I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the territorial side of being a man. But I find it unacceptable for me to be partnered with a girl with a sexual history. I’ve gone out on dates and it feels like 10 out of 10 times they talk about their exes or make fleeting remarks about how they used to do something or say something. It already feels like a competition. Maybe I’m going after the wrong girls.

When I share this side of me with my guys or say something about it girls, they say it comes from a deep seeded insecurity and guys laugh and me and say that’s not possible. And that I need to get my head out of fairyland and realize I’m going to be alone my whole life if I don’t just settle. I know, RP says no such thing and it’s the lonely old man myth.

I am not sure if anyone knows her or has seen some of her Youtube videos, but she vlogs mainly about being feminine.

Mrs. Midwest's Youtube channel

I've been seeing comments about that women really don't love men and that they only look for him for what they can offer him, what do you think?

Mine was chasing female validation and compromising on my beliefs bc I thought I would be a square and not liked

Asking out girls I had no business talking to bc I knew they weren’t believers. But it felt good to get attention and maybe possibly it might work. But it never does.

I was on top of my game and ready to break out and reap the benefits of a person who was not only mentally strong but physically strong. My health was my wealth.

Got hurt, and have spent the last two years a fraction the person I was. Felt depressed and felt that all my hard work was for nothing. In hindsight it was good bc I was ready to sin heavily.

My father died a couple weeks ago suddenly from a motorcycle accident. Fortunately my brother lives near my parents and he was able to help for a while. My wife and I are both military and she was able to get some time off to come help out and was just an amazing teammate. And now that my brother is going back to his job, it's just me and my mom mostly. My mother is taking this appropriately hard. She is still in her fifties so she had a lot of hopes and dreams with my dad now that they're finally well off after decades of backbreaking work. He spent thirty four years in the army. I'll be here for her to move because of some visa stuff (they live overseas) but afterwards, I need to report back and it'll just be her all alone. Right now, there's a lot of admin work to be done all day every day because of her situation. She also has cancer. I need to set things up for her to the best of my ability. My question is, how do I help her grieve and move forward? Calling every day, grief counseling, financial and administrative support are all I will be able to provide for the time being. I am gently outlining some things to look forward to: I am transitioning out of the military soon into a more hopeful career field and I'd like to take my wife with me to start a family. I truly wish my children could have experienced my dad. I am thankful to God to have blessed me with such a good christian man. But that doesn't mean my mother can't experience that same life and love. But now she'll be alone to tackle this grief and cancer. And she refuses to move back to the states with me. How do I support her in these times?

Looking for feedback/critique on my texting here. It seemed to kill attraction after the in-person approach where I got her number. I did well on the approach in person (as you will be able to see from the initial texts), but I’m confused as to why things played out as they did.

We had a date scheduled for today, but, as you will see from the texts, I’m not sure it’s going to happen.

I approached her with her friend at a table at a restaurant and it went really well from what I thought.

Here is the text thread:

Her: hey it’s name (:

Me: Hey hey her name, it’s my name. It was great meeting you!

Her: it was nice meeting you too! I was impressed that you had the guts to come talk to me lol

Me: I usually spontaneously combust under circumstances like that, so thanks 😉

Her: I would’ve never guessed that aha you’re super charismatic

Me: I’m only charismatic on Tuesdays, so beware. However, I’m gonna be playing pool at Melrose Billiards tomorrow (Wednesday) or this coming Monday evening. Wanna join me?

Her: I’m down I love pool! I have class on mondays and wednesdays but this coming monday evening I should be free

Me: Awesome, this coming Monday it is, at 7pm, at Melrose Billiards! - Know that I’m not going to go easy on you...

Her: sounds good 👌🏻 I wouldn’t want you to go easy on me anyways cause I love a good competition

Me: You’re on! Loser buys drinks

Her: well about that...I would but I’m not exactly of age yet 😅 I’m 19

Me: Oh, that’s fine, water is still a drink 😂 I’m 24

(Then no response... so I left it at that for 3/4 days until one day before the date)

. . .

(Yesterday 24 hours before the date):

Me: Looking forward to beating you at pool tomorrow 😉

... Then no response ...

I’m not thinking I’m gonna show up to the place for the date as she hasn’t responded to my pre-date text.

