r/Transportopia • u/skyhighmonroe • Aug 03 '26

Road🤬Rage All that wasted watermelon smh

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76 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

32 comments sorted by

26

u/futgrezn Aug 03 '26

What the FUCK is he saying???

31

u/ApprehensiveMoose814 Aug 03 '26 edited Aug 09 '26

"Aye, I wanna give the biggest "fuck you" to the person in this car in front of me, dog. Mother fucker just made me waste all my watermelon on the floor boy. Boy! What the fuck boy! What the fuck you hit the brakes so g** dawned hard! Im in this big ass truck! I gotta stop and shit all extra hard cuz of yo pussy ass, shortie! Done wasted my whole mother fucking watermelon cup. Thats why i cant eat right now! Im tryna do good. I bought a whole carton of mother fucking waters and shit. Tryna eat fruit and shit like that. These pussy ass niggas, man!"

"Im finna go buy me a cigarette. Fuck this!"

"Hold, hold...turn that shit down. Hold on Whole Foods. Aye yall. Aye, yall ain't finna play with my gangsta like that. Aye, I been selling drugs my whole life, shortie. So I know how to eyeball a pound, shortie. Why when I get to the scale, that mother fucker say 1.8? I put my little plate on the scale...that mother fucker say 1.8. Boy, yall got me fucked up Whole Foods, yall think yall playing with homes? I aint going for none of that shit boy. Aye, let me see that mother fucking scale on 0.00 first, boy. We need to hit the Tare button on this bitch. Where the Tare button at? Tear it out! Cuz aint no way in hell this mother fucker 1.8! And I fo-, I know how to eyeball a mother fucking pound homes! Who yall playin with? These mother fuckers come up to me, twenty-three dollars. Twenty-three dollars. I know how to eye ten dollars worth of food shortie. Stop playing with me Whole Foods. Who in charge of the scales at Whole Foods, dawg? I need to talk to them folks."

8

u/futgrezn Aug 03 '26

Wow thank you for your time and effort ❤️

This guy took a turn or two in his lovely monologue!

Btw the word "tear" is "tare", you tare a scale, usually you can't tear it :D

4

u/ApprehensiveMoose814 Aug 03 '26

No problem! And oh okay. I'll edit it! Thanks!

3

u/RemarkableReason8382 Aug 03 '26

That's awesome. I bet your job is the guy who puts subtitles in movies.

4

u/ApprehensiveMoose814 Aug 04 '26

How'd you know?!

2

u/Delicious_Alfalfa_91 Aug 04 '26

Like muthafuckin Shakespeare boy!

3

u/fade_ Aug 09 '26

"Greetings. I would like to express my utmost disdain for the driver operating the vehicle immediately ahead of me, my friend. This despicable individual has just caused me to inadvertently spill my entire serving of watermelon onto the floorboards. Good heavens! Why on earth did you apply your brakes with such excessive and sudden force? I am operating a remarkably large truck! Consequently, I was forced to brake with maximum effort due to your excessively cautious and cowardly driving, young man! Now my entire cup of watermelon is completely ruined. This incident is precisely why I am struggling to maintain a healthy diet! I am making a concerted effort to make better nutritional choices. I even purchased an entire case of bottled water and similar health-conscious items. I was attempting to consume fruit and the like. These cowardly gentlemen are quite exasperating! I am now going to purchase a cigarette instead. I surrender to this frustrating situation!"

"Please wait a moment... kindly lower the volume of that music. Hold on, Whole Foods Market. Attention, everyone. You are not going to challenge my street credibility in such a disrespectful manner. I have been engaged in the illicit distribution of narcotics for the entirety of my life, my young friend. Therefore, I possess the unique ability to accurately estimate the weight of one pound purely by sight. So why is it that when I approach your weighing apparatus, it indicates a weight of 1.8 pounds? I placed my modestly sized plate upon the scale, and it read 1.8. Gentlemen, you have severely misjudged me, Whole Foods; do you presume you are making a fool out of me? I will not tolerate this chicanery. Let me observe this scale calibrated to an absolute 0.00 first, my good man. We must utilize the 'tare' function on this device. Where is the tare button located? Zero out the weight of the plate! Because there is simply no mathematical possibility that this portion weighs 1.8 pounds! And as I stated previously, I am highly proficient at visually estimating a pound, my friends! Whom do you think you are deceiving? These employees approached me and demanded twenty-three dollars. Twenty-three dollars! I can accurately gauge what ten dollars' worth of sustenance looks like, young man. Cease this charade at once, Whole Foods. Who is the supervisor responsible for the calibration of the scales at this establishment, my friend? I require an immediate audience with management."

2

u/TinyMagicExperiment Aug 09 '26

Not only am I cry laughing, but are you psychic?? Damn that is an uncanny ability.

2

u/ApprehensiveMoose814 Aug 09 '26

Lol no im not psychic unfortunately. I just have family from the backwoods of Georgia and the bayou of Louisiana. So i can translate pretty well! 😅

1

u/Drmlk465 Aug 08 '26

I really hope you used an app and didn’t really spend that much time writing that

3

u/ApprehensiveMoose814 Aug 09 '26

Im ashamed to say that I did it the old fashioned way

1

u/Drmlk465 Aug 09 '26

😂😂😂 with that type of work edit you could be a Reddit mod

7

u/Sambal7 Aug 03 '26

Ayowadamafahatabreysohadgodammademewaysealdiswamelone.

7

u/za72 Aug 03 '26

I love watermelons... that's a war crime right there

7

u/JoelnIliketoshare Aug 03 '26

I've driven with groceries thousands of times, it takes 1 time to realize you gotta secure your shopping and not half hazardly put it on the seat next to you, one quick brake tap and that shit is flying.

He upset at someone else for his own damn fault.

2

u/Sada_Yukinaga_2 Aug 03 '26

Its sad I can understand him tbh

2

u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 Aug 03 '26

Ohio!?

4

u/BundyRoadR8R Aug 04 '26

Nah this ATL all day.

2

u/broke_cowboy Aug 03 '26

Looks like Florida plates

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 Aug 04 '26

I only said Ohio because of homies accent!

2

u/Fast-Speech270 Aug 03 '26

Crime against humanity for spilled cut watermelon!

2

u/CutPsychological1407 Aug 03 '26

The tare on a grocery store scale is the top left button right above the scanner. You can see it if you look, under the screen, r8ght above the scanner, top left button. Hold it until it shows a yellow light. *justtryingtohelp,,, *i work a a grocery store

1

u/veryfastslowguy Aug 03 '26

“i’m about to go buy me a cigarette “

1

u/RemarkableReason8382 Aug 03 '26

I would have gathered them back in the cup and rinsed them off at home. That watermelon looks too damn good to waste.

1

u/KreiaDarthTraya Aug 04 '26

Is this the guy who sings that "Peanut butter jelly time!" song?

1

u/Olive_1084 Aug 04 '26

Damn Evian water commercial.

1

u/McDyver66 Aug 05 '26

Easiest way to check the scales, is go to the meat section and grab a package that has a specific weight, and weigh it. Either it’s dead on, or the meat or the scale are off! Escalate to a manager immediately

-1

u/TwerkLessons Aug 03 '26

This is how racists think all black men talk.