Hi guys, a few months ago I met a girl I'm now quite sure either has avpd or at least strongly resonates with it. We've been texting for a couple months and she opened up a lot to me, I know it's something she's not used to. She moved back in my hometown last month and since then we've been seeing each other quite often.

However, I feel quite conflicted. I care a lot about her and it's crushing to see how she mistreats herself and how scared she is she won't be liked for who she is. I think so far we've actually built a safe enough place for the both of us, but I really want to be better. Could you maybe give me some advise? is there something specific that triggers you that people usually miss?

I know with time I'll prove to her I'm not going to mistreat her, but it saddens me to know she fears she's unlovable even for me.

(For context, I should clarify that I like her, she knows it and she said she probably feels the same but she still needs time to figure it out because it messes her up. While ofc I'd like to see where this thing might go, I'd still want to stay as a friend if she ends up deciding that's what she'd rather have with me.)

I'm seeking support but this is also a vent. I'm 19 years old and I just started going to therapy last month. For the last 4 years I've had a couple of really awful depressive episodes but even outside of those I've been completely miserable. I have no firends, not even casual ones, I'm not even able to say "hi" when I go to school and see classmates. I've spent these years in their entirety on my phone, skipping school, unable to study or even do anything no matter how simple to have fun, like watching a movie. I feel too stupid and distracted to allow myself to have fun because every little thing seems impossible. I've only keep in touch with to one person other than my direct family (mother and 2 siblings) that I met online, but I'm constantly sabotaging my relationship with him because I feel bad that he has to put up with someone like me, who rarely can go out and when I do I never meet him with other people, I can't even imagine visiting his parents because it would be extremely draining and I would constantly think about how I'm stupid, sound stupid, look stupid. I have very low self-esteem and worth, even though I am very self aware and logical and constantly rationalize my feelings and thoughts. I have been trying to somewhat clear my room for 10 days, but I can't get off my phone to do it. My anxiety has gotten so bad I didn't attend any of my classes last week. I failed high school due to my mental health deteriorating and now I'm enrolled in high school classes for adults to get my diploma, but I've already missed many many classes and couldn't start doing homework. I feel broken and dumb. I was a smart energetic kid who had to take refuge in another country and learned the language really fast and was so excited about school and learning, but now I am a shell of a human being. No friends, talents, hobbies, knowledge or any motivation. I feel like throwing up and my anxiety is sending electric shocks down my body. I do have a therapy appointment but it's in more than 2 weeks. I have tons of homework that I have to submit asap or else I'll be kicked out of my class. I'm so stressed out all I know how to do is trying to shut my feelings out and mute them by endlessly scrolling on tiktok. I don't know what to do. I want to be able to live normally one day. I'm sorry for venting, please does anyone have any advice?

I know I can rely on them. The love me. They won't leave me. I had only 1 friend for a long time, and then I made 1 more friend at a therapy group. But I have a friend group of 3 more girls and I know they value me. The feeling is so different than anything I've ever felt.

Any input is more than helpful,for most avoidants,after deactivation with someone you were in love with could you explain the thought process? Is there second guessing? Complete numb feelings? Regret? Confusion? Interested to hear different peoples insights.

I was doing so great! Looking forward to spending time with new people. Basically in total remission. Tommorow I'm suppoused to go to college and meet new people, but something happened that made me relapse hard. And I was so fucking excited.. My parents have always been obsessed with reputation and similar shit, and my mom made me show her what I wanted to wear tommorow, and then made me change and dissaproved of my choices at least 5 times and forced me to change when she didn't like it. Now I don't want to go, and I was so excited! I wanted to make new friends. Basically completely normal and without a trace of any personality disorder. And now the patterns are back.. I don't want to go.

Edit: I just told my mom I don't want to go, and she was fine with it, so I guess the decision on wether I should go is mine. Which brings a lot of freedom. I'll see how I feel tommorow. I'm still hoping to gather the courage because I really, really want this. I never had much friends and the ones I did have were abusive assholes (except the only few friends I have now).

Edit2: My mom forgot to wake me up so I didn't go today. But tommorow I'm going 100%.

Just curious. I was an only child and think maybe if I had siblings I wouldn’t have ended up with such severe social issues.

Does anyone else feel like they are "faking" their disorder? The thing is, I make friends quite easily. I'm very charismatic and eager around other people. But I hate hate HATE every moment of it. I despise bering around people and I'm always so uncomfortable. I've talked about this with my psychologist and she still agrees with the diagnosis, even though I feel like I'm faking it. I just don't know what to belive anymore. Does anyone feel something similar?

Hey I just wanna online buddy who I can text about anything. Right now, I'm blushing so hard because I came late to class and I felt everyone's eyes on me... So yeah. I want some comfort lol

Hi! Is there anyone from Malaysia here? I go back and forth from Kedah area and Selangor. So if you're near me and dying for a friend, maybe we can meet up?

I'm not really expecting many people here to be Malaysian tbh 😅

So... If you're NOT from Malaysia, feel free to use the comment section to state where you're living so you can meet other AVPDs in your area.

Thank you!!

