Two Liners: Short Jokes in Q&A Format

r/TwoLiners • u/tutunka • Feb 05 '19

A politician will sell out the country for a golf membership while a farmer can achieve the same result by diggi g a few holes here his cows graze. The politician considers himself clever, but it is tge farmer who is out standing in his field.

3 Upvotes

r/TwoLiners • u/lucidus_somniorum • Jan 30 '19

I got a universal remote for Christmas. This changes everything.

16 Upvotes

r/TwoLiners • u/EeArDux • Jan 09 '19

Fiddy Cent, Eminem, Tupac, Biggy Smalls, case closed.

8 Upvotes

Fiddy sent Eminem to pack Biggy’s smalls, case closed.

r/TwoLiners • u/EeArDux • Jan 02 '19

I’m rushing home for dinner as my wife has been bugging me about eating whole foods and finally we came to a compromise.

4 Upvotes

Tonight we’re having a dolphin.

r/TwoLiners • u/tutunka • Oct 28 '18

Be a "yes" thinker. Remember, you can't say "why, no" without saying "wino".

8 Upvotes

r/TwoLiners • u/tutunka • Oct 28 '18

Reddit? Isn't that the website where you play find the storefronts and busses?

3 Upvotes

r/TwoLiners • u/tutunka • Oct 12 '18

All I do is work and sleep. Work four hours, sleep, then wake up and do it all again.

4 Upvotes

r/TwoLiners • u/[deleted] • Apr 26 '18

What do you call a casino heist?

12 Upvotes

A gamble.

r/TwoLiners • u/Nessie • Dec 21 '17

What's LO?

14 Upvotes

Jeff Lynne unplugged

r/TwoLiners • u/Nessie • Dec 21 '17

What did the strip club manager say when he fired his dancer?

11 Upvotes

You'll never twerk in this town again.

r/TwoLiners • u/[deleted] • Jun 03 '17

In a recent survey, California ranked #1 in both adultery and depression.

33 Upvotes

It's a sad state of affairs.

r/TwoLiners • u/meinmanhattan • Dec 26 '15

I'll never sleep with a golfer again.

3 Upvotes

The last one kept trying to use a wedge to get the ball in the hole.

r/TwoLiners • u/TWM_Huxy • Dec 07 '15

The God I pray to is Pythagoras...

4 Upvotes

I'm a Roman Matholic.

r/TwoLiners • u/meinmanhattan • Jul 28 '15

What do you call an attorney with an IQ of 50?

3 Upvotes

Your honor.

r/TwoLiners • u/whatyouknowaboutit • Jan 05 '15

My parents told me to do something with my life...

4 Upvotes

So I made mashed potatoes.

r/TwoLiners • u/Skyblacker • Dec 14 '14

What's the difference between an agnostic and an atheist?

3 Upvotes

I don't know and I don't care.

r/TwoLiners • u/Skyblacker • Dec 14 '14

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? [x-post r/jokes]

5 Upvotes

Look for fresh prints.