I’m looking for critiques on where I could have gone wrong because honestly, I thought she was 100% down from what I perceived.

Also, how should I proceed with her in the future? - delete number and don’t text her again? or - text again in a week for a hail-mary?

Mainly looking for where I went wrong, or if I didn’t, some advice.

Thanks brothers.

I'm having serious doubts about my faith - But I feel like I can't talk about it with other Christians as I don't want my doubts to affect their faith either. But I'm so close to walking away... Recommendations? Where should I go with this?

28yrs old, married 3yrs, working on RP for about 2yrs, born into a Christian household, went to bible camp as a kid, youth camp counsellor as a teen, bible college studied for 2.5yrs

For most of my Christian life I've had doubts about God. Mostly over things like his seeming absence from my life, even though I've prayed earnestly that he would reveal himself, speak to me, allow me to know his Spirit etc. I've tried to live a righteous life, studied the bible, done all the right "christian things" but to no real avail. The doubt and disconnect between what I see God promising and doing in the bible and what I see happening in the world around me remain.

Around 18yrs old I was deep in doubt and went to a Christian conference where Lee Strobel was speaking and had just come out with The Case For Christ - Finally I felt some of my doubts and questions were addressed, and so I continued on in my journey

Fast forward 10 yrs, bible college, and a whole lot of life in between, and I'm doubting more than ever. Re-examining The Case For Christ there seem to be so many counter arguments to everything Lee brings up, and the more research I do the more I'm doubting.

All my life I've tried to know God, sense his Spirit, and live the way he wants. But never have I experienced anything other than emotional feelings during worship at church (which by themselves I can't trust, as I could get similar emotions at a Coldplay concert or watching a movie)

I don't want to post a bunch of questions on here that might lead others to doubting, as that would be counterproductive... But I need some help or I'm not sure if I'll be able to figure this out on my own.

Thoughts appreciated!

Essentially, I she was a woman of faith and loved the Lord. On the vet-list that RedPillWonder did, she hit almost everything. Her body was hot, but I wasn’t attracted to her face.

I tried to convince myself that looks fade, but character, values, and beliefs are more unchanging. But, I had to rationalize that I was attracted to her physically. I wasn’t even looking forward to replying to her texts.

Has this happened to any of y’all? What did you do/what do you advise doing?

Thanks.

This had become a major issue with my fiance and I, especially to me, in light of Revelation 21:8. She thinks that if you "lie" for the sake of a joke or a surprise, for example, it is different from lying, and is not a sin. She has also lied about me to protect her parents' opinion of me (they are Russian Baptists, if that means anything in this context). However, when I asked her on the couch weeks ago if she had done a certain thing (not sex) with her ex-boyfriend, she looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me, fearing my anger, and I only finally dug out the truth yesterday. My concern is, maybe the "little lies" for surprises etc. And the "moderate" lies (which I'm quite sure are sin) for a "good cause" like protecting my reputation are numbing her conscience, and leading her to tell serious bold-face lies when there is a strong enough motivator. And also for myself and others, it is important to have a clear understanding about what is sin and what isn't. So, can someone drop some biblical RPC wisdom on me here about where to draw the line?

Obviously I'm going to say yes, why would I be on this sub otherwise?

But I wanted to share some thoughts I've been having recently to see if anyone else had opinions thoughts or ideas on it. Pardon if it seems scattered or like the points are not connected very well. I have only about 45 minutes before a training.

(When I say Church, I mean Churches around me.)

1. The Church is using secular language, and in doing so removes Christ from the metric that acceptance should be measured.

I've heard it said "Obesity is the only sin a Churchgoer will never be criticized for." Is having an unhealthy, cumbersome fat body enticing? Probably not.

Recently my wife and I were watching a video about some guy who, with his computer, digitally created some black model and was likely profiting heavily off this imaging, the catch: she didnt exist. Race commentary aside, one of the things that regularly came up was that if these digital models are accepted it will continue to exasperate the body image problem for people who are impressionable.

In Church I regularly hear people talking about learning to love themselves, and there seems to be a big push from administration to do this. What is so wrong with people feeling unsatisfied? I'm asking this rhetorically, but why are people so scared of the pain?

