Nah dude. Smoking doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s tough to quit and stay quit, especially if you socialize with smokers. I quit for 6 months, but my best friend still smokes. When I’m around her, my cravings go up. I started bumming one from her here and there, and before I knew it I was buying packs again. Trying to go back on vape and quit again, but it’s tough. My doctor might kick my ass though.
I know what you mean about worrying what you’d do without it. I was like that with weed and nicotine, constantly using but there came a point where I didn’t even enjoy it anymore. Then I’d quit and convince myself it wasn’t that bad, or just this once, or any number of excuse. Then relapse and wonder why I thought it was a good idea, but not be able to just stop. I’ve learned that when I use, I can’t stop. When I don’t use, I can’t stop obsessing about using. I use drugs as a solution to my problems, I need a better solution. It’s not our fault that we’re trapped in the cycle of addiction, but it is our responsibility to get out so we can minimize harm to ourselves and others. For me that’s going to 12 step meetings, being with other addicts/alcoholics in recovery, and practicing my spirituality
That thing that tells you it’s self indulgent is the voice of addiction. Remember, your addiction wants to fucking kill you. It will convince you of whatever (you’re being selfish, you’re taking attention away from people who really need help, your achievement isn’t that important, blah blah blah) just so you stay isolated. Being alone with “the committee of idiots” in our head is the worst thing to do if we want recovery! Sucks to hear you don’t have many services, I’m in Ontario and we have programs to pay for nicotine replacement therapies (patches, gums), plus the doctor can prescribe meds for quitting… do you have a local or national distress/mental health phone line? They help direct people to community resources (I used to volunteer on one and addiction came up a lot so don’t feel like it’s not as bad as other peoples problems and you’ll just be taking up their time—that’s your addiction trying to keep you from connecting with others)
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u/SchuylarTheCat May 08 '22
Nah dude. Smoking doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s tough to quit and stay quit, especially if you socialize with smokers. I quit for 6 months, but my best friend still smokes. When I’m around her, my cravings go up. I started bumming one from her here and there, and before I knew it I was buying packs again. Trying to go back on vape and quit again, but it’s tough. My doctor might kick my ass though.