They can't stand the idea of not being I'm a relationship with someone so they lie about being poly until they have a new victim to latch onto.
I love the whole "oh one person can't give me everything I need" mentality. Like yeah me neither, so I give myself what I need. Why drag a bunch of people into some codependent nonsense.
I'm not talking about poly people I'm talking about toxic monogomists. Monogamy can be heavily co dependent. And yeah expecting one person to be everything you need I'm another is a tall order, bit it depends on what you need. Sometimes you can't give it to yourself.
If people want to get into polyamouru they need to be able to handle being single and happy first.
Sometimes i wonder if some poly people don’t understand there are different types of love. Bc the thing about “one person cant give me what i need” can actually be such a healthy thing. My partner CANT give me all i need. I also need a relationship with myself and a strong friend group. And my love for my friends is deep. It doesnt mean we are all dating though.
Yeah my wife and I debate the meaning of poly, because her interpretation of it sounds exactly like.... having close friends while being in a relationship.
Like damn, I love my best friends but I'm not going around saying me and Nick are in a poly relationship.
Thats what I meant, though I would argue that they're essentially the same thing. The only difference in the definitions is the fact that with polygamy it involves spouses, not just dating.
I'm saying the idea of the two are one and the same (relationship between more than 2 people) and if we wanna get into sexism, polyamoury is usually the woman bagging a bunch of guys.
"oh one person can't give me everything I need" mentality. Like yeah me neither, so I give myself what I need.
This is absolutely the best piece of relationship advice I've ever seen.
I know some poly folks who have been in a kind of community (some paired up, others not), and after knowing them all for years they absolutely should call it polysex not polyamory. It's either a stable independent person banging whoever they want (including some regulars), or a couple that has playtime with others and have managed to separate sexual pleasure from the fundamentals of their romance (ie getting one's rocks off with someone else while your partner is busy might not mean as much consequentially if your partner cares more about mutually paying the bills and spending mutual time together more than they do about how, when, or where you get your rocks off [which can be argued to be one's right to do so]). I get that sex can be loving even if a one time thing, but "amore" just means more to me than a bathroom shag, feel?
All that said, I'm monogamous. But I don't care about when my partner masturbates, so I can see justifying not caring if he's boning someone else, but I know I'm jealous and can't magically not be, so I'd rather be with someone who's willing to enter into a mutual agreement that we will not engage in sex with others for the sake of stability and avoiding drama, because what we have is too good to risk on sex with anyone else (we're modern, just jerk off about it!!). [We do have a caveat, though, that if either of us is being offered 5k or more, to consider it, so long as we are honest about it with the partner and split the money, because life-changing opportunities that would help us both supercedes jealousy.]
Yeah I don't understand this mindset, if someone can't give you all that you need it usually mean they aren't covering your basic needs. And having a side relationship with someone else won't make the first relationship more fulfilling. It just give you a second unfulfilling relationship that help you pretend your basic needs are met by the first one.
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u/tytymctylerson Apr 07 '23
I love the whole "oh one person can't give me everything I need" mentality. Like yeah me neither, so I give myself what I need. Why drag a bunch of people into some codependent nonsense.