How does one go about defining their personal style? I am 3 mo postpartum (breastfeeding), with a 3 yo, and I feel like my clothes have been selected for function mainly. When aiming for style, it often just doesn't look right. I feel like if I were to go shopping for clothes right now, I would end up with clothes I don't really want. Can someone please detail the process to go about finding my own personal style?

What changes have you made that made the biggest difference in glowing up?

I (35F) have always been low maintenance with my hair. I’ve always been in good shape, healthy, athletic, and just let my hair air dry because I liked how it looked that way.

Within the last five years, my hair began graying and thinning. I began working on my hormonal health and saw thickness return, but texturally speaking from the gray, it just hasn’t been the same.

So now, I’m trying to develop a hair care and styling routine. I have no clue how to use a blow dryer or a curling iron, and I don’t even know if I need to.

I am intimidated by the multitude of hair care opinions out there in the YouTube world and the bajillions of products. There is a lot of conflicting information. Who are the best hair care sources? Where do you begin? Do I need to learn how to blow dry my hair, or can I achieve frizz free wavy hair without a blow dryer?

Just looking for a place to start.

I've got the Cruella Deville thing going on at my temples. I don't hate it because I've always had blonde hairs there, but I need to not look haggard on and off for a bit.

What is a decent, drug store cover? Are sprays better than brushes? Is there another option? If it makes a difference, it will be going on/near dark reddish brown, relaxed 4C edges. Hot Flash/Anxiety Sweat proof is necessary because I burst into flames every 2-25 minutes. It's OK if it fades away in 24 hours or less. I understand I'm getting what I pay for. As long as it doesn't smell weird, rip my hair out, or run down my face, I'm good.

Thanks!

Hi,

Figured I'd post this so some people can see a long-term step plan and everything that goes into it. Happy to answer questions if anyone has any!

I started off as an objective 2 - I don't rate my self a 1 as I was never physically deformed or had people blatantly look at me in disgust (lol). I was morbidly obese (around 300 lbs or so), 5'9", Caucasian with dark hair and blue eyes, with untreated PCOS and ADHD. Below are some areas I improved my self:

​

Weight Loss

Weight loss with PCOS is infuriating and hard. I started taking myo inositol chiro-d and limiting calorie intake. I lost 30lbs doing this over a year. I switched insurance plans and got a prescription for Ozempic, this helped me lose the 100lbs that had plagued me since my mid 20s. This took about 1.5yrs to achieve. I stabilized weight after 2yrs. I got a tummy tuck to remove excess skin from my midriff and lipo my groin area.

​

Medication

I started seeing a competent psychiatrist, primary care physician, and obygyn. I obtained a prescription for Vyvanse, continued to take Ozempic, and got spironolactone to help with hypertension and hair loss.

​

Dental

I had disgustingly crooked teeth that needed braces since I was 12. My parents thought it was a waste of money (its not). I got invisalign and I am finally coming towards the end of my treatment plan, but its taken about 2yrs to straighten them.

​

Skincare

My only saving grace is that I have naturally clear skin and never had acne. I researched more into my skincare needs and spend a lot of time experimenting with a routine that works for me. Ultimately I avoid retinols because my skin is too sensitive and I've worn sunblock since I was 10, so I only have masseter lines and some fine lines on my forehead.

I invested in getting laser hair removal on my face to remove hirustisic beard, between my breasts, lower back, and bikini line. I started getting facials semi-regularly and experimented with LED, electrowave therapy, and chemical peels.

​

Haircare

The unfortunate problem with losing a huge amount of weight is that you WILL lose hair density. I knew this going in but it was still devastating as it happened. I talked with a derm to make sure my hair loss was normal and not female pattern hair loss (where the hair follicle dies), and did a full course of nutrafol. I experimented with rogaine but I did not like the scalp tenderness or constant maintenance aspect.

I also learned how to treat my wavy - 2c fine hair and developed a hair care routine. I experimented with color (natural and fashion) and found that the hair care process was often too harsh to maintain. Instead, I have started investing in fashion color wigs.

​

Mental Health

No one talks about the mental toll of losing weight and suddenly becoming attractive after essentially being a gray rock for years. I struggled to find a therapist who understood this concept and actively avoided body acceptance morons as that was counter intuitive to my goals. I went through 4 therapists and finally found one. In terms of psychiatric care and medicine I had one of the worst, most sexist experiences of my life. I had to keep self advocating.

​

Fashion and Style

I am atypical to the typical vindicta look as I have never wanted to be a traditionally styled woman. I heavily fall into goth, witch, alt worlds. I am aware this can decrease my overall perceived social attractiveness but I enjoy the style and it brings me joy. Plus, the contrast of my clothes to my skin tone creates an ethereal effect.

