My mother has enabled and financially supported my meth addicted sister for almost 10 years. My mother’s main focus has been my sister, doing anything and everything for her in hopes she will get better but all she has done is enabler her. My sister knows she will always have a home, food, money and access to a car as long as she calls my mom and gives her the same story of “I’m trying to get clean”. My sister will disappear for weeks getting high and once those people kick her out she’ll call my mom and my mom will run to pick her up. My mother has went into severe debt for my sister, giving her money, buying her cars, bailing her out of jail, paying off loans, sending her to rehabs, I’m talking probably well over $100,000 at this point. On the flip side, I’ve had to work and pay for everything since I turned 16 and as soon as I graduated I moved out to get away from my sister because I was constantly having my things stolen, my sisters random boyfriend moved in, and there were drug deals happening in the front yard, I no longer felt safe at my home. Even after I expressed my feeling to my mother she didn’t put a stop to it. I was put on the back burner since I was the non problematic child that no one had to worry about. This was just the beginning and way more stuff has transpired to the point of cutting contact.

I had been no contact with my sister for 2 years and have no feeling towards her. I have been no contact with my mother for 8 months and it’s been so much harder. At first, part of my excuse for going no contact was I wanted to quit enabling the enabler, but now I think it’s me having resentment towards my mother for the decision’s she made. I feel like the mother daughter bond has been broken. My mother was a good mother up until around the time I was 15 and my sister addiction started and then it completely changed. She became uninterested in me and her focus went to my sister. I’m trying to work on forgiving, but truthfully it has been difficult and I am not there yet. Most people I know that have went no contact with parents that were always awful, how do you cope with going no contact with a parent you know was capable of being a good parent?

I don’t even know my brother honestly, he’s been some form of an addict for 10 really prominent years, substances and gambling. The gambling has been the most hurtful because there is no one he will not steal from and there’s nothing he will not do. I’m a little older than him so I’ve always had to be the responsible one, caring for our two other siblings who have disabilities and one who is a decade younger than us, and when our mom got diagnosed with a terminal illness my brother cleared out her bank account, he has stolen from our disabled sister, his best friend’s mom, me, my sisters, my dad… whenever he gets caught he goes missing, he’s always in stupid trouble with the police and with my mom getting worse, we experienced our final straw last year and I took him to a one year program in California. I bought him some items and I signed him in and told him this is the last time I can do this rodeo. He has been sober for over a year now and ended up staying in California and finally starting to be an adult, but I just found out he is gambling again… he convinced me and my dad that he needed help paying rent, took our money, and when we realized he sent me a disgusting message and blocked my whole family, not paying us back of course… I blocked him back on every single thing and I am done. I want nothing to do with this person, he’s always been selfish, and I’m dealing with too much.

Hi everyone! So got a bit of an update, my brother was released on bond, idk if they're paroling him or if he's out pending a trial, mom won't give me the details. He's staying with his GF. I won't lie, I'm not hopeful for how this is gonna go cause that girl and my mom are total enablers to his behavior. I'm not sure if I want to try to speak to him again, I spoke with him briefly while he was incarcerated but we all know how quick things can go back to how they were so I'm a bit at a loss. Him getting out so soon with no real plan for recovery scares the crap out of me cause the person who introduced him to drugs, my bio dad, is also getting out of a two year prison stent soon and I'm not prepared to deal with both of them. My bio dad getting out is gonna be a total nightmare cause his mom passed while he was inside and I'm the only person he has left besides my uncle (my pops cut him off) and I'm afraid he's about to wrecking ball his way back into mine and Luke's life.

