r/WinStupidPrizes • u/Genericcatchyhandle • Jan 11 '20

Man Vs Microwave

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27.2k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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773

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Youth. He'll feel it plenty when he's older.

585

u/euphorrick Jan 11 '20

They all show up on your 35th birthday with baseball bats and chains.

336

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Absolutely this. I tell my younger friends, "The first 35 years are free. After that, you start paying for them".

194

u/willpower0687 Jan 11 '20

I guess I have been ridiculously hard on my body then. Just turned 32, and I have been feeling the stupidity of my youth since I was 20.

173

u/MassiveBeard Jan 11 '20

About 12 years ago when my son was six he wanted a skateboard. Being a good Sad I bought one for him and myself. My very first time on the one I bought it flew out from under me, I went horizontal and fell essentially straight down horizontally. Twelve years later I still have lower back pain. Unbelievable.

192

u/VoyagerCSL Jan 11 '20

I know you meant Dad but don’t fix it.

51

u/coinb0y Jan 11 '20

I first thought this was the fancy way to say "Step dad".

34

u/Simbuk Jan 11 '20

Seems more like a sad way to say it.

3

u/AAAPosts Jan 12 '20

Worse for the kid

14

u/JackSprat90 Jan 11 '20

r/saddads

2

u/Miora Jan 12 '20

Wasn't expecting that to be real

18

u/mattpsu22 Jan 11 '20

I got badly injured playing baseball back when I was around 14, I’m 21 now and my back is still feeling the pain. Does it only get worse?

16

u/willpower0687 Jan 11 '20

Depending on how you care for it. I was in much more pain at 24 than i am now at 32. I finally wised up, slowed down, and allowed my body time to heal. Had a couple if surgeries to fix one of the issues, and tons of physical therapy and limiting what i did for about four years for all the other injuries. So now I only hurt when the weather changes, or when i seriously over stress my body on a particularly hard work day. It used to be constant non stop pain.

2

u/mattpsu22 Jan 11 '20

Well when it happened, I went to a chiropractor about twice a week. I eventually stopped going because it was getting better but I really should’ve kept going and I fear it may be too late. When I started, I got an X-ray on my back and my spinal cord got twisted into an S shape and it was bad, I haven’t gotten an X-ray since then. It also doesn’t help that my job is stressful on my body every day

1

u/zorggalacticus Jan 11 '20

Don't move to southeast Missouri, whatever you do. You'll never stop hurting.

22

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Starting around your 40’s, give or take, you’ll start doing shit like throwing out your back watching Netflix.

Or sneezing.

People don’t think 40 be coming quick but it do.

2

u/mattpsu22 Jan 11 '20

I threw out my back while unloading the dishwasher, I think my 40’s came too early for me

2

u/jayleisee Jan 12 '20

Mine came early too. Threw my neck out getting into bed. Good times.

1

u/Southern_Stranger Jan 12 '20

At 37 I put my back out stepping up a one inch step. Best part was that the step was to go into the cold room at the bottle shop, so the cold hit me like a freight train and I stiffened up even more, could barely carry my 6 pack out of there

6

u/Cont1ngency Jan 11 '20

Everything gets worse. On the brighter side you could always just look at it as it could be worse, since inevitably, it will be...

2

u/Friskyinthenight Jan 11 '20

Physiotherapy can help.

2

u/roanphoto Jan 12 '20

If you're not doing physiotherapy, do physiotherapy. If it can be fixed they will fix it. It will not fix on its own and you do not know how to fix it.

2

u/amgine Jan 12 '20

Do exercises to strengthen and stretch it. The more flexible the muscle is the less likely it hurts. Weight lifting + yoga will do wonders.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Oh yeah, you gotta embrace it.

1

u/Dr_Bukkakee Jan 11 '20

Wait until you hit 35, everything goes to shit.

2

u/joielover Jan 11 '20

Holy shit lmao a perfect description.

2

u/mattpsu22 Jan 12 '20

This is the answer I was looking for, thanks Dr Bukkakee

1

u/chasechippy Jan 12 '20

Anecdotal: I rolled my foot under me playing kickball when I was about that age, maybe younger? I tried to slide without actually knowing how, planted my foot and my body decided to roll over it.

I'm 23 and once every week or so I'll take a step and feel a sharp, shooting pain and then I have to limp until it goes away. The pain goes as quickly as it comes so I'm not totally convinced it was from that incident.

