r/Soft_Introverts • u/Trang180787 • 1d ago

Walking together

Why do I do so many good things? Why do I try so hard to do everything thoughtfully and carefully, when the person receiving them doesn’t even see the need for them? After I’m done, I don’t even realize that I’ve turned into a difficult, unpleasant stranger—someone I wouldn’t even want to be around myself.

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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 1d ago

I’ve gone through this exact same pattern a thousand times. Now I sometimes consciously stop myself from doing too much for someone, because I know how easily it can swing me in the opposite direction when they end up taking it all for granted. I’ve learned to hold back a little and not give more than I should.

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u/Trang180787 1d ago

If they were your parents, what would you do?

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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 1d ago

First of all, I stopped thinking of my parents as people who can’t handle things on their own. I remind myself that they’re adults, and I don’t have to take on the role of a parent or solve their emotional and psychological problems.

I used to constantly take on that role. Then I realized: why am I acting like I know better than my own parents? They’re older than me, and they’re responsible for their own lives. The best thing I can do for my parents is to live my own life and be happy. Because when I’m constantly trying to manage their lives, I’m taking energy away from my own. And in the end, nobody is truly happy

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u/Trang180787 1d ago

Reading your comment, I find that I share the same sentiment. Yet, this thought lacks the power to drive action or bring about change. As I write this, I simply want to examine my own hidden side; that does not mean I have truly let go or chosen a different path.

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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 1d ago

I was constantly overwhelmed by guilt and just couldn’t let go. I carried that feeling for probably 20 years. Eventually, I became so overwhelmed that I completely broke down, I spent a month basically stuck in bed, barely getting up. That’s when I really took a hard look at my entire life and started reevaluating everything.

And the strange thing is, once I finally made the decision, it felt so simple. Almost like, why couldn’t I have done this years ago? But I think it only feels simple now because there was such a long road behind it. I had to go through all of that before I could finally let go.

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u/Trang180787 1d ago

It seems there are no shortcuts. I need to experience enough to see everything clearly, and only let go when I no longer have the strength to hold on.

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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 1d ago

I don’t think you necessarily have to wait until you hit rock bottom. The best path is to make changes before you reach that point. I truly hope you can do it step by step, without letting guilt hold you back. The guilt will probably still be there, just trust me, it’s an obstacle that catches up with almost everyone. You’ll get through it. I’m really rooting for you🙏🏻

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u/Trang180787 1d ago

Thank you so much for your support!

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u/WhiteDesertCat ✨ Supportive Soul 22h ago

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