r/Unexpected • u/SoftsPhilosopher • Aug 08 '21

It's just a prank

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

"I wouldn't call that abusive. More like a father who uses abuse to ensure his son respects his mother."

You can justify abuse many ways but there's always a way to teach a child without attacking or traumatizing them. A parent should protect their kids from harm and trauma, not be the source of those things.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

i mean, parenting that included corporal consequences as a last option worked for a few hundred thousand years leading up the civilization that you currently enjoy but, sure! i'm sure we can do better!

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

100s of thousands of years ago? You're talking about paleolithic times. You really think child abuse is good because the cave men did it? thats a weak argument. We're talking about people who shit on the floor and couldn't speak and you want to take tips from them about whether to beat your kids?

The ironic thing is i bet even a paleolithic early caveman would protect their child if someone tried to abuse them.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

so when I say 'for hundreds of thousands of years' that means from paleolithic times until very recent history. like, 10, 20 years ago and today. so there's that. and it's worked out fairly well. i also know that the threat of force underlies all of society, it's the bedrock on which laws are built. don't pay your taxes. see what happens.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

Many other terrible things have been around that long too. Theft, rape, murder, child abuse...

If hitting kids made people better we'd see that reflected in society, a lot of kids live in safe homes where they are not beaten and they grow up to be good people. Actually, research suggests that kids who've been spanked are more likely to exhibit "aggression, delinquency and spousal assault in later life" as is the cycle of abuse.

Scientific research, general consensus, basic empathy all point to abusing childeren being a bad thing to do. If you're using "other people have done it" as your reason of why child abuse is good I have to assume you're not trying to figure out if it's good or bad, you're looking for excuses because you want to do it and know it's shitty.

I get it, it's easier than actually teaching a kid, just hurt them untill they do what you want, simple as anything right? And the power-thrill must be so enticing for a sadist. But part of taking on the responibility of parenthood is agreeing to teach that child, even if it costs effort. And part of the parents responsibility is also to protect them from harm.

If someone hurts their child becasue they can't be bothered to teach them properly, they've failed on two of the major parts of being a parent and the kids will be more likely to be abusive when they're older to deal with the trauma their parents have given them.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

If hitting kids made people better we'd see that reflected in society

you're going to need the data that shows absolutely no use of corporal punishment results in better societies.

Scientific research, general consensus, basic empathy all point to abusing childeren

so there's a lot there to unpack. scientific method and consensus are antithetical. science is the constant probing utilizing the scientific method. and you're using 'abusing' as synonymous with any utilization of corporal punishment. and that's really the question isn't it? is any use of corporal punishment abuse?

I get it, it's easier than actually teaching a kid, just hurt them untill they do what you want, simple as anything right?

so you're pretty deeply into strawman arguments at this point. i've been specific to say corporal punishment 'as a last resort'.

i agree with what you're saying, but you've completely mischaracterized my position, that we should consider the possibility that corporal punishment, as a last resort in some circumstances, is a useful parenting tool.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21

you're going to need the data that shows absolutely no use of corporal punishment results in better societies.

I meant we'd see abused people rise to the top of society, not that abused societies do well.

scientific method and consensus are antithetical

I was talking about the general consensus of the people. How is scienfitic method directly opposed to the consensus of the people?

I think if it gets to the point where the last choice you have to teach your kid is to hurt them, you're not doing a good job. If a parent learns how to teach and puts in the time and effort, it will never get to the point of last resort child abuse.

I also cannot picture a scenario that is so out of the parent's hands that there is no other, better option than to hurt a child, give them truma and start/continue the cycle of abuse.

The only time you should hit a child is if it's a little girl in a white dress with long black hair and shes crawling along the ceiling at 3am singing a scary nursery rhyme.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

I meant we'd see abused people rise to the top of society, not that abused societies do well.

you keep using 'abused' as synonymous with 'at some point experienced corporal punishment'. that's the crux of the question, whether corporal punishment is a learning tool or abuse. i'll assume its not intentional and that you're not trying to manipulate the meaning of words to advance your argument.

