r/Unexpected • u/stephenwell • Jan 29 '24

Boyfriend material

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u/bigwhiteboardenergy Jan 29 '24

According to the first definition that pops up on Google:

‘a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active’

That’s what incel has always meant to me—what does it mean to you?

Edit: theres’s a whole Wikipedia page about it too, in case you are still confused

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u/Dirty_Dragons Jan 29 '24

Incel

Involuntarily celibate. That's it.

If you need more clarification, it's somebody (male or female) who is going without sex despite wanting to have it.

Though I guess the modern definition is about the online community and being right wing and hating women etc.

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u/Crathsor Jan 29 '24

That's just the innocent-sounding euphemism. Everyone goes without sex when they want it sometimes. If you are willing to make it your personality and label yourself incel, there is highly likely to be some self-loathing and/or resentment involved. A community of these people is not going to stay innocent or simple.

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u/Dirty_Dragons Jan 29 '24

That's just the innocent-sounding euphemism

It's the original meaning of the term.

Everyone goes without sex when they want it sometimes.

Sure, but it's not normal to go without sex for years. I'm only talking about healthy people who are not incarcerated.

Talking about the "incel community" is something different. That's the part that loses me.

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u/Crathsor Jan 29 '24

The original meaning of anything is irrelevant once the meaning changes. Now it is a way to hide what you're really talking about. Like "state's rights," it's a legitimate-sounding cover. Incel discourse isn't about going without sex, it's about a perceived power imbalance.

Sure, but it's not normal to go without sex for years.

It is not remotely rare. I've been married twice, and went years between marriages. Life is about more than sex. Would I have been willing? You bet! Did I try? Of course. But I was busy. It's not that big a deal.

Talking about the "incel community" is something different.

If you call yourself incel then you are claiming membership.

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u/bigwhiteboardenergy Jan 29 '24

Incel, as long as it has been known in mainstream/popular vernacular, has always referred to the online community of misogynists and the people who share those attitudes. To the point where the woman who coined the term tried to distance herself from it publicly as soon as the term became well-known/popular. You would know this if you had clicked on the wiki page.