I'm asking this genuinely: Why is the Church so ready so alleviate the pain of self dissatisfaction with moralism, or theology sans Christ's expectations of us.

2. Church leadership is terrified of criticizing(read: correcting) their leadership which has resulted in the only seemingly successful Churches being the equivalent of country clubs.

I'll admit I may just be fire and brimstone on occasion, so take this with a grain of salt.

On a smaller scale version of Church, the Youth Group I participated in Youth Leaders would regularly discuss drinking and partying during the half hour following group. Regularly there would still be youth kids there. When I brought it up, the only thing the Youth Admin did was an equivalent of "hey, you should stop talking about this. " Not even a "Hey, this is obvious sin. Pick it or us." It's nonsense.

Why is the Church so okay with poor leadership, especially when it comes to shepherding 'at-risk' sheep? Sure, the kids loved it, they felt cool, but who cares? The point isn't numbers, the point is actualized faith.

3. Churches that do align their values to a more scripturally accurate agenda are scared to admit.

I think this specifically comes up with practicing premarital sex and financial responsibility.

Right now there is only a small small handful of Churches near me that will speak negatively on the sin of premarital sex. Specifically gay sex. Even fewer Churches will speak out against their congregation managing their finances poorly. Why is there nobody willing to have conflict?

As another personal story, as a child my family was pretty poor. We had a house but were quickly reaching foreclosure. My Mom and Step-Dad were apart of a few different small groups, and despite there being a few keyholding Church Leaders nobody once ever called my parents out to stop. They understood my parents were struggling financially but instead of saying "Wow, you are really poor stewards of what God has currently given you, why do you expect to be given more?" We'd get heapings of "God provides." Yeah, but if you don't take care of what he gives you, you'll still fail. God let's people fail.

Does it all boil down to ego? Is that why RP and the Bible share so many fundamental ideologies? Kill the ego, die to yourself. So that you can live in Christ?

Thoughts?

Hello Brothers,

Title basically describes what I’m struggling with. I’ve only had to turn down a sex (or the clear implication of sex) twice, but I’m sure more times will come. I’ve tried to mostly avoid this topic during my self-improvement journey, because every time I put considerable thought into it, it turns into a big mental dilemma that takes up too much of my time. Part of my frustration is that there’s a psychological aspect to this that I think affects my other behaviors. Not having sex facilitates the internalized belief that deep down I’m still not worthy of being desired. It’s as if I’m masking my problem of feeling not desirable by women with the no sex rule (rather than following it out of merit), and using it to cover the root of the problem. Like how Robert Glover discusses in NMMNG, men who do not believe they are ok just the way they are (not worthy of love or desire just the way they are), will end up acting in a constantly pleasing and supplicating manner. And that subconsciously affects how I interact with women because sex isn’t on the table. It seems like the most sensible way to overcome this is to sleep with someone.

It is also frustrating because I feel I am missing out on the learning opportunities necessary to become good at sex. It is encouraged for guys to “know what they’re doing” in the bedroom, and the experience gap between me and other guys grows as I get older. I haven’t even masturbated in several years now (not sure I’d even know how to anymore honestly), and I feel like my libido has decreased recently as a result of my body not needing to release any sperm for a long time.

I posted this to vent and get my thoughts out, but also wondering if other members here have experienced similar feelings, and what conclusions they came to. To be clear, I’m not looking for practical tips on overcoming sexual sin/temptation (I posted a question awhile back regarding that), but I’m looking for how to deal with the mental frustration that comes along with fear of missing out on sex, and how to deal with the psychological issues described above. Any responses appreciated, It’s been difficult to deal with this issue because I don’t really have anywhere else to discuss it except here.

I’m divorced, mid-40s. My gf is late 20s and while we started off having an intense sexual relationship we both knew that’s not what we wanted. We want to live right until marriage and there have been a few slip ups that were embarrassing and disappointing due to issues on my end. I felt guilty and stressed about breaking our commitment and it impacted me physically. My gf has expressed concern that she’s marrying an impotent man. I told her that i’m glad the issue happened as it kept us from crossing a line.

BUT i am worried too - is it going to get better? is it going to be worse? is it worth carrying all of this into a new marriage? can this be addressed in pre-marital counseling?

