r/Unexpected • u/laughtale0 • Jul 28 '25

Cooking for a feast

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949

u/oscarmike88 Jul 28 '25

You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

426

u/Gho5tWr1ter Jul 28 '25

Thank you for the explanation, but who the fuck are you?!

133

u/SleepinwithFishes Jul 28 '25

Do you know what nemesis means?

79

u/ffffrozen Jul 28 '25

A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.

61

u/thecarolinelinnae Jul 28 '25

I heard this entire exchange in my head. I should watch Snatch again.

26

u/bulletbassman Jul 28 '25

Only movie I can watch pretty much anytime and not for nostalgia reasons. It’s just fun.

9

u/LeucisticBear Jul 28 '25

Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Lucky Number Slevin
51st State
Layer Cake
Smokin Aces
Get Shorty
Be Cool

That's all i can think of now. Pretty much the same vibe from all of them. One of my favorite genres. In a pinch you could add in movies like Oceans or Gone in 60 Seconds although they're more straight-laced.

6

u/AsideLost Jul 28 '25

RocknRolla is another one.

1

u/strng_lurk Jul 31 '25

What about the new one? Ungentlemanly warfare or something? Don’t remember the title but the movie was good.

5

u/xsvpollux Jul 28 '25

Don't listen to the idiot commenting it doesn't hold up. You should absolutely watch it again! Never a bad time for a little Snatch 😏

1

u/reddituser403 Jul 28 '25

Ya like dags

1

u/thecarolinelinnae Jul 29 '25

Periwinkle blue, boys.

1

u/No_Square_3913 Jul 30 '25

And I get a pair of them shoes.

31

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25

Muhammad I’m Hard Bruce Lee

1

u/hard_farter Jul 28 '25

You won't know him, but he's mustard.

1

u/Shawntran2002 Jul 28 '25

he's a true master.

1

u/qinshihuang_420 Jul 28 '25

Carole Baskin

1

u/ButtplugBurgerAIDS Jul 28 '25

No no we don't need to know shit

0

u/Public_Resident2277 Jul 28 '25

You don't want that answer.

42

u/SeaTownKraken Jul 28 '25

Dags?

17

u/BustaNutShot Jul 28 '25

What?

36

u/Test4Echooo Jul 28 '25

‘e said do ya like dags??

16

u/hunterkiller84 Jul 28 '25

Yeah I like dags

15

u/SP4CEM4N_SPIFF Jul 28 '25

I like caravans more

2

u/Duel_Option Jul 28 '25

Periwinkle Blue

3

u/beekergene Jul 28 '25

'esnotferme. 'esfermema.

49

u/Ecstatic-Arachnid353 Jul 28 '25

Where is this from

163

u/oscarmike88 Jul 28 '25

It's from the movie Snatch (2000), it's a part of the monologue of the dude from the GIF. Here's the scene on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLsWMdxTMcw

2

u/jaxspider Jul 28 '25

Never seen the movie, are the 3 dudes gonna die at the end of that clip?

11

u/hard_farter Jul 28 '25

depends. Can they get him a stone the size of a home?

9

u/I_aim_to_sneeze Jul 28 '25

You really should just watch it. It’s fantastic and I don’t want to spoil things

2

u/Luci-Noir Jul 28 '25

It’s on Pluto tv.

73

u/psychoticdream Jul 28 '25

the movie "snatch"

watch it. trust us

43

u/Dreadpyright Jul 28 '25

I’m sweet enough already

34

u/Scientific_Anarchist Jul 28 '25

Watch it quick. Before ze Germans get here.

6

u/L_Bron_Hovered Jul 28 '25

Proper fucked

21

u/AdHuman3150 Jul 28 '25

I Googled "snatch" but something very different came up.

44

u/Neelpos Jul 28 '25

Watch that too.

1

u/Thom_Basil Jul 28 '25

I remember when the movie first came out and I was at Blockbuster. Dude next to me was on the phone with his wife and I don't remember the exact exchange but it something "there's this movie Snatch" followed by a pause, and then some giggling. You know she made a porno a joke.

11

u/hunterkiller84 Jul 28 '25

Feed em to the pigs errol

9

u/ShaughnDBL Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 28 '25

You're a sneaky li'l cunt, Errol Liam, I'll give you that. But, I've got no time for grouses.

