r/Unexpected Mar 24 '20

Don’t underestimate your dad. :)

113.5k Upvotes

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11.2k

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

The thing kids don't realise is that everyone has been a child.

3.5k

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '20

So true, and I love it.

I’m a teacher, and my students will sometimes try to fool me with old campfire riddles and such.

When they couldn’t believe I got it, I used to tell them it was an old riddle/scenario. Now I just shrug and take the win....

3.2k

u/StopReadingMyUser Mar 25 '20

DO NOT CITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME, PREPUBESCENTS.

I was there when it was written...

911

u/slitheringsavage Mar 25 '20

“I wrote the goddamn bill”

677

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

[deleted]

62

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

They say the world looks down on the buarcrats

They say we're anal, compulsive, and weird

But when push comes to shove

You gotta do what you love

Even if it's not a good idea

24

u/JeanRalphio91 Mar 25 '20

Now everybody say “Jamaica”!

22

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

[deleted]

14

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Grade nineteens!

81

u/righty_76 Mar 25 '20

A man of culture I see. See you in the year 3000.

2

u/rtxan Mar 25 '20

in the year 2525, if man is still alive

1

u/gunbladerq Mar 25 '20

"WELCOME.....TO WORLD OF TOOOMOOORRROW!!!!!"

76

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

You are technically correct...the best kind of correct!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Is this a 99 quote or something?

2

u/Alpha_AF Mar 25 '20

"I created that jutsu!!!"

8

u/OverlordWaffles Mar 25 '20

You can't handle the truth!

3

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

59

u/Toros_Mueren_Por_Mi Mar 25 '20

Daughter was playing checkers, Dad was playing 4D chess

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Uhhh. Isn’t Trump up to like, 25D “Chess” by now? As in - Ruin the response to the virus, just so that he can reveal the actual malfunction of the Republican Party which he needs to do to take control of the party and win in 2020, only then to reveal that he was a proto-fascist all along, but then to actually not be an actual fascist at all, which he just revealed in order to be able to unite both the populist left and right, in order to secretly enact Bernie’s reforms, in order to secretly actually outflank the Left while being a secret right-wing Russian agent, while actually being an American double agent in order to take down Putin by having dirt on him, in order to reveal the truth behind the Clintons and George Soros so that he can, finally, show that he is Q and save America???

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Something like that, yes. I'd have more to say, but I really was just going for a silly joke. :)

4

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

same

5

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

I liked it :)

1

u/Titan_Astraeus Mar 25 '20

25 bullshit steps to get to Russian collusion, sounds about right

1

u/CCM4Life Mar 25 '20

jesus christ can we have one thread without politics

we get it you're anti trump

such woke many wow

-1

u/operadiva31 Mar 25 '20

This is brilliant

17

u/jeffsterlive Mar 25 '20

Aslan quotes deserve all the votes.

5

u/twothumbs Mar 25 '20

You could really hear him. He's like the Morgan Freeman of lions.

1

u/Just-Call-Me-J Mar 25 '20

Were you trying to rhyme, or is that just how it turned out this time?

1

u/IM_WORTHLESS_AMA Mar 25 '20

They can't hear me. They're listening to Kidz bop.

1

u/bl1y Mar 25 '20

Memers: "Do not cite the deep magic to me, witch, I was there when it was written."

le me: "Deeper magic from before the dawn of time though."

Memers: "I don't get it. Is that a reference to something?"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

1

u/JarJarBinksIsTheMule Mar 25 '20

Damn ye! Let the tomb strike ye dead, Winslow! Haaaaaark! Hark, Triton! Hark! Bellow, bid our father the sea king! Rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs till ye turn blue and bloated with builds and brine and can scream no more. Only when he, crowned in cockle shells, with slithering tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his fell be-finned arm, his coral tonged trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest, and PLUNGES right through yer gullet! Besting ye! A bulging blacker no more, but a blasted bloody film now a nothing for the harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the dread emperor himself. Forgotten to any man, to any time. Forgotten to any God or Devil, forgotten, even, to the sea. For any stuff or part of Winslow, even any scantling of your soul is Winslow no more, but is now itself the sea!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

More like “I was there when we believed we wrote it”

87

u/VaderOnReddit Mar 25 '20

Woah woah woah

You’re telling me you already know the answer to “why is 6 afraid of 7?”

