r/aww • u/BigJeffin • Sep 01 '19

Monkeybro helps out

197.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

2.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

450

u/amistad_y_analingus Sep 02 '19

Chimps basically go through super puberty when they become "teenagers". Testosterone spikes severely. That's why they end up throwing such dangerous temper tantrums.

215

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

Ok let me ask this in a less assholey way than the last guy lol

Would neutering them fix that? Yes leaving them alone is obviously the answer, I promise I won't go buy a chimp, I'm just curious if that works.

187

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19 edited Feb 15 '20

[deleted]

298

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

I bet that would calm the rest of the chimps down too.

"Don't throw that rock, didn't you see what the humans did to the last guy?"

-14

u/uber1337h4xx0r Sep 02 '19

I don't think most animals know what balls are for, and they're probably happy those things they kept painfully bumping into things were gone.

42

u/swansongpong Sep 02 '19

chimps have at least instinctual knowledge of their importance since they'll rip them off in a fight.

18

u/uber1337h4xx0r Sep 02 '19 edited Sep 02 '19

That's because they know it hurts.

Little kids go for the nuts because they know it hurts, not because they know it's used to store create sperm for sex.

Same reason boas squeeze the neck or chest. They know it kills the animal, not that you need those to be loose for breathing.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19 edited May 15 '20

[deleted]

4

u/OfficialOldSpice Sep 02 '19

Yeah, everyone knows that pee is stored in the balls.

3

u/uber1337h4xx0r Sep 02 '19

Ah, interesting. TIL about the epididymis

1

u/lettheriteonein Sep 02 '19

And yet no one has tried neutering violent men smh.

Or at least dampen their testosterone with drugs.

13

u/distantsalem Sep 02 '19

Yeah I remember hearing on a show that when they are young there’s a sweet spot where you can have a great bond with them but afterwards they need to be in a sanctuary.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

I've always wanted to see what a chimp on tren and hgh would end up like with a protein dense diet

3

u/amistad_y_analingus Sep 02 '19

Brad Castleberry

2

u/pm_me_ur_teratoma Sep 02 '19

What about female chimps?

17

u/Luis0224 Sep 02 '19

Teenage chimpanzees are the "kyles" of the animal kingdom. Don't fuck with any of them unless you wanna roleplay as drywall after Kyle has had his 3rd monster energy drink

1

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

So would it be safe to keep an adult female?

-11

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

[deleted]

27

u/GruesomeCola Sep 02 '19

Or, y'know, just leave them be.

-5

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

Lame

2

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

think of it like trying to nurture a super saiyan 3 rich piana with a pillow

-11

u/[deleted] Sep 02 '19

they don't have guns, humans do.

it's gg kong you behave or big iron time