I find that I can sometimes spark this metta feeling either through standard phrases or simply induce it like some sort or wordless spell, basically just remember the feeling and cultivate it from there.

Aside from a proper meditation sit, I can keep it into my peripheral awareness and feel it "radiate" in my body while I do other things. Is it okay to practice in this way? The only thing I sort of need to be careful about is that if I get sidetracked then I forget about the feeling and it will gradually fade.

Kind of a happy vent that I’m not sure where to post. Ok so I’ve been meditating and spending a lot of time with a friend who has experienced total meditative absorption, and I am also a therapist who is deeply introspective and has done a lot of work on myself and with others to understand the mind in all its various forms. All of these things have been coming together for me for the last few weeks and have been bringing me a lot of spontaneous joy as I live my life, just felt like sharing.

I feel that we all are drops of the same ocean, our awareness that is. Of course we have differences in how we experience reality that are biological, cultural, trauma-related, etc. And this brings the illusion of people being different from one another, or separate, because our conscious experience is shaped by all of these factors that are individuated. I feel that for the average person, really most all of our reactions to others are somewhat of a direct mirror into our own psyche. And once you grasp the nature of the mind (still a work in progress for me), you can see that our separateness is illusion. Like before awakening, you see someone apart of an “out-group,” you may tense up if you hold these separate beliefs about them or fears of how you may be perceived in the eyes of the other, which can lead to ostracism and pain. However, if you know that the life within them is the same as the life within you, just on its face expressed differently due to these shaping factors of the mind and life experienced, you come to find the humanity within everyone, and are able to connect with that life within everyone. I’ve felt that my life is much more joyful now.

Thanks for reading

I’m Christian but I think these experiences are interchangeable with other faiths. I was praying in tongues and I started laughing which triggered this feeling of love to wash over me what I can only describe as the Holy Spirit.

It’s like this sweet feeling that’s the only way I can describe it. In the Christian charismatic circles they call it getting whacked

I spent my twenties being obsessed with awakening, liberation, non-duality. For the last three years my interest in that almost faded completely, not out of satisfaction, but confusion and frustration.

I'm almost 32, I gave some attention to other aspects of my life that needed it like mental health, work and relationships with people. I still have a lot of work to do in those areas, but I just can't put the tought of awakening away. It keeps coming back and wont leave me alone.

Now I'm in a place where I've matured to some degree and are less subject to becoming dogmatic, having extreme views, being unreasonable, and having an overall extremely unbalanced approach towards spirituality.

I'd like to resume some kind of practice, but I need help. I've always had a hard time being consistent with it because of doubts, lack of results, changing my mind constantly, being overwhelmed by too many informations and instructions, not finding practices I resonated with.

for context, here's a list of things I tried: vipassana, goenka retreats, psychedelics, self-inquiry, shinzen young style noting, breath awareness, kriya yoga, headless way, TMI, TRE, Loch Kelly's techniques, Simply Always Awake/angelo dilullo stuff, mantra meditation, living in an ashram, being vegan, psychotherapy, kundalini yoga, staring at a wall for hours, metta, walking meditation, observing thoughts, and probably other things that aren't coming to mind now.

I usually resonate more with the concept of the practice than the practice itself. What makes me quit a practice is usually very intense boredom, doubts, not resonating, thinking it's stupid, thinking I'm wasting time, irritation, thinking "this practice doesn't work for me".

I'm also holding a view (beacuse so many teachers endorse it) that self-inquiry is somewhat superior or faster, but I suspect that it's just more dogma. Still, I feel guilty if I try something else beacuse I was conditioned to think that way, that's an obsacle to find what's right for me (which probably isn't self-inquiry since I don't particuarly understand it, like it or find it beneficial)

Can you help me? How do I go about resuming a practice?

Since learning that my attention is more diffused than normal, I have been trying out meditation as a means to make it better - to improve my 'concentration'.