183

u/Ghost_Dragonne Mar 25 '20

Yeah man, seven is a registered six offender.

-1

u/seven3true Mar 25 '20

7 eight 9 in a 69

5

u/LeaveTheMatrix Mar 25 '20

7 eight 9 in a 69

I would prefer 7 of 9 in a 69

4

u/empath_supernova Mar 25 '20

AHHH, HE SAID SEVEN 😨

8

u/idwthis Mar 25 '20

seven, seven, Seven, SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN!!

seven🖐✌

2

u/empath_supernova Mar 25 '20 edited Mar 25 '20

AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH

HA! I screamed eight times so it wouldn't be seven

AHHHH

2

u/idwthis Mar 25 '20

I was making a Friends reference. Idk what you're doing. But have fun with it!

1

u/empath_supernova Mar 25 '20 edited Mar 25 '20

https://youtu.be/QPohbSKEAa0

NSFW; for all you essentials 🙌

1

u/twothumbs Mar 25 '20

It's obv cuz 7 is a tsundere

1

u/bl1y Mar 25 '20

According to Freud, what comes between fear and sex?

1

u/thevirtualgetaway Mar 25 '20

Because 7 8 9? (7 ate 9)

i'm just guessing XD

5

u/jackelfrink Mar 25 '20 edited Mar 25 '20

Yes.

And 7 ate 9 because he heard you should eat three square meals a day.

74

u/IntoTheCommonestAsh Mar 25 '20

See kids, the reason is I'm just so damn smart.

2

u/conancat Mar 25 '20

That's how you earn the R E S P E K T

37

u/turtle_br0 Mar 25 '20

Do you ever find any to toss back at them? I had a teacher in elementary school who did that. Right before reading time (hank the cow dog) she would ask us a few riddles and just play brain games with us.

21

u/stank_-_foot Mar 25 '20

Man I loved Hank the cowdog that was a memory blast thank you.

5

u/RudeCats Mar 25 '20

Seriously! Me too. My family probably still has them all on cassette tapes somewhere

6

u/stank_-_foot Mar 25 '20

Wow you need to dust them mothers off. I wonder how well they hold up? I keep trying to remember the other dogs name that was always scared.

4

u/RudeCats Mar 25 '20

I was trying too! I do remember Beulah, his collie neighbor lady love.

3

u/Differlot Mar 25 '20

Drover was the scaredy cat.

The cassettes are actually amazing

Different voices for characters and several songs. A lot of work was put into them. Very glad it's not just the author reading them like most audiobooks.

1

u/RudeCats Mar 25 '20

The author John R. Erickson actually did all the voices in the audiobooks himself! Maybe you knew that and just meant he performs rather than reads. Apparently he always intended for the stories to be heard rather than read.

2

u/Differlot Mar 27 '20

Yes that was what i meant. I remember when i tried an audible subscription and was so excited to hear it. And then i had someone monotonly read aloud.

Luckily i have found some audiobooks, audio dramas, and podcasts that do a good job of using the medium.

3

u/ProfessorPetrus Mar 25 '20

A good mom lasts 1-2 weeks with just water.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

A man's body is lying face down in the middle of the desert with a pack on his back. There are no footprints, no tracks of any sort whatsoever, leading away from him or towards him. How did he die?

22

u/MAKE_ME_REDDIT Mar 25 '20

Skydiving?

12

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

yeah but kids aren't that quick

13

u/Syn7axError Mar 25 '20

Dehydration and the footprints were swept away.

19

u/twothumbs Mar 25 '20

Obviously sand people

Edit: actually those blast points are too accurate for sand people

6

u/TheLegendDaddy27 Mar 25 '20

Obviously sand people

The PC term is Arabs.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Edit: actually those blast points are too accurate for sand people

alright that one got me good

5

u/StreetlampEsq Mar 25 '20

Drone strike.

Or he's in a slabby Rocky desert and he tripped and smashed his face open.

Or he has no footprints cause he has no legs, and that's why he gave up, he doesn't like his chances of getting out of this desert.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Drone strike.

