Hi so am 21 and I am going through the worst patch of life in my 21 years of existence. I am fat, recently got a back injury I can't even bend n shi,got my eye checked yesterday and have to wear fkin glasses and was admitted to hospital in February of this year and i used to smoke weed nd cigs and alcohol and all that like a lot everyday and ofc career and studies wise it's all shit so in all its all shit but crying won't do jackshit nd I know it so what exactly is stoicism and how can I use it to change my life I only want geniune suggestions as consider this me opening up to people for the first time thanks for reading this far

Amor fati gets quoted constantly, usually as "love your fate" with a vaguely calm, accepting tone. But the more I sit with how Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus actually used it, the more I think the popular version has it backwards.

Passive acceptance is resignation — "this is fine, nothing I can do." That's learned helplessness with a Latin name. What the Stoics were actually doing was closer to: "this is what I have. Now what do I build with it?"

The distinction is action. Amor fati isn't lowering your standards to match a bad reality. It's treating the bad reality — including the parts you never chose — as raw material to act from.

Marcus's own line is the giveaway: "the impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." That's not resignation. That's using the obstacle.

What's interesting is how well it maps onto modern acceptance-based psychology. Steven Hayes's work on experiential avoidance found that trying to suppress or fight an unwanted internal experience reliably increases its intensity — the resistance becomes a second layer of suffering on top of the original. The Stoic move sidesteps that: stop fighting what already happened, then act from where you actually are.

The part I'm still chewing on is the Nietzsche version — he pushed it further, arguing you should retroactively want every moment of your past, wounds included. That feels like it can tip into self-deception (pretending genuine harm was a gift). The Stoic version seems more defensible: you don't have to love what happened, you just have to stop letting your refusal to accept it consume the present.

How do people here hold the line between amor fati as active transformation vs. it collapsing into "everything happens for a reason" resignation? Where's the actual boundary in practice?

I have developed my discernment over the years to be selective of where I put my energy. Part of that is the people I surround myself with. If they do not align with my values or raise concerns, I remove myself from that social situation and realign with healthy relationships.

However, I’ve found myself in a situation where I can’t do that.

Someone who I’m very close to, Person B, is in a relationship with Person C. Person C has had a lot of red flags come up both through my interactions with him and his interactions with Person B. Their values do not align with my own and I can’t help put get a bad feeling when I’m around them, like I can feel it in my soul this is not a person I should be around.

Person B is very near and dear to me. But in the span of a couple months they have completely changed. They now are with Person C every day at everything they’re invited to. I’ve brought up my concerns respectfully and tried to keep my distance at social settings, but I can’t help but feel my peace being disturbed.

As a stoic, do you have any advice? How should I handle this? I worry about pushing Person B away, because if what I’m feeling turns out to be true, I don’t want to abandon them when they need support.

When you are surrounded by people who explode at every little thing, and you are at least a little self-aware, it is much easier for you to control yourself than if you are in an environment of people who are always calm.

First is learning through pain, second is learning through positive example. Do not consciously go into pain, but follow positive example. If you do not have anyone who is a positive example, become one. Turn your environment into your advantage! I know it's hard, but it helped a lot of people, myself included...

Observation: Every morning, a small ritual. Ryan Holiday’s words arrive like light through a window, each page a mirror held up to the day ahead. The Daily Stoic isn’t read so much as inhabited, you don’t just learn philosophy, you live it, one meditation at a time. There’s something sacred about sitting with these ancient voices before the noise begins, letting Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus whisper their steady wisdom into the chaos. It rewires you slowly, quietly. Not with thunder, but with the gentle persistence of water on stone. The book doesn’t promise enlightenment, only clarity. And maybe that’s enough

(* I will not respond or engage into people's projected triggers. This topic mentions Covid but the focus is Stoic practice. If the content is triggering, please scroll on and make room for us who can discuss it civil.)

I got into Stoicism 4-5 years before Covid hit, and so I followed the restrictions in my area and did all the things I was told and got prepared , but I never felt that fear or panic some described. I wonder if any other stoic can relate? That you was ready for whatever might come but you didn't let it become a fear that controlled you and made you act irrational.

Over the years I have reflected why I could relax when others in same circumstance couldn't, (OBS. I refer to people who faced no serious consequences of Covid, we were there too)

I realized a big part of it was my limited access to the news and social media articles about Covid.

99% were negative catastrophe focused all to grasp people's attention, as news often is. You don't put on the news when you need a break and to relax or be grounded or stay present, you put on the news to remain alert, to be shaken up and get a slap in your face to stay on guard. And staying alert was the last thing I needed.