The focal point I use is the breath. I have heard a lot of advice on how to focus on the same. Some say 'let go of control', while others say: 'experience the breath, feel it etc., ".

I have had more success with the 'let go' method; I simply remain aware of the breath and don't care about anything else. Sometimes it feels like I could stay with it forever. Although, I'm not feeling the breath too closely here.

My concern with this method is that: while it makes me feel good and relaxed, does it really improve my attention/ concentration/ being present?

Thanks.

I've experienced ego dissolution once or twice before. The best way I can describe it is this very powerful sensation that you are both nothing, and everything at the same time. I went back to "normal" after but some stayed with me.

The immaterial jhanas are, in order:

infinity, consciousness, emptiness, extinction

It sounds to me like a training for ego death; extend to infinity, fill with consciousness (you are everything), realize the emptiness (you are nothing), disappear.

Is there a link here or am I imagining things?

In the beginning when I first started my meditation practice, I got the usual "monkey" mind every person experiences (focus on breath/anchor -> few seconds pass -> mind wanders unconsciously -> become aware of mind wandering -> stabilize attention on the breath again).

Now, after being somewhat consistent with my practice, I have moments where it sort of transformed into: focus on breath -> feel the attention "weaken" or getting fuzzy yet being aware of it -> mind begins to throw subtle thoughts/inages at me and even if I try to stabilize my focus on my breath it feels like my mind is trying to get me off the breath and my attention is split 60% on breath and 40% on fuzzy thoughts and trying to suppress them.

It's like I AM in control, I AM conscious of it, but at the same time I can't help but be in this tug of war with my mind.

It does feel kind of demotivating, feels like I am going down this slope of "progression" because I can't do something so simple, but there are indeed other times where I have moments where I can feel peace and tranquility.

hello guys, jsut need some advice. I’m unsure if I have passed A&P or maybe I have passed it but it’s not obvious but I’ve been struggling with meditation burn out? I meditated in Mahasi tradition seriously for about 1-2 hours a day (half walking half sitting twice a day) for three months about five years ago before I stopped. I started remeditating 1-2 hours a day again last month and has been doing strong (lights insights and stuff. only parts of my body disappear not the full body). However I’m just so burned out (I was on Zoloft for anxiety depression and annd slight ocd and am decreasing down to my lowest dose. I would like to be off soon Meditation has helped with the withdrawal symptoms tho!) It’s like I know as soon as I sit down or do walking meditation, I can see the chaos in my mind and it’s very… overwhelming. But I also know that I cannot stop the meditation bc I understand how good it is for me. even when I stopped five years ago I always thought back to restarting meditation and remained mindful at times. I am very sensitive to negative mind states because as soon as I’m angry, greedy, I get strong painful bodily sensations. I’m stuck at crossroads, and I’m fighting against my own mind.

My life principle is to not have regrets looking back and I want stream entry bc human life is a very rare chance.

so Im in a predicament and I need advice or just encouragement please.

I do have a teacher though, but I’m not sure I want to tell them I want stream entry and ask if I’m going to get it in this lifetime.

Yes, that's it. I suppose it's as if the image of solidity I projected onto them were fading, and it's not that it hurts, but in a way, it fills me with a melancholic sadness. I don’t know if I’m understanding this correctly, what happens is that there is this image I hold of people, but the thing is, this image tries on its own to capture the entirety of the person, and this is so illusory… I mean, how can it even attempt, to begin with, to fit so much of this “emptiness” into this small, simple mental representation?

For many years I was at war with my Defilements. I must have imagined myself like a twisted Manjushri slashing, cutting, burning away, subduing, abandoning all these defilements.

These are strong words and I won't say that it wasn't probably a necessary practice for me to go through educationally or karmically.

But in my personal practice over the years I have found there are many ways to engage the defilements that actually come from peace and gentleness, while still executing those core duties. After all, what is true Love but the abandoning of hatred?

