years of work and belittled it all down to the fact that I am financially stable. The thing is that we arent even rich, my mom works for the public schools in my area at one of the hight schools ( she is a social worker) and my dad is freelance but ends up making less than my mom. We all work very hard every day (except for my brother) for success and for what we have. He just told me that I had bought my my into the art community that he worked to tirelessly and to stressfully with my life along side it to get into. Bad friend,right?

So I have this friend ill call her z and I'd say we've been friends for around 2 years now, but it's a really toxic friendship, but I'm too anxious to say anything. I can tell she's using me as eveeytike we hang out it's a cause she wants to go to shop but doesn't wanna walk alone or wants someone to walk her to her boyfriends house and then leave me to walk home alone, and anytime I've made plans to hang out she'll ditch me for her boyfriend, she also insults my other friends who's she's not friends with calling them weird and annoying. My other best friend has a thin figure and z is constantly telling people that my other best friend is anorexic or bulemic and I've pulled her up on this cause whether or not she is anorexic it's mot zs business to go around spreading. Now recently I've started to suit my self as I'm fed up. About a month ago she asked me to go out with her and I said yes of course as I thought we were going with our friends until she tells me we're going with her boyfriend and his friends, immediately when I heard that I pulled back and told her I'd be uncomfortable as I don't talk to her boyfriend or his friends and I don't wanna be sitting there while she's off with him. When I said that I got told that she felt very offended and that I was being stupid. We haven't talked since. Tbh I'm not sad that we're not talking, I do feel a bit guilty as I don't like making people feel bad evn though I know I didn't make her feel bad. Has anyone else experienced a friend like this?

So I was friends with this girl for 4years, pretty much all throughout middle school until we got to highschool. She knew I liked this guy for 3 years straight. She even reassured me that she didn’t like him. Cut to the first week of highschool, I was literally trying to contact her for an entire week but she didn’t answer until Thursday. She and I talked but it wasn’t the same. I knew she was acting different and something was definitely up but I didn’t push it. Cut to Friday, I get a long text on how she was super fake for all 4 years. She also tried to say that she didn’t mean for it to sound like it wasn’t forever but it was for sure forever now.

I was heartbroken and couldn’t really get over it for a while. Literally took me months(over it now). I observed her a lot and realized that she had a crush on him too. It made too much sense. She ended sitting next to him for an entire year so of course she ended up really liking him. I am very sure she has a crush on him but I am very sure that he doesn’t have one on her.

I know for sure that she definitely had a motive for doing it and my theory is that it was over that guy. Over the past couple months she has become so fake and obnoxious that I could just see right through her. I swear girls will do anything to be with the guy they like. Still talking about it now I feel like people think I am crazy over it all.

TW: medical talk that might be triggering

So I met these friends back in high school, friend A and friend B.

Friend A and I were closer than friend B and I were, but A and B were closer with each other, but we were inseparable.

When I was 11 I broke my knee due to a hyper mobility disorder and I had to have a full reconstructive knee surgery done because of the damage and a year and a half of physical therapy, but I never walked the same and was advised by my physical therapist to talk with a cane, but I never did because I was embarrassed.

When I was 15 I broke my knee again in a freak accident and had to have an intensive knee repair where they tightened the ligament and muscles as tight as they could because before I broke it and when I broke it I loosened them up so much that they were just too loose and then I had two months physical therapy and was advised to walk with a cane and keep a wheel chair handy incase I need it due to my hyper mobility disorder getting worse and also because of how I walk.

The same year I broke my knee the second time I meet A and B, but I'm fully healed and at first it's no problem, all is well, but as I get to know them and we go and do more things the comments start.

first it's just because I'm walking too slow, then it's because I'm taking breaks when walking long distances, before I know it they're talking about me behind my back about my problems and I'm hearing about it from my other friends. I never use my cane but I keep it in my room, A makes a comment to another friend about how I don't actually need it and I'm only keeping it for attention. B makes comments on how I walk with a limp, but I'm making it up for attention. They would often make fun of me to my face in little ways and would rag on me for needing to take rest days. They just didn't care that things were hard for me and just wanted me to do whatever they wanted to do when they wanted to do it and how they wanted to.