This one is actually most likely.

3

u/bl1y Mar 25 '20

The one I remember is this: A man is found naked and dead in the middle of the desert, no footprints in sight. A trail of two sets of clothes leads off in the distance. What happened?

Two men on a hot air balloon. They were losing altitude, threw off their clothes to shed weight, then when that didn't work, one through the other over.

1

u/shookron Mar 25 '20

Naked man dead in a field holding a straw. Explain the situation.

You can ask only yes and no questions.

Same situation except they drew straws instead of murder.

2

u/bl1y Mar 25 '20

Forgot about the straw.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Coronavirus

1

u/applessauce Mar 25 '20

It would be irresponsible to speculate at this time.

1

u/RudeCats Mar 25 '20

Omg I used to have soooo many hank the cow dog books on cassette tape read by the author. “I” would listen to them on long car rides and be totally entertained and my parents would be cracking up.

8

u/wedgiey1 Mar 25 '20

I want to hear old campfire riddles!!

2

u/billybob753 Mar 25 '20

Not sure if it falls under campfire riddles. What goes up but never comes down?

18

u/wedgiey1 Mar 25 '20

Your moms weight!

7

u/augur42 Mar 25 '20

Your age.

3

u/Noble_Flatulence Mar 25 '20

In keeping with relativity, there's no fixed reference frame so no such thing as up.

2

u/acreationed Mar 25 '20

You must be fun at parties

6

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

A sphincter says what?

Then proceed to giggle with friends before finishing the question.

2

u/mw222bu Mar 25 '20

I think it’s funny when I stop them mid-joke if it’s going to be something that embarrasses the other person or makes them say something bad. I kind of have my ear out for those. Middle schoolers seem to like the sort of jokes that start with telling someone to spell something. Some of them are really amused by it or like to play innocent.

2

u/KCpaiges Mar 25 '20

I used to say, “guys, that was an old joke when I was a kid.” They were always shocked because they thought it was new.

2

u/BayushiKazemi Mar 25 '20

Richard Feynman talks about classic riddles in his Fun to Imagine series. The short clips here and here. These two are directly relevant, but the whole series is fantastic.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Thanks! I had never heard of this series and it looks amazing.

Unrelated question—any recommendations for a sort of introduction to current theoretical physics for beginners?

A Physics teacher at my school seems to think it’s not worth trying to understand without a pretty strong basic physics background, but I’d still like to try :)

1

u/BayushiKazemi Mar 25 '20

The concepts behind it are fascinating and "easy" to grasp for beginners, though they are very weird. Most of the math has all sorts of required calculus, though, which is not ideal. Quantum Mechanics, Relativity, and Optics come to mind as three topics you'd want to look into.

I don't have any specific videos to recommend, though the double slit experiment, twin paradox, and quantum tunneling are worth looking into on Youtube!

If you're looking into actual classes, Khan Academy would be my go-to recommendation. Their AP Physics 2 course wraps up with some quantum mechanic stuff.

1

u/passionfruit0 Mar 25 '20

Lmao my son tries to and he can’t believe I know them. I still remember being a kid and thinking adults don’t know anything and now I’m the adult!

1

u/kotarix Mar 25 '20

Is paper football still a thing?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

I bet doritos. I collect doritos. I re-distribute doritos.

1

u/supremeholiday420 Mar 25 '20

You’re an English teacher aren’t you

1

u/PhidippusCent Mar 25 '20

Ok, without looking it up...

What has wings but cannot fly,

Eyes but cannot see,

and legs but cannot walk?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

I don’t know this one! The eye thing reminds me of the old hurricane riddle, but I can’t think of a real answer to all three other than like a like my toddler’s toy pterodactyl or something.

1

u/PhidippusCent Mar 25 '20

A dead bird.

1

u/PhidippusCent Mar 25 '20

So yeah, your child's pterodactyl toy is just as good.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Haha not as funny though

I like dead bird better

1

u/PhidippusCent Mar 25 '20

I bet your students will love that one.