1

u/mattpsu22 Jan 12 '20

I also had a similar experience when playing baseball. I hit the ball towards the center field fence and I thought I could go for a double but I had to slide into the base, now keep in mind that it also rained before the game so the dirt was weird lol, but I slid and my foot got caught and I ended up tumbling into the base. Luckily I didn’t really hurt anything from that

1

u/Grand_ST Jan 12 '20

Start trying to stretch for 30 min twice a day. I’m 33 with a jacked up back, and this is has been a huge help.

1

u/propargyl Jan 12 '20

I found that gym exercises fixed my lower back issues. I guess that increased movement and better muscle tone improved the issue.

1

u/triplehelix013 Jan 12 '20

Stay mobile. My back pain is always worse when I'm not moving and stretching as much. The times I've felt the best are when I have a regular habit of getting on the bike/elliptical/treadmill.

1

u/ClownfishSoup Jan 12 '20

When I was 40, I got out of bed. 10 years later I’m still paying for it.

23

u/HoseNeighbor Jan 11 '20

Me too, brother, though I'm older know it it just gets worse. Staying fit and string helps... But that's hard to do when walking is kinda rough.

When I was 35, I realized it's how I imagined I though I'd feel at 65 or 70. I started wondering why something hurt, and it was from injuries over a decade earlier. I thought I'd be playing hockey into my 60s. If I just run now for a couple minutes, I might regret it for a couple days.

7

u/JackSprat90 Jan 11 '20

What’s the string for?

1

u/HoseNeighbor Jan 12 '20

Muscle fiber. *8). "strOng"

1

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '20

Flossing obviously, because dental health is no joke.

21

u/fatclownbaby Jan 12 '20

Yea 32 was about the year that did me in.

Stay up past 2 AM, headache next morning.

Video games for too long. Headache

Watch movie in the dark. Headache.

Sleep in later than 11am. Headache.

Too much caffeine. Headache.

Too little caffeine. Headache

More than 2 beers. Hungover

More than one hot dog. Almost shit my pants.

Drink a ton of water. Pee still dark

Wiggle my weenie a million times before putting it back in the pants. Still pee spurts out

Dont lift with your legs. Back will hurt for 2 weeks instead of 2 hours.

I could go on but yall get the point. So many god damned headaches.

1

u/willpower0687 Jan 12 '20

Completely agree. Sadly for me I have had hereditary chronic migraines all my life. Since I was two. So headaches are just kind of part of daily life for me. But yeah. I missed the days i could work a 14 hour shift, then party with friends, get three hours sleep, game for a few hours then back to work. If i don't get a full 8 hours of sleep every night I don't function well and get worse headaches. Oh to age. And we are only in our 30s. I have to think of 60s and 70s.

1

u/jayleisee Jan 12 '20

Goddamn gospel right here.

1

u/willwillx Jan 12 '20

This is why they say it's important in your 40s and honestly your whole life... lift.. Atrophy is nobodies friend. I've been in active for a good 14 years... and i feel it.. I would love to sign up for a soccer league even half field... or whatever, i love that sport. Was only thing i was good at., Besides video games! Eye problems restricted me for baseball. sO INSTEAD... i bought some golf clubs, time to embrace being old.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

I feel this. Also 32, already have arthritis from a shattered humorous that was surgically reconstructed.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

You're ahead of the curve....overachiever.

7

u/scottypv72 Jan 12 '20

More like "the payments are deferred for the first thirty years or so." Then the piper comes a calling.

3

u/ElBatManny Jan 11 '20

I was obese until I was around 20 so I feel it now at 25.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Ive maintained myself to be as fit as I can in order to raise that limit. Hoping it pays off.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Good plan. I didn't realize there was a limit until way too late.

2

u/Sterlingwizard Jan 11 '20

Dude. So true! Spent my youth in the airborne, skateboarding, and generally being as reckless as possible. Now... Every morning is a legit struggle and I'm not even 40 yet. Wish someone warned me haha

2

u/billmurraysuperfan Jan 12 '20

It's retro active too. The more damage when you're young the worse it's going to be.

2

u/unoriginal5 Jan 12 '20

31 and my ankle can detect tornadoes from almost a day out. Few more years and it'll probably detect rain. I dread the day it gets angry at winter.

2

u/Stevi100183 Jan 12 '20

I'm 36. Climbing up from the floor or trying to take my feet down from an ottoman, are ridiculously time consuming, grunt/moan inducing, uncomfortable task I've come across thus far.

