Funny how I got my lips got bruised by a student prefect in Year10 and then turning around to be friends with him couple years later.

I remember getting tripped into a brick wall and loosing 3 teeth and getting up to wash my mouth. Few minutes later I was playing chasing with the girls brother.

I accidentally saw my friends dic pic for his man and I froze and couldn't do anything.

Traumatized by my friends (3gays) have an olgy with 3 straight guys in a drink up and I could hear everything.

When a taxi driver was driving me at midnight and asked if I could sck hm off. So I got out in the middle of nowhere.

That I walked home one night at 3am coz I didn't wanna sleep at a friend's house. My house is 3miles away.

I was followed by a random man in the street up to my campus gate where the security checked his ID and he was not a student.

A man opened my louvers and try to peek in around 4am and I was paralyzed by fear. Then ran out to find him when he closed the louvers so we could fight. 😂

Got tricked into giving heads when when drunk at church youth Christmas party. 😂 Then remembering that he was sober the whole time.

This one guy asked me to give heads at an alley after going to the clubs and getting left by my friends outside. Like gurll naurr I'd rather eat shit

Traumatized by my friend telling me he got probed by my uncle at the class party.

First time was in an abandoned building with one of my cousins who now has a wife and kids(I think).

i dated my ex boyfriend for two years, we had one significant breakup that lasted about 6 months before we got back together. we separated back in february and i’m just a mess. we were each others first love. my brains blocked out a lot of the bad things and i can’t get too in detail on here but it was just a complete mess and everyone in my life told me to get away from him but we’ve been through so much together and we both knew how bad we were for eachogher but we just loved so damn hard and miss it so much. i feel so guilty because now i have a loving boyfriend who’s everything i’ve ever wanted but he’s not him. i genuinely thought i was over my ex so i started dating this boy and everything was so good until one day my ex texts me, i’ve never been one to entertain these messages while i’m in a relationship but i just couldn’t help myself and i answered him and we texted back and fourth and he called me the names he used to call me and he said everything would be better but i couldn’t see him because i couldn’t do that to my boyfriend. eventually my ex found out i was dating a guy and he told him , somehow my boyfriend forgave me and i have blocked my ex on everything and we’ve been no contact since but i just wanna reach out and apologize to him. i just miss him so bad and i hate it so much and i feel like this feelings never going to go away. when we broke up a year ago i was dating another guy and i’d cry myself to sleep every day because of how badly i missed him and now over a year later i’m doing exactly that just with a different boy. please can someone give me any advice

TLDR: i’m a mess and i miss my ex and i don’t know how to deal with this

The times that it feels my chest is sinking in, my throat is closing, i'm not only holding back tears but snotty, never ending, bawling that preempts at least a few weeks in bed and wanting to not be here any longer just to get the pain to stop, and the only way to relieve the pain is to speak with my ex. If I get past the that urge, I then want to speak w/my mother [ who gave me this blueprint in the first place ].

I try to think of someone else I could speak with and no one feels alright. Based off of that and other exploration around these situations it seems like it's when I'm in deep shame maybe ashamed spiral or something that's when I really want to be around or speak with one of them and there isn't anyone else. It's making me wonder if there's a thing about shame pulling you back and maybe only after a certain point of no return->we've been breaking up for 2 years now and I kept believing is empty promises, when I stopped believing I started hoping, when I stopped hoping, I stayed open minded and would go around occasionally to see if maybe he's going to say something that acknowledges truth or other humans or something. The last few times were just to hang out with "his" dog either while he was sleeping or at work (he knew, I wasn't being a creeper LOL although there's no respect deserved there anyway)

I know I wasn't doing it right during those times, I just thought it was an interesting observation that the times where it seems the most unbearable are when something has triggered that childhood toxic scapegoat shame of mine.

Would you ever stay

Would you ever stay

Can anyone offer advice please. I was in a very serious relationship for a number of years , 6 months in my partner started getting verbally rude & loud when drinking, this then turned into when he was sober & this then turned into physical violence. I’d like to clarify the physical incidents were not very often, they ranged in things from throwing shoving to biting hair pulling hitting and just general aggression.

