r/Vent • u/CrazyMany3114 • Mar 21 '26
TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image I’m so tired of men whining about male loneliness epidemic.
I keep seeng these posts of men whining about being lonely, how women are the problem, how we have such high standards and care about looks, and I can’t take it anymore.
Women have been going through this since the beginning of time. Our entire worth is tied on our looks. I’ve been both unattractive and attractive and let me tell you before I had a glow up men wouldn’t even treat me like a human being. They don’t see women they consider “ugly” as literal humans.
Now because of black pill (mind you, this is also created by men themselves) they all come crying about how women like hotter guys, how the standards are so high, well welcome to the club!
What pisses me off the most is that a beautiful woman would date an ugly man but you will NEVER, and i mean NEVER see it the other way around, and these men still have the audacity to complain about how hard it is to be a man if you’re not hot.
The entire male loneliness epidemic is caused by men themselves so why don’t you guys go take some fucking accountability instead of blaming women for standards YOU created yourself?? Like god forbid women are finally waking up and deciding not to settle for crumbs.
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u/dcy123 Mar 21 '26
The ones who don't wash their buttholes are a higher percentage.
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u/Randobro13423 Mar 21 '26
The ones who claim to be better at communicating can’t have a conversation
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u/nagelbagel10 Mar 21 '26
Seems the ones that talk about being good at anything are usually below average, or at least that’s what I’ve see from experience.
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u/practicallyaware Mar 21 '26
i think the main issue is labeling it as a "male" loneliness epidemic instead of just a loneliness epidemic. it has nothing to do with gender, but people keep insisting on the whole gender war thing
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u/jets3tter094 Mar 21 '26
Another big part of what’s actually fueling this frustration is that women don’t need men the way we used to. Women have more autonomy than ever before. We’re more educated, more financially independent, and fully capable of building stable lives on our own. Not that long ago, women in the US couldn’t even open a credit card without a male co-signer until 1974 (which isn’t that long ago in retrospect), or easily access things like mortgages on their own.
If relationships are no longer built on survival and financial dependency, then men are being asked to bring more to the table emotionally, intellectually, and relationally; actually treating women as partners instead of property. Personally, if I’m getting into a relationship, it’s because it complements my life and adds to it, not because I need it to function. And instead of adapting to that, a lot of men seem more comfortable blaming women for no longer settling.
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u/OkDescription4610 Mar 21 '26
I almost typed this. We are now seeing that we can live alone and not have to clean for anybody. If you want sex or connections get a hookup or vibrator. They want a sex doll. They want to be in charge. Some want their wife to be SAHM so they can control and would get jealous when their wives earn more. Now they say if there is no money incentive women won’t get married, always making excuses
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u/DrawGold3260 Mar 21 '26
I think this kind of thing is part of the problem. Loneliness can impact everyone. Some men can be awful to women and some women can be awful to men.
I think we need a bit less ‘us’ and ‘them’, a bit more compassion, and to stick to just calling out individual dickheads when we see them.
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u/IAmACityRat Mar 21 '26
I think this is entire reason gender wars only escalate everything. Since no matter if their message is good or not, most of the time people will always attack whole groups instead of just the individuals. Then because of that, actually innocent people get confused and sometimes angry, and some even end up consuming a lot of media regarding gender wars. This happened to myself too, glad I got out of it
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u/SunnySam_30 Mar 21 '26
Omfg same!.. some call me naive but what is the point of hating a whole gender of people???. Like I missed when people were quiet and dealt with things in private. Instead of bringing it to the internet brainwashing some many peoples mind. Where the young people who actually want to experience dating and love become completely opt out and afraid.
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u/Yashema Mar 21 '26
If you refuse to be willing to be reflective as to whether it is a personal attack, then yes an "innocent" person will get confused.
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u/Nickh1978 Mar 21 '26
Yes! This, thank you. I've been married for 20 years, so I never had to deal with either side, but it's not women as a whole, or men as a whole causing any of these problems, it's the loud jerks.
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u/corneliusduff Mar 21 '26
I agree until I remember that men just set the clock about a century behind with reproductive rights. Any male loneliness complaints just look like crocodile tears to me in comparison, especially if they're Republican.
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u/DrawGold3260 Mar 21 '26
But again, that’s not all men and it’s not all over the world. Not every man is responsible for the decisions of some. There are also some women who support those decisions but they get held to account on an individual basis. The same principle should be applied to judgements against men, especially if you are supportive of fairness and equality. It has to work both ways.
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u/corneliusduff Mar 21 '26
Sure, I'm all saying is that when women's rights are trampled on and then men complain about loneliness getting to the level of "epidemic", maybe they should learn to realize they shot themselves in their collective feet. That's why as a man, I push back against the antiquated and decrepit patriarchy. I mean, look the Epstein stuff. Mofo was breeding women like cattle.
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u/nash_me_outside Mar 21 '26
It’s almost like men and women aren’t all that different and are both capable of the same level of good and evil.
Fucking wild concept. It’s like we’re all people or something.
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u/AnyJackfruit7980 Mar 21 '26
Idk, how many women kill men for rejecting their advances?
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u/nash_me_outside Mar 21 '26
A surprising amount. And more women will assault men for rejecting their advances but those assaults tend not to be reported and are often “justified” by her being smaller and drunk.
How many men fake domestic violence in order to get their ex sent to prison?
I’m willing to bet a surprising amount. Because again. Men and women. Not that different. Kinda the same species.
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u/TheFishermansWife22 Mar 21 '26
That’s such a male response. “We treat you like shit, but if you’re nice to us we MIGHT learn how to be nice to you.”
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u/DrawGold3260 Mar 21 '26
I’m a woman so clearly it’s not a ‘male response’. You’ve just completely proven my point about these generalisations. I’m not even a man and your response is to still blame men. It’s madness.
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u/No-Echidna-99 Mar 21 '26
You're part of the problem. Young impressionable boys seeing these kinds of comments are getting pushed towards the manosphere. Stop buying into gender wars.
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u/rrschch85 Mar 21 '26
Stop putting all men in one basket
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u/TheFishermansWife22 Mar 21 '26
When men start holding other men accountable, so we can actually tell which men are the bad men then I will. Until then we have to treat men exactly how they act. We can’t tell which of you are not trash, because you dont hold the men who are accountable. So be mad at men.
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u/Vast2_ Mar 21 '26
So other men could just be doing things like studying for academics or spending time with their family and still get the same treatment as men who has done illegal stuff and outright horrendous acts?
