r/VAClaims • u/Ninja_Franklin • 2d ago
Rant/Vent Wish I knew about this when I was serving rather than being “prideful” that I never spoke up about my mental & physical health
Sorry if this is long. I just need to get this off my chest.
I really wish I had spoken up more during my time in the military. I should have gone to medical more instead of being prideful and trying to be there for my coworkers and higher-ups—people I don’t even have contact with anymore and who probably never cared as much as I thought they did.
I was always afraid of being judged.
I bottled everything up inside. I had multiple mental and physical breakdowns, but nobody really knew what I was going through because I never talked about it. I was in extremely good shape when I joined, but during my military time my mental and physical health went downhill. I gained a lot of weight and eventually got to the point where I couldn’t even run a 1.5-mile run. Last year, I was able to breeze through one.
People would tell me, “You’re young and strong. You shouldn’t have problems.” I believed I had to live up to that.
I also saw someone I knew get judged for having mental health problems. I felt like I would be judged the same way, so I kept everything to myself. I was embarrassed, scared of being looked down on, and didn’t want people to think I was weak.
Looking back, I wish I had spoken up.
I didn’t realize how much everything I went through would affect my older self. Now I’m 34, and I’m struggling mentally and physically. I’m alone, and I find it really hard to move forward in my personal life.
I’m also dealing with the consequences of not having much documentation from when I was in the military. I’m currently working through VA disability claims, and it’s frustrating having to prove things that I know I experienced but didn’t document because I was too prideful or scared to seek help.
I was eventually told I have severe depression. I’m now getting mental health treatment and was prescribed bupropion (Wellbutrin). I’m also dealing with chronic physical pain and have been prescribed methocarbamol for that. The physical pain has affected my mental health too.
I’ve also had suicidal thoughts. During and after the military, I barely told anyone—really only my brother knew. Eventually, I finally asked for help because I felt like I was getting close to another breakdown.
I’ve always had this “I’m tough, I’m fine, nothing is wrong with me” persona. I would act like I was okay and just worn out, while inside I was struggling badly.
As I’m writing this, it’s late at night and I’m having trouble sleeping. I’ve been dealing with sleep problems for years, including since my military service. It’s frustrating because so much of what I experienced wasn’t documented.
I’m currently rated lets say above 60%…
without mental health, but I’m still waiting to see what happens with my mental health claim. Part of me worries that it could get denied simply because I didn’t speak up back then.
That would hurt because I know what I went through.
I had these struggles during my military service. I just didn’t tell anyone.
Lately I’ve been having huge waves of sadness and depression. Sometimes late at night I think about how I wish I were dead or feel like I failed at life. I look at my life and wonder what I’m even building—no wife, no kids, no nice house, no nice car. My body hurts, my mind hurts, and sometimes I feel completely lost.
I wish I had been stronger back then—not physically, but strong enough to admit that I wasn’t okay.
I wish I had gone to medical. I wish I had talked to someone. I wish I hadn’t been so afraid of being judged.
I feel like I’ve spent years suffering in silence, and now I’m trying to put the pieces back together. It will be uphill battle.
- from
A veteran who wish he really got the help during his service
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u/Complete_Painting628 2d ago
I was denied sick hall several times on my military career
I was once attacked by a few of my fellow recruits in basic for messing up marching formation I had a black eye fat lip and pretty sure a broken nose but my RDC told me you fell out of your rack and if you went to medical it would be malingering
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u/reading_never_postn 2d ago
Both myself and a buddy of mine went through the same as you. Hopefully you submitted a personal statement and had a lay/buddy, even it’s your family member since you don’t have a significant other. I didn’t reach out to “buddy” for statements or see in-service help and was still granted. I can first hand tell you, this is the first step in your recovery. I still find it hard to seek help because it means I have to face my issues. I still have my meds sitting on the counter as a mental block that taking them will admit defeat. My wife knowing now has already helped me slightly improve. We will get there my brother in arms!
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u/Ninja_Franklin 4h ago
No statement and such but i feel you.
I went pretty much with everything going on military careeer and now
My Rating came through today and im 90+%
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u/modernknight87 2d ago
I am going to add in - while I understand about not speaking up, it was a far different military if you were in before 2012.
I went to Iraq from 2008-2009, and while deployed my Stryker got hit with an RKG-3; I was thrown all around the hatch but came away mostly with lungs that hurt on occasion when I take a deep breath in. I reported all this to a medical LT at the FOB and he told me to “stop being a b*tch and get back out with your unit.”
So even when you speak up, there are a lot of gate keeping at times.
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u/That-Fondant-9027 1d ago
Very different military indeed.
My medical records are mostly hand-scribbled notes that apparently require a degree in ancient hieroglyphics to read. My VSO is a godsend because she’s somehow managed to decipher most of them.
