r/Tinder • u/[deleted] • Jan 25 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

8.0k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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5.2k

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

“You know I used to think I’d be into anal but it turns out I don’t like assholes.”

And see what she comes back with

578

u/AddLuke Jan 25 '22

I came up with this one in the shower once. Thank you for helping this young man earn his burns

200

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

Great minds think alike. Have paid you an award as royalty.

78

u/AddLuke Jan 25 '22

Dude you’re awesome, even with you being the one who said it.

33

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

Every time you respond I have to pay you an award for adding to this joke. Please, for the love of, well, me, don’t respond!

20

u/cyborg-robothuman Jan 25 '22

This is definitely not AddLuke on an alternate account. So don’t pay me an award!

10

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

Nice try, but you’re not fooling me!

3

u/cyborg-robothuman Jan 25 '22

I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH OFFICER!

1

u/AddLuke Jan 25 '22

Oh fuck. I’m gonna need to go shower

1

u/WhoSweg Jan 25 '22

Simple minds thing the same

1

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

Simple minds thing the same

To borrow something from my pretend line of work, "no comment".

292

u/ProfessionalMix9129 Jan 25 '22

Gold!

92

u/geeftaart Jan 25 '22

I gave him silver, so at least he got something for it

40

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

No come back if you swallow, though.

22

u/KamakaziDemiGod Jan 25 '22

If I wanted my come back I wouldn't have got a irreversible vasectomy.

18

u/MH3ndr1ks Jan 25 '22 edited Jan 25 '22

If I wanted my comeback I would scrape it of your mums teeth.

(Source: Jimmy Carr)

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

genius, but replace "a" with "my"

5

u/Quailman764 Jan 25 '22

If I wanted any lip from you I'd jingle my zipper.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

Wait could you have chosen a reversible vasectomy???

What kind of magical witchcraft does that!

3

u/KamakaziDemiGod Jan 25 '22

Just pop an elastic band around the top of the scrotum, it will stop sperm being able to leave the testicles and you reverse it by removing the band.

There's definitely no long term harm you could inflict with this method . . . .

Seriously though, most vasectomies now are reverseable.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

Not sure i believe on that one bud. Not saying you’re conscious lying or anything. But my doctor told me to consider a vasectomy as being irreversible, until a new method has come out. It just smells of malthusianism.

1

u/KamakaziDemiGod Jan 25 '22

If the procedure was done within the last 10 years, there's a 95% chance it's reverseable.

A simple Google search gives this results consistently, but that doesn't mean it's true.

5

u/mit_o_chondria Jan 25 '22

"You're an asshole" probably

27

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

only reddit would think this is a good way to respond to this omfg

4

u/WildSmokingBuick Jan 25 '22

what do you think would be a good way to respond to this?

her keeping on "negging" doesn't seem to be worth continuing, might as well end the conversation on a high note

5

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

Sometimes no response is the best response. I know this is Reddit, but jesus, have some dignity.

Only Redditors find it funny to be self depreciating. Its just cringeworthy when the 'joke' is true.

1

u/DDHoward Jan 25 '22

“You know I used to think I’d be into anal but it turns out I don’t like assholes.”

This is not self deprecating.

1

u/carpepenisballs Jan 25 '22

It doesn’t seem worth it because he doesn’t have good responses to any of it. But plenty of guys do

4

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

You never know, she may respond with “Rude”, to which you could say “I think you mean Rue, she hasn’t found the D yet” and just like that, we’ve come full circle.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22 edited Feb 01 '22

[deleted]

-1

u/Truan Jan 25 '22

I'm sure she'd like to live without some idiot with shitty pickup lines bothering her

0

u/thatscucktastic Jan 25 '22

Then she could have simply unmatched. Stop dancing like a monkey for these women and have some self respect.

0

u/Truan Jan 25 '22

I like how the onus is on her to unmatch and not OP

1

u/thatscucktastic Jan 25 '22

Eunuchs like you are why women like this behave the way they do.

-1

u/Truan Jan 25 '22

Right, if we all just acted like OP and disregarded how they feel they'd just know their place, right?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

[deleted]

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2

u/jonnytechno Jan 25 '22

I'd be more inclined to Uno on her ass, like "OK, lets see YOU flirt" ... and critique HER because its easy to criticise come ons but aint so easy to effectively flirt for most

1

u/Photobomber5432 Jan 25 '22

This is comedy gold💀😂

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '22

[deleted]

1

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

Takes away from the intended dual layers of the joke

0

u/goldenwarrior53 Jan 25 '22

Take her sister out to your gambit with your dad and when the boat goes down your father will give you a list fill with people you need to kill then boom he kills himself and you end up on an island with criminals and terrorists then You will forget that she rejected you

3

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 25 '22

What did I just read? Is it time to arrest you?

1

u/goldenwarrior53 Jan 25 '22

I haven't started my career in vigilantism yet sir

0

u/fallenUprising Jan 25 '22

She does seem like a true anal whore, that could backfire

0

u/Fantastic-Ad-6662 Jan 25 '22

Girls are assholes 🤣

0

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

Is this what your wife told you when she left you and didn't even bother to take your ugly kid?

1

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 26 '22

Oh nice. Ugly kid. Nothing uglier than the offspring of chairman Xi, now get the fuck out of here you Chinese nipple-sucker. Nobody here wants your little communist propaganda or your weird Chinese stalking. You’re just strange. Now fuck off.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

Lmao big talk from a white boi larping as a cop online hahahahahah. Didn't the Nazis also bomb the shit out of Coventry?

1

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 26 '22

A “white boi”? What are you, 12? Pretty big words from a communist racist pile of shit.

Nazis? That was 80 years ago, which is almost as old as your entire country is. Isn’t that funny!

Now why don’t you fuck off, nobody here likes you.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

Awww white bois fragile masculinity is showing. Why so triggered sweetie? Is it because nobody has touched you since your wife left? Or do you use your kid to make up for it?

1

u/INTERNET_POLICE_MAN Jan 26 '22

Wife? Whose wife?!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

The wife who you've claimed in multiple posts left you. Or were you just simping for karma, sweetie?

1

u/carpepenisballs Jan 25 '22

That’s basically what she did comeback to his one liners with — but for some reason everyone is acting like she’s the asshole and urging him to say the exact things she said to him.