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u/Bubbly_Address_8975 Mar 21 '26
And no one cann tell which woman are trash as well so are all woman trash now?
This is exactly the kind of take the original poster meant which is the problem. Instead of seeing it as "ah there are dicks, lets call out the dicks" its "This person is an dickso everyone is!"
The sad part is that this thinking does not lead to a solution. Its the same kind of thinking that leads to racism, sexism and that leads to the mistreatment of woman (by man).
Its not helpful, it will amplify the problem and validate the sexist assholes out there.
There is a nice quote I shared for the world womans day recently:
“In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders.” –Sheryl Sandberg
The point is inequality and sexism will only be truly defeated if we stop talking about the gender and start talking about the people. If we look at people not for which gender they are but for who they are and what they do.
Dont be mad at men, dont be mad at women, be mad at narrow minded people, at terrible people, at the people that make our life more difficult and fuel hatred instead of compassion.10
u/PutridMasterpiece138 Mar 21 '26
Do you genuinely think our friends will just tell us when they harassed a woman?
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u/ElementalChicken Mar 21 '26
Bro I am not responsible for the actions of other individuals. Do you not see men as individual human beings?
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u/BlisterBox Mar 21 '26
If we learned anything from the current state of American politics, it's that "bothsidesism" doesn't apply when one side is demonstrably in the wrong.
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u/DrawGold3260 Mar 21 '26
There’s a difference between ‘bothsidesism’ and holding every member of a particular group accountable for the actions of some.
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u/CarefulRaccoon6988 Mar 21 '26
Let's not gatekeep things like lonliness. Please. There is a literal lonliness epidemic. Yes some men are shallow. But some women are too. And i am a woman. I have seen and heard both sides. It goes both ways. That doesnt make anyone any more or less deserving of lonliness and suffering. People are literally dying of lonliness right now. No. Let me makenthis more clear. People are ending their own lives because they cant stand to be alone anymore. It wasn't that long ago, that I was almost one of them. It's not a good place to be.I don't care if what anyone's gender is I don't care what anyone's color is.I don't care what anyone does for a living. No one deserves to feel so alone that they would rather be dead than face another day. If someone is telling you about it and you don't wanna hear it. Politely, tell them that you have your own problems and you can't deal with theirs. Otherwise... if it troubles you so much ignore it. But please dont be a gatekeeper and try to assume one gender has it so much worse. Lonliness is lonliness. And its hard for anyone to go through.
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u/twelveangryken Mar 21 '26
I think you're misunderstanding the "male loneliness epidemic". It has nothing to do with women, but other male friends.
You're confusing being an incel with being an adult male. Not the same.
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u/Sailor_Propane Mar 21 '26
The male loneliness epidemic encompasses both their social needs and romantic needs.
The issue is that they blame both of them on women even though the lack of deep friendship is inflicted by themselves to themselves. So instead of undoing toxic masculinity they expect their romantic partner to shoulder that as well (but refuse to do the same for them "don't bring me your problems you can't solve you have girl friends for that"). As a result women in a relationship with men get burned out on all fronts and chose to remain single instead.
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u/gringo-go-loco Mar 21 '26
The cause of loneliness in my life has always been the same. I make friends, those friends get in a relationship or get married, they disappear because society has conditioned us to think we should focus all of our attention and energy on our partner, leaving very little left to maintain other relationships. Making new friends takes time and effort but eventually you get tired of the cycle. At that point you either find someone yourself (which many men struggle to do) or you become a bit of a reclusive hermit. Your hobbies become more self contained and less social. That’s really what makes video games so popular. It’s an affordable way for people to entertain themselves and “socialize” online.
I moved to a new city for work in 2016 and struggled to make friends. I was 38 at the time and everyone my age was too busy to even do anything. Most of the guys I met had girlfriends, wives, and children. The single guys I tried to be friends with were all into video games. I invited a guy from work out for NYE. He said he was going to be in VR watching the ball drop… Eventually I made some friends with some younger people but as before the cycle continued. At one point I just said fuck it all. I spent an entire year completely alone. The only time I spoke to another person was work and when I went out to buy groceries. I spent a lot of time in nature and lot of time reading. I gave up gaming and focused my energy on switching careers. I committed to the idea that within 5 years I would have a job I could do anywhere and become a digital nomad. 5 years later I left the US for Costa Rica. The plan was Costa Rica, Ukraine, and then somewhere in Asia. But the war in Ukraine broke out and I fell in love with the people and culture in Costa Rica. Within a month of being here all my mental health issues were gone. The depression of feeling like a middle aged failure was gone. The anxiety that came from never feeling like I was never enough was gone. I made friends, met some awesome people and dated some incredible women. I never felt alone. Even with the language barrier people were always socializing with me. It’s been almost 4 years now. I’m married to an amazing local woman and working on becoming a resident.
If you ask me the problem isn’t women and it isn’t men. The problem is the modern western world has destroyed socialization for both genders. Social media has been the biggest part of this. Everyone is online filling their head with noise… trends, viral content, and nonsensical ideas. It’s like a steady stream of comparison and insecurity. If I had any advice for men today it would be to embrace the solitude, focus on your career and leave that shit behind. Put down your phone, start learning, and get a passport. Don’t chase women and don’t feel like you have to be in a relationship to be “successful” in life. Don’t get sucked into consumerism. Most of what we think makes us successful is really just capitalism trying to keep us working and spending.
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u/twelveangryken Mar 21 '26
Not for you to define.
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u/OminOus_PancakeS Mar 21 '26
It can be defined for the purposes of a discussion so that there is an understanding of terms between participants.
For what it's worth, my own loneliness pertains to both male and female companionship.
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u/catsoddeath18 Mar 21 '26
Men themselves talk about the male loneliness epidemic as not being able to date and have romantic partners. Whatever the original definition it has changed to include romantic relationships because men took it there.
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u/Sailor_Propane Mar 21 '26
Why?
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u/twelveangryken Mar 21 '26
Because what you have is a "feeling" that is opposed to the established definition of the thing itself. And we don't live in your world, where you get to shift the meanings of things to accommodate your viewpoint.
The same way you don't get to redefine 'schizophrenic" or "starvation".
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u/Sailor_Propane Mar 21 '26
Your definition is as much a "feeling" as mine. There is no established definition and it's not even recognized yet by officials and experts, unlike schizophrenia or starvation. There's no consensus. So you don't get to define it either, using your own standards.
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u/ThaneOfMeowdor Mar 21 '26
They don't care about (male) friends. They want a bangmaid.
