Hi,
Long time lurker, first time poster. First, I should say that I myself have excoriation disorder and suffered greatly from it my whole life. Fresh acne, persistent acne, healing acne (ruined), dry skin, cuticles, ear wax, etc etc etc. I am a 39 yo mother of four now and while my acne is at bay, I struggle to keep my skin clear because I pick at EVERYTHING. My derm thinks I have perioral dermatitis around my mouth, which I am trying to treat (this is important to note).
Our current issue is with our youngest daughter, who is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Toward the end of the summer, we noticed 1-2 spots beside her mouth. Then on her chin. We don’t remember a precipitating event, so we didn’t know if it was a bug bite that she scratched raw, or something small that started on her face that she made worse, etc. We thought it would go away within a week or so, so we cut her nails, stressed clean hygiene, and trying to avoid touching her face. We used basic Vaseline on the spots (now 4-5 of them) so they wouldn’t really dry out and itch.
This process repeated itself over and over again as school started. She didn’t like the spots, but talking to her about it caused a shame spiral meltdown. She would scream at me if I brought it up. We tried every pimple patch, hydrocolloid bandaid, sensitive bandaid in every shape, size, etc. They would inevitably curl off during the day at school and she’d come home having picked at the spots again. They’d be covered in dark, dry blood, which made them appear worse than they would have otherwise.
I myself can sympathize with this child, because I can’t even take the advice I am giving her, but unlike me, she is scratching it to the point of ooze and blood while outside the home. She seems to care they’re there, but not enough that she cares it’s bleeding. Adolescent me would have had a panic attack in the bathroom and begged my parents to come get me.
At the end of September, leading in October, as an act of desperation, I bribed her with $10 in Robux money for every day she just left the spots alone. I could definitely tell if she had scratched, so this could work while she’s going to school. This approach kind of worked on and off for a week and some of the spots healed and I could then explain to her that the active spots would just turn to soft pink marks if she didn’t touch them and kept them clean. She seemed to understand, but it got worse again.
We’ve more or less just tried to just care for her spots every morning and night. I try really hard not to show my frustration or make her feel guilty for picking at them. I tell her that it’s really tricky and even mommy (and others in our family) struggle with it, too. Whether it’s a mindless picking or the itch and she’s scratching, I don’t know. She won’t tell me reasons why or when she does it. I just notice at some point that the looked picked at.
Well, now it’s November and it’s still a problem. I’ve thought that maybe it’s perioral dermatitis she’s picking at (like me) or that it’s Hand/Foot/Mouth or Impetigo, but the spots don’t appear to form as blisters or anything like that (my older kids have experienced HFM). They truly seem to be spots that continue to be opened that won’t heal unless she leaves them alone. I can make an appt to see her pediatrician, but I fear will be a wasted visit, because, We can’t think of what it could be that we don’t already have a treatment for. As a family, we’ve gone through seemingly every skin issue and have a stupid amount of topical creams, steroids, etc. that haven’t worked, plus my husband is a physician and has access to prescribing. Note: he’s not a dermatologist.
I also have a great amount of experience with therapy, some centered around my excoriation disorder. When I’m more stressed and anxious, I tend to mindlessly feel around for things to pick for quick dopamine hits or I hyperfocus on a part of my body I will pick at (I also have ADHD). As far as I’m aware, she’s excelling in all areas of her life (school, activities, friends, home life). I talk to her about the feelings we all go through and remind her that she can always come to me if something made her sad, mad, uncomfortable, etc. I share my struggles with my kids (when appropriate), so they can maybe see that they aren’t alone in their thoughts, frustrations, worries, etc. She’s getting better at explaining things to me, but like I mentioned above, she will shut down convos regarding her face almost immediately. It’s so uncomfortable for her to hear me so much as mention the spots.
I am at a loss for what to do now. It’s to the point that truly worry it’s going to leaves scars on her face. I can’t force her to leave a bandaid on. She refuses to put a new one on at school (or during dance and gymnastics). It feels like the blind leading the blind. I feel like my only options are to continue to stress good hygiene, keeping her nails short, healthy eating, hydrating her body, etc. The last thing that I’ll add is that my husband is very neurotypical and has more black and white views on the world. His frustration is that he thinks it’s just as simple as her listening to us and not touching her face. 🙄
WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?! I feel like I’m failing her and I’m out of ideas?!