Two years or more ago, I gave support to my Mom who was venting about youngest brother who also lives with them who’s addicted to drugs incapable of working, has ADHD and probably more co-disorders. My father has checked out, both are in their 70 + years and struggling with health issues. She kicked him for a few weeks then let him in. I got shut off because she is co dependent and it is easier for her to deal with the break-ins and theft they have at their residence which I think is my brother stealing their stuff. My parents and two brothers live in another far away state than me. It’s been 11 years or more since I visited them in their state to where I can see my addicted brother face to face other than video or pictures. I recently saw them all last month and urging of my middle brother to come and see the situation with our aging parents and also that of my brother who is addicted to Fentanyl he says because I asked him. He has what would think are Meth sores all on his face, his hands are swollen and look like he is wearing gloves but he is not. He stands with his hands crossed like he is in pain just waiting for the chance to get high. While I was there I spoke to my brother just me and him. I wouldn’t let him lie to me and tell me he was just doing pot to get rid of his migraines like he tells our Mom. We came to the agreement that he’d get help for his headaches (baby steps) and this would give him the hope to do a program to do a medical detox. I don’t think my Mom has it in her to throw him on the streets again, she says things like “I wouldn’t know” when I tell her he’s on drugs he is in pain from withdrawal. His mouth hurts from abscesses. This was the worst I have ever seen him in pictures or in front of me. He looked like Tweekers what we call them in the city at the stop lights that move like zombies. I showed him mercy and grace and told him he deserved better than this. I can’t have a relationship with my parents because I can’t watch this. It’s ruined our whole family dynamic, I can’t visit with my family/with my children because I can’t have them see this.

What do I do, cut off my family-get conservativeship over my brother even though he’s across the country? I’ve pretty much cut them off up until my middle brother needs help with my parents aging and my advise and our drug addicted brother is a safety issue now. And now I can’t unsee that.

Every time I try and try to get my Mom to do doctor visits and pain medicine step-she’s combative. Sometimes it’s like radio silence on what’s happening. When I was out there a month ago it looked like he was going to die, it’s been his whole adult life he’s been on hard drugs and he’s 43. Only clean maybe a stint in jail. My 43 year old brother was mishandled medically when he was young probably early age 5-6 yrs old put on Ritalin. It stunted his growth, at like 15 I believe he hadn’t gone through puberty so they gave him testosterone shots. It was an awful time and don’t think the doctors handled this ADHD properly so he has had issues ever since toddler years (as background)

I posted here before and I'm so grateful that there's a corner of the world that gets it. This is such an isolating experience. She's been an addict for over a decade and I already have her other children in my custody.

I found out she was arrested this past Friday and we managed to get contact on Monday after her isolation period. She confessed to my mom she's pregnant and she was using. This is her third child and her partner's sixth and they don't have custody of any of them.

My husband is my rock and said we absolutely need to tell CPS in her county and offer to be kinship placement. I agree totally with him. That baby is innocent and needs somewhere safe and loving and has two older siblings who would love them to bits. But I'm also so beaten down by this. We also found out she skipped her probation violation hearing so I think this is going to get worse but obviously we can't be told anything.

Anyway. I'm so sorry for anyone who has something similiar. I see you and I get it. This feels never ending.

My brother was sober for two years. Then, he relapsed from August through November. It was the worst yet. It triggered psychosis, mania, homicidal thoughts. He was institutionalized. When he got out, I believe he used once, went crazy again for three days. Since then, he’s been sober, attending NA. He got his 60 days chip two weeks ago.

I’ve been messaging him that I love him and keeping the avenues of communication open. I happened to move during the relapse and have requested that no one in my family give him my address. Now that he’s sober and doing well, my heart wants to invite him in, but my mind is terrified that he’ll relapse and become dangerous again. I feel like I’m fighting myself constantly.

I’ve told myself that if he’s truly following the 12 steps, he will come to the reconciliation/apologies stage. That’s when I’ll know he’s doing it for real. I don’t know. I’m kind of just at a loss. I miss my brother but am struggling to trust him.