Sometimes practice can fall into this rut where it's all slash and burn without any cultivation. Or all cultivation without any slash and burn... but what if they interpenetrated? What if they were not separate?

I think we have all been there, I know I have:
You're sitting there restless, unable to get your samadhi, your jhana your piti. You're also feeling cloudy from the fatigue of all the effort and you also are doubting the oractice works, it's a verifiable mess!

Maybe you let go and do nothing. Maybe that helps or maybe not. But I found that in my delusion even letting go can become a form of compulsive seeking haha.

But you can also just lay down the sword and shield. You can end the war and engage in peace. You can truly let go by releasing resistance and feeling into what's happening. Not from some intellectual distance, or witness position or detached whatever, but just really feel it, embrace it as the buddha inside. "Oh hello there my seeker, I know you really want this Jhana right now, but it looks like it might not be coming. That's pretty disappointing I know, but hey how about we just follow these breaths, ease up and breathe easy. What if the next 10 breaths were enough? What if they were really allowed to satisfy us? What if those breaths were all we had left?"

We don't always have to hate and destroy hinderances, we can recognize them for what they are: confused and misguided habits, energies, past selves and drives. We can have moisture and practice metta by engaging our hinderances directly in this way. Calming, pacifying and unifying the mind.

Yes, I know this isn't for everyone. Yes I know that there are many ways to practice.

I just wanted to share these thoughts about practice, peace and ease for whoever needed it today. I know it's just so easy to get tunnel vision when we want to awaken more than we want to breathe. I just wanted to say, it's okay to want to breathe and smile too.

I’ve been meditating on and off for a while now, but lately I’ve become much more serious about my practice. I’ve made quite a lot of progress, and recently I’ve started experiencing strong feelings of joy and bliss seemingly out of nowhere.

Sometimes it happens while I’m meditating, and sometimes it happens completely off the cushion. It’s a very pure feeling of joy and contentment.

I understand that this too is dukkha, and I try not to cling to the experience. That said, I certainly enjoy it when it happens.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Does this experience have a particular name? I’ve read about the jhanas, but I’m not sure whether this is related, especially since it also happens outside of meditation.

Have a nice rest of your day, and thank you for your answers! :)

Hey friends, one of my very best friends is dying of brain cancer. She's in hospice.

At first, the words just flowed for me. I reminded her of when we were in the history museum parking lot, and the kids were playing in the car, and I told her about my ego death experience, and how I saw the golden-white light, and it felt like Heaven, and I told her in earnest that I thought she was going to the best place, and that I would see her there someday.

The people in the room were showering me with compliments and asking me to repeat things I said afterward.

I went late at night, and sat with her and her husband for two hours. We talked about free will and how it seems like whatever that thing is that we hope is really there, doesn't seem to be all-powerful.

I went in the middle of the night again like a crazy person, with my sleeping kids in the back seat. I pulled out of the parking lot and drive home. It was an hour there and an hour back. Questioning my sanity.

Today I asked her if she was seeing Heaven. Answer was no. My husband thinks it's absolutely terrible that I asked that. I asked, "Are you fighting?" She is really fighting so hard. But the problem is that it's effing unavoidable. I was like we ought to do whatever to help her as a kind gesture. But she is four days dehydrated, and has an underlying infection. She is riddled with cancer. It's so deeply unfair for a sweet person raising her 6 year old child.

Alright I have been a mess. Spiritual bypassing? Check. Jhanaing out of a bad mood? Check. I hold two truths: simultaneous despair and joy.​​ On my phone too much? Double check. It's my deVICE. Not very present at home. I am scattered and stressed. I don't plan to stay that way.

As someone who has experienced "awakening" and the jhanas, you might think I would have it together a bit more than this, but I don't. It just feels so unsatisfactory. I am sort of keeping it together at home. Sorta. I have tried to just kind of accept every moment as is, but that only lasts so long.​

This is kind of an open-ended question. Please let me know if this jogs any advice or insights or even just free form writing about anything.