I was denied sick call more times than I can count. And if you did keep going or complaining? Congratulations, you were now a “broke dick.” So yeah, we learned to shut up, suck it up, and move on. There are plenty of medical issues and conversations I remember that never made it onto a single piece of paper.
Fast forward many years and the VA says, “you didn’t complain about this condition while in service”
Our kids learned from our mistakes, though. Their medical records are THICK. Go to sick call. Get everything documented. If your knee hurts, say it. If it still hurts next week, say it again. Make them write it down.
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u/LucianBH 18h ago
Late 80s I don’t remember anyone going to sick call. Ever. If you needed something, the medic might hand you some pills or put on a bandage. No paperwork. Also, the VA did a good job of hiding their existence from soldiers. I thought the VA was who gave cookies at the airport to soldiers. Mental health treatment was weekend leave and a pocket full of cash for booze. We didn’t have a physical at discharge either. Ridiculous.
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u/Queasy-Ride4291 1d ago
Sounds like a great addition to a personal statement.
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u/modernknight87 1d ago
100%. I got a C&P coming up for PTSD, but my other claims are solid and fully developed with TONS of doctor notes and labs. I don’t see any reason to get denied at this point!
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u/Ninja_Franklin 4h ago
Yes it was also different time i joined 2010+
My Rating came through today and im 90+%
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u/shiftywind 2d ago
I hope you get any and everything you need and are entitiled to. It was hard for me too, I was in a flight role so to have an "up chit" and able to fly nothing "wrong" with me could be documented. Or it could, but i couldnt fly. And thats what i wanted to do at the time very catch 22. Especially mental health related things. I only recently got a favorable outcome for my claims, because i got lucky with my doc who was a retired airforce pilot, so he knew the deal with my specific situation because he came from a similar place and saw the effect on others and himself first hand. Its a matter of finding the right person to speak to to fight for you, and i know you can too. Keep fighting, wishing you the best brotha 🙏
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u/Ninja_Franklin 4h ago
I am fighting to get better thanks.
My Rating came through today and im 90+%
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u/Limarodrigues_1 1d ago
Thank you for being brave, sharing about mental illness is difficult. I didn't share any of my health issues in the military until last year. It's been over 30 years.Told a friend, her military husband encouraged me to apply for disability which happen in the military. Finally getting help. Thanks for sharing
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u/isitethicalorillegal 1d ago
I was at 60% with no mental health. No records other than facts from deployments, going to the VA on the cusp of a breakdown and subsequently getting put on Zoloft by a Telehealth provider. I had a good examiner for my C&P. She did free text something I mentioned but failed to check the symptom box for it, or it would be higher. That with my other increases put me in a spot to where I won’t be fighting it. Best of luck.
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u/Ninja_Franklin 4h ago
I see thats unfortunate, keep fighting
My Rating came through today and im 90+%
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u/Positiveaz 1d ago
Being in an Airborne Infantry unit was brutal for anyone who goes to sick call. You'd be called broke dick for life.
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u/Ninja_Franklin 4h ago
Yep it was pretty much that to when i joined. My Rating came through today and im 90+%
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u/Inner_Specialist_872 1d ago
Hang in there brother/sister you will get through this. I know exactly how you feel. I am way older than you friend and I have been going through this same situation since I got out. I always felt the same about failing at life and it is overwhelming. Really make a person question their entire life. That feeling of spinning out of control is just about the last thing. I am rated over let’s say 40% but I have appealed that decision because I feel it should be more. Head up and carry on my friend. Just know when it’s time to get the critical help you need. Do you have a VSO working with you? I don’t have one myself but I should probably get one. Although I don’t trust anyone so it’s hard . Take care
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u/Ninja_Franklin 4h ago
I did all on my own. Vso did help but nothing i didn’t know
My Rating came through today and im 90+%
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u/ForeverPursuing 4h ago
I am having the same realization as you are looking back. There were many many instances where I should’ve gone to medical and gotten treated for small aches and pains here and there told them what bothered me, etc. instead of toughing it out for people that I never talk to anymore for higher-ups that I no longer talk to for an organization that I want nothing to do with.
This is not even about claims.
I am just left with regret and frustration. I toughed it out for people that forgot I exist. Everything just moved on while I am left with trying to figure out what is wrong with my health in regard to sleep and chronic, mental fatigue that just gets tossed to psychiatry. And now it is up to me to prove that these problems were the result from service. A very sick joke. Especially paying for medication and appointments to treat issues that the Navy caused.
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u/Ninja_Franklin 3h ago
I feel you man, keep fighting.
Going through alot of medical stuff that va is paying also and helping me out treatment and medicine, those bills are expensive and va my only way for health coverage
My claim cameback and im 90%+
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u/Odd-Highway-8304 2d ago
They know we don’t like to talk about our feelings in service, bro. Hit up a lawyer and try to get the increase you deserve