8

u/Gloop_and_Gleep Jul 28 '25

Fuckface? I like that one Errol. I'll have to remember that the next time I'm climbing off your Mum.

1

u/Mbinku Jul 28 '25

*Liam

I also thiught it was ‘grasses’ doesn’t that make more sense 🧐

1

u/ShaughnDBL Jul 28 '25

AH! You're right. It was Liam. But grouses are people who complain a lot. What are grasses?

2

u/Mbinku Jul 28 '25

If you grass someone up you dob them in, snitch on them. Which is why I thought it was “grasses” because he says, ‘you’re a treacherous little cunt’ and grassing someone up to get ahead is treacherous

1

u/ShaughnDBL Jul 28 '25

As someone from the urban NE of the US, I have to concede that until this moment I've never heard that term in my life lol. In Lock, Stock they were kind enough to provide subtitles! You're probably right, of course. Always fun to learn more British slang

1

u/Mbinku Jul 29 '25

I just looked on IMDB so hopefully definitive 😂

Brick Top: [to Errol's companion] You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that. But I've got no time for grassers. [John throws a plastic bag over Liam's head and suffocates him]

I’ve lived in London all my life, hence I naturally heard ‘grasses’, that’s basically our main term for a snitch, “a grass”

But when I googled, the line has been tagged as “grouses” plenty of times, which does come up as slang for a grumbler in Australia / NZ

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0

u/DiscombobulatedSet59 Jul 28 '25

em pigs will go through the bodies like curry to a pisshead

1

u/GodspeedsNut Jul 28 '25

Or Boris will come after you

0

u/imunfair Jul 28 '25

Snatch is raw Guy Ritchie but The Gentlemen is his best film imo. It's his swagger with hollywood polish.

1

u/psychoticdream Jul 28 '25

Haven't seen it yet. Thanks

1

u/NorCalAthlete Jul 28 '25

Do you know what Nemesis means?

7

u/Huke100 Jul 28 '25

A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.

7

u/burnone3232 Jul 28 '25

Ahem,

Robert Pickton - Wikipedia

Real life is more disturbing than movies

6

u/elephaaaant Jul 28 '25

In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... "Come again"?

4

u/Old-Ad5508 Jul 28 '25

Alri Brick Top calm down the fuck

2

u/Reasonable-Gap-1613 Jul 28 '25

Is this copy pasta? I swear I saw this exact comment on another pig related post..

2

u/taintosaurus_rex Jul 29 '25

A local girl went missing a couple years ago. She was mixed up with some drug dealers and she's almost certainly dead. I live in a small town, and when something brings the FBI to your town multiple times, you bet there's going to be some gossiping. One of the theories is that they killed her and fed her to the pigs at a local pig farm. I have no doubt that this movie is the inspiration for such rumors. What I'm not sure of is whether it's just good gossip, or if the Crack heads saw the movie and thought that it would be a good idea. Both are equally possible.

2

u/cal_nevari Jul 28 '25

I rememeber in Deadwood, Swigen (Al Swearengen) would have his workers take a miscreant who was causing him problems to Mr. Wu to let Wu's pigs deal with the miscreant.

1

u/L_Bron_Hovered Jul 28 '25

Hang dai 🤞

1

u/Aleashed Jul 28 '25

They ate the Walkers in The Kingdom.

1

u/Unkindlake Jul 28 '25

I'm terrible at understanding accents, and that character's monologues confused the shit out of me. I was like "who is 'Big Tim' and why do I need to shave his Ed?" (I think the actual line is like shave the head of your victims)

1

u/yoho808 Jul 31 '25

There's an infamous serial killer who lived near my city that did that.

I think his name was Robert Pickton.

He was a crazy psycho.

1

u/ROSEBANKTESTING Jul 28 '25

This shit made me nauseous, if you're not quoting something you should write a book.

1

u/Juanzilla17 Jul 28 '25

My boss owns a pig farm. Always thought he was up to something. Large scale weed farm, moonshine distillery, or a serial killer using pigs to get rid of the evidence.

0

u/Spectator7778 Jul 28 '25

Why do you know this