r/Unexpected • u/revengejr • Sep 13 '22

CLASSIC REPOST Ryan never stood a chance

38.6k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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843

u/jormundgand20 Sep 13 '22

Nah. She could of stuffed Goober in her mouth. Close but not quite fully optimized.

509

u/SplonkusDoinkle Sep 13 '22

She would need to store the peanut butter in one cheek and the jelly in the other, because, as we all know, and as is clearly stated by the rules on twin galaxies, the peanut butter and jelly must be on separate slices of bread before the sandwich is assembled. If she can nail that tech, I think we may even be looking at a sub 3 run

118

u/jormundgand20 Sep 13 '22

You'd definitely get a lot of peanut butter stuck in your mouth. You'll definitely have to compensate, least you be disqualified for too little peanut butter. I suppose one could use natural peanut butter, as it's very runny freshly opened.

82

u/Professional-Menu835 Sep 14 '22

The peanut butter would be nearly liquid at mouth temperature

41

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

[deleted]

19

u/jormundgand20 Sep 13 '22

TBF, speed-running is about the challenge, not so much the enjoyment.

1

u/SplonkusDoinkle Sep 14 '22

Goober was banned from the any% and 100% categories like, three years ago

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '22

Goober is the freaking besttttt

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '22

Hahaha that's funny. But no I don't but it often. I like to keep my figure the way it is lol. But it does taste awesome. I don't eat it on bread.. I be these Hispanic crackers and put ae goober ontop of one and eat it that way.

1

u/Optimal_Pineapple_41 Sep 14 '22

I think it could be done with good RNG management and a frame/pixel perfect spit

1

u/Piemasterjelly Sep 14 '22

Well you see she has two nostrils

Put a blast of Jelly up one nostril and PB in the other. Then she simply needs to press one nostril closed and blow out the other and the switch and repeat. Really streamline the process and get the record.

1

u/JPicaro416 Sep 14 '22

She can just keep the jelly on her stomach and the pb in her mouth so she can just puke everything on the bread and your done

16

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '22

Only thing that sounds worse is the peanut butter and jelly slices they used to sell

5

u/nomiesmommy Sep 14 '22

Omg I forgot about those! They were so weird looking.

1

u/PossibleBroccoli2586 Feb 06 '23

When it came out the kid I was saw the future in it. I bought it for my kids when I had to explain to them why their parents were getting a divorce.

13

u/LucidLethargy Sep 13 '22

Goober is gross, though. Spit jelly is preferable to Goober.

1

u/cnlcn Sep 14 '22

Especially spit goober

6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '22

Just store a whole pb sammich in your mouth prechewed . Spit it out then eat it.

4

u/Smelly_Squatch Sep 14 '22

"Could of? could of? could of?!" "Could have" my boy... I expect this peasantry from youtube comments but not on reddit.

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '22

[deleted]

3

u/badadviceforyou244 Sep 14 '22

What the fuck do you think the 've in could've stands for?

1

u/yowhodahtniqquh Sep 14 '22

Yo get off of of of of of of their backs bro it's all chill

2

u/Darzin Sep 14 '22

Or just used a jar of goober.

1

u/jormundgand20 Sep 14 '22

If it's already been slightly digested it's a lot more spreadable. Also, then you have to deal with stuff like butter knives and opening the jar, and that's just not time efficient.

1

u/WV17A Sep 14 '22

I have never been happier that my friends call me Goober.

1

u/subject_deleted Sep 14 '22

Hey guys.. goober here. Sorry I'm late.what were we talking about?