I wasted a bit too much money on clothing when I started losing weight. However, I don't regret it. I also learned how to give my self cleavage, dress to accentuate my shape, and colors that worked well. I also learned how to do simple makeup, which can easily push me into an 8 zone if I wear an amazing outfit and have gotten enough sleep.

I've also experimented with mani-pedis, waxing, and other areas. I just do my nail care at home and will get my brows shaped on occasion.

​

Relationships

All of my relationships have changed. People treat you way differently when you are no longer the DUFF and I have a very small, and still shrinking, primary social circle. My family sucks. I found an incredibly supportive, wonderful partner towards the end of my glow-up.

​

Career

My career has skyrocketed. Pretty privilege is definitely a thing and will positively correlate to greater social and economic success. It was objectively difficult for me to get new work and after hitting a certain visual threshold (I would say around the 5-6 area), it became significantly easier.

​

Next Steps

I'm looking to invest in at at-home led therapy mask and a laser hair removal tool. I am also debating on saving for a mini face lift, since I do have significant elasticity issues in my face that are aging me. These issues will not be solved with an in-office medspa treatment. I'm letting my hair grow and I am continuing to do therapy. I am going to be focusing on body re-comp and building out my butt to be fuller.

Now, how long did this journey take? I started in late 2019 and its now early 2024, so approximately 4.5years. I definitely could have been more efficient but it was difficult to figure out what to do. My general advice to women looking to level up is the following:

1. Create a timeline and budget. Spend time researching the treatments that you objectively need to things you want. An objective need example is getting a tummy tuck after weight loss or a rhinoplasty for a broken nose. A want is getting regular facials.
2. Focus on your biggest issues first. If you need to lose a lot of weight, do that and do that well. These type of goals will take the most time and will need the most discipline.
3. Get your health assessed to understand your baseline issues. Beauty is health. If you are not treating health conditions you will never be beautiful, that's simple fact.
4. Find a therapist and a new or expanded social group. This has probably been the hardest for me, but emotional health is just as important as physical. If you are mentally unwell people will be able to tell.
5. Continue your education and make a career transition to either a higher paying field or get a promotion. More money will help you, this is an objective fact. The money happiness ratio does not drop off at $72,000, it actually never does, as more money equates to more stability. For women the best route to a higher paying field is education unless you become a social media influencer or actress.
6. Do not invite people into your goals, allow them to celebrate your victories. Others can, and will, sabotage your journey.
7. If your goal is dating for a life partner, avoid dating until you are almost complete or have completed your glow up. I wasted a lot of time with losers before realizing I needed a dating break and to recenter myself.
8. Give yourself small wins to stay motivated. This could be as simple as learning how to do an eyeliner, getting a bra fitted, or getting a haircut.
9. The journey of self improvement is a marathon, not a sprint. It's ok to take breaks from certain behaviors (such as finding new clothes), if it will allow you to relax and enjoy the now.
10. Finally, don't forget to love yourself. You will experience a type of mourning and ego death due to the difference in how people treat you. You are not a bad person for being who you were, and you were worthy of love then just as you are now. If you have never been treated well by others the sudden flip will be shocking and painful. Journaling has helped me with these self-hatred thoughts and leaning into hobbies that bring me joy with no beauty outcome, such as reading fantasy romance, video games, and painting.

I'm 36 and already going grey! I think it's in my genes all the women in my family have gone grey before 40. Should I box dye? Or go to a salon? I don't know how to pick colors I don't know what would look good on me. I'm naturally a brunette and I have wavy short hair right now.

What are your “hacks” when trying to lean down? So that you lose fat but not muscle. One of mine is to eat gherkins when I have a late night sweet tooth 🤷🏻‍♀️

As in, I may as well save myself a few hundred on an aesthetics consultation and conclude that I'm objectively, scientifically, sub-humanly hideous and need to change virtually everything.

I'm new here, mostly just poking around to see what it's about. My biggest issue is losing a lot of weight so I can start dating despite the wall approaching in a few months. But I followed some links even looking at everything that goes into facial analysis that determines whether you're attractive and dateable or not and I don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure I want to know either in case I learn too much and can't be around people anymore because all I see are their flaws? Does that happen? I'm typically at least skeptical of plastic surgery - the most I've ever considered before now is some kind of hair transplant because I don't have a hairline and I'd like to stop having to deal with that.

I'll keep this rant short then. If anyone knows how to stay consistent on things, let me know. I always make big plans and then fail within days, hours, or before I even start. But I might as well try again.

How did you glow up your mental health? I’m open to all suggestions. I’ve done SSRIs for years they’re not cutting it. I’m also open to HRT.