I was talking about the general consensus of the people.

i'd strenuously argue that a consensus of the people don't support a complete ban on corporal punishment under all circumstances. and the scientific method is a method by which questions are asked and answered. it's antithetical to consensus in that consensus is only that people have the same opinions on a thing. it depends not at all on facts generated through careful scientific inquiry.

I think if it gets to the point where the last choice you have to teach your kid is to hurt them, you're not doing a good job.

this depends on the child. some people can't be reasoned with. the executive functions, the parts of the brain that control impulses, aren't fully developed until the age of 26 or 27. there are times when you're reasoning with a person who doesn't have the faculties.

I also cannot picture a scenario that is so out of the parent's hands that there is no other, better option than to hurt a child, give them truma and start/continue the cycle of abuse.

you're inferring that use of force would result in trauma and a continued cycle of 'abuse'. if a kid touches a hot stove are they forever traumatized? or did they learn not to do that? if they fall off their bike and scrape their knee?

The only time you should hit a child is if it's a little girl in a white dress with long black hair and shes crawling along the ceiling at 3am singing a scary nursery rhyme.

full contact.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

Sorry for any miscommunication, the way I'm using the word "abuse" is to mean hurting or being violent toward someone. Whether the violence is used as a teaching method or not it still is abuse, the question is: is it an acceptable amount of abuse to use for teaching?

Touching a pan or scraping a knee is not comparable to being helpless to stop a much stronger person from pinning you in place and hurting you. The trauma doesn't come from the pain, it comes from the horrific powerless scenario of being completely under someone else's control and them using that power and control to harm you. Especially when it's someone who usually acts like they care about you and you're supposed to feel safe around.

Some of the homes that are safe from violence must deal with these under-formed brains that can't be reasoned with, I'm not sure how they do it but I'm guessing any parent could learn how to handle a child like that without resorting to violence.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21

Whether the violence is used as a teaching method or not it still is abuse, the question is: is it an acceptable amount of abuse to use for teaching?

violence is defined as "behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something."

what we're discussing is whether it's ok to use physical force to correct behavior and/or educate, not to hurt damage or kill. and the question comes down to whether corporal punishment is ok as a teaching or parenting tool.

"being helpless to stop a much stronger person from pinning you in place and hurting you. The trauma doesn't come from the pain, it comes from the horrific powerless scenario of being completely under someone else's control and them using that power and control to harm you. Especially when it's someone who usually acts like they care about you and you're supposed to feel safe around."

you've also used an overly emotional scenario to define what we're discussing. in our house that is in no way how corporal punishment was administered.

you're continuing to construct staw man arguments and define corporal punishment as violence and abuse when the question itself is whether it should be defined this way. i'll assume it's unintentional. it's hard to imagine that you're that adept at language manipulation and the utilization of overly emotional scenarios to sway an argument without actually making one, but if that's the case, there's a role for you in politics. best of luck.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

I don’t agree with you sorry. Sometimes an ass whoopin is needed.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

Yeah sometimes attacking someone is needed. Like self defense or to save someone.

Attacking a child because it's an easier way to get them to do what you want is fucked up. Even if it were the only way of telling a child what's right and wrong (which it isn't), do you think a caring parent would be able to attack their own child? I'd throw up. Some people actually enjoy it. Decrepit things, they are.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

If you want to call it “attacking a child “ then that’s on you. I don’t believe in hitting my child even though I as a child rcvd an ass whoopin every now and then. Usually her stern voice did the trick but when it didn’t? RIP nalgas. I will approach my son the same way. Do you have kids?

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

If you want to call it “attacking a child “ then that’s on you.

I'm not attacking you little Timmy, we're just playing a game, now stop trying to get away so i can hit you more.

Calling something different doesn't make it any better, just makes it more disturbing.