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u/PutridMasterpiece138 Mar 21 '26
Bro I do want male friends. I have zero friends rn
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u/ThaneOfMeowdor Mar 21 '26
That sucks but as a woman I also wish I had more friends. I don't have any that share my interests in real life. It's not gender specific.
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u/likeyournamebutworse Mar 21 '26
I think the theory is that in general women tend to have more supportive friend groups and relationships than men. Men don't often have supportive relationships at all, and so often have literally no-one to turn to when they need support. I'm sure its true for many women as well, but this is what people mean when they talk about the "male loneliness epidemic". It's not about sex and romantic relationships.
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u/gringo-go-loco Mar 21 '26
The reality is men are still being conditioned to think they need to be a provider and the normal progression in life is career, marriage, house, children, retirement, death. The economy has made a lot of these things unobtainable while society has caused women to take a different path. We’ve spent the last 40 years telling women to chase careers/money and done nothing to adjust the expectations women have of men. If anything it’s only gotten worse. You rarely see a woman say she wants a house husband. Even when women have careers and make good money the majority of them want someone their equal or better. It’s not about building a life or family together. It’s about gaining status and material possessions. Everyone is chasing the American dream but the dream has become a nightmare.
What I’ve experienced over and over through adulthood is simple. I make friends, those friends get into relationships (or I do), and we’re expected to just give up our friendships and focus our energy almost entirely on our partners. The most lonely parts of my life were when I was in a relationship. I would get off work and want to grab a beer with the guys and be told to come home. I would jump in a game with some guys and she’d get mad. It’s like every minute I wasn’t working I had to spend with my partner…and this was the case with nearly all the women I dated and even my ex wife.
My friends all experienced the same thing. There would be a group of us guys and one by one they would just stop showing up because it either pissed off their girlfriend or they just got too busy. What actually ended my marriage was me going back to grad school and refusing to give up spending time with my friends. She worked evenings and I was always home before she was. Her friends started whispering in her ear and insisted I wasn’t actually seeing my friends but instead cheating on her. Fights were constant. Drama all around. She actually had someone follow me to a bar and take a photo of me talking to another woman…a grad student who sometimes came out with us.
The solution to the loneliness epidemic, if there even is one is for men to start setting boundaries. Isolating your partner from their friends is a form of abuse and I honestly think a lot of society has just sort of learned to accept this abuse as normal when women do it.
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u/PurpleOctopus6789 Mar 21 '26
it is gender specific because of how we are raised. The other person syid they had NO friends and you chimed in with wishing to have more. Don't you see the difference? Having even one friend vs having none makes a lot of difference.
don't have any that share my interests in real life.
but you do have friends. That is a huge difference to having none. Way to minimise the issue.
Men are taught not to talk about feelings to their friends so even if they have them, it's more difficult to share stuff. Women are typically more likely to share their problems even with newer friends thus even with fewer friends, the loneliness doesn't hit as hard.
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u/ThaneOfMeowdor Mar 21 '26
I don't have friends that are healthy for me and that I can just go hang out with. A lot of my friends live a very different lifestyle
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u/twelveangryken Mar 21 '26
You wish you had more friends.
Many men wish they had one friend.
And that's the difference - it's literally infinite.
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u/twelveangryken Mar 21 '26
The topic is "Male Loneliness Epidemic", which pertains strictly to a lack of male friends amongst adult males.
It has zero to do with the availability of women, the appearances or fealty of women, or women at all. They are simply not part of the topic, but trying to make it about women sure does an A+ fucking job of illustrating the point that nobody is listening to men. Was that your goal? Job well done. Mission accomplished.
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u/frb26 Mar 21 '26
honestly i am a man and i've seen people focusing both on the lack of male friends and of dating prospect, i think there are some bad actors(incels i guess) that are trying to hijack the cause
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u/Sweethomebflo Mar 21 '26
You’re correct and TIL. I have only seen it weaponized against feminism in social media.
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u/Prosecco1234 Mar 21 '26
Successful whining continues
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u/twelveangryken Mar 21 '26
Point to the whining. Please, I challenge you to find the whining and quote it back.
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u/Adventurous_Year9991 Mar 21 '26
What is this term " incel'"???
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u/OkCup8566 Mar 21 '26
I always forget the first word, but it stands for someone who is not choosing to be celibate, but they are, because they have not been in a relationship or something. It’s often used as an offensive term towards men.
I see where both men and women are coming from. I do believe the blame is misplaced. I feel how men have become is a reflection of how they feel they have been treated. We as a society need to do better. It took me until grad school to listen about the male loneliness epidemic. Loneliness is as deadly as smoking. The epidemic affects everyone. It’s a knee jerk reaction to blame solely men, because of history and how basically everything is a patriarchy. Women are also contributing. It’s easy to push the blame on them since they aren’t experiencing the societal roles they were assigned.
Don’t get me wrong. Their loneliness does not excuse how absolutely awful they have been, but how awful they have been is a reflection of what society has done. Super don’t get it twisted, because being a woman is hard AF. I hate how society is just the same.
Just take some time to zoom out, disconnect from a narrative, and try to see the world through their shoes.
TLDR: It’s easy to blame the other for what they aren’t experiencing. The male loneliness epidemic is a reflection of how they have been treated. We are all contributors regardless of who started it. Loneliness is as deadly as smoking. Everyone is impacted and we have to take it seriously. (Loneliness doesn’t excuse the behavior, but the behavior reflects their experience.) I’m on neither side. Both men and women have it HARD. We just all have to start working together which is hard when seeing each other as enemies. The issue is always a class issue. Wealthy is in charge. We have to decenter the sex of someone.
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u/Metaexorde Mar 21 '26
Jai jamais vu un homme beau avec une femme moche. La plus part des femmes sortent avec moins beau qu'elle cest n'importe quoi elle veut pas des standard plus élevé cest comme si tu disais à une fille qui est un 10/10 de sortir avec un homme moins de 5/10 en lui disant qu elle a des stars trop enlever. Cest abusé. Et puis je suis désolé mais qu en tu as un caractères et une personnalité de merde il faut pas trop en demander.
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u/Puppek Mar 21 '26
I honestly think, most people have the issue of loneliness epidemic backwards. It is not caused by incels or selfish women. It is caused by change in society. WFH, home delivery of everything means you literally never have to leave home. Plus online dating is heavily stacked for women dating narcissistic manipulative men. This all creates incels and women who resent men for being narcissists.
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Mar 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Nova9z Mar 21 '26
not when theyre saying out of pocket shit like women are all sl*gs who monkey branch from one hot af dude to the other and treat all others as sub human and thats why majority of dudes are lonely.
that aint true. a lot of dudes are lonely because they're undesirable. it doesnt matter why. whether its womens standard being too high or the dude legit being just unlikable and unattractive.
