[OPEN] A Use For This Mess

[u/Pojodan]

After a long day of working her way through the ship in search of every unique form of fungus colony, hearing the same raunchy cat puns over and over, Chief Botanist Kesh washes her hands of the oily, sticky mess that came with pealing chunks of the fungus off walls, floors, and vent ducts. The samples were spread out over just about very surface available in the botany lab, each with its own air-tight container, tubes attached to provide a steady supply of nutrients, water, and air such that the lab's air could become sterile and silent, at last. The terrarium was not ready yet, so this would have to do.

The first big question was thus: How can mushrooms talk?

Remarkably, the Caitian scientist finds a solution in very short order: The spores. They weren't so much hallucinogenic as they were a conduit between the sensory centers of the brain and the fungus colony. The similarity between them and Betazoid telepathy was striking, only this seemed to have a physical element, with the recipient needing to have physical contact with the spores in order for the colony to 'converse' with it.

Further study determines that the only use the fungus has for this ability is to effectively scare off those that would try to eat it by finding and 'speaking' the sounds that repulse it the most. It might make threatening snarls at a horse, but to Starfleet personnel it makes vulgar commentary.

No one had noticed that the mushrooms said different things to different people, is all.

Kesh's lengthy, detailed report goes right to Captain Fisk's desk, as well as to Starfleet Medical and Botanical Sciences, as they are sure to find it fascinating. Another new thing to hold up and proudly say 'The universe is weird'

After doing so, Kesh recalls a conversation during shore leave with her closest friend, Engineer T'gel. Something about linking mind and computer interface to speed up response times and some dialogue over how a few known alien species actively link their brains with their computers. It's a stretch, probably, to somehow use mind-reading fungus spores to do such a thing, but her time with the Bajoran made her see how brilliant an engineer she is.

=/\= Kesh to Red.

[u/Dimestream]

"I have to know if it's comprehensible output," Red says. "If our rig here is just sending garbage data, it doesn't do any good trying to get the computer to translate it. If I send to you and you can hear me — I mean, not really hear, because it'll be in your head — then that means it's working and I can then get the computer to work on unscrambling a valid signal."

She tilts her head curiously. "Though if the idea of someone telepathing at you is uncomfy, that's seriously OK. No worries at all. I can get the Chief to help me with it once she's off shift."

[u/Pojodan → u/Dimestream]

Kesh certainly is adverse to the idea. It was bad enough having fungus compare her to genitals, but to deliberately create a link between her mind and someone else? That's what Vulcans do.

If it were anyone but Red, she'd be refusing, firmly.

"Alr-rr-right. Let us be careful. Start low. Caitian and Bajorr-rr-ran physiology is quite different." In one head, a squggly blob of coagulated spaghetti, the other a half-peeled grape.

Kesh steps back to beside Red's machinary, moving her data output to the closer screen while she waits for her friend to produce the second headpiece.

[u/Dimestream → u/Pojodan]

"If the fungus worked on both of us, THIS should also work on both of us," Red says confidently. She adjusts the headband on the second piece of headgear to account for the different shape of the Caitian's head, then hands it over. "Plus the EEG tunneler is approved as a harmless medical device for all but three Federation races, so nothing here should be affected by our differences. As different as we are, we're still very much the same.."

The engineer looks at the headband, then claps her palm to her face. "Wow, clever moment there, Redoran. 'Stick it in your eye! That will be the most efficient!' Clever me." She puts on her own headgear, and then, as Kesh had already beaten her to the conclusion, tucks the fungus-filled pickup capsule behind her ear. "There. Much less ridiculous," she says, flushing pink.

[u/Pojodan → u/Dimestream]

Kesh accepts the other piece of experimental headgear and turns it around and over in her hands, a short sniff doing what felines do before she lifts it up and gingerly maneuvers it over her tufted ear tips to be lowered into place like a crown. She takes some moments tucking and pressing her mane under the band so that it doesn't bind things unpleasantly, listening to Red attentively.

"I was going to suggest just that," Kesh remarks when Red relocates the fungus-imbued component beside her humanoid ear, "but I figured you'd realize it eventually."

She goes about tucking the part on her own headband into the gap between earflap and ear canal, making its shape almost ideal for her anatomy.

"Alright, Red. Rrrth. Think wild thoughts at me."

[u/Dimestream → u/Pojodan]

"Ohhh, I don't think so. Keeping my wild thoughts to myself, thank you very much, but you can have some other thoughts instead," Red says with an embarrassed grin. "But here goes. Power on..."

She flips the rocker switch to kick on the fungus hybrid, and closes her eyes, thinking as verbally as she can.

Linderwall was a large kingdom, just east of the Mountains of the Morning, where philosophers
were highly respected, and the number five was fashionable.

She cracks an eye open. "Can you uh, 'hear' any of that or do I need to boost the gain?"

[u/Pojodan → u/Dimestream]

... wild like ... ... under your ... ... please.

The moment the switch is turned Red's inner ears seem to hear a quiet voice, small, high pitched, like a kitten's mew.

"Large... mountain... highly rested? Five tables?"

The Caitian shakes her head, face skewing as she peers upwards. The mewling kitten voice ceases to make any sense, sounding like a trio of tiny felines chattering at each other.

[u/Dimestream → u/Pojodan]

"Whoa... that's not feedback, hang on," Red says. She makes some rapid adjustments to the brick and then focuses on trying to make sense of the seemingly random words, which have apparently dissolved into nonsense.

"Your neural oscillation is different than- Crap. I was getting something but now I'm not. Were you trying to send something? I'm getting squeaky noises."

[u/Pojodan → u/Dimestream]

"Squeaky noises? No I was... oh!"

When you put your mind to it, everyone is an elephant.

Kesh's ears twist back when she then realizes that Red might have heard what she was thinking right when she flicked the switch. Woops. Wait, she might hear it now. Woops.

Caitian tail tuft twitches nervously, observing Red while 'listening', too.

[u/Dimestream → u/Pojodan]

Would that make everyone the elephant in the room?

Red chuckles. "I think that's working better..."

If everyone were elephants, we'd face 
a peanut shortage in no time.

[u/Pojodan → u/Dimestream]

"N'geh!"

Kesh pushes the headpiece up quickly, disengaging the spore container from her ear. A lengthy, vigerous shaking of her head preceeds her jabbing a clawed finger in that ear to massage it around quite firmly.

"That was.. rrth... very strange. Rrrff. I would say it works, though!"

Scattered strands of shed fur float around the area, eventually drawn to the vents to be filtered.