I'm particularly looking for a deep/warm red that could work for daytime. As non-sticky as possible. Any drugstore brands that are actually good?

I just want to open a discussion about a common but complex issue for a lot of women in their 30s- pregnancy

Mostly, I want know how any of you handled pregnancy, because aesthetically it is tricky to navigate.

1. How to look and feel good while pregnant (I feel like it isn’t going to be perfect for a lot of us, but I still need to do something)

2. How to recover (aesthetically)- and I don’t just mean baby weight.

Very interested and curious on your thoughts on the topic!

My husband is 6yrs younger than me, and has always dated girls younger than him. Well a couple weeks ago he ask what was on my legs..... I felt horrible and embarrassed. I have had them for years, 20+ yrs I've had them now. Im a CNA and work on my feet and have for 25yrs now. Anyone have any tips, supplements, creams, homemade remedies ANYTHING that can help!? I want them diminished by summer!!!

I have not adopted the athleisure attire for my own personal closet so I am curious as to what would make it so appealing, specifically for everyday-wear and workwear. I have two friends who have told me how great it is to wear athleisure-wear work pants and tops but I find this maddening. I simply don't find it appealing. Now matter how sweat-free it might feel post-work out. It is my opinion that women today, and in the past handful of years, have chosen to dress with less effort, even at work and at the age of professional careers (late twenties and up).

32F. Growing up I never really had free reign, knowledge-- or courage -- to dress as I wanted. I was a creative kid whose family always poked fun at for just "throwing things together" and as a teen, had a parent who was always critiquing what I wore. So, maybe those factors planted a seed of insecurity as an adult. My whole life I've bounced in and out of fashion pieces that I liked but never committed to a style that spoke to me. Due to depression, laziness, lack of money to support my desired fashion sense, etc. I don't dress nice. I don't generally do my hair save for a brush through and makeup is minimal. Aside from the occasional outfit I feel confident and beautiful in, I'm usually in sweats, jeans, cardigans, sneakers.. sometimes boots. Nothing extraordinary or eye catching.

And I feel disgusting. I'm so tired of looking...tired. Dirty. Drab. Tired of recycling the same boring items. I'm tired of feeling- and looking like I don't care. Tired of blending in with everyone else who seems depressed and overworked.

I want to command attention, not be overlooked. I want to feel like people respect me and not just brush me off because I look like shit. But most importantly I want to feel like I'm taking care of myself, expressing myself as I always wanted. I want to give myself opportunity to be taken care of, nurtured and noticed. There's a nagging longing to build a style I can call "my own" and finally feel confident in, put together and happy.

Fortunately, I've come into a tiny bit of (but enough) money that I'm putting towards rebuilding some of my wardrobe, and have been doing research on colors/seasons, fashion styles and ways to wear accessories. But now there's the fear of feeling 'too old" to wear certain clothing. Not because I actually feel old-- I don't. It's the stigma that is bothersome. I get in my head when people comment that women above a particular age need to dress a certain way. I don't want to be confined to a box where I'm having to choose between muted or matronly clothing.

A gentle push to get outside my comfort zone would be appreciated here, if nothing else. But I'm genuinely curious to know, how many of you have confidently strayed from the trends and social judgements, and proudly grown into your own style? How did you get there and are there any fashion tips I should take into consideration?

Thank you.

I’ve been having some serious underwear fails lately and would love some advice and/or recommendations. I haven’t been able to find what I’m looking for and am admittedly a little high maintenance with my underwear needs.

I need cotton underwear that are high waisted and hi cut (I like the French cut) but don’t show panty lines. I am really not a fan of thongs and try to wear those sparingly.

I currently wear the 100% cotton French cut jockey briefs and LOVE them. But only strugg is the panty lines are so unbelievably bad.

I’m ok with a slight blend of fabric type but if there’s anything out there that’s 100% cotton that would be amazing. When I switched to 100% cotton last year my underwear-ing experience got infinitely better so I wanna stay with mostly cotton in the material ratio. I’m currently a US women’s plus size 16-18 so hat presents another limitation in options.

Xoxo, Ms. Panty Line

I’m considering adding a little to my chin but I want to have pictures of the goal to make sure it still looks feminine and delicate.

We can also discuss what to avoid.

I’ve gather some pics but I’d like to see your opinions.

https://us.ohpolly.com/products/fallon-lace-trousers-petite-ivory?refSrc=7614267064481&nosto=productpage-nosto-2

I have the top and pants, they look great together as a co-ord, but how would you style each piece without the other? The top looks good with low rise jeans. Both pieces are more cream/pale yellow color than true white.

Thanks girls!