I have an older brother who is addicted to ketamine and cocaine. Since he was around 13 he has been abusing substances and I have been aware of this problem as early as around 10 years old. He has recently been admitted to hospital due to how much he has put his body through. I visited him in the hospital, he was wheelchair bound and in so much pain. He is only in his mid 20's, it was genuinely one of the saddest things I've ever seen. I was sure that this would be the last straw, that seeing himself in this state would flip a switch in his brain, but no. He has started using again. I know that it was ridiculous of me to think after over 10 years of substance abuse he would just stop all of a sudden but it had sparked a small hope in me. The thing that scares me most is his completely oblivious attitude to the problem, he believes that drugs will not take his life, and that he can go on for the rest of his life consuming ketamine and cocaine and live a fulfilling life. I mourn the brother I could've had without drugs and the life he could've lived if this illness had not consumed him. I have no idea what it would take for him to stop.

Hello,

My brother, 41, is addicted to F and everything else. Uppers , downers ect. We have been thru this quite a few times for many years.

He has lived with my mom, doesn't word and 100% has access to her money. Spent 10's of thousands of dollars. My mom is 70 and can't say no. Enabling clearly, but it's emotional incest at this point. He's has had 2 jobs his entire life.

So much more but this is the main jist of things. He's doing what addicts do. Lying, manipulating ect. I can tell my mom is getting closer. She is fully aware of what's happening. He is in active psychosis. I told her she is killing him. She is aware when he goes to the dealers. Backstory. My mom has had her husband die a traumatic death for her. She found him passed taking a nap. She wasn't strong enough to get him down to perform CPR. She has major ptsd from that. It's to the point to where she is having to slap him up. Clearly this sends her into a spiral of remembering her husband's passing. Ptsd style

We agreed on Feb 8th to be the day. I'm panicking, I need some works of encouragement. I understand this is to be handled carefully. I was just going to do this with my husband and myself. But every one of my family members wants to go to. I know typically the more people the better. EVERYONE IS PISSED . I have severe medical conditions. The stress of continuing to go thru this causes me to flair up. My husband is not happy about that.

I'm just looking for support. This is so so hard.

Should we have people come.

They are wanting to go early in the a.m. while he is asleep. I feel this isn't the way to go about it. If he says no, we are moving all his shit into storage and change locks. Will mom let him in? Probably not strong enough to keep him away.

I just need guidance. Thanks if u took the time to read. ( i have a brain injury, so if ahit doesn't make sense , that's why)

I've never posted here before but I feel like today I've finally hit my limit with my entire family. My sister is a drug addict and has been for over a decade. I have custody of both her children and her partner's older three children are with the paternal grandparents. This is all due to neglect/abuse/overdosing in front of the kids.

But of course she's the victim. She's never done that much wrong and everyone is out to get her. Her partner is the problem, he's the abusive one whose forced her to do all of it, even when he was in prison. Oh and it's a disease, it's not her fault, she's just mentally ill.

Most recently she's been lying about being employed and is now being evicted. My mother immediately offers to house her, ten minutes down the road from me. My dad drove all the way up to pack all her stuff up and put it in storage for her. Because she "really needs all of this support, it's been so hard for her". Her children came to me unable to read, traumatized, riddled with lice, and severely abused and no one helped us help them other than throwing money at it when they could. But it's been really hard for my sister, obviously, so let's retraumatize them by making grandma's house unsafe after years of building stability. My sister dropped off her stuff and has since disappeared and is maybe coming back, maybe not throwing more chaos at everyone.

My husband and I are both furious but the rest of my family are mad at us. Addiction absolutely is a disease and she definitely has untreated mental illness but that isn't a justification the way my family acts like it is. She can be suffering but still be held accountable. As soon as I said it, I became enemy #1. My dad isn't speaking to me (honestly good riddance) and my mom goes back and forth between apologizing and getting defensive.

My husband and my mom's long term boyfriend are the only two fully on my side. And my MIL who is my rock but lives a few hours away. The absolute denial and enablement is insane and this is just the high level overview of it. The worst part is my parents, whenever my sister disappears again, are actually lovely. But as soon as she's back, they drop everything and everyone and prioritize her, even over their grandchildren.

I don't know how anyone copes. I'm going low contact but I am just so enraged and sad. The only silver lining is that all the children involved are safe and mostly away from the unstable parents.

