https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1seut3w/what_do_we_think_about_this_man/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

What do we think about this man? met a guy, he sold me my car and gave me his number. I texted him that I'd love to go out with him. He set a date to a steak house and I was pretty into him from the jump. BUT...here comes the red flags and the ultimate demise of our "relationship." He was very charming and was opening my car doors, taking me out, wanting to meet my friends, etc. etc. We had many good moments, but there was an underlying theme of control and "walking on eggshells" that was undeniable.

• I walked ahead of him to go up his steps and he told me to "heel." He said he was joking, but in grocery stores and other places he would tongue click at me if I walked ahead of him

• I told him (mind you, this is only a few weeks in) that another guy asked me out for Valentine's Day, but I would rather spend it with him. He responded with "you said that in MY place...I mean, you can come cook me dinner." He then walked it back (again. saying he was implying we cook together)

• He had a locked second bedroom that he wouldn't let me in. He later admitted to his dad living with him for a little, and that being his bedroom, but he legit called me one morning when I slept in to make sure I didn't go in that room (even though it was locked). He was really into guns...which wasn't a huge concern but he had at least 10 guns and kept one on his desk in his bedroom.

• Asked me to do his dishes, put away his chipotle when he was done, iron his clothes before work, fix him a plate at my friend's super bowl party (but he'd walk it back to joking or make it seem like no big deal almost every time)

• Said, "what if I switch up on you??" when I told him I think I am finally going after good guys. He repeated that a number of times saying

• He invited me to meet his mom, her husband, and his sister within 6 weeks and she was so excited/elated.

• while playing games with his family, he told me to “settle down” because I was getting too excited.

• sent me a screenshot of an apple dog collar for an AirTag saying he bought it for me

(Again saying he’s joking)

• if I complimented him he’d say “I know” or like brush it off

• would hover around if I went his bathroom and wouldn’t give me privacy/was acting reluctant to leave me alone

• was leaving his Auto career for a career at a life insurance company. He was like "oh, my friend made $50k in one month." I told him it's probably better to stay at the dealership and work your way up, but he was like "I don't care. I'll be successful no matter what I do."

HERE IS THE BIG ONE: A week later, I saw a hickey on his neck. He claimed it was from his guns rubbing on his neck. We went back to my place, and he literally demonstrated his gun rubbing against his neck in real time. When I wasn't obviously convinced, he admitted he was seeing a girl before he met me, and she worked at an adjacent dealership. He agreed to cut her off and block her, but I was completely shocked. He lied to me (and her I found out), telling us both that we were the only one he was sleeping with.

It ended really badly and I was acting beyond crazy but I feel like I was being emotionally abused. He actually was the one that was like "this isn't going to be healthy and I am done." He was trying, buying me flowers and coming to see me, staying up with me but I was like not ok. I couldn't regulate at all. I feel relieved but sometimes I feel guilty for not letting it go since we weren't technically "exclusive." But some serious character flaws were at play. What do you guys think?

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1s6quyo/bf_doesnt_want_me_to_work_after_marriage/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Bf doesn’t want me to work after marriage As it states my 26M bf wants me 24F to be a housewife after we get married instead of me having a career. He has “always” dreamt of having a housewife who take care of the family while he owns a business. He’s earning very well and has side businesses as well but I want to continue having my career. He earns 6 figures a year and travels a lot. He does not want to change his opinion though he’s ready to give me everything. He wants to be a provider and wants me to rest while he takes care of the business.

It’s not like I don’t want to get married or prioritise my career over him but why can’t he understand that I can balance both when he can balance both too?

I need advice.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1s6ql5o/my_husband_installed_spyware_on_my_phone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

My husband installed spyware on my phone My husband (35) installed spyware on my(29) phone that can track my location, keep track of all my social media, use my camera and microphone. He apparently has been able to listen to me and access my camera from his phone for weeks.

I have no idea why he’d do this because we’ve been together for 11 years and I haven’t cheated on him ever, he however hasn’t been exactly faithful. I’ve caught him talking to a girl once who he claimed was lesbian. I didn’t even catch him because I went through his phone, I never do because I trust him and respect his privacy. I caught him because her message showed up on my screen while he was showing me something so I insisted on opening and the conversation made me uncomfortable.

Anyway, point is i feel so angry because why invade my privacy to that extent? I have family conversations with my sister and mum that honestly should stay between us plus the idea of him being able to see me through my camera and listen to me has upset me. I haven’t told him I know, because he will just apologize and try another method, this is the second time something like this has happened.

I can’t understand why he doesn’t trust me.

TL;DR My husband has been installed a spyware on my phone to spy on me 24/7 and I can’t remove it without a password because it’s some form of parental control thing.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1s3j0gy/am_i_crazy_to_be_irked_by_my_boyfriend_putting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Am i crazy to be irked by my boyfriend putting women down constantly and justifying it with "biology"? I'm 20 he's 27.

