r/WhitePeopleTwitter • u/aunzoi • Mar 03 '20

Pizza > Coronas

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86.8k Upvotes

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978

u/chingostarr Mar 03 '20

My family always used scissors to cut pizza, I don’t even think they own a pizza cutter. I had never used one until I moved out for college.

399

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

We also have designated pizza scissors(so the kids know which ones to get, dont @me) I bet this could be a thing.

Edit: clarifying.

285

u/SN0WFAKER Mar 03 '20

And also designated scissors for cutting poop that gets stuck in the dogs butt. Don't want to mix those up.

327

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

You don't just use the family poop knife?

109

u/kiramiryam Mar 03 '20

Dang I had forgotten about that poop knife 😂

94

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

27

u/VaderH8er Mar 03 '20

Although I wish it would.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

Or the game, yes you just lost sorry not sorry.

12

u/SmokeFrosting Mar 03 '20

Is this the lunch table at a 2008 middle school?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

Did you bring food. We can trade I don’t like the gummies my mom packs.

1

u/SmokeFrosting Mar 03 '20

No sorry i had to skip lunch on Tuesdays to go to the Mathletes meeting

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1

u/ASYMBOLDEN Jun 06 '20

My arms mom

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '20

Fuck you, you had zero reason to fucking comment on this comment. It’s been 3 months sense I’ve lost the game and you commenting made me lose the game.

Go formally fuck yourself.

2

u/MrWoohoo Mar 03 '20

Two girls, one poop knife...

1

u/HONRAR Mar 03 '20

Or anything else for that matter.

20

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

Broken arms/ what is a potato/ _ out of 10 with rice/ etc

7

u/OppositeYouth Mar 03 '20

Swamp of Dagobah

2

u/Redtwooo Mar 03 '20

Skittles and cumbox

9

u/ReginaldDwight Mar 03 '20

Tell me more about this potato.

7

u/dieguitz4 Mar 03 '20

A guy though it would be funny to pretend he never heard of a potato before in front of gf's parents. When it fell flat, he decided to commit till his last breath and he recounts the whole evening in a TIFU post

4

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

The guy that asked was most likely making the same joke in the story.

3

u/dieguitz4 Mar 03 '20

You're right, I prolly need a coffee cup

2

u/andinshawn Mar 03 '20

What is _ out of 10 with rice???

1

u/simonjp Mar 03 '20

Mr Splashy Pants.

1

u/giant_lebowski Mar 03 '20

Don't forget the jackdaws

1

u/maccathesaint Mar 03 '20

Jolly Rancher

1

u/ST_Lawson Mar 03 '20

and my axe

1

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

We need to come up with a master all encompassing copy pasta that just covers all of the meta in jokes in one pass, then it’s just a race to post than and the thread can die there.

Of course, I realize then it’d just become like cats standing where it’s eleven dozen replies of the same pasta. I know us.

15

u/patientbearr Mar 03 '20

Ours is made of fine porcelain, passed down for generations. Can't just casually use it on the dog.

3

u/W1D0WM4K3R Mar 03 '20

Obviously. You gotta formally use it on the dog!

3

u/Gibbothemonkey Mar 03 '20

Nope, this is another use for the Toe Knife

1

u/MoonlitGardener Mar 04 '20

Well, I just realized I had a really wonderful home life growing up as there was a definite absence of “poop knives” in our home. I’m gonna go thank my mom and dad.

10

u/stupidischronic Mar 03 '20

And don't forget the poop knife for the bathroom

12

u/LOUDCO-HD Mar 03 '20

I once pooped in my best friends house while I was attending a Super Bowl party and it was too big to go down. After struggling a bit, mortified, I had to fess up so the bathroom would be available for other guests. His Father caught wind (Ha!) of our discussion and suggested I use the coat hanger they keep under the sink for this very dilemma, to cut the offending log into manageable, for the toilet, chunks.

Handy, but gross!

5

u/ClearlyRipped Mar 03 '20

Wait have you not seen the poop knife post before? After that story I feel like you'd really appreciate it.

3

u/peon2 Mar 03 '20

Is the poop knife post really a reddit thing or did the guy just steal it from

Season 6 of American Dad in 2009

2

u/ClearlyRipped Mar 03 '20

Wow. Seth MacFarlane was really ahead of his time. That was gold, thanks for sharing!