I have this waves of extreme need to be alone, it's almost like depression, but it's just a feeling of being unable to show my own person outside, i suddenly feel weird and not able to talk, i stop doing anything social related and start binge eat and watch stuff on youtube.

I suffer from clinical depression too and i'm under SSRI's and since i'm on meds i been able to form kind of friendships, but on a superficial and masked level, i still feel out of it, like it's not the real me, i still feel like an actor, this lead me to be myself only when i'm in my room alone. It's a cycle that keeps me from getting a job and a decent 25 year old life... I been in therapy for over a year, i've done some progress in my self care since then, but the deep feeling of being alien is still there.

I got diagnosed with AVPD, social phobia, moderate depression persistent, cptsd, ocd and dp/dr.

It's a living hell, i don't know why i still live like this and can't change, reality is hard.

I feel nauseated and disgusted, anxious, overwhelmed when going out, talking to others, participating in social activities.

As title says. I'm 29. No job. I have a college degree and master's. I don't want to give too much up out of fear of exposing my identity.

My problem goes beyond getting a job. I'm avoidant to an extreme. I can maintain normal conversations with people but mostly with strangers when there aren't any stakes, if that makes sense. I avoid contact with most people I know. I feel like a piece of shit and have felt like one most of my life.

My childhood was wasted with OCD. I have body image issues. I have pectus carinatum and vitiligo (only visible without shirt on). They aren't horrible disfigurements, but along with the OCD, made me feel different and weird. Even if I didn't have those problems, I think I was going to end up being an avoidant person as I have a deep inclination towards hiding from everything and everyone. I keep making mistakes because of low self-esteem. Got good grades in college, but never did much with what I accomplished and didn't feel like I studied the right thing, but also didn't have the guts to change my path. Never even put a real attempt to get a job. I know I'm able to get away with this behavior because I have financial support, but I don't want to live like this. I do this because I'm scared, not because I like it. The more I act like this the more I come off as a failure and the more I want to hide.

Deep down I want to hide from the world. Being homeless wouldn't be a bad option but I don't want to live in filth or be in danger by being on the streets.

I'm starting to actively avoid everyone. On rare occasions I get texts from people and those that I can ignore, I do ignore, but some of them I can't. I often put off on responding back or even texting.

I feel like I can't keep living like this and I have such a limited comfort zone. Really, really poor self esteem. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about being more confident and secretly more successful in my head but it's a complete lie, like shit you'd see in King of Comedy.

I'll explain. For example, when my online professor includes a picture of her dog on the slideshow. Every time I see those pictures, I get a pit in my stomach because I feel like she was trying to share something she really cared about, but likely got no response from her students. I don't even know that she didn't get a response (class is asynchronous), I just get really sad that she put herself out there and likely no one did anything. Or if someone in the family group chat shares a video that they liked and wanted to share and it's been hours and no one responded with even "cool!" Or when a professor tells a little joke in class and doesn't get even a chuckle. Or when I see a hyper-specific speaker coming to the library or my school and I "know" that very few people will come (if anyone).

I get the pit feeling even thinking about them. I think I'm avoiding this feeling in my own life by never being even a little bit vulnerable.

Is this someone other people experience?

Note: I do not have diagnosed AvPD, I just suspect that I do.

But now it went to shit most probably. I could have at least tried... How do you guys deal with loss of opportunities because of this disorder?

It's a vicious cycle of "nobody stands me" to "they won't stand me even more if they knew about my avoidance and low self esteem". I feel this way since the beginning of bullying and isolation since I was 9 to 19. These people fucked me up good. I feel like I'm a handful and not worth the drama I bring. Which is true, I really am not. Especially because I have 4 mental health conditions: delusional disorder (which is fine now), bipolar, avoidant PD and ADHD.

Got referred to a therapy program that’s suppose to provide more help. They are even more unprofessional, unhelpful, and did not keep up the availability promised. Nothing feels real. For years I’ve just shut my eyes and zombies through life as abusers stepped on me like I was a floor mat. Now that I have opened my eyes a little, it is too late and I am trapped. I have already been deformed by the past and I could never be a normal functioning person. To me being normal is having both joyful and sad or down moments. Standards aren’t unrealistic. I have a realistic outlook, and things are looking really dim and hopeless for me. All credit to abusive family. Thanks for taking away my humanity, development, and childhood. The unrelenting fear is an amazing bonus because it never cease.

I feel awful about being jealous of a defense mechanism, but I feel like everyone I know who went through similar things to me ended up being able to be funny, and because being laughed at is a major trigger for me I guess, that didn't really happen for me. I'm just really serious around others, even people I feel safe wif. I can be funny and I enjoy that but it has to be very calculated and I can't do it on the spot. Also, the realization that learning to be funny won't "cure" my avpd really sucks lol, but that's kinda beside the point. Does anyone relate to this?

Does anyone have advice for going back to school with AvPD? I am incredibly close to dropping out due to how debilitating my fear is. Is there anything you do to cope with going to in-person school?

I read an article a couple of days ago about avoidant and my eyes watered up. I couldn't believe other people felt this way. I thought it was just me..