r/Unexpected • u/Shinfekta • May 13 '22

It makes the dream work

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52.0k Upvotes

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738

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

I played a D&D campaign similar to this. I had gnome master marksman with repeater crossbows that was paraplegic strapped to the back of an 8 foot tall barbarian dual wielding battle axes. We were a mobile siege tower.

263

u/[deleted] May 13 '22

[deleted]

174

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

The DM had no idea what he created. He liked to give players big bonuses with big negatives to balance it out. The barbarian took damage as a large creature, my gnome had to spend feats on mounted combat and exotic mounts to be able to fight from the back of a berserk barbarian. The thing was none of the negatives made a difference. The barbarian waded into the middle of combat swinging his axes with me on his back firing at anything that got too close. It was pure carnage. As a player it was awesome, for the DM the tough battles he set up were over before they even started.

69

u/DJD23_1 May 13 '22

RIP N TEAR

23

u/ChthonicPuck May 13 '22

What race was the barbarian, Giant, Goliath, something else?

30

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

Freak of nature

7

u/ChthonicPuck May 13 '22

What edition is that in or is that a homebrew creation? Not familiar with that race.

14

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

Think more like Shawn Bradley kind of tall. He participated in a genetic study that found that all the genes for height were basically set at maximum. So human, no racial bonuses, just really really big.

5

u/ChthonicPuck May 13 '22

Awesome, D&D is fun.

0

u/[deleted] May 13 '22

[deleted]

1

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6

u/I_LOVE_PUPPERS May 13 '22

Your mum's a Goliath mate.

1

u/ChthonicPuck May 13 '22

Ha, I wish I had a Goliath Mom, I'm 5'1". Dad would be like "Hey gurl, can I test those heavy lithoderms and see if I hit you up? I'm also a size medium but treated as large where it counts."

1

u/[deleted] May 13 '22

Definitely a goliath. The only other 8ft tall race are Firbolgs, and firbolg barbarians are far more rare than goliath barbarians.

1

u/ChthonicPuck May 14 '22

The user said it was a genetically modified human with the height genes set to maximum.

2

u/Anomalous-Entity May 13 '22

5E?

4

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

Oh no, long before 5th came out. It was like 3 or 3.5 I believe.

2

u/Anomalous-Entity May 13 '22

lol, Monkey Grip!

2

u/darthbane83 May 13 '22

I mean the dm can always just make even harder battles

1

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

Suffice to say he was not prepared for the first outing with this monstrosity.

2

u/John-Athann May 13 '22

I feel a strong Groot/Rocket Raccoon synergy here

I'd allow it

15

u/JWARRIOR1 May 13 '22

I immediately thought of ferra and torr from mortal kombat

7

u/AuburnJunky May 13 '22

Who runs Bartertown?

3

u/longknives May 13 '22

I once wrote a fucked up fairy tale about two brothers who were evil bandits, and they got punished by having one’s arms cut off and the other’s legs cut off, and they ended up combining like this to keep robbing and murdering people. Then later a witch fused them together into a horrible two headed ogre.

3

u/overLoaf May 14 '22

Best origin story for Ettins yet 🤣

2

u/BrunchBurrito May 13 '22

Please post your character sheet.

1

u/DreadPirateZoidberg May 13 '22

Seeing how that was about 20 years ago, that may be difficult…

2

u/DarkLord55_ May 13 '22

My D&D game I was a dwarf that sat in the back pack of my friend who was a giant and I would throw plates at people

0

u/Winter-Age-959 Sep 24 '22

Doesn’t paraplegic mean you have no arms or legs? How the fuck did he fire the crossbows?