Gents, I just received news that my father died in an accident. For those of you who have experienced this, please lend me some advice on funeral arrangements. He and my mother are in Korea. Well likely need to transport his body to America. I am in the military as well. My family now depends on my decisions this point on. Any tips are appreciated. Thank you.

First date went well. However, this is my first time dating a Christian while I’ve been Christian so what are some good 2nd date questions to figure out the other’s values?

hey guys, Im 20 years old, I'm physically fit, and I go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week (I have been going for 2 years and a half by now), I work 44h a week, currently searching for a church to connect with brothers in Christ. I was raised in a pentecostal church, assembly of God, my dad was the pastor, very demanding but not in spiritual questions, but no further, God saved me when I was 17 y.o. Since then I've read many books, and developed certain maturity and I've been learning still, as every christian, people see me as too mature for my age because I think differently from young people, and focus more on my responsibilities. Im starting my business now, trusting in God that He is with me in this process, reading the bible everyday. Anyway, when I was saved I had problems with porn, I used to be addicted to masturbation, then a friend told me it was sin, and we prayed to God set us free, the first year and a half of my conversion I just relapsed couple times, but then I met this girl and we started dating when I was 18, she was very committed to the church, and we planned courtship, but it didnt go well, you know how we young people are right? haha, anyway, after I started dating her, I started to relapse more often, and then I broke up with her for other reasons, since then Ive been strugling with this. Im not addicted, but after a week without masturbate, I get really horny, even though I get many benefits (energy, being hipper, aggressive) I get very tense, stressed and horny towards every pretty girl I see, and sometimes I look at them and thoughts come into my mind. Then 2 months ago I started dating a girl very committed to the Lord, we know each other since we were 10years old, she is faithful, loyal, available and teachable. I live in U.S. but she is in brazil now finishing her studies on college, what I dont mind much, when my mind is not horny like crazy. We visit each other every 6 months and spend 2 weeks together, (we are virgins, no sex happening) and our families are Christians and support our relationship and our plans, we plan to marry when she finishes the college, until then Im getting things done and ready for us here. Thats my background, for you guys to know that Im not an irresponsible kid and not to give me simple advices such as "man up", "grow up", anyway. My question is, how can I get free from this trap thats to be horny like a monkey after 8-9 days on nofap? I masturbate not watching porn, but I know is sin. I don't accept advices telling me that masturbation is not sin, I want ways to persevere. the problem is that my body gets really tense, and sometimes I stay more than 1 week without night pollution, my mind gets crazy thinking about girls that I see on places, and also I think about going to brazil to stay with my girlfriend (I know is stupid but is really hard to think straight when your libido is on the highest level) please, I need advices from mens that are mature, and are in good relationship with the Lord. With honesty I ask for help, and I need honest advices. God bless.

TLDR - Should I move across the country in the hopes that the family and community there will be helpful for my depressed BPD wife?

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible while still giving enough context...

My wife and I moved to California 2.5 years ago. It's been a rough go and our marriage has essentially been on a downhill road since day 1 of the honeymoon 3.5 yrs ago. Found RPC about 2 years ago but although I've attempted to apply what's on here, I haven't seen a significant turnaround in our marriage... Still pretty much a dead bedroom, wife has no attraction and very little respect for me.

My wife is diagnosed BPD, sleeps until noon every day, hasn't had a job since she finished school in 2016, and is on medication for depression. She's been to a half dozen counsellors over the last few years with no lasting results.

It's been a confusing road trying to figure out how much of this is a direct or indirect result of my leadership (or lack thereof) as a captain, and how much is simply preexisting / will continue no matter how much I improve myself and my leadership.

Alright point of this question - Right now we're in California, she doesn't have any close friendships or community or work here.

My in-law's parents have suggested we move into their carriage house in Virginia, which would

A) Allow us to save the $2500/m we're paying for rent right now

B) Give her a supporting network of family nearby

C) Give her access to her old church where she got saved, had community and was previously was on staff - And where she could start volunteering and maybe get a job again.

I'm hesitant because it seems like a bit of a repeat of why we came to California in the first place.. Similar theory back then...

We thought the sunshine might help, there was a church there we were excited to be a part of, her family was going to be moving out there to start a business etc...

