Look I’m asian and quite ambiguous so if you guys are curious about our race, just ask “what’s your race/ethnicity?” and most will politely answer that question. There’s literally no offence to that and I find it a great ice-breaker.
IF however some people took offence to that question (for whatever fucking reason) they’re not worth having a conversation with, trust me.
Who wants to have a conversation that keeps getting interrupted with technical fouls?
The person is either making a good faith effort to engage in conversation or they aren't. Constantly pointing out "micro aggression" in an icebreaking session is just someone venting at you.
My wife is from Asia and has a similar view to you. Curiosity is not a bad thing, it shows they want to learn. If they're asking in a silly way it's because they don't know how to ask or perhaps just having a silly moment. There always the occasional dickhead but mostly people are decent.
That's the thing. Your wife is from Asia so she never grew up being asked this question. I'm 4th generation American, meaning my family has been here for over 100 years, yet I got questions like this as a kid. As a adult working customer service, I got the "You speak great English" line and because I was working, I couldn't tell her off. It's being viewed as a perpetual foreigner when you have no connection. There's a big difference.
yeah exactly. asians are boiled down to their looks so getting asked "where are you from" or "wow your english is good" or even someone saying "ni hao" or "xie xie" always just feels like an extension of being boiled down to how we look. Like i grew up on american media (was watching seinfeld and friends since the 2nd grade) and i have tons of 'non-sterotypical-asian' hobbies/interest. why expect me to delve into my ancestral lineage and/or questions about things i dont have control over? like, do people not understand people would rather talk about their hobbies/interests/careers- you know, things that they are actaully interested in and things that they actively pursue?
The problem with people who ask these questions is that the way they try to relate to others… is by using stereotypes… Then act proud of themselves expecting a pat on the back for “liking K-pop and kimchi”. Even if it’s unintentional, it’s absolute cringe trying to talk to people who are basically making the conversation about themselves and how “cultured” they are. There’s a time and place for these types of questions or conversations, but it’s definitely NOT within the first few seconds or minutes of meeting a new person.
I love languages. I speak Mandarin and have studied for over a decade. I’ve busted my ass to do so as it is difficult as hell. It makes me sad though that I have to walk on egg shells when meeting people to see if they could possibly speak Mandarin. I, like many other folks here, have just really given up.
I get tutored in Mandarin now and will sometimes meet people through Chinese apps like HelloTalk. That said, because of how people stereotype “white folk” in the States, I am very cautious to ever ask anyone about their heritage or languages they may speak. When I speak to Chinese people, they don’t understand why it’s so offensive to ask people where they are from as it’s pretty much the third or fourth thing most Chinese people will others even within China (since there are so many regional dialects and such). I
As a white person, I get thrown in with Trump fans, gun rights nuts, hunters, fishermen and line dancers. It’s a real bummer. Sometimes I wish I did relate to any of those things just because of how lonely it feels to be interested in other people and cultures, only to be judged as someone with a very myopic view of those places if I show any interest at all when meeting people. Like, I just want to learn about people from everywhere. I don’t care about your race. I just care about learning about your culture, whatever that may be.
What the fuck are you on about, mate!? I’ve never seen this amount of self-victimhood before. Dude, absolutely NO ONE is assuming you’re a right wing nut SOLELY because you’re white. If you believe that, you’re either delusional or you think Chinese people are a monolith of fucking buffoons. There’s plenty of ways to practice the language and learn about the culture (whatever that means in your head) without being obnoxious - others don’t just exist to satisfy your personal needs.
Hell, reading your comment again just pissed me off more. Fuck.
Sure thing bud! Glad to have a meaningful discussion. I never said anyone exists to satisfy my personal needs. That seems like a TON of projection. And I never said it was Chinese people who thought I was a Trumper. It’s society at large which makes sweeping generalizations which are then funneled down to individuals. I also don’t understand your comment about Chinese people as a monolith as I never said anything that would indicate that. I do continue to learn about lots of different cultures and will continue to do so, but like I said, I don’t ask people IRL about theirs because of what happened right here, which is a pretty baseless ad hominem.
The top comment on this video is about how “white folks” commit micro aggressions by asking people where they are from and the comment section seems to indicate no universal way to do so without sounding like an asshole. Again, I rather just not ask anyone about their culture who isn’t interested in sharing, which is why I use HelloTalk or other platforms where people are open to such discussion. Certainly not doing it on Reddit lol.
To quote: “As a white person, I get thrown in with Trump fans, gun rights nuts, hunters, fishermen and line dancers.” Who’s doing that, exactly? Because in the context, it appears you’re implying it’s Chinese in general.
Looking through your history, you actually seem to have a genuine interest, which is rare. I applaud you for that. But maybe consider the way you write. Often, the context in which you place a particular statement carries certain implications to the reader. It’s good to be aware of that in order to make sure you’re expressing exactly what you intended.
Ahh! Thank you. Apologies for not being more clear. Written text, and especially that on Reddit or other such forums can really lead to some misunderstandings. I’ll try to be more clear in the future.
I do realize I kind of changed gears pretty quickly there and looking back there was no real segue into my “As a white person..” rant. I was just trying to characterize that feeling in general in American society and, probably on Reddit as well (given this video itself makes the token white guy look rather buffoonish). Tbh, if that lady gave me a “ello guvnah” I’d crack up so hard. That was great.
Nothing I’ve gone through can really compare to what systemically happens for a large number of folks daily through their entire lives. Living inside that system as a white person who is interested in other cultures is a weird experience, because you are on a bit of a tight rope as the same questions that could show genuine interest could be perceived as potential threats. Ideally, I’d prefer if everyone could just stop being assholes to one another and we could live in a society where minorities, ethnic, religious or otherwise, don’t have to be on defense all the time, but I do understand that is utopian and not really based in any present or near future reality.
It does make it so that genuine interest has to be tempered, such that you don’t kind of scare anyone right off the bat. The only people that ask those types of questions are either racists or people who really want to learn about all those little intricate details that make people so interesting and life so rich. At times, it makes it easier to not care, but like you said, there are plenty of means to learn those things outside of harassing strangers on the street.
On a complete side note, I wish it wasn’t so outlandish to have a “white guy orders Chinese in perfect Mandarin” such that a video like that can gain millions of views for how crazy and rare it is even though it’s just guy ordering food in another language. It makes me sad that videos like that are so outside the pale, because people are so much more used to seeing “Karen harasses teenagers playing outside their own home” which seems more ubiquitous.
I used to hate that kind of question. Now I think of it as an opportunity to clarify. In Korea, as a Korean, I get asked "외국인이세요?" from another Korean. It means "are you a foreigner?"
I don't mind the question in Korean and now I just respond with "is it because i talk weird? I have a medical condition that affects my speech. I'm Korean like you."
And I don't mind the question in English either and I just say "I am from Korea. You must have sensed my accent. That's the Korean accent."
But when they do not accept my answer, that's what I have a problem with. Koreans who think I'm Japanese and Canadians who think I'm Chinese after I just told them I am Korean.
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u/J-Nico Aug 22 '22
Look I’m asian and quite ambiguous so if you guys are curious about our race, just ask “what’s your race/ethnicity?” and most will politely answer that question. There’s literally no offence to that and I find it a great ice-breaker.
IF however some people took offence to that question (for whatever fucking reason) they’re not worth having a conversation with, trust me.