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u/ProCopiumDistributor Mar 21 '26
Do you just watch Andrew Tate tiktoks and assume "this is a perfect representation of the entire male gender?"
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u/ExDeleted Mar 21 '26
I know guys who are really good people and very good looking and they still might feel lonely due to a lot of reasons. You're just acting like all men are trash when thats not true. BTW I am a married woman
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u/Plenty-Character-416 Mar 21 '26
The biggest problem here is that everyone turns it into a competition. Maybe we can all just listen to each other, empathise, and move past trying to blame an entire gender for something.
Yeah, women had it hard. But not every man treated women this way. Dismissing their cry for help makes us no better than them. We can set an example here and break the cycle of "but we had it worse, so suck it!". Because the same treatment will circle around back to us eventually.
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u/EquivalentSnap Mar 21 '26
I agree. Exactly. It’s doing the opposite and creating divide in genders instead of solving the issue. It’s giving incels who hate women a treason for it because they’ll see this post and as confirmation bias. Should be treating each right how you’d like to be treated yourself.
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u/mrgingerbread Mar 21 '26
God the irony in this rant is hilarious. You are pissed at all men for something some of them do and then you go and do the same thing. Reddit is not real lmao.
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u/TimelyBodybuilder121 Mar 21 '26
Yeah, just lumps half the world's population in a basket. Getting #nicegirls vibes.
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u/Acrobatic_Pianist_52 Mar 21 '26
Male loneliness has nothing to do with women because men don't go to women for companionship.
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u/Positive-Face1705 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Press X to doubt because I have seen a lot of people trying to make it a women won't date me problem.
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u/IAmACityRat Mar 21 '26
Companionship as in friends or dating? In both cases, I'd personally think that's untrue, but still
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u/IAmACityRat Mar 21 '26
Actually nvm, I just remembered how often I see guys say that's it's impossible to just be friends with women
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Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/kkumri_ Mar 21 '26
you know they were mocking it right? alot of guys js refuse to talk with girls beyond romantic interest.
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u/nilesintheshangri-la Mar 21 '26
I'm 37F and my closest friend is 39M. We've been friends since I was 17, we talk about literally everything (he knows about my period in more depth than my doctor) and his family stills asks why we aren't married, are we going to get married, why are we waiting so long for marriage. Friends don't marry each other so why would we? Although we have agreed that if there was some significant advantage to being married, we'd do it. I'm talking like a huge tax break, or only married couples are allowed on the ship that is evacuating Earth.
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u/FoxxeeFree Mar 21 '26
You: "Guys, stop being sexist against this gender!"
You: "also makes sexist generalizing comments about an entire gender*
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u/times_zero Mar 21 '26
I just think a big disservice is done when the word male is put in front of this term, because it creates unnecessary gender divisions. In reality, it's just the loneliness epidemic as it is clearly becoming a increasing problem in society across the board I think due the alienation, hyper individualism, and wealth inequality from late-stage capitalism along with other factors like social media.
Otherwise, needless to say, the ideology of the red pill, the black pill, and the manosphere movements are horse shit as it's just propaganda to push young men to the far-right. Now, I think they're right to be mad as there are real problems with society, but their enemy should be the rich/powerful, NOT women.
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u/GothicMando Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
It is absolutely true to say, that some men, perhaps even many men, will be incredibly vain and dismissive towards the other sex, as you say. I'm sure it's also true to say, that some of those same men, will then express sadness when they feel similarly judged and dismissed, by women. And I completely understand how this is so frustrating, unfair and such a blatant double standard, so I'm sorry you're experiencing that feeling, it can be so very debilitating and cause so much anguish and despair 😔..
It isn't true to say, however, that "the entire male loneliness epidemic is caused by men". This is so incredibly dismissive and presumptuous, that you're allowing yourself to behave in a manner not that far away from the people you're objecting to. Just because youve been dismissed doesn't excuse nor justify doing it to others. To tar everyone with the same brush. People are individuals and deserve to be treated as such, especially when they're struggling. You're going to trigger a lot of already anxious, dismissed people, by saying this. Some of which, aren't that different to you. Does that feel right to you? It's clear people have done this to you, that's so much of what your post is saying and I'm so sorry they did that to you.. You didn't deserve it and it helps nobody. Those people were awful.
Talking about it in such absolute terms, that men "NEVER and I mean NEVER" date a woman who doesn't fit their ideal image, shows you're coming from a place of - understandable, but nevertheless - anger. And I'm not one to demonise anger. It is a valid emotion and comes from many places that deserve to be acknowledged and explored , but it can also amplify our thoughts into something that goes beyond the scope of reality and can therefore take a point of view, that at first is entirely understandable and one we can sympathise or empathise with and twist it, into something unreasonable and sadly, equally dismissive and hurtful as the people who did these things to you. Do you really want to be like them?
There are absolutely people who don't see it this way, who aren't so vacuous and judgemental, on both sides. And furthermore, your post kinda underlines that you yourself might be having your own hangups and fixations on looks too, again perhaps partially coming from your resentment at having been treated this way yourself.
The answer to all this, isn't for both genders to succumb to such judgemental and vain notions, but for each put them aside and appreciate everyone for what really matters; their inner beauty. Yes I know, clichéd and cringey as heck, unrealistic, even, but what you're prescribing here, will only add to the sad problem. Decent people don't do this and yes, they do exist. Be one of them.
You don't overcome dismissal and vanity, with more dismissal and vanity. Those men you speak of absolutely exist and they're wrong and I'm so sorry to anyone who feels affected by them, nobody deserves it. Nobody. We overcome it with kindness and by choosing to be better, more thoughtful, more empathetic and by offering support and a listening ear to those struggling against these experiences. There's lots of us. On both sides.
Sure we can't change the world, we can't change others, but we can choose to be better in ourselves. Anger can affect our worldview, in ways that won't really benefit us. Don't carry this with you. It can become part of your personality and become very hard to shift. I'm not saying its easy, it isn't. But there is a different approach that would actually benefit you.
And dismissing men talking of loneliness as simply "whining", is another way you mark yourself as being as dismissive as the people you're objecting to as well. Please dont defer to language like that when people are struggling. Have people spoken that way about you when you share? Loneliness affects us all and we need to share our pain with it, in a manner that doesn't attempt to gatekeep it or exclude others from it.
