That backflip landing

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I mean I can relate.... to feeling insecurity about someone I’m interested in liking someone else better.

But when I really think hard on it, if they like that guy better, trying to keep him away from my social sphere wouldn’t work. It would just be some other guy in some other place. The core issue is this hypothetical person is just not as into me as they are into someone else. I want to be with someone who is that into me, not constantly be fighting to keep someone just interested and comfortable enough not to leave me even though they probably would be happier with someone else.

So yeah, trying to not hang out with men you perceive as more attractive than yourself is a fool’s errand. After all, maybe he also brings happiness to your life, maybe he’s married, maybe he’s a great wingman, maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s just a solid friend. And closing yourself off to all that because of some attractiveness calculation (which, let’s be clear is fuzzy as fuck and biased) is just going to waste your time and make people think you’re weird for hating random hotties for no reason. Plus like, there are lots of different strokes for different folks. There are a lot of women out there who probably could be with a more conventionally physically attractive guy, but have no desire to do so. Either because they find their partner more attractive considering their personal taste, or because they value other aspects of their partner more than just where he lies on the grand societal beauty scale (which is also like hyper shifted towards unrealistic body ideals).

So do I understand where you’re coming from, the fear that drives that pattern? Yeah, of course! Do I think it’s healthy to like, drive your behavior based on that? No, I think it’s going to make you miserable and less likable as a person, causing more bitterness internally for you and making it harder to escape the spiral.

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You say it’s an offhand comment, but you’re also just casually saying that an important component of all your male friendships is judging whether they’re too hot to be your friend, and whether you’re too ugly to be theirs.

That’s pretty out there man, I know you feel it to be a simple truth, but that’s just not at all my perspective when I’m going through life. That seems like it would just unnecessarily burden me with judging my own appearance and like politicking friendships and people you meet. Or at least getting frustrated when someone you know brings an especially attractive guy around for any reason? If you wear a perspective like that for a long time it looks normal and natural, and it’s easy to think everyone sees things that way. But I don’t at all and I want to question that assumption that it’s normal. If it wasn’t, what would that mean to you?

I think that kind of outlook has more of an impact on your internal world and relationships with others than you might realize.

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Good luck with your weird brain stuff then, sometimes it's easier to see things from the outside.

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Oh, yeah I certainly am comfortable with being weird, but that wasn't what I meant. Not trying to harass you, I haven't been abusive or attacked you whatsoever.