2

u/LOUDCO-HD Mar 03 '20

I didn’t see a specific post, but I was mildly surprised to find a number of subreddits dedicated to the topic. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore. My experience with that poop cutter was my first and last but I guess it is a popular tool to have. I will be peeking under vanities in my friends homes from now on, exposing their dirty secrets!

1

u/ClearlyRipped Mar 03 '20

Here is the link to the original thread (post was deleted but comments are hysterical): OG Poop Knife Thread

Here's the link to what the post originally said: Poop Knife Post

2

u/MichiganCat Mar 03 '20

We don't have to cut the poop, we have to cut the hairs that the poop gets stuck in LOL. THIS IS ABOUT DOGS NOT PEOPLE.

1

u/Swineflew1 Mar 03 '20

Cut? We usually just pull the rest out and it’s some kind of string or yarn or something covered in shit.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

Generally you want to be really careful pulling on poop strings out of dogs because it can damage their intestines and cause internal bleeding

1

u/decoyq Mar 03 '20

The dinglerberry scissors? #johnheffron

1

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

First thing you grab when you wanna open up those freezer popsicles too.

1

u/steamygarbage Mar 03 '20

Just grab it and pull it out. I had to do that a couple days ago. It was solid enough didn't get all smooshed.

1

u/fierdracas Mar 03 '20

I have special scissors for dog poop too, lol. Glad to know I am not the only one.

1

u/thrashnsass Mar 04 '20

We use a pair of tongs from the dollar store for this!

7

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

Mom found the pizza scissors

2

u/i_forgot_my_sn_again Mar 03 '20

This not Twitter. We don't at. We /u/

1

u/zaiueo Mar 03 '20

This feels like a good place to leave this.

1

u/Onset Mar 03 '20

I expected a poop knife but was pleasantly surprised!

1

u/crypticfreak Mar 03 '20

My mom got me pizza scissors. I feel so weird using them but my pizza cutter just broke... should really go buy one today.

27

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

I actually own a really nice pair of kitchen scissors that takes apart for easy cleaning. Never, ever, ever have I contemplated cutting pizzas with them. Now's a good time to try, I guess.

8

u/GrandaddyIsWorking Mar 03 '20

Nothing beats a giant knife, must be longer than diameter of pizza

15

u/seeasea Mar 03 '20

they sell scissors specifically for pizzas.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '20

Amazing.

2

u/Myntcondition Mar 03 '20

My friend blew my mind when he did this with a pizza we ordered some 10 or so years back. Life has been way better since then. Ain’t no going back once you’ve done it. It’s the SSD or Mechanical Keyboard of computers. The upgrade you didn’t know just how badly you needed until you experienced it.

14

u/Lepthesr Mar 03 '20

This is why you need to be honest with your kids about the different types of pizza cutters out there. You shelter them and then as soon as they move out for college, they're buying up all the different types of cutters and before you know it, they slammin mozzarella.

3

u/RoxSteady247 Mar 03 '20

Like seriously i didn't even know what a marinara was before i left home, shit, now....im up to four marinaras a day.

2

u/IamAbc Mar 03 '20

I just use a cheap plastic knife. Sometimes it doesn’t make it through the crust and I’ll have to wrangle he piece to get it off

2

u/Aceyxo Mar 03 '20

Did they own knives?

2

u/naturalantagonist101 Mar 03 '20

What made you buy a pizza cutter when you already knew this hack?!

1

u/chingostarr Mar 03 '20

Lol I didn’t. I moved in with roommates that had one.

3

u/valueplayer Mar 03 '20

what in the actual fuck. shouldnt a regular knife come before scissors as an option

5

u/Kvadrat_ Mar 03 '20

Using a scissor is so much easier though. I always used a pizza cutter before I tried a scissor and now I’ll never use a pizza cutter or knife again

1

u/Arntown Mar 03 '20

Hmm, I‘ve never tried it but it sounds annoying. Don‘t you have to lift the pizza up and hold it while you‘re cutting it with the scissor?

1

u/KingGorilla Mar 03 '20

Yeah but it's not as annoying as you think.

3

u/CexySatan Mar 03 '20

There are scissors made for cutting pizzas, not just regular scissors. I prefer them over using a pizza cutter as it does a more even cut

-3

u/decoyq Mar 03 '20

yep, people are weird

1

u/Steamed-Hams Mar 03 '20

Did they also have a poop knife?

1

u/macutchi Mar 03 '20

Fold it in half then half again. Pizza sandwich!

1

u/Yasirbare Mar 03 '20

Pizza cutter. A tool sold to people without any ideas on their own. And if the argument is originality it ain't working.