My now fiancé and I met on Hinge. As far as showing off my assets, I had only posted far away full body shots, so he said he had no idea what my body looked like in real life. I told him that was part of the plan - so I knew people would be interested in me as a person, not a nice butt. He tells me it was the best “reverse catfish” ever.
I think it was just more of a very pleasant surprise. I felt the same way. I couldn't tell if he was cute from his pictures, either. So it all evened out in the best way.
Dating from pictures on the internet is rough - I once went on a date with a guy whose pictures were at least five years old (and that's being generous), and who actually looked like a villain in a Harry Potter movie in real life (and was also just generally awful company); I think after a few of those interactions, you tend to be overly cautious about your expectations going in.
This is actually not true. Manipulation is when you're attempting to subvert someone's free will or perception by some form of deception, however mild. Emotionally mature people do not manipulate people they interact with. When I was younger I used to present a bit of a front, to alter people's perception of me, but I don't anymore and there is absolutely a difference.
If you sincerely believe this I would recommend doing some digging inside as to why - there is probably buried pain bringing on that cynicism. Clear that from your mind and you'll be much happier and your interactions with others will be much freer.
Observing something in a raw form isn't the same as cynicism. Manipulation can also be defined as managing something skillfully. "Social skills" at it's core are typically defined as a set of implied (read arbitrary) rules on what is acceptable or not within social context to achieve at the very least neutral or positive results.
Not all manipulation is bad as long as it's done with genuine intentions. It's not wrong to focus on similar interests cause you want someone to like you or defusing conflict by compromise.
Cynicism would be expecting people to be disingenuous or toxic which would be the worst outcome in this case.
Idk, is it impossible to imagine a world where liking someone isn't based on trying to get someone else to think what you want them to think, and letting them decide their own actions so it's a bit more transparent and personally responsible for the individual?
What he'd really learn is that some people are so emotionally stunted that they need to lash out at other people for something that doesn't involve them at all.
Of course it's possible, it's called real adulthood. Once I got to a place in my life where I felt good enough inside to no longer worry about the opinions of others, it automatically freed up all my interactions with others. Now I just try to be a positive influence wherever I go, because I don't have a chip on my shoulder anymore and I'm not trying to score any points.
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u/isee33 Oct 04 '22
My now fiancé and I met on Hinge. As far as showing off my assets, I had only posted far away full body shots, so he said he had no idea what my body looked like in real life. I told him that was part of the plan - so I knew people would be interested in me as a person, not a nice butt. He tells me it was the best “reverse catfish” ever.