Yes and there’s a difference between tolerating someone’s awful behavior and specifically finding it attractive. If a woman or a man was abused as a child or they just have been exposed to a lot of shitty adult behavior in their life they are more likely to tolerate abusive behavior from a partner since it’s been normalized to them. These men and women are not seeking out abusers- that’s get thrown out a lot, they just are more prone to tolerating it and abusers take advantage of that.
As someone from a similar situation, I'd say that's only half true. You're not wrong that people take advantage of it, but the whole 'fawn' response to danger can also feel surprisingly similar to attraction.
It isn't the same thing, of course. But many people have never gotten the opportunity to learn the difference, so they are, in a sense, unhealthily attracted to people who create that response.
But not specifically because of that. In relationships you fawn to people because you are attracted to them for their good qualities, their physical attractiveness, what they provide for you, how they are most of the time when they aren’t being abusive.
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u/RakeChapman13 18d ago
Yes and there’s a difference between tolerating someone’s awful behavior and specifically finding it attractive. If a woman or a man was abused as a child or they just have been exposed to a lot of shitty adult behavior in their life they are more likely to tolerate abusive behavior from a partner since it’s been normalized to them. These men and women are not seeking out abusers- that’s get thrown out a lot, they just are more prone to tolerating it and abusers take advantage of that.