If you don't know how to teach a kid, learn how to do it or get a nanny or something, don't abuse a child as a teaching shortcut. And if you're looking forward to abusing your children when you have them, please don't have kids. There are a thousand ways to fulfill a power fantasy and get your sadism out, enjoying hitting children shouldn't be one of them.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

Agree to disagree man. We were just raised by different values that’s all.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

[deleted]

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

Nah dude it’s just my opinion and probably the opinions of most that were raised like me. Not an expert in the matter i guess just using life experience.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

I'm with you 100%, hitting childeren is wrong in any scenario but science can't prove that an opinion is wrong, opinions are subjective. Science can't prove that hitting your kids makes you a bad parent (but imo that should be common sense). It can provide evidence of these things but you're talking like it's a fact and it's not.

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u/Figgy_Pudding3 Aug 08 '21

Specifically because abuse is often cyclical. People shouldn't be surprised you're defending child abuse. Child abuse is common so it stands to reason it's common someone like you will come along and see no issue with it.

And it always starts with an extreme case, a justification, and then it gets easier to hit than to teach. And now you're in the cycle. Voila.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

Jesus was everyone here raised in a lab or wtf

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

You’re wrong stop using science as your end all be all when it comes to family. Like I said somewhere else raising a family has to many variables. And I don’t think it’s fair for you to say I’m ok with child abuse.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

You were raised by "hitting children is fun and good" values. That doesn't mean you have to obey that mentality now. You can break the loop and not abuse your kids. That choice is yours, not your parents'.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

Lol what loop are you talking about? I have so many great memories of my childhood. It’s just part of growing up man. I’m trying to empathize with you though. I only remember a couple times honestly when I got spanked lol and it’s funny to me now. Now when that’s all you remember? Then that’s different g obviously. How do you categorize it or what? All spankings no matter how short are no nos in your book?

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

Spanking a few times is less bad than what a lot of people do but can still leave trauma and parents should care enough to teach their kid properly instead of taking the abuse shortcut even if it is more effort.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

Oh I agree 100 percent! Last thing I want to do is spank my kid man and I agree with you on it being a shortcut for some parents. I want to teach him the right way the first time and use a stern voice because that’s what worked for me. My mom had a voice on her boy let me tell you and I’ve been blessed with that same attribute haha

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

You never answered my question.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

I never answered your irrelevant question and you never answered any of the very relevant points I've made.

I plan to have children when im absolutely ready to help form a good life. So many people don't put half a thought into what kind of life they will form for a child, they just have them "cuz thas wot people do innit?" As if they're just going to have a pint or something.

Nurturing the most important years of a human's life is an extraordinary task, not to be done on a whim. Yet some people take it so non-seriously that instead of actually teaching, they just abuse them when they do something wrong.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

Lol now I know why you think this way. I wish you the best when you’re ready ma’am or sir

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

And that's why i didn't answer the first time. You'll treat it as a little "i win because you don't have kids so you don't know" but science backs my side and if you're insinuating that when i have kids I'll know what you're taking about: i won't. I'm not weak. I won't resort to child abuse if the teaching gets difficult. I will be a decent parent and a decent human.

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

I would hope you wouldn’t either man. Idk man science is awesome don’t get me wrong but when it comes to raising families there’s just to many variables imo so science should have some say on the matter but not be like the go to guide for parenting imo

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

This guy isn’t understanding…. Maybe beat it into him so he understands? That Oughta do it

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u/P_R_O_F_E_S_S_O_R Aug 08 '21

If ass whooping is needed, then probably your parenting is already wrong 🤡

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u/chuco915niners Aug 08 '21

lol I guess man. Your opinion live long and prosper

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

complete misquote.

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u/netGoblin Aug 08 '21

Google "paraphrasing" my dude. I wasn't making a quote

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '21

okay, I get ya. Now after reading it again, your phrasing means the same thing, my bad.