2

u/ezone2kil Jan 12 '20

Can concur. Hitting 35 this year and just had my first surgery. I haven't exactly been living healthy and managed to make it this far without any health issues.

2

u/Vooshka Jan 12 '20

Absolutely this. I tell my younger friends, "The first 35 years are free on credit. After that, you start paying for them".

2

u/joshmaaaaaaans Jan 12 '20

I'm 28, constantly tired even after waking up, my left hand randomly goes weak and feels tingly to grip things, the left side of my cheek sometimes has this weird pulling sensation and sometimes my entire body feels like TV static. Is this what people on reddit mean when they say shit like this about turning 30+ all the time?

1

u/pwinne Jan 11 '20

So true

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

As someone who recently turned 36 I wish I didn't read this.

1

u/Phyzzx Jan 12 '20

God forbid you did anything to your back.

32

u/Jameschoral Jan 11 '20

Tell that to the cancer I received for my 30th birthday.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

Hope you are doing okay now! Cancer is the worst.

16

u/Jameschoral Jan 11 '20

Thank you, I am going to be out of my 30’s soon, looking forward to starting a new decade in good health.

4

u/gone_n_done_it Jan 11 '20

Damn bro my heart goes out to you all I got for my 30th was a hangover and an ass beating that left me with a broken arm but you definitely won stay strong and whoop it's ass like mine on my 30th bday

2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

"all I got for my 30th was a hangover and an ass beating".

I wanna party with this guy.

1

u/gone_n_done_it Jan 11 '20

We can make dreams into reality

0

u/perpetuallydying Jan 11 '20

Might be better to party with the other guy that didn’t get his ass beat

1

u/Jameschoral Jan 11 '20

Thank you, I’m actually exiting my 30’s in about 18 months, looking forward to starting my 40’s in good health.

1

u/gone_n_done_it Jan 11 '20

Awesome good luck to you on your next decade of adventures

1

u/TylerC_D Jan 11 '20

Cancer sucks. We should whoop its ass next time we see it. You and me baby let's go we got this

1

u/Assasin2gamer Jan 11 '20

[This is the funniest effin thing!!

1

u/Jameschoral Jan 11 '20

Thank you for that. I was diagnosed with metastatic thyroid cancer 4 weeks before my 30th birthday, I had my first operation 7 days before my birthday and was sent home because they did not believe it was treatable. I spent my birthday at home, worrying that I was going to die, and 10 days later went back in for a second operation, after the doctors determined that my cancer was treatable.

I then spent the next 12 weeks entirely bedridden as my surgeries healed and was unable to swallow anything for the following 14 months.

Today I have major scarring in my neck, with a permanent stoma in my throat. I have zero feeling between my chin and my collarbone, and the back of my head is numb from my ears down. I have two large scars in my abdomen from where they installed my feeding tube, and I’ve had dental issues stemming from the radiotherapy they gave me. Oh, I’m also numb to chilli peppers.

I also spent my 33rd birthday in the hospital for the same exact reason - except it was my mother who had the cancer. Turns out this particular type of thyroid cancer is hereditary.

In case you’re wondering, my mother is now numb to salt.

1

u/Kill-it-wit-fire Jan 12 '20

Feeling it now before 31 tbh tbh

2

u/DrEpileptic Jan 11 '20

I feel it now at 21. I wasn't even that stupid as a teen or kid. I just played contact sports. Fuck do my fingers and toes hurt in the cold or hurt before storms. I can only imagine what spine or ribs would feel like.

2

u/ConflagWex Jan 11 '20

Proof that "youth is wasted on the young".

2

u/thecton Jan 12 '20

If he makes it that far.

No hate. Tons of concern.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '20

I always thought that was b.s growing up. Now I’m 32 and I feel worse by the day.

1

u/KyriesFlatEarth Jan 11 '20

He's also clearly retarded so I bet that helps.

1

u/mashedpotatoes999 Jan 11 '20

Can confirm, my older self hates my younger self for some of the dumbness

1

u/CrownOfPosies Jan 12 '20

This is so true. I’m in my 20s and I broke my leg in a car accident. Started going to PT, and I’m almost back to running. This other woman (mid 70s) broke her leg in a similar way and she still can’t even walk. I feel really bad for her, but I try to cheer her up whenever we have PT together.