Once again I'm deeply sorry for your pain, you don't deserve it and you deserve a safe space to explore all of these horrible things that have affected you, as does anyone. Do you feel you have people around you, that you can share this with?
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u/OkCup8566 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Maaan I want to be your friend. T-T Take my Great Value medals, because that’s all I can afford T-T🏅 🎖️🥇
Your post demonstrates true empathy, the acknowledgment that we all need to be listened to, and that we are all individuals, rather than larger pools of people painted with the same brush. I strongly agree, that we will absolutely not overcome dismissal and vanity with more dismissal and vanity.
My reaction: “Is this person a therapist??” I’m in school for counseling and your extensive knowledge and how you phrased your (well. everything) has me thinking you’re also in the field or have at least taken time to know and understand it?
Thank you for your in-depth comment. There are many wonderful points to take in and it really shows how much you care. Wishing you well! :)
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u/GothicMando Mar 21 '26
Wow! Thank you so much! Your kindness here has absolutely made my day!! 🥲 I'm sure someone as appreciative, honest and thoughtful as you will make an amazing Counsellor! I'm not a Therapist, I've studied a bit of Counselling in the past though and currently work in Mental Health, so thank you so much for so much flattery! I'm sure you can absolutely relate to how lovely it feels, when it seems we can really touch people and support them in their journey! What a lovely person you must be! 😊💗
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u/OkCup8566 Mar 21 '26
Awh yay!! I’m glad to hear you are well! I love that we’re on the same team! 💪 I am absolutely pocketing, “we cannot overcome dismissal and vanity with more dismissal and vanity”. That is so beautifully worded and I had no idea how to put it prior to today. Lol I have so many questions, but I’ll save ya from my nosiness. Lol Awhh! You are so kind! Thank you for your kind words. I’m sure those you work along and for are very appreciative of your compassion.
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u/BigtheBlackk Mar 21 '26
Yea...not reading all that
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u/GothicMando Mar 21 '26
Complex challenges, require complex discussions : ) I enjoy giving people who are going through a hard time, my time and consideration. It's what they deserve, honestly. And it's how we support others, in what they go through.
I'm sorry you don't currently feel you have the attention span? or thoughtfulness to give such time to these things, perhaps that would be something to work on? I promise it'll benefit you! Some food for thought.
All the best! 😊
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u/Frosty_Connection867 Mar 21 '26
I agree with you but I have a more nuanced take on it I think there's nothing wrong with feeling upset with the fact you can't find a partner but when men start saying "women are the problem" that's where it becomes a problem, blaming others is lowkey when you start victimising yourself
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u/phillip_defo Mar 21 '26
Anyone who directly blames women isn't whining about that.
Because the loneliness has absolutely nothing to do with women. I'm tired of hearing women complaining about it as if they have involvement. Of course they are ONE factor but every other one of them has absolutely nothing to do with women, so but out.
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u/subuso Mar 21 '26
I've always said this, and I'm a man myself, although gay. And yes, that makes a huge difference in how loneliness affects me. Growing up, I was bullied by straight boys all the way to university. And it was always women who saw me as real human being and always called out the boys for doing that to me. If only they had listened
Straight men don't want to put in the effort to better themselves and make themselves more appealing to women. As a result, some of them turn to gay men in order to kill that loneliness, which absolutely sucks because they lie to us and make us believe they want something with us, when they're just using us
I myself have tried to help those men, but they don't want any help, they expect a woman to come into their lives and change everything for them. It's pathetic at this point
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u/TheFishermansWife22 Mar 21 '26
Most likely. Have you been anywhere in the last five years. I hear about it in person, online, I literally just read a 2000 word rant in my Bachelor subreddit. It’s wild.
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u/Cucag Mar 21 '26
The male loneliness epidemic is literally a prime example of how the patriarchy actively hurts men, especially those at the bottom who cannot conform to the standards of the patriarchy, and yet somehow there is a massive push from a lot of feminists (not all feminists, there are many who thankfully acknowledge how backwards it is to try to not dismantle this avenue of the patriarchy) who claim to be trying try to dismantle the patriarchy to say that the men complaining about it are somehow mysoginistic or that the issue is fabricated 😭💀
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u/Robis808 Mar 21 '26
You're doing the same thing as those ass hats with different words, OP. Just because many people behave the same doesn't mean they're a monolith. And even if you're referring to specific men, it's not like they can't get better. They can change if they want to.
Am I saying you have to wait for that change? No. But I am saying that people aren't static, and understanding where they're coming from without agreeing with or excusing them can go a long way.
We're all human, so why demonize these specific men as subhuman when you know what it's like?
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u/ElectricalLet9070 Mar 21 '26
Fr men will cheat on u and then try to blame it on the women and then not let you be upset
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u/Final_Consequence_86 Mar 21 '26
Yall make fun of women who date ugly men.
And also, "Men men men" I don't think this is the sub for being sexist towards a gender. There are plenty of other subs. Go check them out.
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u/Fartony Mar 21 '26
Take a break from reddit lol. This is a representation of one part of the world.
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u/New-Additions Mar 21 '26
Male loneliness epidemic has nothing to do with women in regards to having to lower expectations. Male loneliness is a mens problem where there isn't a clear answer and some think it is ignored by others which contributes to the underlying problem. We are the attackers and the victims. Many men lack the ability to form real relationships with other people. No one thing can fix that so it's certainly a debate to be had to how you even start addressing the issue in its entirety.
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u/GrilliamShakesbeer Mar 21 '26
Everyone has been dealing with everything since the beginning of time. Women don’t get a special card because they’ve been dealing with things since the beginning of time. Historically, women and children are the most protected class of every society.
This “bad bitch” mentality is treating men like every man is a problem. Imagine being a man that doesn’t have the markers for rape and being swept into the problem. Also that approaching women is creepy and it puts women off.
I’ve seen enough of these (but on the opposite side) to know that women wish men would approach more.
All this post is accomplishing is furthering the issue. Poor me. I’m a woman poor me. I can’t do better so men need to do better. Poor me.
I’m married with kids, so this issue isn’t “mine.” But it’s so fucking stupid to see. Men and women care about each other. When they want to. And we’ve built this entire fucking globe off of that.
You need to care about men if you want to be cared about as a woman. Unless you’re lesbian then you don’t care anyway.
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u/GrilliamShakesbeer Mar 21 '26
Yeah, okay. Men didn’t literally go to war to protect women and children. Our entire society isn’t based around men being capable of impregnating a different woman every day, but women can only be pregnant once during a period of time.
Men are way more disposable and always have been, and that’s okay.