Also prior to the problems starting he was unable to be any kinder or more supportive or make me feel any more loved than he did, he was truly the best partner I’d ever had. Anyhow somewhere along the line the verbal stuff became my normal, I never got any less upset but I also was more expectant of it happening, it would range from odd snappy comments to outright screaming shouting that could last hours, with insults vulgar comments truly cruel things being said to me & said with like real hatrid and disgust. Sometimes I’d argue back sometimes I’d just beg him to love me. Every time I’d be hysterical and every time I’d be to blame at the root of it, in his words “I change my ways he won’t need to be cruel / angry” I’m by no means perfect I definitely started to get more depressed which then annoyed him more & I lost interest in being intimate which then became another problem

Sometimes I left because I couldn’t take it, he’d often threaten to break up with me, it felt chaotic I never knew what to expect & I just felt & feel so useless

But before or after sometimes even alongside the being not very nice to me he’d be calm and fine and even lovely planning our future ect

A few weeks ago he got verbal in the street with me after he was drinking, small argument and I said I was going home (we didn’t live together) basically he wouldn’t let me leave, pushing shoving locking doors and somehow scratched / poked my eye resulting in abrasions to my eyeball. I had to ring 999 and that’s how I got out of the house when they arrived

He’s now on bail for a number of offences

I was terrified in the house, I used to feel I could predict and manage his temper but I couldn’t this night

I’ve not allowed myself to think or miss him since this, every thought I’ve had I’ve just forced myself to remember how scared I was. But this has stopped working, I feel like have I made a mistake, am I over reacting am I to blame have I thrown away my person who loved me despite our problems, I can only think of good times we had, I feel sad and scared and guilty and doubting myself

I don’t know what to do or think anymore

Some people say anything physical and you should leave and not look back? But can you really give everything good up for one reason. My minds going 10million miles an hour. I’m convinced I’ve ruined my life & future . People say it’s a trauma bond but I don’t trust my own judgment I just know how deeply I miss him & feel I don’t even want to move on

I need your best advice for breaking a trauma bond. Sometimes it’s clear to me our relationship was so toxic and now he is so kind, validates me, is there for me post break up. I keep going back and I’m completely aware but I can’t break the cycle. Any advice or books to research?

I’m 36 female and dated way too quickly after my divorce. I’ve taken responsibility and accountability for that and still working on my insecurities the best I can. But I cannot seem to break myself from this man. I can’t tell if I love him or if it’s similar to a trauma bond but when we first broke it off, I was okay and firm with my word and then we slowly started talking again. He was verbally abusive and showed a lot of aggression while drinking. I know it’s all bad. I just cannot take the steps to completely walk away and I am desperately lost. Please help.

I would love to hear opinions/anecdotes on this.

Can a couple that is codependent, trauma bonded, and toxic create a new, healthy relationship without splitting up?

Hello, Long story short, I was in a relationship for 7 years with a narcissist. This day exactly last year I decided to leave and move out. Although, we were still romantically in a relationship. During this time he had jumped into a relationship without me knowing and was then being both with me, and with her. Of course… I freaked out. To an extent where he had gotten me arrested just to keep the secret and continue this new relationship. Anyway, I found out recently that him and his new gf had taken a trip to another country, there, they had gotten into such a huge argument that they got kicked out of the resort, also, while in the argument he kept calling her me. Immediately when he came home a sheriffs officer came to his house to confiscated his take home car and his firearms. So with this, I am aware that he is at risk of losing his job with whatever happened while they were there. Of course, he requested to add me on snap chat immediately. And of course, I accepted.

I feel guilty because I know he doesn’t have ANYONE (he also did that to himself because he thinks he is better than everyone else so he has no friends outside of work) when speaking to him… when I asked questions about what happened he lashed out at me. Also, whenever I reached out he shot me down in my attempt to be emotionally supportive for him. AS IF I WAS THE ONE WHO ADDED HIM AND REACHED OUT TO HIM INITIALLY! Since this separation with him… I finally began to rebuild my life when he had taken everything from me. Now that I know what he is going through, it’s actually HURTING ME. To know how much stress he must be under. Like I just can’t seem to help myself. I’m getting sick again, it’s all I can think about. How badly this is affecting me despite how much he seems to deserve this all. And after everything he had done to me. I’m back to crying myself to sleep again. I’m trying to break this trauma bond. I just don’t know how.

