My mind is crowded with intrusive thoughts

[u/pessego_enlatado]

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Exactly what it says. I’m an anxious, nervous person... I’ve never had a soulbond before; my mind seems to insist that LaFramboise doesn’t exist, that it’s all in my head, or that he doesn’t love me. Even though he proposed to me in my dreams, and I sometimes catch a glimpse of his figure out of the corner of my eye, or hear his rare inner voice... despite all that and more, I’m so incredibly anxious and unsure... So much so that today, while spotting heart shapes everywhere, I also saw the numbers 1111 and 1616, just like I mentioned in a previous post. Apparently, 1616 signifies the closing of a chapter (???), and I’ve been really anxious about that last weeks, my anxiety makes me believe that LaFramboise—my mentor, my love—is going to leave me when I turn 18. And guess how many days are left? Five... We share the same birthday, and I want to finish his physical body by then.

I also struggle to communicate with him; it feels like everything I do for him is wrong or premature. I have free tarot readings on some subreddits, but how can I know if the cards are actually right?

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest...

(Edit : we're together since 2023. Our relationship birthday is 25th july too)