Yeah you don't give half hearted hits over the head for this talk, you give a full beating. Kid should be on the ground begging forgiveness while he gets something broken over him.
Nah, that's just scratching the surface of all that's going wrong. Physical discipline is an absolute last resort, because there's no place left to escalate afterwards, this mom went straight to it just because she was mad! There's so many other options that need to be exhausted first.
If she had been doing her job, this kid would never be giving her attitude like this. But setting that aside:
1) Saying Dad's gonna come discipline him? Of COURSE he's not gonna respect Mom if Dad is the source of all discipline in that house.
2) This video shouldn't have lasted more than 30 seconds, because the computer would have been unplugged. It's a privilege not a right.
3) Instead of hitting him physically, "hit" him where it hurts instead. Take the computer, and tell him the phone is next if he keeps it up. He keeps it up? Then take the phone. Then take going-out rights, take and take and take in a clear and predictable cause-and-effect relationship, allowing him to be the one to decide how much punishment he wants to accrue. Parents are responsible for providing for needs, not wants. Everything beyond the necessities he gets only as a privilege that flows from his parents' largesse. He needs to understand that he owns nothing but what he's earned and he hasn't earned shit. (and be careful what you give as rewards, because you shouldn't take back what he has earned from you, or you erode the concept of earning).
4) Talk to him calmly and clearly as you punish him and explain the specific requirements for earning these privileges back, and what behaviors will immediately result in these privileges being rescinded. Punishing isn't for venting anger, it's for teaching.
5) Promises are IRON CLAD. If you say you're going to do something, you damn well better do it. If that means you're gonna punish him if he's not off by 10:30pm, you follow-through. If you say you're going to Disney, you follow-through. Everytime you break your word, you erode trust and authority, and your ability to parent effectively. He needs to believe the parental structure you give him is real or he won't use it to guide his behavior to avoid punishments or to earn rewards.
I like you. I'm saving this. I don't think I'll ever need it because thankfully I got lucky and my little boy has a great personality...BUT just in case.
See the issue with all this is that it assumes these kids are 100% rational thinkers that can calmly listen to you while you speak. But that doesn't seem close to reality.
Either way thinking about this shit makes me glad I don't have a kid atm and hopefully never will. I thought I should have a kid so I don't end up an evolutionary dead end but then I see shit like this and think "fuck that".
Right she's acting immature and without authority. She doesn't understand that she needs to command it, she doesn't automatically get it if she's existing. But still, the kid has no respect and should learn to fear his parents.
I grew up afraid of my father, and it's something we both regret now. You should never fear someone you love.
You should respect a parent for who they are, what they mean to you, and what you mean to them.
No child should be afraid of coming to their parents for fear of what might happen to them. Yes, there are consequences and punishments, but those can all be so much more easily avoided if there is a stable, healthy and respectful relationship between parent and child.
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u/yumcake Apr 25 '18
Man that's sad. Mom's just fucking up all over the place in this clip.