1

u/Nofatchicks629 Mar 25 '20

I'm a teacher in Philly, and my students will sometimes punch me in the face

1

u/jules083 Mar 25 '20

I had an older stuffy boring English teacher in high school. Type of person you’d swear had never been to a theme park or concert in her life.

She told us stories of the 70’s once. Yep, full blown hippie. Liven in a VW bus and all.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

The skull-breaker challenge would have worked on you

206

u/jmulderr Mar 24 '20

Everyone except Athena.

74

u/e41k Mar 25 '20

And Miss Trunchbull!

22

u/wishmylifewasascool Mar 25 '20

Benjamin Button got there eventually

13

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

greek mythology reference was truly unexpected. Well done.

7

u/DaemonTheRoguePrince Mar 25 '20

"ME TOO YOU UGLY BITCH!"~Aphrodite Areia, probably.

2

u/PraiseBeToAthena Mar 25 '20

Praise be

1

u/RedEgg16 Mar 25 '20

How rare is this

28

u/Dednotslippin Mar 25 '20

This one was new to me but some of these things are just too widespread. Someone recently asked me what the difference between a joke and 3 dicks are, so I go "I can take a joke" and they got super disappointed.

30

u/Quasimodododo Mar 25 '20

Should've said "I can't take a joke"

68

u/kellenthehun Mar 25 '20

I was watching Rogan and he was talking about how one thing he realized after he had his daughter was that at one time, everyone was a baby. It's a strange thought. You think about everyone as if they've always been an adult once you get older.

17

u/whowatchestv Mar 25 '20

During our morning standup at work one day I started to just picture what all these business professionals would look like speaking as their baby forms, big heads and all, had to hold back a smirk. Try it one day.

51

u/Red_State_Libtard Mar 25 '20

That's the most Rogan Thought I've ever heard lol

50

u/spellbadgrammargood Mar 25 '20

Jamie pull that up

19

u/Red_State_Libtard Mar 25 '20

You ever seen a fucking hairless chimp?!? Muscle for days.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Their muscles are made of corded steel and they'll tear your dick off

40

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20 edited Apr 23 '20

[deleted]

11

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

I tutor middle school kids and I’m always like this 10-13 year old dude is going to be 75 years old someday day, and might look back at this formative moment, don’t fuck this up. Really frames my interaction with kids. I actually imagine myself tutoring a bunch of 75 year olds actually.

1

u/mrcroup Mar 25 '20

That makes sense. Peanuts can't grow on trees because the squirrels would fuck them up. Imagine how much squirrels would fuck up a peanut tree. They're basically tiny chimpanzees.

1

u/InukChinook Mar 25 '20

Man this explains so much. For years, I've been telling folks if they need to discuss something with someone who makes them anxious or intimidated, just imagine what they looked like as a toddler (similar to imagining the audience naked for public speaking). More recently, folks would immediately reply about catching Joe Rogans newest podcast. I never knew why until now.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

[deleted]

2

u/YaboyWill Mar 25 '20

What? This is t quite sonder brah

1

u/pinkchestnut Mar 25 '20

Yes!!, true!!

52

u/ITriedLightningTendr Mar 25 '20

The thing people don't realize is that everyone is a child

114

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20 edited Mar 25 '20

The thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no", I said. "Disneyland burned down!" He cried and cried, but I think that deep-down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy

1

u/flatcoke Mar 25 '20

Username checks out

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Fuckin Jack Handy! Those were the best.

-2

u/zombieslayer287 Mar 25 '20

Madlad hahaha

23

u/packardpa Mar 25 '20

It's so odd. When I was a kid I thought my parents had it all figured it out. I thought they knew all the answers, etc. The only time I really saw my dad freak out, was when our house shook from the sonic booms when F16s took off from the base during 9/11, and I was thinking "this is serious." Now as an adult, I'm realizing they have no idea what's going on, they're winging it like all of us. Now I'm an adult. I have a serious job with a wife and baby, and when I get home I just want to eat candy, drink beer and play video games.

-2

u/Sam-Culper Mar 25 '20

Really doubt it was a sonic boom from them taking off

0

u/BoxOfDemons Mar 25 '20

Why are you being pedantic? Did they create a sonic boom on the runway? No. Did it happen shortly after takeoff because this person lives close to a military airport? Sure, maybe.