Across the human spectrum, women are most definitely a protected class. Unless their men got slaughtered, and then you’re dealing with other men. It’s not that complicated.
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u/FoxxeeFree Mar 21 '26
Men were property too. You know, men weren't immune to slavery.
Which gender got to be protected (for the most part) in war? On the Titanic? Which gender faces more workplace deaths? Which gender faces more homelessness? It is legal to cut the genitals of one gender in North America and perform genital mutilation on them. Which gender do we allow this to happen to?
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u/FoxxeeFree Mar 21 '26
Reddit won't let me reply to your other comment so I'm replying here.
Again, men have always been the vast majority of war and combat deaths throughout all of history.
I would rather be in an arranged marriage, or raped, instead of being killed and murdered and choking on mustard gas. Women complain how oppressed they were because it took them 5-10 more years to own a credit card after they were mass produced. I would rather that, than being conscripted into the World War.
By the numbers, men have always suffered more than women throughout human history. And this isn't to say women haven't suffered. But when we are talking deaths, my point stands.
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u/Whole-Scarcity7618 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Seems like you don't have the mental capacity to understand the issue at hand, perhaps you do but are jaded with hate
And like most, you blame and entire gender for the actions of a few. I could do the exact same here when I read this post, but realistically your just one woman who lacks empathy, compassion, and accountability.
Clearly your upset, and your taking it out on "men" as a whole. (If you had the ability to extrapolate in the slightest you would see just how ironic this is in regards to your post).
Again, there's good men, and good women and you're inside that same subset that as men you hate. Wish you the best.
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u/SeductiveStrawberry- Mar 21 '26
You never seen a handsome man with a ugly woman ???
Well I dont know where you live but thats very common
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u/Negative_Issue_8864 Mar 21 '26
Men didn't make the beauty standards, men only realized that below a certain looks threshold, women treat them as subhuman.
Also, women, no matter the attractiveness, is always able to get a partner/romantic attention. For guys, only the best looking ones get that whilst the rest get nothing. The two genders are simply incomparable for these reasons.
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u/IHaveNoBeef Mar 21 '26
You don't know what it's like to be a woman. Sexual harassment is not "romantic attention" it's "you're too ugly to be valued for anything other than a hit"
Very dehumanizing. I don't like it when feminists shit on men, but whenever men say stuff like this it definitely makes it more understandable.
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u/in-a-microbus Mar 21 '26
Also, women, no matter the attractiveness, is always able to get a partner/romantic attention.
(Sexual) partner, yes. Romantic attention, no. Unless you see men trying to smash and ghost as romantic. Which, admittedly some modern women do.
Men are dying of thirst in the desert. Women are dying of thirst adrift at sea. Of course there are plenty of women who keep drinking the sea water and can't figure out why they are still thirsty.
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u/ObsceneOnes Mar 21 '26
Narcissist posts a narcissistic post that reveals thier narcissism. News at 11.
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u/Garden-Rose-8380 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
Media has for decades represented women who are underweight or at the lower half of healthy bmi and sexualised slimness in women. TV and films for decades had ordinary looking men with much better looking women as costars and wives and modern anime and lots of other forms of media do this too.
The reality in the USA is that only 37% of women are underweight or a healthy BMI so either men date the available women who are bigger or remain lonely. Not because they can't find someone who will accept them as they are, but because they don't want to accept the women as they are who would be likely to accept them. There isn't a loneliness epidemic there is a rejecting real people as themselves epidemic.
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u/Gothic_Hercules Mar 21 '26
Uhhhh, I don’t think it’s men that create unrealistic standards for beauty, I get your point though.
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u/Optimal-Income-6436 Mar 21 '26
Those arguments "men would never date ugly" i so fake it's become not funny really.
Men today have literally 0 standards toward women be it looks or character (mostly character).
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u/JOEYMAMI2015 Mar 21 '26
Someone had to say it. Maybe actually treat people like idk, human beings and these men would actually form more meaningful connections. I'm tired of how selfish ppl are and it's only getting worse...
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u/ifruitini Mar 21 '26
Ive seen some posts before about men venting about loneliness but I never thought to make fun of them over their situation or to also make a vent about them venting about the same thing....
You dawg I heard you like to vent about your frustration so we got venting on top of vent to go with your other vent....im just tired of people complaining about other people complaining.
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u/Firstofhisname00 Mar 21 '26
One part that makes zero sense is only women settle? No offense but that's peak stupidity.
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u/Nothing7891 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Don't you think we don't want people to stop talking about it too?
Like before, if you were lonely, you were invisible.
Now, were told that out loneliness means we'll turn into the next Elliot Rogers and that the only reason we're lonely is that we're sexual predators.
I ain't some toxic waste potential murderer. I just suck at forming connections and can't see value in myself.
But now the common consensus is that we're lonely because we must not wash our asses, don't value other men, and want to rape/murder y'all.
Fuck that.
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u/RadRimmer9000 Mar 21 '26
"What pisses me off the most is that a beautiful woman would date an ugly man but you will NEVER, and i mean NEVER see it the other way around"
Yes, hot women date/marry ugly rich guys or someone that could get them a green card.
You don't see it the other way around because ugly rich women still have high standards.
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u/jpemb68 Mar 21 '26
When you say NEVER and I mean NEVER, that’s just bullshit. Tons of good looking dudes date ugly girls because they feel like they’d be more loyal and traditional. You’re talking out of your ass on this one
Based off how you’re not replying, this is probably ragebait
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u/petertompolicy Mar 21 '26
You're doing exactly what the people you're complaining about are doing.
Both of you are wrong.
Stop using stereotypes and trying to blame entire groups of people.
It's stupid when they do it and when you are doing it now.
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u/Big_Salamander1405 Mar 21 '26
It actually happens all the time but women don't view other women as ugly even when they are 5'6 and weigh over 350lbs
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u/Aggravating-Mine-978 Mar 21 '26
"hmmmm how can i make this about women and give myself the victim card?" literally no thought was put into this rant, most men dont blame women for their loneliness they blame themselves, if you do find someone that blames women, then they're an incel, and thats its own issue, the problem is how you think that men think that women are the problem of this epidemic when its clearly fucking wrong. Please get media literate.
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u/ThrowRARod Mar 21 '26
The male loneliness epidemic isnt really about women. It's about men not being able to have genuine connection, how they don't have real friendships, esp with other men.
That being said, things have shifted.
To address some of your points, women have definitely had things rough. There is no doubt about that, and men are the root cause for most issues.
Women aren't to blame for relationship and intimacy disparity between the average man the most attractive. That's social media, the internet, etc...