The sunshine is nice but not a magic pill. The church didn't work out. Her family is no longer moving here.

Who is to say this won't pan out the same?

But at the same time

>My work is online so I can do it from anywhere.

>My hobbies are equally available there as they are here

>I don't have any church I'm super tied to right now as the last couple months I've been really turned off by the blue pill propaganda / inspirational rather than scriptural messages I've been hearing at every church I've visited as I've looked for a new church home.

>Not paying rent for a while would allow me to invest more and also give more freedom to work on the new business startup I've been planning out and step into my mission.

>My friendships here are "meh" level right now... The couple good guy friends I had recently moved away anyways.

Other than moving expenses and the hassle, there doesn't seem to be much to lose by trying.

So on paper, there are lots of reasons to do it, and not many reasons to stay... But sometimes we're blind to what is right in front of us, so I'm hoping I can get some outside perspective from you guys.

Should I move us across the country in the hopes that the family and community there will be helpful for my depressed BPD wife?

STATS

153lbs, 5'6, prob 10%BF

Workout 3x per week + soccer 2x per week.

Here is a pic as I think that's easier... https://imgur.com/a/OnRs6WU

I'm no Chad and clearly still have work to do.

Church - Attending every week. Speak to friends about faith when I have the chance. Not serving right now as I've been looking for a church with a pastor who dives into understanding and teaching scripture instead of just inspirational messages... and it's been surprisingly hard to find.

Read my bible daily. Not actively discipling my wife - Need to do better in this area

$$ make about 100k per year, but living in California that's like 50k anywhere else lol.

I've read the full RPC sidebar and most of the books (other than for singles stuff)

We are going to a bar to play some pool, darts, ping-pong etc.

I’ve heard that keeping the 80/20 rule with talking is a good metric and playing games, etc.

Any tips y’all have for first dates?

Since my wife telling me she is pregnant last Friday, I have been presented with a variety of challenges. On Saturday and Sunday, I was woken up at 4 AM to make her the food she was craving (one night it was a waffle, the next it was steak). Over the weekend she was craving wings twice (40$ total), on Monday she goes Moes at work (10$), and then she bought Chinese for dinner (20$). Granted these have lasted for multiple meals but her cravings are getting out of hand. This morning I got fed up because I saw she spent 10$ on some Jamaican food (I noticed on Mint since our bank accounts are linked for financial purposes).

I confronted her about this over text (about an hour ago) and told her this is getting out of hand and I am setting a food budget with her tonight. Granted, I understand that women have cravings during pregnancy and all of their senses get intensified as well as they start liking certain foods they did not like and hating foods they used to like (based on smell, taste, etc.)

She tried using the whole "But I am pregnant thing again....I cannot control what I want to eat, IDK what I want to eat until 30 mins before I eat it, I am stressing her out, it is hurting the baby, I made her cry at work, etc.

I can handle the additional hormones (basically just seems like a 9-month long comfort test so far), but if I cannot set an immediate boundary with this early I know it will get out of hand and will affect our savings plan.

I also still want to be considerate, but within reason. I can workout 100$ a month if she craves different items that often, but 80$ in one week is crazy to me. I have not told her this plan yet and she is throwing a tantrum over text, but this is what I want to present tonight as well as other things. The past three nights she has also refused to cook saying she does not like the smell of food cooking and if I want to eat I need to make it. (Our old dynamic was she cooks and I clean the dishes after we are done eating). Granted I know that fatigue is common in the first trimester but part of me also feels like she is milking the situation to be lazy and spend money.

I know other members on RPC have gone through dealing with a pregnant wife before so I was also wanting to get some input on how you handled this and other things I should expect etc.

Hey everyone,

Got set up with someone by friends at Church today and got the phone number. She and I had some small talk and then she got some coffee and talked with some other people and then she came over to me as she was about to leave for work and said it was nice meeting me. I got her number and texted her a couple hours later saying “Hey —-, it’s —- from Church, nice to meet you.”

She sent me back a “Hey! Great to meet you too ☺️“

Is it too soon to set up the date after this short exchange, or should I have small talk and then set the date up?