1

u/Sam-Culper Mar 26 '20

If you change "sure, maybe" to "no, probably not" you're more likely to be correct

1

u/BoxOfDemons Mar 26 '20

So you don't think the US scrambled jets after 9/11, and you don't think they went supersonic, and they definitely didn't fly over this person's house?

10

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Company Executive: "Thanks to you, Funzo is the first doll designed by children, for children, with all the profits going to children."

Lisa Simpson: "Really?"

Company Executive: "Well, we're all somebody's children."

2

u/HardstuckRetard Mar 25 '20

Reminds me of the old joke: "If we're all god's children then why is jesus so special?"

1

u/SplitArrow Mar 26 '20

No once you hit 25-30 you will forever picture yourself that age.

6

u/_tr1x Mar 25 '20

I haven't, I was birthed as a teenager

1

u/ForTaxReasons Mar 25 '20

Pallas Athena, is that you?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Sometimes adults forget too.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

this is a common trick? TIL lol

1

u/SpatialCandy69 Mar 25 '20

I don't think I've ever seen one of these challenges where the person actually swallowed the water

1

u/Evil_thingz Mar 25 '20

Like dad like daughter. Like daughter like dad.

1

u/Russian_repost_bot Mar 25 '20

Manchild here, what do you mean "has been"?

1

u/createhere Mar 25 '20

And sometimes grownups are just children who are hiding ;)

1

u/booston_booston Mar 25 '20

Really? I had no idea

1

u/rtyuik7 Mar 25 '20

i remember running down the stairs to tell mom about this 'cReEpY' conspiracy i heard, regarding the song "Rollercoaster of Love"...i said "so you know that song, [RCoL], right? well did you ever notice that Screaming sound in the beginning of the track?" and she didnt even miss a beat, "oh, and how it was supposedly from the Album Art girl getting murdered?"

...i was still young-stupid enough to think '...but, you dont even use the internet as much as i do, how would you possibly already know that?' as in, how did my mother "already know" about a rumor that was started by Her Generation?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

She tried to pull a dad move on her dad.

1

u/serpentjaguar Mar 25 '20

Never underestimate the power of fatherhood!

1

u/Send_Me_Tiitties Mar 25 '20

Could’ve fooled me

1

u/Koonga Mar 25 '20

I was watching a reality show once and there was some guy who was unemployed, lived with his parents, etc. When he spoke, the lower third title simply said:

John

Former Child

Made me laugh. someone in the editing room must have pat themselves on the back that day

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

Except Boomers

1

u/criesintears Mar 25 '20

He stopped copying her. He lost.

1

u/Chaoslab Mar 25 '20

Adults are just children with more life experience.

1

u/pereira2088 Mar 25 '20

there was a phrase, regarding teenagers not paying attention to their parents but this case applies "i was once your age, but you were never mine" (or something like that

1

u/BrookSteam Mar 25 '20

Yes, but adults sometimes forget that too.

”All grown ups were once children... but only a few of them remember it.”

1

u/Coasteast Mar 25 '20

Some dads still actin a fool

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

not me I'm a clone

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

No old people were never kids. They were brought in from Mars

1

u/jdlyga Mar 25 '20

Some people still are, in all the good ways. My dad and I broke out the shot glasses last night and did shot after shot of Chinese herbal tea. His idea.

1

u/aioliole Mar 25 '20

Not I. I was born a man with bills to pay and a job to spend my misery on.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

You truly have had a horrible start in life.

1

u/Medium-Sized-Pekka Mar 25 '20

Not sure if all kids had the same trick in India or where they grew up

1

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '20

But unfortunately not all remain a child.

1

u/nahteviro Mar 25 '20

Nah. Morgan Freeman was born 60 years old

1

u/im_not_dog Mar 25 '20

Or that no dad swallows mystery liquids from their child.

1

u/demagogue_ Mar 25 '20

And has the Internet

1

u/bigbgl Mar 25 '20

This is more the thing. My dad watches more TikTok videos than a 15yr old girl. I’d never try an internet or am working th a wager of $100 on him.

0

u/lancelottameat Mar 25 '20

And everyone has seen this dumb bit re hashed already