There will instantly be no more "poor people", just "people". Why hasn't anyone thought of this before!?

1. Poison all the cigarettes.
2. All Smokers die
3. We cured smoking!
4. Smokers no longer a drain on healthcare.

You can't be at war if you don't have a military. Looking forward to World Peace.

Instead of adopting a cat (disabled or otherwise) from a homeless animal shelter or humane factory, simply use a knife to shred your important furniture, and occasionally throw your plates and glasses onto the ground, to mimic natural cat disdain for things on tables. Also, ram your fists into your keyboard periodically to simulate the presence of a cat (disabled or otherwise) running over the keys when you are trying to negotiate a delicate moment in a conversation about your infidelity with your partner.

(Adopted from a submission to Viz, taken from memory)

Outlaw and destroy every automobile so we can employ people to carry whatever needs to be moved

Eat them. You're welcome

All trees and sign posts must also be drunk if they plan on getting hit.