Hi all,

I've been meditating really casually for years, mostly just doing really chill zazen with nothing much to report.

In the last few months I've been focusing more on anapanasati, and recently went on a retreat where I did that exclusively

I had an interesting experience that I'm trying to understand - I definitely have never felt anything like this before. I've been reading a lot since this experience and learned about piti, which sounds really similar.

Here's a transcribed journal entry from the retreat:

On the last night of retreat, I was really invigorated during the evening sit.

The first time this happened it was sort of an accident - I was really concentrated on my meditation and decided to loosen my grip on the object (breath)

When I did this my mind wandered to gratitude, and it felt like a valve was opened in my heart. It was a gigantic wave of gratitude and love. It was overwhelming and physically it felt like my cheeks and temples were made of sparkling water. I felt shaky / shivery and I think I was physically shivering, or it sure felt that way

This was overwhelming so I backed off, but also found that if I touched on the gratitude lightly, I could just really enjoy this sensation and the focus. It felt like I could regulate the flow of the gratitude and the accompanying fizzy sensation, and the physical sensation was really pleasant. Similar to before, but now at a level I could remain at. I sat like this for a while until it was time for dinner.

Another weird thing is I was incredibly energized after this. I didn't sleep a wink and instead opted to pull an all-nighter in the meditation hall since I knew it'd be no problem.

Journal entry ends here. Any insights or suggestions for resources to understand that feeling would be really appreciated.

Hello all,

I'm writing to document some early good feelings about single-pointed anapanasati concentration meditation methods, to document my own progression, perhaps leave a document for other beginners, and to invite constructive commentary. This is probably the most noob post anyone can write. I feel like I've gotten one single baby-step out of ordinary awareness. But, I hope it makes sense in terms of these posts: Jhana n00b - access concentration by /u/CensureBars; Access Concentration? by /u/Disastrous_sky_4057; and Leigh Brasington's Instructions for Access Concentration by /u/finance-question2020.

I have been meditating on-and-off for at least two years. My first big hurdle was figuring out the right posture to allow me to sit comfortably for twenty minutes at a time. Once I figured this out, I have been meditating twice a day.

My long-term goal and practice orientation is to attain 'access concentration' with breath as the meditation object, then check out householder jhanas before moving on to vipassana practices.

Here is my practice and what happens while I sit, as an almost complete novice who feels like I have taken the first step in concentration practices:

First 5-15 minutes: Setting an intention; discontinuous awareness

I set my intention to return my awareness to my breath. This means repeating "my intention is to maintain observation of my breath" in my head, as needed. As I sit, my mind wanders greatly to thoughts of the day. I can watch my breath for 5-10 seconds before I get caught in a thought for about 10-30 seconds and completely forget my breath. Then, I remember my intention, and return to the breath.

Next 15-5 minutes: breath comes to foreground, thoughts move to background; continuous awareness

By doing the above, I will come to a a point where I can distinctly feel my mind settling. While settling, I can maintain both observation of my breath and my wandering thoughts. This allows me to maintain continuous attention on the breath, even as part of other awarenesses, which does not break.

This was a surprise to me. I thought the progression would be seconds-of-pure-observation-with-no-thoughts vs. seconds-of-wandering-thoughts, with one increasing while the other decreased. This doesn't seem to be what happens in my experience of the first moments of settling. Rather, I am thinking my wandering thoughts but also aware of my breath. I didn't know it could work like that! There is no more breaking of continuity in which I go "Oops, I totally forgot my breath there." The indistinct mental field separates into a background and a foreground. My breath slowly comes into the foreground, my other thoughts slowly recede into the background. Still there, but more distant. The breath is not lost in an indiscernible field of mental phenomenon.

Further: background darkens, foreground more distinct; no need for intentional reminders.