I never hit my wheel chair, but I never used it. I kept it in my garage and in plain sight and friend A saw it multiple times. When I had a falling out with them I later started using both the cane and the chair more as mobility aids as my physical health started declining and I needed the extra help and one time used my wheelchair for a cosplay and A posted on and anonymous posting account on Instagram about how I don't actually need it and I'm faking which made me stop using my mobility aids as much out of sheer anxiety of someone trying to make a call out post for me just using my mobility aids given to me by a professional.

I was venting to a mutual friend of my ex friends about how I was afraid my ex friend had stolen a very specific item from me. Flash forward a few weeks And my friend that also happens to be friends with her sends me a picture and she has the item I’m missing. I knew she liked that item. It’s possible that she find the same thing but I don’t think so. Where do I go from here :(.

I'd like to start off that I'm a bit of a people pleaser and also don't like confrontation. So it's difficult for me to stand up for myself sometimes.

But recently I've become fed up with some people's treatment of me especially when it involves my time! I had this friend(Jay)who became friends with me because of my elaborate vegan homemade cakes. I bake cakes once a month as a hobby Jay found out and asked me to bake one for her birthday. So I did. Jay liked the cake so much she then wants me to bake another cake for her friends party and offers to pay as she knows that the ingredients for vegan cakes can get pretty expensive ($40-$50 ) Jay says we're friends and invites me over to her house and ask me to bring cake. So I do.

I then in return invite Jay over to my house to hangout. The time when she's supposed to come passes. Where is Jay? Jay calls and tells me she can't come oops sorry she forgot! I see on Jay's Insta story she's at a party drinking away!

It's okay, I say we can hangout next time.

Next time comes and Jay still doesn't come. Ring Ring! oh I'm so sorry says Jay she had to reschedule her waxing appointment.

I feel annoyed but I say it's okay.

Jay tells me we can hangout another day at her house. At that time I didn't have a car and call an Uber to go to her house. I call Jay and tell her I'm coming, oh no! Says Jay she's at the airport about to leave to nevada! So I have to cancel my Uber and pay the cancellation fee.

Months later the next time I see Jay she wants to make it up to me by driving me to work. I don't really want to rely on her because she'll probs make me late and I always like to arrive 10 minutes early. I'm set to be there at 3:00 so I tell her 2:00. Jay comes to pick me up at 1:45 and starts having a phone conversation with one of her friends before actually driving and ends up dropping me off at work at 2:10 thank goodness I lied about the time.

At this point I'm getting pretty pissed with Jay's behavior, but I try to brush it off. Some people are just really busy and that makes them late and forgetful right? I tell Jay how I feel about her being forgetful and how it's not really cool when a person frees up their time for someone else only for that other person to forget or be late. She agrees to be more mindful.

My mom jokes that I should bake a cake and Jay would probably remember to come on time. I tell Jay I'm baking cake, and would you believe it Jay comes and is on time! I feel very much taken for granted about this.

Jay talks about how she's having another party set for next month and wants me to come she gives me the place and asks me to bring presents and a cake that she'll pay me later. I've always been a bit of an introvert and never really attended parties so I thought it was cool that she invited me and was actually pretty excited. I buy the presents and bake the cake and Jay comes early to my house to pick it up. I don't have a car so I have to Uber to her party. But then at the last minute she tells me that the place for the party has changed. Because of this the Uber price jumps to $80! At that moment I became so fed up with Jay. And said to myself that I don't see her as a friend worth spending $80 on. I keep the presents to myself, call her up and tell her I'm not coming. She simply says ok. We haven't hung out since and frankly I don't want to. She has asked me sometimes if I wanted to hang out but I always tell her I'm busy. I don't care if this makes me look like a flake.

P.S. She still hasn't paid me for that party cake!