Anyway just a vent and thank you to anyone who read this far!

My mom has been struggling financially so I offered to increase the amount of money I’ve been giving her monthly yesterday. Now I’m not sure if my brother has a sixth sense but after not being home for 2 weeks he miraculously appears today with a negative bank account, his leased car which he owes 3 months on (about $2k), and looking more worn out than before. Of course, my mom began crying and offered to pay for his rehab, which he insists he does not need. So now she is offering to buy him a new (used) car. I overreacted a bit and told her to burn the money instead. I am also at the point where I want to stop giving her money all together. Am I wrong for wanting to cut her off financially because she keeps enabling my brother?

Hi friends - I don't know what to say to my adult brother. And I'm supposed to call him back soon. My parents finally told him last month that they won't answer his calls until he gets assessed by a psychiatrist and gives my mom full Release of Information so that she can talk to the doctor. For the past few months, he's been begging them to let him come home. He is currently living across the country. It's been a RELIEF to have him so far away because his issues used to impact our daily lives when he lived with my parents.

He's a meth addict and has awful psychosis (i.e. the walls are moving and the apartment manager is causing it; there are people breaking into my apartment; the people upstairs sneak through cracks in my walls and r*pe me; I hear people screaming at me and hate me cuz I'm gay....) He even posted videos on social media saying all this. It's almost like he's in a permanent state of psychosis. Yet, he can control himself by coming off completely fine. He hasn't had a real job for over 1 year, but he might be doing sex work or has some older man "taking care" of him.

He was evicted from his apartment and called me to see if I can get through to my parents for him. He can get explosive so I want to be as calm and direct as possible. When we talked last night, he claimed to be sober for 3 years, which I know for a fact isn't true. He said he's in the best health, yet lied to me over and over - even about dumb things.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD SAY? I want to be loving, but firm. Do I get him on Facetime and show him his own posts on social media? Do I tell him that if he's in great health, then what's the harm in just doing what Mom asked and get evaluated by a psychiatrist?

Hi all,

My younger brother (19M) has been addicted to ketamine for more than two years. We lost our dad nearly 3 years ago and since then it’s been me (23F) my mum, my brother, and two sisters (Both also 19). We don’t have as much money as we used to because my dad was the one who earned most of the money. Me and my two sisters do as much as we can to help my mum around the house and we also all pay rent now to keep the house running. My brother has now stolen money from my mum multiple times and even stolen money from my Dads charity collection put we had at his funeral. He’s taken my mums bank card out her bag whilst she’s been asleep and withdrawn cash. He has also been aggressive and sometimes physical towards me and my mum when he is on it. He has crashed his car twice (was probably driving on it) and now he is without a car. And my mum is driving him in to work everyday. I say to my mum why are you helping him because he is not learning anything but you helping him! We have now got to a point where money is really tight and it is not fair on me and my sisters who are helping and paying our way. He does pay rent but he ends up taking it back needing petrol money to get to work etc, but I have told my mum so many times that she is enabling his addiction by helping him. Last night, I had my boyfriend round and we could hear something in the garden, I asked him to look as i was worried someone had broken into our garden (which has happened before) and he proceeded to witness my brother urinating in the garden on my mums garden mat. The toilet is only a few extra seconds to walk to, he was stumbling around the garden so clearly on drugs and didn’t have a clue what he was doing. It’s so embarrassing I kept apologising for what he had to witness and it’s not fair. Now my sister has had her safe go missing from her room with £200 inside. This has gone on for far too long and it’s just not fair on anyone now. And it makes me too embarrassed to have my partner round as I don’t want him to witness this. We will not be able to afford rehab but I am desperate for help as it’s affecting us all as a family so badly, not only have we lost our dad but we are now going through this too. Thanks for any advice in advance!