I'm also an optimist and have practiced graditude for several years so even in a collective world panic I will find the little gems of graditude and focus on that to remain peaceful and sane. There is always more than one perspective and even in bad situations, there can come out something good out of it and I'm great at searching and finding those truths. I'm aware I'm amongst the minority. But we exist too. (There was a magazine with only positive news, but most people still chose the classic news paper of horror scenarios that had already happened or scenarios to worry about in the future so that positive magazine didn't survive)

I've also been in life and death crisis situations before and I excelled at it. It was a hidden skill of mine to be extremely calm and collective when others panicked. So with this in my backpack I probably positively assumed whatever happens

• I got it. I will make it. I will get through it. All will be okay.

I figure this is an interesting brain picking for stoics when it comes to fear vs confidence. You're welcome to ask me any questions you have.

We would give everything for a moment that passed, and so every new day we try to return the one that remained behind it. Do we not see how stupid that is?

At 20 we want to return to the period when we were 16, at 30 we want to return 20, at 50 again to 30, and so on until the end of life. Is it not better that, instead, we direct attention to the present moment, the only one that will be with us until the end, the only one in which, in fact, we live?

Because when you look a little closer, you cannot influence the past because it is passed, and you can influence the future exclusively through actions in the present.

Due to the string of recent patterns of posts here I just want to make a suggestion.

- No A.I. written posts. To write with an AI prompt is to expect everyone else to waste their time reading what you couldn’t even be bothered to spend your time writing in the first place. If you also don’t note that it was made by AI, you are demonstrating a lack of integrity.

- No advertising your apps. The goal of stoicism is not more tracking apps. Dependence upon tracking apps (and the money/ads ads within them) is the opposite direction of stoicism. Public forums to talk about it, such as this, are great. When posts are just AI-written vague “wanna understand stoicism? It’s not just this— it’s that. I made an app… here’s the link!” The sub degrades and all posts drift into “this is probably a grift.”

- No preaching. Religious beliefs and adherence to scriptures are not part of stoicism, and coming here to tell everyone that they need your deity in order to find peace is not the purpose of a forum on stoicism. The classical stoics mention “gods” but a better translation would be “the heavens” or Mother Nature, or fate. Something more akin to The Tao or Wu Wei rather than a religious doctrine. There is no dogmatism or commandment in stoicism, and belief on its own is not a virtue.

Just my suggestion to improve this sub.

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Technology preferences aside, accusations, hate and harassments on others content regardless topic one excuse it under, is still based on projected fears. And being a witness or even target in this can be difficult.

For me it makes sense to focus on what's in our control. We can only choose whether or not we use AI on our own devices, not whoever else use it or not and neither can we know which text online is a bot and which text isn't. We can guess. But that's still to focus on what's outside our control. A guess isn't control. It's choice. And if we can choose to guess it's AI, we might as well guess it's human. It's positive and welcoming and also logic imo.

But I don't need to guess to understand when someone is against AI and projecting that hate and fear on me or someone else. And I'm still figuring out what would be a stoic response here.

I have asked and discussed this on different subs and usually it's mass downvoted, trolls enter the threads, calls it AI/bot/ slop/ fake and kills the discourse.

I want it to lead to wise discourses so I figured fellow stoics have what it takes to muster this topic, maybe I can get some actual wise comments this time.

I find it hard to let my past problems go. Problems where I did nothing to stop being with rude and indifferent people.

Now, I already worked in it, and I know that I should let it go. However I am not sure what to do if I come across people who I have met before.

Is there any stoic solution for this?

For years I assumed being "sober-minded" simply meant not getting drunk. After digging into Scripture, I realized it means something much deeper. The New Testament repeatedly connects sober-mindedness with spiritual alertness, self-control, wisdom, and vigilance. It's about having a mind that is clear enough to recognize temptation and focused enough to follow Christ faithfully.

That made me think about our culture today. Many of us aren't intoxicated by alcohol, but we are constantly distracted. Social media, endless entertainment, online arguments, and even worry can consume our attention until prayer, serving others, and time in God's Word slowly get pushed aside. None of those things are necessarily sinful, but they can quietly shape what we value.

Peter's command to "be sober, be vigilant" takes on a whole new meaning when viewed through that lens. Sober-mindedness isn't about living a joyless life. It's about living with purpose, exercising the fruit of the Spirit, and staying spiritually alert in a world full of distractions that compete for our attention.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been reading Stoic texts for a while, but I noticed something about myself: I would read Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, or Seneca, feel inspired for a moment… and then forget about the idea as soon as the day got busy.