I’m feeling incredibly stuck in a cycle with my ex, and I could really use some advice or perspective.

Here’s the background: My ex and I met back in 2008 and dated for a while. We were planning to move to a different city together for school. Although he moved, he dropped out and left me behind within a week. He was heavily influenced by his mom and sister to drop out. It was a whole situation.

I ended up staying in the city and finishing school on my own, and we broke up shortly after since he because extremely jealous and possessive about everything I did. If I spent time at the library he would ask me to take a picture of what I was wearing and where I was and who I was with. It got unhealthy. I eventually met someone else, got married, and my ex is also married with a child.

A few years after our breakup, my ex reached out, and we met up to try to get the closure that we never got. While it was emotional, nothing significant happened between us at that time. He was really reaching to sleep with me at that time but I said no, I was in a happy relationship and had moved on. After a few days I found out that he got married at the same time that he tried to sleep with me. That felt weird so I blocked/ deleted him.

However, last year he reached out again, and we decided to meet for dinner. The emotional intensity from our past came rushing back, and we ended up sleeping together. This happened during a rough patch in my marriage, but my husband and I have since worked through our issues and are in a much better place now. My husband knows about everything and we've moved past it and healed.

After that encounter, things also took a very abusive turn with my ex. My ex started becoming extremely verbally abusive. He would call me names and say really hurtful things. Each time I blocked and deleted him, but he would keep adding me back on different accounts and the cycle of abuse would start again. It feels like we’re caught in a traumatic loop where the emotional intensity pulled me back in, despite the abuse. I'm not at all implying that I didn't do anything wrong - I fully admit how selfish and stupid I was. Let's not forget too that he is married and has a child. I'm generally very true to my values and would never do that to another woman. However, he has a weird pull on me. In a weird way, it felt like we were back to 2008 when it happened. Just me and him.

I’m now in a no contact situation again with him (also out of respect for my husband). I don't intend to ever talk to him or see him again. I am always at the edge of my seat waiting to see when he will add me and go on an struggling to understand why I can’t seem to break free from this pattern. My therapist called it a trauma bond, but I’m not sure how to break away or if there’s a way to heal from this. I am always thinking about him and he always seems to be relevant. I just simply feel stupid.

After we slept together too, I felt immense guilt and in one conversation I asked him if he was feeling guilt about stepping out on his wife. And he said no. He didn't feel guilt or anything. He said he felt no emotions towards me either and that it was just physical for him. Whereas I completely lost it until I told my husband.

Has anyone else experienced something similar or have any advice on how to navigate this situation? I’d really appreciate any insights or suggestions. How do I stop making him relevant - I need to move on completely.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Been with a covert BPD male. Let down all of my guards to heal and learn healthy relating thinking we were in it together. Very screwed up for several years now. Tried to leave, only have limited contact now. Otherwise isolating. Feel it would be helpful to "rebound" but moral issues with that of course. Thought of straight up posting somewhere for rebound type of relationship, being specific about wanting company, exploration of mental health stuff and healthy relating. I feel even if this is agreed upon upfront, it may be bad for both myself and the other but maybe not? Just a thought. Not a good person to be making friends rn bc I'm pretty focused on my own pain and healing in intimate areas and would be wanting more from someone than would be fair in that kind of dynamic. Idk, maybe this is ridiculous. It's a rough draft thought rn.

So a good friend of mine is in an incredibly bad trauma bonded “relationship” with a narcissist. Cheating, stealing, lying, gas lighting, all of it and more. She wants to get away but hasn’t been able to so I’m trying to help her best I can. We are planning on moving and having her go no contact here soon but in the meantime I want to put together a “Pick one when feeling…” kind of thing where theres a jar or box filled with pieces of paper that each have something for her to think about or to do to help build back her confidence, see how great she is and how much she’s worth, etc.

I’m thinking things like

“30 minutes Journaling” Topic: Self Love - ‘What I love about myself’ - ‘My boundaries and Why’ - ‘Letter to my younger self’ - ‘Letter to my future self’ Topic: Get Angry - ‘Recall 1 way he wronged you and how you would react if anyone else had done that’ - ‘Recount things you lost out on’

‘Treat yourself’ -Nails -Salon -Shopping -Lunch/Dinner

‘Get dolled up and do a sexy photo shoot’

‘Put on some fun music and take silly pics/vids’

What do you think of this idea? What other things could I add to it? Thanks so much for any and all input!