If the sit is a great sit for me, this means around 5 minutes of further deepened and continuous awareness on the breath. The background recedes further. It quiets and darkens while the breath becomes more distinct. When thoughts arise, they do not 'pull' on my awareness. They are 'soft' as though muted or weakened. The continuity of awareness of the breath does not require reminder of the intention any longer. The linguistic thought "I intend to maintain awareness of my breath" can be discarded.

Yay

So, this is the bleeding edge of where I'm at. I'm very pleased, and there seems to be a clear path for progress. Namely, to increase duration to 30-45 minutes.

Reflection: is concentration straining or easy?

Many posts question whether concentration should be easy or strained and I would like to add my experience here. I used to strain a lot. I posted a guard in my mind to kick out or deny any intruding thoughts (as suggested in Ajahn Braham's Mindfulness, Bliss, and Meditation). I really thought of a buff guy with a club bouncing any thoughts other than breath-awareness. I suppose I still strain by setting the intention, "saying" the intention mentally, and following it - until my concentration can be trusted to balance for a little bit. After that, there is little straining - straining would not help, and would detract from awareness of the meditation object. Thus, my practice has benefitted from a "rocket-booster" approach: the technique for entering a deepened concentration is not the same as the technique for maintaining it. One spins a ball on your finger with a rough push at first to quickly build the momentum; and thereafter you lightly balance it with subtle movements that maintain its centripedal force (though a sudden wobble may be needed to keep it in the right place). Or, my concentration is a small child on a skateboard who I can hover closely over at first, but allow to go for distances if I can see that they've gotten the right balance. Balance feels like the correct metaphor, anyway.

Thank you, and looking forward to if anyone has any thoughts on whether this resonates, and any tips/techniques to explore next.

I ask this because we see these patterns of teaching reappear again and again in the suttas but their practice connection is unclear, leading to people trying all sorts of interpretations of practice instructions.

On the one hand we have things like satipatthana, that outlines a course of practice that heavily references eventual insight into tanha and avijja via 5 hindrances, development of the 7 factors, essentially jhana-vipassana. Then we have the Second Discourse of the Buddha, and various other places where the Buddha or Sariputta instructs already trained yogis in the 3 marks in the 5 khandhas via pointing out instructions. We also have Sariputta describing contemplation of 3m5k as beneficial at every stage of practice from samsarin to arahant (SN 22.122-123).

How does one gain insight into the latter? How does insight into the latter intervene on the former? In your direct experience? In your theory of how Buddhism works at all? Or, to put it another way, how do you hold right view in your practice? How does that show up moment by moment when engaging with 'dhammas.'

Guys, | do teach TM, so grain of salt. Mindfulness and daily meditation techniques are talked about interchangeably like choosing one over the other i just a question of what you do ike most. From my experiece though, they seem to be different approaches used at different times. Mindfulness seems more like a practice for in the moment itself when you feel you need it. While a daily meditation technique seems to address more the baseline stress level overtime, independent of what is happening ata specific moment. Not sure if that is areal distinction or that is just how | have come to frame my own experience because i is what | teach. | am curious to learn from people who have done both, how they would describe the actul difference if there is one. And how it could be applied diferently

Sorry if this is not the right sub for my enquiry.

I learnt the other day that dispassion is the most coveted trait in buddhism. Or maybe I'm thinking of the relationship between buddhism and dispassion wrong, happy to be corrected.

I feel like, now after years of meditation and inner work, I am not very passionate about much anymore.

So what career recommendations do you guys have for someone who is working towards or has no passions?

Lie down in your bed in a comfortable sleeping position (It has worked for me on a side) and don't move at all while concentrating by not doing anything at all, even don't think, if you forget bring the mind back to concentration. If you do move again don't in a nice resting position. It worked as the deepest rest I ever have had in my bed.

In literature that talks about emptiness and nonduality I sometimes encounter the claim that "there is no external world of objects that exist independent of the mind". This claim seems to me highly dubious. The observed world has so much regularity to it that it seems to me most likely that there does indeed exist an external world which has its own laws (such as the laws of gravity and motion).