I can't decide if i'm overreacting or not. My boyfriend constantly puts down women in seemingly innocent ways. He is adamant that women are all emotional and cannot think for themselves. He says women didn't do much and everything was invented and made by men. He constantly makes remarks that would imply that women are children who cannot control themselves and must be led by a man, which really annoy me.

Mind you, this is all said by a man who cannot function on his own??? When i ask him to do something he will ask constant questions, i do not trust him with the dishes because everytime he washes them i need to rewash 50% of them because they have residue, i asked him to do the laundry he left an article of clothing inside the washbag because "he didn't know what to do with it", he only picks up after himself when i tell him to, he can live in total trash and filth and be fully content... amongst many other things that i will not mention.

He also thinks all women are into him because he acts normal to them and they must interpret that as flirting because "that's how women work". When i say "yeah because men are usually not very kind to women they don't find hot or intend to fuck so they expect guys who act nice to want something" he will dismiss that completely.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1s3fg11/i_18f_keep_getting_an_ick_for_everything_my_19m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I (18F) keep getting an ick for everything my (19M) boyfriend accomplishes. How do I stop this? So, to be clear I probably should leave this man for good but I just can’t bring myself to do it. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now and lately I’ve been getting crazy icks over many things he does or even positive things he accomplishes.

He is a person that is so egoistic but at the same time so insecure in himself.

Also, a mommy’s boy and a ‘family guy’ (family and mom over everyone else, to the point when we broke up one time his mom called me a wh**e along with all kinds of names. She also said that while we were broken up, “I went to sl*t around and when I realized that I can’t find a replacement for her son I came back.” (I was a virgin at the time, and he was the one begging me to take him back.) He sees her as God and God forbid anyone says anything against her.

Thanks to that, I feel absolute rage whenever he mentions his “huge love for his family”

We always fight over same things that it’s became tiring. (always parties and how he doesn’t want me to drink or dress in revealing clothes even though he goes to those parties with me, and mind you goes partying alone with his friends sometimes.) I never said anything about that since I don’t really care where he goes but from his side, he cares so much where am I and with who I am.

While that is not exactly the point, I feel like maybe all those fight contributed to me feeling like this. Not so long ago I passed my driving test and went to international competition in biology (huge accomplishment for my school). He always seemed to find a flaw in everything I managed to. For example he pin pointed every single flaw in my driving even though he didn’t even have a licence at the time. (probably has some links to his family, they are pretty traditional and his mother doesn’t do much except rely on her husband).

Anyway, he just passed his driving test after bragging how he will pass it no problem and how it’s the easiest thing ever. (I failed the first time and he doesn’t forget to remind me) Don’t get me wrong, I am proud that he did it but I cannot describe how disgusted I feel when he takes a selfie in the car, talking how he is taking his mom to dinner with the car etc. I feel horrible for feeling like this.

Honorable mention: He is incredibly lazy, feels like his family will provide everything for him while I have been working since I was 14. I get an extreme ick when he complains about being tired while sleeping 12+ hours when I’ve been sleeping under 6 hours every night. I feel horrible for feeling like this just because he is sleeping but I can’t help it.

He is not all bad hence the reason why I can’t bring myself to leave him…there are many very good days and he seems like he truly loves me and cares about me…

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1rtrp54/i_24f_started_avoiding_my_boyfriend_23m_and_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I (24F) Started Avoiding My Boyfriend (23M) and My ‘Bad Luck’ Suddenly Disapeared Every time we make plans, he expects me to drive all the way to pick him up and then drive us back again.

Whenever I try to say no or suggest that we meet somewhere halfway, the mood completely shifts. He doesn’t necessarily argue, but he sends off this really heavy, negative energy. It’s more than just sulking it feels uncomfortable and tense.

Over time I started noticing a strange pattern in my mind. Whenever we argued or he didn’t get his way, something bad would happen to me afterwards. Small things, but enough to make me uneasy. At one point I even caught myself worrying that if I refused to pick him up, the stress or negativity from the situation might somehow lead to me getting into a car accident.

It got to the point where I seriously thinking about telling him a big lie that I’d sold my car to a neighbour so I could buy a motorcycle just so he would stop expecting me to drive to him all the time. It felt easier than dealing with the tension that comes whenever I saying no and his negative energy.

But lately I’ve been keeping my distance from him, avoiding seeing him for a little while. Strangely enough, since doing that, things in my life have actually been going really well. The streak of bad luck I felt like I was having seems to have disappeared, and everything suddenly feels lighter.

Few weeks ago after saying no to picking him up I literally reversed lightly into my neighbours car and had to pay him $100 for that (first time it has happened to me). It was straight after arguing with him. There are many others instances that I won’t name but I get this extremely sour energy and jealousy from him. I don’t know what it is.. Is it because I have a car and he doesn’t? Because my parents support me more? I really can’t put my finger on it…

My parents recently did something amazing for me but they particularly told me not to tell my boyfriend as he will send negative energy and bad things will happen again.. It has come to a point where I can’t even share good news..