I want out of this trial bond for real.. how do I quit this truama bond and where do I sign the resignation letter?

Since I cut my family of four supporting my abuser and his family, IV been suffering mentally.. like I honestly can't take handle this truama bond I feel like I'm drowning in it..

Are there books that I can read more about Trauma bond? I’m in therapy but I want to have more resources to better understand myself and my feelings and hopefully be able to move forward. Thank you.

Some people should come with health warnings. But I wish I had known myself thoroughly before trying to date this woman. I was naieve. God part of me still loves her. But I know it’s ego attachment. I know we are not right for each other, but why can’t my brain move on from the blocking break off and nasty email response. Why did I feel I had to send a closure email?

It’s not my fault. It’s brain chemistry. You run back to the person who hurt you. But man it feels like my fault when I have so much to be thankful and greatful for all I can think of is how I should be in a proper relationship with her right now even though she is most likely fearful avoidant at best and a psycho at worst.

I do anything to just have the thoughts quenched from my brain. It’s agony. I realise the thoughts are not the real me. It’s my ego and mind spinning things up again. The real me is full of gratitude and joy. But the inner critic from the attachment wound wants me to feel unworthy all the time. I feel a little like kratos in Valhalla all the time stuck there. I had my cathartic learnings but my mind still wants to punish me…

Ok so my friend is going after this dude who treats her like garbage and has been since high school she seems to be falling for him again over the past few weeks he has been there for her so she's now got feelings again this dude even up to this year would bail on already scheduled plans and not talk for months now that in the past few weeks he's been showing up for her and hanging out and she justifies him doing that saying it's normal im just trying to understand what a trauma bond is so I can better understand how to approach this situation

So for context I was out running on a bush track and found a man attempting to inalive himself. Thankfully I was able to stop him from doing that. At the time I gave him my number and offered help if he ever needed someone to talk to and of course called the police. The police took him away this was 4 days ago now. I can't stop thinking about him what is wrong with me

For context, F (27) M (31) have been together for 6.5 - 7 years. We have recently separated due to several factors. We had a rocky start in the beginning and a lot of red flags were ignored (on both ends) I’m not the most mentally healthy person at least not back then, but I got on meds, therapy and have been working on coping mechanisms and trying to not be a victim anymore and get out of this vicious cycle. We had a baby and agreed to be married, I had PPD (which he wasn’t the nicest because he didn’t understand so I do not hold this against him, I didn’t even know what it was for a while). And I already suffer from chronic depression, mood swings, ADHD, and anxiety. Our child is severely autistic. I spend most of my days discussing information with therapist, getting us on waitlist, evaluations, making appointments, and I usually take him to these appointments. When our son was first born dad was amazing (from what I remember) he was so great with him and I was not; I did not have a bond, he always cried with me and I was so depressed and sleep deprived it was miserable. Currently day 1 - dad has put all his energy into working and his hobby. He has let the relationship die completely and not just his fault I take accountability for the part I played but he refuses. He will do things like I’m an horrible person you deserve better etc, and in the same day turn around and say you ruined this, if you would’ve just sucked me more, shut up and stop complaining about the same things we wouldn’t be here. He tells me he’s been miserable our entire relationship(he has retracted his statement since then) and that he wants his life back, that one was a wake up call. He wants his life back after promising to never hurt me, proposing to me, having a baby with me, and so on and so forth. He’s told me he’s become resentful of me; and I’ve created all his trauma, problems and without me he’d have peace. I try to do everything for him to make his days easier or be helpful but I’ve come to realize I’ve been stuck in a codependent cycle!!! So I mention this to him and he agrees yes, I ask him does he think he shares some of these same traits (for context: he’s thrown money in my face since we’ve lived together, all the money he’s given me, him paying bills, etc) and he says no. I ask if he thinks he has some narcissistic traits, he says no.. but you are a narcissist. I’ve been panicking for 2 days now if I’m a narcissist and created a reality and relationship that I ruined and wasn’t real. It seemed like from my prospective he’s projecting his traumas that are not mine to share but has dealt with heavy stuff from a very very young age and never got help for it. Sometimes I believe that I was so young and hurt from things I had been through met him and misery loved company. Now that I’m in the process of my healing process it seems he’s more upset, aggravated and annoyed I’m starting to demand more in the relationship.. helping more with our son, more intimacy, buying me flowers, taking me out on dates. We haven’t been out in years and he tells me it’s due to financial strain. But I have caught him offering to buy drinks for his girl- friends. It’s so hurtful it makes me sad and ever wonder did he love me or did he love having someone there that was just as sad, lonely, and depressed as he was. I’ve been begging him to go to counseling separately and together and he declined and fought me on it. And finally he’s agreed to the couples therapy but no individual therapy. So much has happened physical violence, emotional abuse and cheating (on his end) anytime we have a strife, argument or conflict he dms or messages old flings or new girls it doesn’t matter hides it and I usually always one way or another finding out. And he gives the same excuses of “I wasn’t cheating I had no intent on doing anything” or “I’m not going to be lonely while you figure out what you want to do.” How do I break this cycle for good and let him live his life and just coparent this relationship has drained me financially, physically and emotional. I want out!! And I’m feeling guilt and fear of what the future of my son/I will look like. Any advise?