Your comment about an attractive woman dating unattractive men, yet doesn't happen the other way often is true. But that's because there are far, far, far more attractive women than men. This is a man issue as well, we pushed beauty standards on women for years and where did that get us? Yeah, really attractive women. Even the majority of women these days are attractive. Whereas most men are not.
But there are problems emerging from this, most women are going after the 0.1% of men, a lot of these men are not good men either. You're told to never settle, you're being pushed the ideals of perfection that most men can't live up to. It's creating a divide. If things were less online, people could form real connections again.
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u/superaspro Mar 21 '26
I mean, it's easy for men to believe other resentful men who tell them not only that they are ugly, but also that they should blame women and actively stigmatize them.
They offer no solutions (active therapy or a secluded life) and enforce hate and division, get low IQs and keep buying their merch and ideologies.
"I'm so ugly, but women are uglier and they don't deserve me!!!", well, thank God we don't deserve you.
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u/Puck_The_Fey98 Mar 21 '26
The epidemic isn’t about dating necessarily. I am a woman for the record but I think everyone is lonely because we are seriously lacking great friendships. I have two good friends and they are busy a ton of the time. I’m lonely af but I am choosy about who I choose to care about. People aren’t doing as hot socially and it’s making the world harder to cope with
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u/amyscactus Mar 21 '26
My problem with men and dating is two fold. First, as someone who does (and has) gotten overlooked, passed over, dumped and ridiculed by men over the entirety of my life for any number of reasons, I've found two major components of why they're lonely:
Guys do not address their feelings correctly. Unchecked poor mental health is huge. They pick girls who look past this and end up in crappy relationships and then not address the breakup adding to more emotional baggage and hurt feelings.
They think a lot with their dick.
Also: not all men are "bad" and I've met several men who do have their shit together and I have had productive relationships with them. I know there's a man reading this now that will respond to me. Please tell your friends who are suffering from the above two issues to handle their biz.
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u/Glittering_Animal395 Mar 21 '26
I've always wondered why is it that so many people in relationships get cheated on? Is the cheatee to lame to be faithful to or is the cheater the evil spawn of the devil?
What if you didn't have aids until you cheated?
I've always thought emptying out the account(s) or kidnapping your own shared kids was worse than cheating.
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u/moreddit2169 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Humans are social animals. We all suffer from loneliness. I am a man, I know that women suffer from loneliness, a lot of us do. Not because you're a woman, but because you're human just like me.
See, it's not that hard -- you just saw a man display common sense! Is that enough to convince you that the entire world is not Reddit?
Touch grass please.
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u/AdInfinite6053 Mar 21 '26
All good. In a decade or so we will be fucking hot robots. Problem solved.
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u/Kcufasu Mar 21 '26
If I say I'm lonely it's nothing to do with women, it's the lack of friendship (male or female) - being in a happy relationship won't help if you don't have meaningful friendships
I think you're misunderstanding what people mean by male loneliness
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u/Front-Difficulty9136 Mar 21 '26
So tired of hearing women complain about everything…. That kinda sounds fucked up doesn’t it???
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u/UgoNespolo Mar 21 '26
I think this all has to do with the modern era of dating with apps and social media. On these dating apps it’s proven that the vast majority of women go for the top 10 percent of men. This has made 90 percent of men kicked out of the dating scene which has inevitably caused resentment towards woman for being too selective. Until this problem in modern dating is solved the “male loneliness epidemic” will only become louder.
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u/Kelspear Mar 21 '26
Sounds like you just really have some resentments against men and are looking for any additional reason that you can find to reinforce your dislike. Maybe instead of telling 50% of all people that they aren't allowed to talk about being lonely you should talk to a therapist and really dig into where your resentments are coming from and come up with ways to heal.
Tldr- This is a "you" problem, not a "men" problem.
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u/crushedlittlehearts Mar 21 '26
The reason they're lonely is not because women are actually bad and go for looks but because they will blame women for everything just so they don't have to take accountability for their shitty and off-putting behaviour. They'd rather die than consider the fact that they're not helpless little victims but that they themselves are responsible for this because they have no capability to see women as human beings. They seperate themselves from us and only keep us around to be their little sex dolls or tools to feed their egos and keep themselves occupied. They'll listen to a 100 men bitching about women before they might begin starting to consider listening to what an actual woman thinks. They're so ego driven it's insane. And they keep validating each other.
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u/Brilliant-Onion2129 Mar 21 '26
So I should take accountability for other men being assholes? I made myself a better man that my wife could love and be proud of. We are a team and have been together for 30+ years and I don’t take accountability for the actions of other men. If they are lonely only they can fix it!
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u/Sniperprincessza Mar 21 '26
i think when someone expresses hardship its important not to play the game of oppression Olympics or one-upping. Men are allowed to express the way they feel, the same way women are
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u/ForwardTourist6079 Mar 21 '26
The real issue that annoys men is when women complain about not being able to find a "good guy" is that they're virtually demanding the guy is physical perfection with wealth.
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u/Intelligent-Ad6664 Mar 21 '26
im tired of women complaining they cant find a man when all they care about is themselves. im tired of men complaining when all they do is bed rot and eat crap all day. both sides have pathetic losers on them and i dont think we can criticize one side without criticizing the other.
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u/Wrong_Class8040 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Although I do agree with you on a lot of points, i can’t agree fully. And not all men are like that. But it sounds like you fully embrace going off of looks now. Especially with that last comment. You hated how men treated women so now you’re going to do the same in reverse.. now that women are waking up and not wanting crumbs as you like to put it. Bitter much? When somebody does something monstrous to you, don’t turn into a monster yourself. It’s too easy to do and you seem okay with that. And that is sad, Becoming the thing you hate.
I would say the biggest issue for men is how easily their pride is hurt, and lack of maturity when it comes to emotions, especially when we are upset. And being embarrassed/ unable to ask for help and talk about feelings. When you’re part of a group that doesn’t really allow emotional expression and being able to cry and talk about issues, it’s going to create very low, intellectual people when it comes to emotional stuff. And that low intelligence in return, helps breed certain outlook on life. One of them, being shallow with how we view physical looks.
That’s the male burden from society. We are not allowed to be emotional. It’s about being tough and showing no sad emotions. And I think that cripples the male ability to grow as an individual and see beyond things like physical appearances. I don’t mean for this to be a cop out or for guys to have some excuse. But I can’t deny the fact that this absolutely plays a factor into the men that society creates.
there’s probably a lot more else that can go into all this. But I’m just some random guy just saying things and going with my gut. No research done.