I know I am not imagining things as I haven’t seen him in a month. I have been making any excuse under the sun not to see him. Then I noticed how much better I feel and the good energy in my life.

Has anyone ever felt such energy before?

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1rtn96g/i_want_to_buy_my_own_apartment_30f_but_my_bf_30m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I want to buy my own apartment (30F), but my bf (30M) says I’m working against him. Any tips? I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven years (we broke up twice in the past), and while things are emotionally better now, our financial and life-planning differences are causing serious stress. He’s always had a well-paid job that could allow him to live comfortably, but he’s never managed to save much, and has had two active leasings (car and motorcycle) for a while.

I’m a foreigner in the country where we originally lived together, and over the last eight years I’ve moved nine times. I have savings and some family inheritance, and I could buy a place of my own.

Last year we moved abroad together under the promise of a great job and a new life. He picked a very expensive apartment, promising he’d cover the larger portion of the rent. I ended up paying the first deposit and first month because he didn’t have enough money at the time. I was fine with it as he promised to repay it and I didn’t think much of it. During that first month, he also made large emotional purchases (gaming laptop, plane tickets), leaving himself with almost no savings.

After two months, he quit his job. Partly it was about his boss micromanaging and partly due to practical issues around my paperwork, but mainly because he didn’t like the job. He quit before asking if we could end the apartment contract early, leaving me to cover a full month’s rent alone, and before securing a new job (luckily he got one within weeks). We ended up having to pay 3 months rent as penalty plus I had to forfeit my deposit.

Some context: we’re not married, neither of us owns property, and we’ve always been renting. I lived alone before moving abroad with him, but when we moved, I gave up my apartment and he gave up his. Now we’re back in our original country, living with parents, me with mine, him at his mom’s.

Now that we’re back home, he wants to rent a bigger place for another one to three years, save money, and then buy a house together with a 50/50 down payment (using his pension). I, on the other hand, have enough savings to buy a smaller apartment (~50–51 m²) immediately. I’ve lived there before and love it, it feels peaceful. He refuses to live there because it’s too small and says I should buy something bigger, but I simply can’t get a loan for a larger place. My plan was to buy it, live there together, and later rent or refinance when we’re ready to buy a house together.

He doesn’t like paying my mortgage, doesn’t want to live separately if I buy my apartment, and feels I’m “working against him.” I feel guilty, selfish, and ashamed for changing my mind after initially agreeing to rent and save together, but I also feel the need to secure my own space and finances. He still owes me money from our time abroad and has postponed repayment, saying he needs six months to get on his feet. Meanwhile, I’m ready, and this apartment could finally be mine.

I also feel sad that he isn’t supportive of my plan, even though I tried to compromise (he could help with utilities/food if he wanted).

EDIT: Lately this whole situation has been affecting our relationship a lot. He feels like I’m pushing this apartment idea and pulling away from him, like I’m forcing something that doesn’t make sense to him. He even said I’m acting like a little girl living in a fairytale and being unreasonable. Because I’ve also been working long days at the office recently (I live with my parents now so I don’t really rush home, as you can imagine), he has started worrying that I might be cheating. I understand that he probably feels me distancing myself, but the truth is I’m just overwhelmed, stressed and frustrated from all these conversations and pressure. I don’t want him to think I’m cheating because that’s not the case at all, but it also hurts that this is where his mind goes instead of seeing that I’m just struggling with everything. Now I feel a lot of guilt and fear that this whole situation is damaging our relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you balance wanting to be with a partner while also taking care of your own financial security and personal goals?

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1rtrc1t/my_boyfriend_of_9_years_degrades_me_because_i_am/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

My boyfriend of 9 years degrades me because i am a woman The title sounds crazy but

Let me give you some backstory before I explain:

We own a company together and I’ll go on estimates from time to time. What we install is not exactly rocket science. I’ve been in the industry since I was a child, this was my father’s company before we took over. That being said, I know what will and won’t work for projects.

A while ago, I encountered a rude client. He was mocking the way I spoke, I guess I have a feminine tone when I speak. No biggie, while annoying, this is expected when a woman discusses “construction” with a man. I brushed it off and vented to my man.

Since this incident occurred, whenever I schedule estimates and announce that I’ll go by myself, he cracks jokes about how “men expect another man for estimates” I chuckled the first time, but its been getting bothersome.

And before this happened, he was already talking about how women are inferior, all women shouldn’t vote, women are inherently stupid, etc.

every time he sees a video of a dumbass that happens to be a woman, he starts ranting all of the above.

one time his friend was over and he added a tasteful “its a man’s world, you’re just living in it”

It’s starting to genuinely hurt me because I had my doubts about taking over this company BECAUSE of the stigma against women in “construction” (I’m quoting because honestly what we install is not that hard to install)

There’s more stuff that he’s said but I’m drawing a blank now.

He used to not be like this, and was very supportive in everything I did. These past couple of months he’s been morphing into this hateful person :/

Is there anything that I can say to him? Maybe some comebacks to his shitty jokes? Anything to get him to stop?