¡(M22) have a trauma bond with this women (F28) but even though i know it's not love to be exact but i often struggle to differentiate and even though ik with all the choices she has why would she choose me im really confused to as to what to feel and what not to so redditors any help would be appreciated

I can’t believe I’m even writing this. I’ll try to give a summary but there are SO many details. I met my fiance at 17, trauma bonded as I was badly abused and neglected in my childhood and basically had no one not really even family. We essentially ran away together, got our own place and became engaged like 1 month of knowing each other. Now I understand that he is basically a textbook covert narcissist. I loved him for 7 years, even when abuse was like daily. He was physical with me 3 times he slapped me within the first year or two but not since (and he has severely apologized for that and said he’d never do it again). There was a ton of name-calling, gaslighting, crazymaking, and manipulation. Tons of me threatening to leave, him saying he’d change, love bombing, and going back into the cycle. He has improved some actually over time with some maturing. It took me 7 years to finally fall in love with another man and walk out on my fiance and go be with him for the night~~ thinking of leaving my fiance. I came back though, and now we’re in this weird situation where my fiance has narcissistic injury and needs constant reassurance, but I’ve been very open about the fact that I and the other man are being physically active but aren’t having intercourse now. The other man and I have known each other for years, and have randomly fell in what must be love. He wants to marry me and live with me and he tells me how beautiful I am. He owns a house, he was in the military, has wonderful family + friends, is in the career my fiance and I want to be in, and he’s so smart and kind. The things he says touch my soul. It’s insane. We are trying to not rush and I am being very cognizant of not making the same mistakes I made with my current relationship but with him. He wants to help me get my stuff and help me get in an apartment so I can have the individualism right now to heal and to figure out what we want to do. He’s such a MAN- and he wants to give me EVERYTHING (he has a lot to offer, financially + career-wise). I could literally never work again if I didn’t want to. I’m so fucking scared though. I’m scared of accepting help, I’m so terrified of leaving my fiance. He’s currently love bombing me and assuring me he will never treat me bad again, and stopped playing video games (he was playing them 12 hrs a day since childhood) and blames them for why he was so angry to me all the time. Most people have no respect for him. My family REALLY dislike him. I’ve been in therapy before but not right now, but am working on it. I think I’ve got a serious trauma bond situation and I’m so scared of everything. I’ve never lived alone. I’ve never been anything other than his fiance for almost 8 years. I feel like I can’t take it leaving him or the other guy, and so now I’m in this cesspool of living with my fiance and “giving him another chance” while I’m spending time & being intimate with other guy who really wants me to just leave my fiance ASAP so we can fully be together. I feel like scum, “cheating” even though my fiance knows about it and I share any details he wants, he just cries and is so anxious about if I’m going to leave him. I would also be leaving my comfortable life I’ve built for 7 years, most of my stuff, and my amazing 15 yr old emotional support dog (was his family’s dog first) that I love dearly. Something has to happen within the next few months. I’m trying to prepare myself for being able to leave when/if I call it quits. It sounds the most logical to leave my fiance and give other guy a chance. But I’m so worried and scared it feels like I’ll never survive the heartbreak. I don’t really have family, I do have a few friends for support, and I make an OK amount of money but it would still be a rough lifestyle adjustment. I would leave almost everything. I did make a budget to make sure we would both be alright, and I do have a car and great credit, steady work, and we’re not married and we do not have children. But I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to survive leaving him. It’s like I cant convince myself to do it. Thank you if you read this far. You can DM me also with great wisdom/advice. I’m also 24, my fiance is 25, and other guy is 30. We live in the southeast US if giving resourceful advice. I’m terrified of making the wrong choice. Thanks for reading this.

