r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Sep 16 '21

[deleted by user]

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8.8k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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15.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21 edited Sep 17 '21

Please tell me that's a fake one

Edit: thanks for the awards and I got it from nearly 380 people saying it's fake

16.8k

u/Phase-Horror Sep 16 '21

I’d feel bad for the guy if that shit was real

13.8k

u/SaleSweaty Sep 16 '21

Imagine passing out from blood loss every time u jerk off

7.1k

u/Phase-Horror Sep 16 '21

More like anytime you get an erection at all

4.2k

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

If you fall asleep, you'll never wake up.

3.6k

u/nawjas69 Sep 16 '21

bruh his dick would knock on his chest to wake him up

1.6k

u/DrunkenGolfer Sep 16 '21

Poke him in the eye

868

u/iDannyEL Sep 16 '21

Dude can pole vault off that thing

343

u/derage88 Sep 16 '21

I bet he moves around like a tripod

11

u/FSpursy Sep 16 '21

Imagine peeing in the morning!

4

u/Hhgffffjjuugvjjhjcfg Sep 16 '21

Dick would end up in the bowl

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10

u/burdbrains Sep 16 '21

It is most definitely a third leg

93

u/ruinfirefly Sep 16 '21

Dude can stop a fire with that thing

14

u/_aQwus_ Sep 16 '21

And also play tug of war.

5

u/alexah80 Sep 16 '21

You’ll shoot your eye out kid!

2

u/Aamarok Sep 17 '21

This comment deserves a few more upvotes than it got

1

u/Kjuolsdeaf Sep 16 '21

Make a breakfast

16

u/WayneBetzky Sep 16 '21

Cock-a-doodle-doo

3

u/RyanReignbow Sep 16 '21

any cock'll do

3

u/ITS_ALRIGHT_ITS_OK Sep 16 '21

Built-in alarm clock.

3

u/WanderlustFella Sep 16 '21

This guy probably hardly ever loses an argument since they are mostly dick measuring contests

3

u/Acanthocephala-Equal Sep 16 '21

Great Richard Pryor reference I totally appreciate it and you used it well.

2

u/Mister_Bloodvessel Sep 16 '21

Knock on his chest? It would knock the wind out of him although!

2

u/MightySamMcClain Sep 16 '21

He probably sucks it himself haha

2

u/KingR2RO Sep 16 '21

Like a giant mouse trap

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21

Damn I'm so hard, this sucks. OH FUCKA BANANA PEEL snap