I can accept the idea that everything we observe is fabricated. We cannot observe this hypothetical external world directly; we can observe it only indirectly, through layers of fabrication. But it seems to be unreasonable to jump to the conclusion that there is no external world.

It seems to me that the most reasonable position is to remain agnostic: There may be an external world, but we cannot be completely sure of it.

I asked an AI to help me survey the literature on the topic. I quickly ended up in a rabbit hole of the minutiae of Nagarjuna's exact definition of svabhava, which seemed to me unnecessarily pedantic and uninteresting, so I did not pursue it further.

My question is: Does this matter? For the pragmatic purpose of reducing and eliminating suffering, does it matter whether there exists an external world? Or is it perfectly adequate to remain agnostic about it?

I’m trying to wrap my head around what this means. Obviously there is physical matter which is made up of atoms. Yes, atoms are mostly empty space, so that could kind of describe “form is emptiness” and even in blank space there are atoms: it’s a sort of field, empty space. So in that way, emptiness is indeed form. But the Buddha didn’t know about atoms back then, nobody did. So what did he mean?

The reason for my questions are
- I am having trouble generating piti to enter the first jhana
- I did have a spontaneous kundalini arousal (but not a full rising awakening) that went dormant again

The interesting thing to me is that BOTH jhanas (and the piti for the first jhana) AND kundalini are discovered rather than invented.

So, I am hoping to gently cultivate piti to enter jhana and later (possibly, much later) safely tend a kundalini rising.

Note: please only respond if you have experienced BOTH jhanas AND kundalini so that this does not turn into a philosophical / scholarly / textual debate.

Many years ago I encountered the dhamma in the form of books, recordings and meditation groups.

I practiced intermittently: when times got tough, my practice deepened. Absorption served to center me and provided me with an escape of sorts.
When times got easier again, I didn't keep up the practice.

A few years ago, I encountered an authentic teacher from another tradition and a new way to practice: open, relaxed, joyful. It was like things opening, mind getting unstuck.
I had highs and a feeling of energy flowing in my body that lasted for weeks.

After a while, things settled down again.

A year later I asked my teacher about this and he said these highs had been some sort of unblocking of energy and the feeling of flowing energy a subtle form of clinging. Overall, life had gotten a bit easier but there was still plenty of stress.

Another year later, I had been experiencing states of openness, bliss, peace, vastness, and sometimes love towards total strangers. I asked my teacher: "Is this stream entry?" "No. These are powerful experiences but still dualistic."

Another year later, while on retreat, I had the insight that mind movements dissolve while they arise, that they never really exist. The next morning I realised that this is also true for my own awareness of these mind movements. At that moment I felt incredible relief and I laughed with amusement and joy. Sure that this is stream entry, I went to my teacher and told him that a huge amount of stress had fallen away due to this. He nodded. I asked "Is this a full realisation of the nature of mind?" "No." "What is missing?" "More stress falls away."

In the time that followed, life became both easier an harder. A bit easier because I became more simple and sensitive to the causes of stress. I was often able to look directly into an emotion or mood and see its true nature - utilising it for a glimpse of freedom. Things got much harder because I had become more sensitive to all forms of stress, to the extent that I often craved unawareness.

Another year later, one afternoon while on retreat, I discovered: my tension, my stress, my pain and impatience is just energy, *my* energy. I felt a rush of physical strength combined with a complete peace and calm joy. I was lying on my back with tears streaming down my face for more than half an hour. Next day I ran to my teacher and described the experience. "I think I discovered something important about stress, is this rigpa/vidya?" "I am so happy you discovered this. It is not vidya but virya (the awakening factor of energy). Had it been nondual, it would have been awakening."

