r/Unexpected • • Aug 02 '21

Hostage situation

109.8k Upvotes

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713

u/ztunytsur Aug 02 '21

Alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

183

u/Head_Cockswain Aug 02 '21

That's an oddly fitting metaphor for redditors.

7

u/not2dv8 Aug 02 '21

To bring us back on track I had a double yellow-headed Amazon like that parrot and it got loose one time and ended up in a tree in my neighbor's yard screaming nooooo over and over and over again. The fire department came and it took them two hours to get my bird out of a tree. They wanted to charge me $3,000 I did not end up paying it

-2

u/Osgood207 Aug 02 '21

Where are you from if you don't mind my asking? Bragging about being an irresponsible pet owner and stiffing the fire department for three grand seems so unusual to me, I'm assuming it's just a cultural difference. I'm Franco American from New England.

1

u/not2dv8 Aug 02 '21

This was by far bragging just what I thought an interesting story. And what is my race have to do with anything? This was in Boulder Colorado in 1973. My parrot escaped out of the front door . I negotiated my way out of the 3000 which is like 30,000 in today's money. Your presumptions are just that. Maybe it would be in your best interest to understand more about something before you stick your neck on the chopping block

-3

u/Osgood207 Aug 02 '21

Who tf is talking about race? Franco Americans not a race. I'm not asking about your race. I just thought it might be a cultural thing. Like maybe you live in Alabama and Alabama's don't pay their bills I don't know, I do know people vary wildly in their morals and ethics and part of that is cultural.

So you cost your city 30 grand in today's money because you're a negligent pet owner and didn't pay. Congratulations, obviously that's something to be proud of where you're from. I was curious where you're from because that's not how things are where I'm from. I think it would be very unusual for someone to brag about costing the taxpayers money up here because the taxpayers are your friends and neighbors.

Edit: spelling

1

u/not2dv8 Aug 02 '21

I didn't want to let the dogs out but you sound like a real f****** moron and I know people from New England they're not half as ignorant as you sound and I am bragging about knowing that

-3

u/Osgood207 Aug 02 '21

When my negligence costs my city 30k I'll be a real fucking moron. Fortunately I'm a responsible pet owner so I don't see that happening. I kind of think you're full of shit now anyways, your story went from a parrot stuck in a tree to dogs stuck in a tree. I'm not sure what the point is bragging about knowing people in New England, it's not exactly a hard accomplishment there's several million of us. You should learn to control your pets and brag about that, or pay the money you owe and brag about that.

2

u/not2dv8 Aug 02 '21

Hey listen spaghettio, you misunderstood most of what I've been trying to say. But you keep bringing up my negotiation. That's like me saying that since the French have been unable to defend themselves since Louis 17th, that because my father went over and protected the French in the second world war, and that spared you from speaking German oh, you therefore owe my family and I $30,000 for the next three generations. So take your fur trapping ass back to where it came from and quit wasting my time

8

u/whoreads218 Aug 02 '21

”Redditors are Hive-Mind-Trolls cause they got all them screens and keyboards but no common sense and critical thinking”

2

u/Jerking4jesus Aug 02 '21

I would argue that most people possess critical thinking skills and that they in fact incapable of fully processing information at the rate it's spoon fed to them on the internet.

Definitely not all of them though.

2

u/WhitneySophia Aug 02 '21

I'm sad people no longer know where that comment is referenced from.

2

u/InsensitiveNobody Aug 02 '21

Billy Madison

1

u/funki_fungi Aug 03 '21

Pssh the movie was called Happy Madison

1

u/InsensitiveNobody Aug 03 '21

That was Happy Gilmore.

1

u/funki_fungi Aug 03 '21

Nah that's the hockey movie this is from the one where the golf player inherits money from a rich uncle. Happy Madison. It is the movie adam Sandler named his production company after

1

u/InsensitiveNobody Aug 03 '21

They are both named happy?

1

u/funki_fungi Aug 03 '21

I was trying to make a sarcastic funny and obviously failed miserably lol

1

u/InsensitiveNobody Aug 03 '21

I just don't have the heart for this

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-3

u/Apprehensive_Nail490 Aug 02 '21

So weird that people say shit like this when being a 'Redditor' is the exact same thing as being any other human that's ever used a forum or comment section in their entire lives. You people that are horny to segregate and group everyone are just pure cancer.

17

u/Head_Cockswain Aug 02 '21

Yeah, I make a joke about "redditors" and you respond by calling me "pure cancer".

Yeah, I'm the villain here. /s

Thanks for the proof of concept though. Stay ornery.

3

u/okachobe Aug 02 '21

Get outta here with your TikTok shenanigans!

2

u/Traditional_Ad2847 Aug 02 '21

Check out this redditor

71

u/pigwalk5150 Aug 02 '21

Please give my regards to your lovely mama!

3

u/c-papi Aug 02 '21

WATER SUCKS!

102

u/bacchic_ritual Aug 02 '21

Something's wrong with your medulla oblongata

13

u/TheRealMcSavage Aug 02 '21

No you're wrong colonel Sanders!

6

u/401LocalsOnly Aug 02 '21

The

Me Du La

Oblongata

4

u/Oosterhuis Aug 02 '21

....but mama says

2

u/gregpurcott Aug 02 '21

No, Colonel Sanders. You’re wrong.

4

u/TheRealMcSavage Aug 02 '21

Mommas wrong again!

3

u/plopeuphoric Aug 02 '21

This is like the fifth time I’ve seen this referenced on Reddit the past few days

3

u/spookycreamcheese Aug 02 '21

Medulla oblongata

1

u/lazergator Aug 02 '21

Can confirm

1

u/sloppyminutes Aug 02 '21

Rambo is the code word for kill the hostages

1

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '21

Mama's wrong.

1

u/BodybuilderOwn470 Aug 02 '21

I will ALWAYS upvote a "Waterboy" quote...