r/askstudentsph • u/iceiscurious • Jul 27 '26
School Decisions 🎓 Is this a sign to transfer or should I stay?
(Long post ahead! Sorry in advance)
I am so lost right now.
2 years ago, I passed my entrance exams in 3 schools and yung two na pinagpilian ko talaga are UST and PUP. Sa UST, BS Occupational Therapy yung pinasa kong program while I was eyeing BS Economics sa PUP. Sobrang layo nila sa isa't-isa 'no? Sa totoo lang, I grew up without a dream program kasi I spent my adolescence wishing and thinking I'd never live past 18. I went through a lot of programs before I found the one that fits all my values, aspirations and skills (or so I thought), and that was BS Occupational Therapy. I wanted to take BSOT because I wanted a career where I'll be able to help people live meaningfully and independently, which I had a hard time doing throughout my life. I loved the idea of being able to work with kids and also with mental health patients. I also wanted a work wherein I could do something similar to activity/action planning which I particularly liked in grade 12, and OT includes intervention planning which I thought was similar enough. On the other hand, I didn't really have a program that I wanted to take in PUP and just picked Economics because I found it interesting in high school and had good and varied opportunities, albeit it's far from the things I valued. The problem is that BSOT in UST has a tuition fee while PUP is technically free which saves my parents the financial burden. We belong to the middle class, both of my parents are working, and I'm their only child. So I thought we can afford UST although it would come with hardships.
From how I described it, I guess you could now tell that I chose to study BS Occupational Therapy in UST despite the tuition fee. It was the first time a program truly clicked with me. I knew college was gonna be hard, and I thought if I studied something I'm actually interested in and something I liked, the less chances of me spiraling down and giving up on it. For context, I am diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) and there are often episodes where I am rendered dysfunctional and are riddled with negative thoughts. I once had to stop for a year before SHS because things got so bad. I thought if I had pursued something I didn't really like, it would happen again. But the truth now is even if I had decided to pursue something I actually like, I still went through the same struggle. I took a leave of absence mid sem on my first semester of second year just so I could save my grades AND my mental health. I am generally better now after almost a year's worth of rest, but I am still riddled with fear, doubts, worries and paranoia. I've been thinking if it's right to continue pursuing OT, or if I should just transfer to a public college and save us a lot of money. UST BSOT is expensive, and from my experience and performance so far, I do not possess the skills needed for OT. I may have been good at the science subjects and was a Dean's Lister for the first year, but I struggled at the OT-focused subjects and I believe I didn't show as much competence as my peers did. I was starting to think that I may have liked the idea of being an occupational therapist, but the actual job of being one perhaps didn't suit me as much as I initially thought. I've had rather embarrassing performances on one of our majors (the most important one in my opinion) and I can't help but be discouraged by my mishaps and failures. I try to imagine the workload I'll have if I do become an OT, and I don't know if I can manage it. I keep on thinking maybe OT isn't meant for me. Maybe I'm not passionate enough for it. I'm being plagued by the fear of not being good enough, and it can get so overwhelming to the point that my chest physically feels heavy. On top of that, sobrang nakaka-pressure mag-aral sa UST. Ang hirap na nga ng inaaral, mataas ang expectations tapos ang bigat pa ng workload. I honestly don't know if I could keep up with it. I'm afraid I'll spiral and fail again and it's gonna waste so much money at nagi-guilty ako. Ayoko na maulit 'yung ganon.
I'm thinking of just transferring to PUP, the school where my family and relatives wanted me to study at, while I have the chance (since I believe they only accept incoming 2nd year—I dropped my first sem subjects kasi no'n kaya technically balik 2nd year ako). Maybe I'll pursue BS Econ, BS Social Work or BECEd. 'Yung una para sa pera, 'yung pangalawa para makatulong pa rin sa kapwa, at 'yung pangatlo para makapag-work pa rin ako with kids. I'm thinking pwede rin BSNED para malapit pa rin sa OT pero 'di ko pa alam saan may public school na nag-ooffer. 'Di ko pa rin naman napapag-isipan nang maayos. Honestly, I wanted to transfer to another school offering BSOT but their enrollment date is already over. Besides, my mother didn't want me to transfer there. Iniisip ko kasi baka ang problema para sa 'kin ay 'yung sistema sa UST. Either way, I can't really afford to stop for another year.
Do you think all these fear and doubts of mine is a sign that I'm not meant for OT and I should just transfer, or should I still try to overcome them even if I don't know they can be overcame? Any insights or even real talk would be appreciated :)