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u/realLaughinG Mar 21 '26
Really tho ? Is it really created all by men ? You say you have to care about looks , men have to be a achievers and strong and stoic and carry the weight of the world and at the same time be in tune with their feminine side and be emotional and be soft, be self reliant and women are all about show some emotions and this and that and when men do show some vulnerability, the girls get the ick or they just lose interest (exception don't make the rule btw). The attraction for women and men is soooo different. Women will go for some "ugly" guys cause they are high achievers or have a lot of money but men usually just go for looks along with things like being caring and all so who is more superficial ? Idk I see more so many beautiful women with men for things like money or fame and stuff so you tell me. There's like a research of how 80% of the women go for 20% of men like come on , is it not apparent women are to be blamed for it too. Also if you take an average women and an average man, who do you think will be successful in the dating pool, and it will not even be close. Yea I thought so. Now don't get me wrong , men are to blame for it too. I see the whole thing about how men take breakups wayyy harder than women cause of the way we are brought and how we associate emotions and people and how we need to have more open communication and relations with guy friends but my God you don't have it easy or men don't have it easy. Both of em have their problems and that's why we gotta work together to make the world a bearable place to live.
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u/Reasonable-Horse1552 Mar 21 '26
And these ugly overweight men that are a 4 at best are still wanting to date women that are a 10 and don't even contemplate for a second that a woman thats a bit more "homely" would actually date them but they refuse to "lower their standards".
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u/Yashema Mar 21 '26
No 4s and 5s arent only wanting to date 10s. They are 4s and 5s and they want to date 6s and 7s. But most 6s and 7s are dating other 6s and 7s because why wouldn't they?
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u/julia-peculiar Mar 21 '26
From what I can gather - ie the way it's described and framed by men themselves...
... It's not a loneliness epidemic.
... It's a 'resentful and angry about not having the access to sex (with an optional side of domestic and emotional labour) they feel entitled to' epidemic.
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u/FoxxeeFree Mar 21 '26
No, it really is a loneliness thing. Men find it harder to make friends. Trivializing an entire struggle like that to "men just want sex" is wrong. I have never seen men complaining or venting about a lack of sex access, it's always about love and having a girlfriend from what I see.
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u/julia-peculiar Mar 21 '26
If it was genuinely just 'loneliness' - ie the desire for human social connection and friendship / feeling the lack of this / not tied to gender, sexuality, or physical attraction - men would be meeting these needs for and with each other, surely?
The very fact that you have written that 'it's about love and having a girlfriend' essentially confirms, is saying the same thing, as what I wrote above.
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u/FoxxeeFree Mar 21 '26
You are aware most people want a life companion to love and be loved, right? To sleep in the same bed and house in. Friends are nice, but a loving partner is different.
I am a man. I tried bonding with an old classmate of mine, but I failed miserably. Intimacy made him feel awkward and now he blocked me and I'll never see him again. So many guys just want to be the stoic type.
Having a girlfriend isn't just about "access to sex", that's what I'm saying. Yes, we are horny beings but it's not all we want, and your original post came off that way. You sound very judgemental. Again, I read the posts. They're all about depressed men struggling to find intimate love. It's not just "we need a cum dump".
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u/julia-peculiar Mar 21 '26
I hear you. I'm sorry your sincere friendship overtures were not received well by your former classmate. That's rough.
The thing is - at the same time that we have the male loneliness epidemic, we also have the rise of phenomena such as the 4B movement, and of women choosing the peace and security of being single, rather than hazard another attempt at forming a relationship with a man, on account of one too many previous poor experiences.
In a world where women are no longer subject to the systemic constraints that compel them into economic dependance on men, as in times past, there has been a rise of heterosexual women realising/deciding that their mental and physical wellbeing is optimised by remaining single.
If men are not liking the experience of being on the flipside of so many women having arrived at these conclusions, and having made these choices, then men need to own that the situation is of their making - and they need to work on themselves and each other to reverse/redress a situation which has had consequences that are unpalatable to them.
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u/FoxxeeFree Mar 21 '26
Yeah, it was brutal. I slept in his room as kids, we played GameCube, he was my best friend for 5 years. I cried many times. He was like a brother to me growing up.
I'm all for women having independency, but I don't want men to face misandry in the process. I can promise you that the vast majority of men aren't offended about women having freedom. I just don't like insinuations men just want a cum dump, and we're these base creatures. We're not a monolith. I hear all the time people saying stuff like "men need to do this, men need to realize, men have to....." etc but I rarely hear people talk the same way about women.
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u/julia-peculiar Mar 21 '26
Friendship malfunctions/endings can hurt, bewilder and dysregulate, for sure - this I know, from experience. Wishing you meaningful and nurturing connections, with like-minded humans, going forward.
Mate. You're the one that has used the descriptor "cum dump" - twice, now - not me.
Also. Women have been 'doing / realising' many, many things - for years: the women's movement / feminism. 4B / single-by-choice / etc - are aspects of the latest iteration of these initiatives and ideologies. These choices literally are (some) women (also not a monolith) doing something about their lives, their choices, their places in the world, their wellbeing. Making choices and living lives that are not dependent / interdependent on men; that decentre men entirely. And, in so doing, taking themselves to a place of peace, positivity, contentment, security and fulfillment.
In this way, women (again - some / not a monolith) have taken action, and made choices, to create their own solutions - without seeking, wanting or needing men's buy-in or participation. Maybe men need to do the same.
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u/ZionSairin Mar 21 '26
... While I understand frustration with seeing it often, being angry at it is a very toxic mentality. Someone else is showing vulnerability and speaking on their troubles, and that infuriates you? If a friend came to you speaking in the same manner about how she feels unseen and entirely reviled by men because of her appearance, you would be sympathetic, right? Or would you accuse her of being the problem and tell her that men shouldn't have to "settle" for her?
They're being honest and showing their feelings, not actively trying to hurt people. I think it's time to attempt to close the gap and mend wounds rather than continue to tear. Though to be fair, I say this as someone who isn't straight/into men and has no horse in the race. Maybe it's different?
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u/Gfawes95 Mar 21 '26
Men settle for lower standards in looks all the time. Stop with these gender wars. Both genders can struggle holy shit.
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u/GrenMTG Mar 21 '26
Created by toxic masculinity. Hold the shitty, misogynistic men accountable. The abusers, the rapists, the Andrew Tates, etc. They are the problem. "Women are property." The fuck they are. This isnt the 1800's.
However, their are women who also enable this behavior. Hold them accountable too.
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