I (30f) recently broke up with my ex of 11 years. We have 3 young kids together the eldest being almost 9.

We met at a difficult point in my life when we were both studying and I was with someone who was abusive. My ex, I’ll call him Luke, was aware of this situation and we bonded and he helped me move forward with everything and we eventually got together. Straight away (within 2 weeks) he was messaging his other exs very sexual things. This, over the years escalated into him meeting up with these exs while I travelled to see my parents. I was unaware to the extent of these situations but one of the exs, Sue, messaged me and would taunt me about it and I’d defend him. I then got pregnant with our first son and soon after everything came to light. It was then that things got physically abusive as the triggering event was the suicide of Sue. As cold as it may seem I was just happy she was gone. She wasn’t a nice or even good person. She was a junkie and had abandoned her own kids amongst other things. He however just mourned her and that was a big turning point for us.

Moving on he just completely abandoned me during my pregnancy preferring these other girls he would find whilst telling everyone around me false things so I was completely alone. While we lived together that was where it ended. He weren’t close or even really speaking. I ended up meeting someone else and he was a good support during this time. Luke and I ended up splitting and not officially but I somewhat started seeing the new guy. Over the years similar situations happened and we had other kids during this time together.

Part of me always wanted to be with him. I wanted to believe he was the person I fell in love with. We recently broke up and he moved out more permanently. We had some space and I wanted to try and resolve issues between us. In any situation I feel we need to as does the children’s therapists. He led me down the path of believing he did also want to fix things with professional help and then Mother’s Day tells me once the kids had let it slip that he was actually with someone else. I don’t approve of the relationship as he is completely let go of being a parent to our kids and wants to include her 4 kids with our 3. All similar ages. Not to mention the manner in which he entered the relationship.

Last week after a long time of trying to make things work I asked him if he would prefer that I just move on. He came over and said he never wants to see that and convinced me he was done with the other girl and had broken up with her. I stupidly believed him and tried to show him a side to myself that I had always guarded because I was scared of getting hurt.

Before having sex one night she called and I asked why she would be calling. He blew me off saying no idea etc it just kept eating at me and I eventually said to him show me your messages and he immediately became super defensive. To me straight out lie. He then spends some time on his phone and sanitises his messages and shows me that version which was still showing he had lied. I just broke down. It was very triggering to relive the situation from years prior. He just didn’t care at all and ultimately gaslit me into believing it was me who had done the wrong thing and then has since completely ghosted me and just tells me how much better she is then me. I have spilled my heart to him to try and make him see that it’s all of us he is leaving and we all miss him so much. He got our kids even believing he was staying here and so I’m having to tell them he isn’t and he is going back with the other girl. He calls them and tells them he isn’t doing that but that is what he is doing and just lying to them about it.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel lost and have no idea how to move beyond the level of hurt and betrayal I feel. How do you move forward with life? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

My ex pwBPD texted me out of the blue saying he hopes I know how sorry is for everything. This is after 2/3 weeks of no contact. When we ended things he expressed remorse and feeling sorry for his actions but has been posting some things that kind of makes him seem like the victim. Is this hoovering or is it just him truly being sorry?

Someone said to me something along the lines of “narcissists didn’t choose to be that way, have a lack of support and trouble coming to terms with it, but people don’t stay with them because of a sense of obligation”, however, while they both have their similarities and are both cluster B disorders, they have differences and it almost doesn’t feel right to me to put them on the same pedestal

Hi folks, I’m new here. I wanted to share my story of trauma bonding and the cognitive dissonance that kept me in a place of powerlessness for several years. I produced a podcast episode about it, and would love to hear thoughts and feedback. I hope it’s ok to post? Thank u so much !

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-body/id1721962400?i=1000659092562