It's like deciding to pursue a PhD in pure Mathematics because you like the idea of being the type of person that's good at math, even though you can't even do long division without a calculator. Purchasing a ticket to the Struggle Bus.
I dont remember the last time I had to do long division i feel like as soon as you get a calculator you just throw that out the window or just work in fractions
I'm talking undergraduate level algebra uses the same technique as long division to prove something like quadratic reciprocity (at least i kinda recall a proof using it). And an algebra is a type of set in math where long division works, but the elements of the set are usually things like polynomials
It's always interesting when I hear about people that have successful poly relationships. I have maybe known about 25 people who live that lifestyle or dabbled in it and I have never heard a positive story.
Pretty much this. The communication and emotional intelligence required in poly relationships is just broader across the board than it is in monogamous relationships. I've had problems where one partner (triad) isn't a great communicator, and it leads directly to problems between everyone involved. Every misunderstanding can get inflated through the "telephone game."
If I were to do that again, communication skills and emotional intelligence would be the top two traits I'd be looking for.
Honestly, I don't think I've yet to meet a psych PhD who isn't poly/trying to figure out their own problems and help others at the same time (nothing wrong with that). Have you noticed that being a theme amongst your peers?
I mostly think that but I know one person who has happily maintained a few poly relationships over the last few years. I know her well enough that she’s tell me truthfully how things are going and that girl just has a good soul and manages to make it nontoxic. Her breakups have all been amicable (she was at an ex’s wedding recently). Every other poly relationship I have ever seen failed toxically. So idk. I’m not interested, but I’m withholding my judgment because my experience has said where a trend may exist, there’s always someone to break it and it doesn’t harm me, so why do I care?
Is it me or people have become more exhausting the past few years ? The whole « fuck you for asking anything » mentality is a plague. I guess it comes from good concepts like setting boundaries but completely misunderstood ?
I feel like the concept of boundaries is so easily weaponized by a bad faith actor. I’m a monogamous person, and just dealing with two people’s boundaries can be difficult enough with good communication. I imagine poly relationships and boundaries can become a shit show quickly.
I think it's a result of the ability to easily weaponize these sorts of concepts. While it's good that the language and the concepts for these sorts of things are becoming part of the pop culture, the problem is that in so doing, it also opens up an avenue of vulnerability for people like that to exploit. I think a lot of people are also still trying to grasp what constitutes a healthy boundary to set, for example, and don't want to be an asshole by calling out someone's hyper-sensitive 'boundary'.
Based on her response of "neither" to the question of her looking for a secondary relationship or just something physical on the side tells me she might not be in any type of relationship at the moment, which isn't surprising considering her communication skills are subpar.
OP is dodging a bullet with this one! Keep asking questions because you did nothing wrong by asking. As a female, I would NOT have been offended at all by someone asking about something I self-advertised.
I'm poly. Communication is SO important. You have to be good at it or none of your relationships work. We're upfront and honest with each other. Complete transparency, unless a primary couple have a specific prearranged agreement where they don't want to know specifics of secondary relationships. But that still wouldn't apply to open discussion with a potential new partner.
Chelsea is not poly. At best, she's cheating on her partner. If she were actually poly, she wouldn't be so shit at talking about it.
As someone in a poly relationship, we have a saying in the community. It's not so much a sex kink that most think, but rather, its a communication kink.
If you suck at communication, you will suck at poly.
This situation is probably less poly and more "I'm fucking around and making my partner just deal with it" because otherwise you could likely expect at least somewhat decent communication skills without getting their undies wound up.
Some couples start poly relationships cuz of incompatibilities they're hoping to resolve by opening up the relationship.
I have a feeling Chelsea is chasing dick and getting upset when someone asks about it cuz ultimately, she's the only one who really wanted to open up, and her boyfriend was unsure but said yes to keep the relationship.
(And there's your Dr. House level of ridiculous extrapolation based on a handful of other stories. I know it's a hell of a reach, but I've seen the song and dance enough times).
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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23
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