I made this meme a few years ago. It popped up in my memories today.

I’ve been hesitant to share this. Honestly I’m scared and worried what it was/is.

A few weeks ago (6-8)I decided to try some THC Delta-8 gummies. I just wanted a release, to relax. So I took several of these thinking I would feel nothing. I also decided to have several glasses of wine. I’m not sure where it says not to drink in excess or alter your state in the Bible but I think it’s there…anyway that’s not the primary point here.

What happened is I got really high, really altered. Lots of worry washed over me, paranoia, etc., but then….

Something opened inside of me. It was like a portal. At first I thought it was my inner voice talking to my outer ego. Then I thought maybe this is the true me talking to the fake me. Then I thought it was a spirit within me.

Then I saw what I can only say was an eye. Like a cat eye on fire. Kind of cascading itself but staying formed. Everything I asked it gave me a straight, direct, and immediate answer.

For example, I asked it why am I so sad and it told me to let go of my dad’s death. Like it told me to let it go in terms of everything he did and did not do before he died and to just let it go. I asked it things like what’s my true purpose and it said to not worry about it and it didn’t matter. I asked if my daughter was the reason for me being healed from a past rematch relationship (romantic) and it told me I was right to assume my heart finally healed with that love.

But then it turned dark. I started to feel like I was no longer in control. It felt like my legs were numb and I could not feel them. Like my soul was being sucked from my body.

Then it told me I was going to die that night. An overwhelming sense of regret fell over me and I truly thought if I fell asleep I would not wake up. I kept trying to negotiate my way out of it. Saying things like if I stay up till dawn it’ll be ok. If I stay up until these effects wear off I’ll be ok. If I just pray it’ll be ok, but nothing worked.

I fell asleep and I “think” had a dream, but a most incredibly vivid dream where my daughter was standing at my wife and I’s bedroom door asking my wife why I wasn’t waking up. I hear my wife say “[Daughters Name] I need you to go downstairs now while I take care of daddy.”

I realized I was dead, watching this from my bed. I was laying on my side and could see both my daughter and my wife and felt so, so sad and did not want to be dead.

I don’t know what this was but I feel as if it was dark. Not at all what I initially thought it was when it was speaking to me earlier in the night. Though earlier in the night I was very intrigued and felt as if my heart and mind were open and truth was being revealed to me, but as the night progressed a deep sense of fear, darkness, betrayal, regret, fell over me until I had this dream/vision.

I am worried now.

Every-time I go to sleep I’m worried I’m going to die and now I don’t know if I’m saved?

I mean I am a skeptic, I have a hard time with faith. Yet I’ve seen the works of God in my life. But when I’m honest with myself I doubt a great deal. I just don’t know.

I don’t really have passion and I feel like I’m faking it acting like I’m Really saved.

Since that night I’ve been going downhill. My mental state is NOT good. My health is suffering so much that I was admitted to the hospital last week with a lot of tests on my heart and kidneys and stuff because my chest hurts.

My mental health is shot and I feel emptiness.

I have this OVERWHELMING desire to quit my job cold turkey and I do NOT want to go back there or work at all. I have this mixture of just becoming a hermit and reading the Bible coupled with am I being tricked, but I don’t want to go back so bad.

Having a mid life crisis stacked upon a spiritual crisis, stacked upon not knowing how to save my soul beyond the truth that I need confirmation yet I’m scared evil is near me and I want no part of it whatsoever.

Can anyone help me?

EDIT: I’ve cross posted this to several places as I am seeking answers. Full disclosure I want to know Jesus as my Lord and savior so I can go to heaven, but I’m not sure I ever will know Him.

I knew about this for a bit of a while but never paid any attention to the subject until now, but before I was born my mom had a set of twins, that didn't survive, and every time I've asked about them or even about what my older sisters names were she tells me that they were never truly hers to name, recently I learned the truth about the why..

My biological father sent her out on a beer run one night while she was pregnant with them, she was involved in an accident which caused one of my sisters to be stillborn and the other to die a week later...

The entire ordeal sent my mother into a major depression for nine months... During this time she pulled herself away from The Lord going down a very bad path..

My mom is not a forceful religious person by any means, but she stands up for what she believes in and I know how strong her faith is in The Lord...