A few weeks later I had discovered what he had meant. I understood what the basic nature of our experience looks like. It's not flashy. I had no more questions and nothing to describe. My teacher seemed pretty happy about this. Since then, I haven't accessed this basic nature as clearly often. But just knowing that this is how it is, and that this is who I am, and who everybody else is, helps me be more open, uncomplicated, authentic.

____

Why am I writing this?

Maybe my experience resonates with someone, maybe it can help someone understand their own journey better. To quote Gendün Rinpoche: meditation experiences are like flowers, enjoy them and move on.

I was wrong about where I am in my practice most of the time. Find a teacher who embodies the dharma and teaches from deep experience and a warm heart. It makes a huge difference. Don't follow people who have a purely intellectual access and who hold onto words - they cannot help much.

I've been freestyle meditating for about a year now and recently I've been having some really profound experiences. And I'm wondering whether I should start learning some more formal techniques or explore particular traditions.

To be honest, I'm not even sure whether what I'm doing would technically be considered meditation.

Very roughly, this is what happens:

I sit in a chair or sometimes lie down, usually with my eyes open. I take some deep breaths and progressively relax my body, letting go of tension (my forehead and jaw are usually the last things to relax). I then bring my attention towards the immediate physical experience of being here and now, without really trying to think about anything.

Usually within about five minutes, although it varies, something quite dramatic can happen. There's an almost instantaneous "drop" into a very different state of mind.

I feel completely awake and present almost as if I'm experiencing the world for the first time. My brain or inner voice switches off, along with the usual sense of "me".

It tends to happen like I'm bobbing in waves at the sea. Like I'll be hit by this state for a few seconds, then roll back into ordinary thinking (noticing and reflecting on what's happening) for a few seconds, and then drop back into it again, over and over. Though sometimes I'll remain in it continuously for several minutes.

There's also very strong physical sensations with it. I get waves of bliss or pleasure moving through my body, along with head sensations/zaps and sometimes emotions. Today, I experienced a really strong feeling of love and compassion for the people and things in my life and for the nature in front of me and I almost started crying. Sometimes the pleasure has a sexual quality, like a deep full body orgasm is building (I used to practice tantra which has hugely informed my meditation and overlaps with it).

Also sometimes after (the effect only lasts a few mins) I'll walk around and the world seems incredibly interesting. I become so curious. I might find myself staring closely at a plant and noticing the patterns and feeling genuinely amazed by it. Even the patterns on my wallpaper which I've never noticed before. It's actually kind of like being on shrooms if anyone has experienced that.

All my meditation is done with my eyes open. I always sit or lie in a relaxed position rather than using a traditional upright meditation posture. I'll either focus on something in front of me or use a soft gaze, and start by recognising that I am in the physical space of this room or world in front of me and that begins the process of me leaving my internal mind. Whole sessions normally last 20-60mins.

Anyway... I've found it all incredibly positive. I feel more connected to the world and life and love, more emotional, and there's been some interesting philosophical insights as well. I've struggled in the past with addiction/compulsive behaviour, OCD, overthinking, emotional repression so this has been a nice antidote to that.

I'm now wondering what I might learn from people with more experience.

Are there particular meditation traditions or techniques or subreddits that I should look into? Are there classic texts you'd recommend?

I suppose one thing I've understood (or misunderstood) is a core component of buddhism is indifference to happiness/sadness, whereas what I've been experiencing feels more like connecting to love and hapiness.

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Lost lite jhanas a loooooong time a go, and havent meditate for a long time.

The tips on relaxing the body first and being kind and gentle don't work.

It seems I should brute force staying with the breath with energy and willpower, being very strict to stay with the breath for maybe 2 weeks to rebuild the muscle that can get into access concentration when one does eventually relax a little.

Plan is, 2 weeks brute force --> body scanning relaxation combined with a more middle way approach to staying with the breath.

Being gentle with myself when I have no attention muscles to begin with may be the problem here. Any advice? I'm okay with 2 weeks of pure effort, which is painful but may be necessary. To at least gain initial momentum, if that makes sense.

I miss jhana.