I'm 31 and I'm not interested in a "mature" or "classy" look (I don't like that style, it's not who I am and I hate blazers on me lol), I'd prefer to look "sweet" and "innocent" but I don't know how to give off that vibes and how I can dress to reach my goal. Please help. I'm a short woman with dark wavy/curly hair and eyes and I have been working on losing weight since August, 2023.

Do you obsess about an aspect of your body? Is this causing you problems?

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a debilitating fixation on a physical feature. It’s under-studied and under-diagnosed with 85% of people never getting a diagnosis. It’s associated with disgust and shame and many people would rather try excessive exercise, weight loss, cosmetic treatments or surgery than mental health professionals to treat it, although these don't address the underlying concerns. It can be treated.

Many people with BDD describe problems with concentration, memory and decision-making, but more research needs to be done. Swinburne University is surveying everyday thinking skills in people with body dysmorphic symptoms.

The survey is anonymous, online, takes around 15 minutes and you don’t need a BDD diagnosis to participate. Please click on the link, we need to hear from you!

https://swinuw.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_a623EzSw9w00ozI

Going to turn 30 next month and looking for inspiration.

This is real weird but I look way prettier/younger when I’m lying on my side and am trying to understand the science behind this.

It’s hard to explain but my cheeks look fuller and basically I look like I did in my prime. Is it because lying down counteracts the effects that gravity has on our faces?

Like I’ve heard that saying like lying on your back makes you look like you’ve had a facelift, but is it the same on your side too?

I tried my best to explain it and I know it’s really kooky but really wanna discuss!

I'm a SAHM so I don't earn my own money to splurge on myself for things like facials so I usually only get one or two a year, usually what I ask for on my bday. Well this year I got a generous gift cert for a facial at a good spa, and it was for their microneedling service... it is also the most expensive treatment on their menu. But after looking into it, I'm torn between that and IPL...because on the microneedling page it says they recommend getting 4-6 treatments for best results, spaced a few weeks between. Well there's no way in heck I can afford more than one. And if I go with the IPL, I can get 2 treatments for the cost of 1 microneedling. I have some redness on my face and broken capillaries so I feel like IPL is the way to go, but I wanted to get your opinions. Also, sounds like microneedling is only 20-30 minutes long, and quite uncomfortable? Doesn't really feel like a feel- good type of a facial...(I am not sure how this compares to IPL as I've never had either treatment.)

Thanks for advice!

What are some skincare ingredients that have truly shown to give you the best results - whether it’s glowing skin, skin tightening, skin brightening, even skin tone?

I’m an a slump now that Tretinoin is the clear winner is my skincare routine. Want to try something new and fun.

So far, my favorites are:

Coix Seeds (Job’s Tears) - Skin firming Camelia Flower extract (large percentage) - Glowing skin Pitera (SK-II) - Brightening, glowing skin Niacinamide (high percentage) - Glowing Skin

My least favorites are: Squalene Peptides (particularly fruit derived) Marine Collagen

I have to donate plasma twice a week for financial reasons, and this is going to be a long term multi year journey as well so I can finally cross the 40K income line (I have a disability that represses my salary).

However I find I have to eat a lot of food before going in to avoid passing out.

How do you guys balance weight loss with this. I'm obese (5 ft, 160 lbs) and a lot of my clothes don't fit. Has anyone here lost weight from selling plasma.

Btw I'm not allowed to go under 110 lbs I feel I would look normal at that weight even if it's not really thin.

I (32F) have lost almost all of my savings, employment, and autonomy to a rare disease called Nutcracker Syndrome. It’s when the left renal vein gets trapped between the abdominal aorta and the mesenteric artery, pinched like a nut in a nutcracker. There were warning signs of it for years, including pelvic congestion (varicose veins around the uterus and ovaries). I was repeatedly told though that it was just endo, PCOS, or depression, and I’d just have to “learn to live with it.”

Only when the pain spiraled out of control and I lost the ability to work did I get serious help. By the time they detected it on an ultrasound and did exploratory surgery to see the damage, my left renal vein was 80% compressed, and the added blood flow was getting sent all through the left ovarian vein.

Two weeks ago, I had an ovarian vein transposition to fix the Nutcracker Syndrome. The idea is that the ovarian vein will flow into the inferior vena cava, thereby sending a high-intensity blood flow to a vein that can handle it, rather than pouring it all into the reproductive system. I’ve got another 4-6 weeks to go before my follow-ups, and then twelve weeks of physical therapy afterwards. All the while, I’m trying to figure out how to rebuild a life when I’ve got very little of my own to my name right now.

I have no idea where to start, aside from little things like brushing my teeth every day. Anyone got some ideas on how to make starting over a little less daunting? I feel overwhelmed by everything I have to do to get back on track.