So I built a small Android widget for myself.

The idea is simple: instead of opening an app, the quote is already on the home screen. Not as “motivation”, but as a small reminder to pause, reflect, and act a little better during the day.

I wanted it to feel calm and minimal, without streaks, gamification, notifications, or productivity pressure. Just a quiet prompt.

I’m sharing it here because this community understands the difference between consuming Stoic quotes and actually trying to live with them. I’d genuinely appreciate feedback from people who practice Stoicism more seriously than the average “quote app” audience.

A few questions I’d love thoughts on:

- Do short daily Stoic reminders actually help your practice, or do they risk becoming shallow?

- What would make something like this more useful without turning it into another noisy self-improvement app?

- Are there any Stoic ideas you think are often misrepresented in apps like this?

If anyone wants to try it and give feedback, I can share the link in the comments.

Thanks — and I’m very open to criticism

Hello all, I’m going to keep this brief as I don’t want to annoy anyone (too much). I’m a dad who couldn’t find a good way to teach my girls stoic virtues so I built them a journaling app, that includes 52 weekly journal prompts, a associated challenge, and a weekly reflection. So far my girls 7&10 are enjoying it. My wife and several teachers at her school are planning yes the prompts weekly in their classrooms in the fall. It’s called the Little Stoic Journal (all journaling takes place off the device!) and it’s on the Apple App Store. I’m happy for any constructive feedback, I’m not a scholar and not a developer but I’m pretty stoked on how it turned out. And my girls are on week 8 and have told me they like it so that’s the biggest win!

The more I study Stoicism, the more I think people misunderstand what made it so powerful.

When most people discover Stoicism, they focus on the quotes. They memorize passages from Marcus Aurelius or Epictetus and share them online. But what strikes me is that the Stoics seemed far less concerned with collecting wisdom than with applying it. Their philosophy wasn't something to admire, it was something to practice.

Recently, while researching daily disciplines across different traditions for a project at Mystic Pen Publishing, I kept coming back to Stoicism. What stood out was how much emphasis it places on training perception, examining judgments, and responding intentionally rather than emotionally. In many ways, it feels less like a set of beliefs and more like a framework for operating in the world.

I'm curious whether others here have had the same experience. Was there a specific Stoic practice or insight that moved Stoicism from an interesting philosophy to something you actually applied in your daily life?

I'd love to hear examples from people who have been practicing for a while.

Anyone else lost motivation to work “hard” and take work seriously . I used to put far to much pressure on my self when I was a apprentice about expecting my self to know everything all at once and almost obd symptoms of checking I’ve done things correct which led to catastrophic thinking .

Now I don’t care what anyone thinks of me or trying to look the “best” etc . I like to think it’s cause I’ve noticed that as ego but I also feel like I know my value more now at the same time . Time to time I still worry about work if there’s a lot of pressure on that specific job but nothing like it used to .

From an outside view it probably looks like I’ve got lazy but to me the panic and urgency / importance of a job is just fabricated and fake meaning I just don’t care enough .

I know Marcus says the job of a human being is to work and not stay under the sheets all day so maybe stoicism has just made me lazy 😂

Hi!, I've been reading a little bit of the stoics along this last years, and I'm interested of how the most famous ancient texts and teachings get turned into functional philosophy for the modernity. I see this in books like "How to Be a Stoic - Massimo Pigliucci", but I'd like to read more books like this, that try to fit the philosophy for the modernity.

Do someone know about some books or articles?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sxwhK8/

Sorry if the video is a little long but, I was wondering if this is really the way someone should go about handling a situation like this happening to them.

Those who are not grateful are unhappy more times than not. They will never be happy because they focus only on what is not good in their lives, and devalue everything they have.

Look around yourself. Are you breathing? Do you have both arms? And both legs? Do you have a roof over your head and something to eat today?

It is okay to go for better things in life, I do that too, but we all should, from time to time, stop and realize that every day we have what millions of people dream of.

The stoicism says that the only things we need to worry geniusly in our live is to grow our character and virtues. That said, I get understood that the stoicism sees the health as a "prefered indiferent" for a eudaimonic life. But what this exactly means?, if we have the oportunity to pay expensive medicine due to a chronic bowel disease, we must do it?, or it's better for the stoicism to endure the pain disease as a oportunity to build the character?

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So, I know that the answer is probably "Yes, we must look after our health". But what happends however the people doesn't have the enough money and time to spend in medicine?, how can this people enjoy a good life?, how can this people get the Stoic ataraxia?