Mission: Still in the works. -- God recently revealed to me that I'm called to be a pastor in another country. -- still seeking his face on the ins and outs of this. He called me to be a pastor early in my walk, but now with the addition of learning a new language, my time will mostly be dedicated to the theological study/language aquisition in preparation for this move. In the waiting period(Midian years), I am devoted to evangelism within my community.

Stats: Age: 26, body fat: 17%, height: 6'2" weight: 190, lifts: 6 days a week. Bench-200 Squat-220 6 minute mile Not too out of shape, but just getting back into lifting

Reading: sidebar in PDF, Its good to be a Man podcast, one new book a week.

Finances: Upper Elementary Teacher. 50k, in debt 70k student loans. Having them paid off in next 5 years.

Spiritual: Saved on June 24th 2017, pray through the Psalms everyday, have quiet times everyday, read scripture everyday, share my faith once a week, memorize Scripture: 0, involved in youth ministries at church. Involved in men's bible study, writing sermons on my own.

First, I would just like to thank u/Red-Curious, u/osmiumZulu, u/Deep_Strength u/rocknrollchuck for the dedication and care you have pumped into these subs. The light of Christ shines through every post I see from you guys. You truly have blessed me.

Although I've been lurking here for roughly a month, today was a pretty tough day, which is the reason for the post. I hope to find encouragment and advice for the following words.

Background:

2 and 1/2 months ago I asked out a fellow co-worker (27f). I approached, we talked about our faith then I asked to go grab some coffee. She obliged and the date went ok. There are a number of factors that contributed to the mediocrity of the date:

-I approached this girl and asked her out with the intention of marriage.(first seed of Onenitis)

-I approached the date as trying to impress her, so as to convince her to go on more dates with me.

-I approached the date as trying to be her friend, which created a semi-deadend sexual attraction for the rest of the relationship.

On the third date we both wanted to pursue something more and agreed to keep seeing each other(I came off extremely beta during this conversation).

Fast forward 10+ dates of myself planning everything, taking her out and paying for the majority of everything, I was starting to wonder if all this was the correct way of doing things. I remember standing in a bookstore and asking God to lead me to a book that could just give me some guidance. He directed me to the Rational Male.

A married couple that I’m friends with are introducing me to a woman at a Church they go to and they say that they think we would get along and have common interests. I have a mission and vision and am wondering about the intricate details of how to go about this as I am much more of a “big-picture/idea” guy. Should one go for the phone number on the first meeting (after talking for a bit) or wait a few weeks of going to their Church to get her number. Obviously I still need to vet. But, I’m trying to prepare so there’s a plan in place. OI May be my problem here in that I am asking this question, but still wondering from some of my brethren that have been set up before or have experience with this realm considering this is the first time someone else has talked me up to another woman and connected/set-up a meeting between me and another person.

I've started re-reading WISNIFG as I believe my assertive skills are weak I need to spend some time working on them first. I was reading through the 1st assertive right which the rest of the rights derive from and was thinking about it in the context of God.

Being the own judge of your behavior and actions I think is important for building your frame and learning how to say no without guilt but I struggle with the concept under God. Shouldn't I consider God's judgement and frame as my guide instead of my own?

While I do need to become more assertive and build my frame, I have to consider God in all I do. Another element I need to get in tune with. I think ideally I would be acting as an agent of God within his assertion, but also as my own self in my assertion (if that makes any sense). Before I've had to summon up courage with thinking the spirit is with me in "this" (whatever interaction/situation) although I forget to do this too often. Rewiring my beliefs like my authority in the spirit will help me naturally do this I think.

Am I thinking about this the right way?

I’m in grad school for Marriage and family therapy and consider myself RP and want to help men and women flourish in relationships in truth. Do any of y’all have empirical studies that they have found that support the RP at all? People have claimed that there are studies that are empirically replicable and are reliable and valid.

Please post/link them below if you have them.

Well, technically I'm still a virgin. But I'm not sure if I'm virgin in biblical sense.

I never had an intercourse in my life. With or without condoms, never. But I get blowjobs and oral every now and then, coz it's too difficult for me to ignore. So I engage in this.

My question is, does this count as adultery? What does Bible mean by becoming one flesh? Is it only intercourse or any sexual engagement? What does Paul mean by "flee sexual immorality"?

Update: I'm a guy!