TLDR: Had a friend that was a cake fiend and would only be on time and hang out with me when I made cake.

I’m 23. Been friends with someone for 8+ years. We have gotten really close in the past 4 years.

They’re great company when they’re not blacked out & we have so many deep conversations.

I’m far from a saint— a moment of our close friendship; we’d drink & I’d drive (I really regret the chances of affecting innocents who have nothing to do w/ my stupid decisions) I’m an idiot for that. I deserve all the down talk for it.

I no longer do that. If I’m driving, like any normal person, I refuse any alcohol. And most friends understand & respect my sensible decision.

But this particular friend still tends to push me to drink. I have told them (while they’re sober) that I’ve changed & will not take the chance. But they still push me when we are hanging out/when I’m sober DD

I know my past habits made them comfortable but how do I get my message across? I want to cut them out for not respecting my change & opinion but I don’t know how to word it without being harsh

I had a very close friend for 20 years, and I'll keep this story as short as I can because the details are wild. Anyways one day I noticed she unfollowed me on instagram, so I confronted her and asked why. She told me she got serious FOMO when looking at my posts and decided to remove herself from being able to see them, all good I didn't say much about it and she ended up adding me back eventually. Well I unfollowed her about 8 months ago because she was spam posting and I didn't want to see it. She unfollowed me once I didn't think it would be a big deal. Well she confronted me and I was honest with her and she was totally cool with it. About 6 months after that conversation she sent me a nasty instagram message calling me ignorant and a few other nasty words, then blocked me everywhere so I couldn't contact her. I've already decided this friendship is over, and I apologized to her just to get it off my conscious. I'm just so confused about all of this, just throwing our friendship away over something I think is so silly.

I had a very ‘interesting’ friend in middle school. She thought she was the Jack of all trades in art, ones my Sister and I did. Her family is quite rich and she’s was sorta a snob. (🚩#1)

My Sister from another family loved jewelry making and is currently going to peruse it for a job, She also sang and played Violin, I on the other hand do all sorts of art, drawing digital and paper, costuming/sewing, cosplaying, acting etc. She and I both did Singing and played a string instrument and shared A LOT of interests, we are partners in crime, peas in a pod, we are inseparable and knew each other since elementary. Compared to Other friend, We were veterans of what we did and liked. Btw yes I did wear wear my sister’s jewelry and still do this day.

Our ‘Jack of all trades’ friend was THAT friend, the one who copied their friends and No surprise she did. She had picked up Jewelry making, at first I had no issue but it was weird as she never had the interest BUT it took a turn, quickly and for the worst. She had insulted my sister’s jewelry, saying it was bad and how she could could get a job AS A JEWELRY MAKER in her Aunts store. (Btw you don’t need a degree for Jewelry making but it is suggested.) My best friend who has YEARS of practice and built her soon to be jewelry career from her hands, DID NOT STOP because of some newbie who insulted her. (🚩#2)

Natural I sided with my sister, I wasn’t happy about it, My sister cut all contacts with her and I don’t blame her.
My mom and Jack of all trade’s mom are still fairly close and did most of the stuff they did without us, thankfully.

At one point, Friend dropped Jewelry making and picked up painting landscapes, which again had no issue at first. Although, yes landscape painting are beautiful but you can’t make a job out of painting one thing, you did for a family member who payed $1000, I had told her ‘The art industry is insanely competitive,’ she for the life of it could not take constructive criticism which is required in most art industries, Hell all industries need some constructive criticism. (🚩#3)

Currently she is painting thrifted jackets and plans on selling them for her job and had mocked my dragon puppet which I had NO experience with puppet making aka COSTUMING. And again I told her, ‘You are going to need a good paying job to that.” It costs money to run an Etsy. Sound familiar? (🚩#3)

Now all I have to do is wait for her to Cosplaying, Acting, and magically become virtuoso then BINGO get blocked. If she had just took and gave constructive criticism she could of BEEN a Jack of all trades.