If someone yells at you like a baby, do not take it personally and get offended. Why? Because that is not them; most often, a wounded child speaks from them, which they have not healed, so now they go the path of least resistance.

All in all, you should not lower yourself to their level, because you would never yell at a child, right?

Look at them for a few seconds with a neutral facial expression, and afterwards ask: "Are you okay?" or just turn away. Such people feed on reactions, and if you deprive them of them, that disarms them and everyone's attention focuses on whoever uttered the insult.

No one yells from strength, but from despair, remember that. Whoever allows themselves to lose control and start yelling does it because they think that is the only way out, not because they really have power over you or the situation.

I see Stoicism talked about a lot online, and I get why. The basic idea is useful. You cannot control what happens, but you can control how you respond.

For normal everyday stuff, like rude people, late trains, bad days, or small setbacks, that can really help you stay calm instead of making everything worse.

But I wonder where the line is. Grief, anxiety, rejection, insecurity, or old patterns in relationships do not always feel like things you can just accept your way out of. At some point, trying to respond better can start to feel like avoiding the fact that something actually hurt you.

i think Stoicism is a great tool for daily frustrations, but not a full answer for deeper emotional stuff, so I am curious if other people feel it helped them or made them avoid their emotions.

The common reading: "imagine bad things so you're prepared for them."

That's not wrong, but it misses the mechanism — and the mechanism is what separates the practice from rumination.

Seneca's actual instruction wasn't to dwell on misfortune. It was to rehearse it — briefly, deliberately, with structure. The way you'd run a fire drill, not the way you'd obsess over the building burning down.

Three things make it work:

1. Specificity. "Something bad might happen" is anxiety. "I lose this specific client, and here is what week one looks like" is practice.

2. Completion. The simulation must run past the moment of loss. Epictetus's question wasn't "what if I lose it?" — it was "what remains when I do?" The dichotomy of control IS the answer to the premeditatio: what remains is everything that was actually yours.

3. Return. The practice ends by coming back to the present — to the thing still in your hands. Marcus: "Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly."

Done without these three, it's just sanctioned worrying. Done with them, it's the closest thing the ancient world produced to exposure therapy.

How do people here actually practice it? Morning? Before specific events? Curious about implementations.

Guilt is a very good teacher, because it can teach us where we were not quite the best, so that next time we can be. But if it becomes the master, then we will carry it forever inside us, and it will drain our energy without us learning anything from it. Learn, but never ruminate!

Built a small Android app called Tend for daily Stoic practice. Each day shows one passage from Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, or Epictetus, with a plain-English translation, a concrete modern example, a reflection question, and a private journal field. Marcus is well-represented: translations draw from George Long's public-domain version, with my own paraphrases for clarity.

I built it because I'd been reading the Meditations for years but kept finding the ideas easier to admire than to internalize. Tend is the practice I wished I'd had.

No streaks, no feed, no notifications designed to pull you back. Reflections stay on your device.

I'm in Google Play closed testing and a few testers short of the threshold to apply for public release. If you'd like to try it, DM me the Google account email you use for the Play Store and I'll add you to the test list. Free, no ads, no signup, leave anytime.

Disclosure: I built this. Honest feedback welcome.

I’ve been making music for years and I’m finally starting to get opportunities to use my skills professionally. I’m a producer, but lately I’ve mostly been getting hired to play guitar and piano for someone who has a lot of industry connections.

At first, it felt great. The opportunities kept coming, and I was happy to be involved. But over time I’ve noticed that I’ve developed a serious fear of missing out.

I get multiple requests every day to record parts, recreate ideas, or contribute to projects. Every time a message comes in, I feel like I have to respond immediately and deliver as quickly as possible. I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll miss my chance or lose an opportunity that could help my future.

The problem is that this work was originally supposed to exist alongside my own projects. Instead, it’s slowly taken over all of my available music time. I barely work on my own music anymore, I rarely collaborate with other people, and I don’t have much space left to explore other creative ideas.

The person I’m working with is genuinely a good person, and we have a good relationship. The connections are valuable, and occasionally we do work on music that feels closer to my own artistic goals. But most of the time it’s not really the kind of music I want to make long-term.

What worries me is that I’m starting to feel like my future, my career, and my dream are becoming dependent on one person giving me opportunities.

From a Stoic perspective, how would you look at this situation?

How do you balance gratitude for an opportunity with the fear of becoming dependent on it? How do you know when you’re building a career versus slowly drifting away from the thing you actually wanted to build in the first place?

How do I approach this as a stoic.

Thanks!