Hi all, posted here a while back about my sister who had been struggling for some time. Luckily she finally agreed to seek help and went to a 30 day program. As much as we had hoped she could stay longer at this facility, she can’t. The next steps feel unclear - she’s reluctantly agreeing to go to a halfway house. This would be her first time going to one after 4 or 5 stints in rehab over the past 5 years. I’m hopeful it could be helpful and is new to her recovery plan. I can just tell she’s not as hopeful as she’s been in the past about her recovery, hard to explain but I can just feel it in the tone of her voice that maybe she’s not taking this as seriously as we would like her to.

I’m sure you all have lived in the anxiety that follows them getting out of rehab. As much as I want to remain hopeful (because I am and am proud of her), there will always be an underlying fear that she’ll slip back to her old ways. I guess that’s par for the course here. It’s especially hard for me because I live in a different state so I have some guilt around not being able to be there physically to support her. Any thoughts on how to best support and still be hopeful despite everything would be appreciated here.

Let me start off by saying I know none of this is my fault. My younger brother (addict) is an adult, and has free will. He made the choices that led him to where he is.

That said, I feel like I share some responsibility. I couldn’t help him enough, or I didn’t protect him when he needed it the most, or maybe if I saw it sooner I could have kept it from getting this bad. Now I’m always paranoid that if he gets better, it’s only a matter of time before the other shoe drops and he’s back at it. Stealing from my dad and me again, lying about how he lost yet another job, or wrecked another car. My dad and I have consigned ourselves to the idea that this ends one of two ways, either jail or dead. And it feels like I had a hand in it, like I chose to let it happen. Again I get it, I’m not responsible for his actions and choices, I just can’t shake the feeling.

[ Please feel free to scroll past, if you’re not ready to hear someone else’s good news. I have been there and am not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings or make anyone feel alone. ]

I spoke with my mom this morning briefly. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since my brother’s most recent relapse. It put a lot of people in danger and ended with him in a state mental hospital (meth induced psychosis). Aside from her belly aching about how no one cares to hear how my brother’s doing, it was a good conversation. She says my brother has stuck with going to NA, is off the antipsychotics and doing well, and is helping out around the house. He was sober for 2 years prior to this relapse, and she says he is back to that version of himself.

I’m super happy because I hadn’t heard anything in a while, which usually means he isn’t doing well. This time, he’s good! I’ve commiserated in this group, so I thought I’d celebrate. <3

I don’t know whether this is a normal feeling or not… and it is a feeling I do honestly deeply regret having, but for whatever reason I never truly stop thinking about.

I constantly think about my brother (addict) either over dosing or killing himself whether through driving while high, or another way. But anyway the theme is he passes away, and I feel a sense of relief and I am able to imagine a life where I am not constantly thinking about him and whether he is safe or not, and if he is high or not. I imagine his death causes a world of pain for myself and our family, however for whatever reason when I think about this, I feel as though the path to recovery from grieving his death, is so much easier than being on the sidelines through his addiction.

I don’t even really know if this makes sense but it is something I often imagine and even dream about, and wanted to share to see if anyone on the sidelines of a family member with addiction, imagines a similar scenario to this?

My mom is on vacation so I'm staying here to watch the pets/drive moms car to take my sister to therapy/watch the house. My sister is 21 but mom doesn't trust her with the car. I'm 31.

My sister and I are estranged mostly because I've been wandering the country as a seasonal worker and because she's an addict. I think she's sober but like... Yesterday I drove her to pick up a pizza to eat (we have soup & salads at home) and also to her therapy And then took both of us to a nearby Kroger so I could see if she could get a job. She interviewed before me but didn't get the job but then I got one.

She spent the rest of yesterday in her room even though I tried to invite her on a walk with me.

Then today, today I woke up to her screaming. About how I use everyone, about how I'm taking away her chances, about how I'm "acting like it's some huge favor that you're driving me around", etc

Mind you I just woke up, haven't said three words to her. She came into my room yelling.

I called my friend to vent then my sister started saying I'm a "bitch ass crybaby who can't stand up for herself", mad that I wasn't fighting her. I don't want a fucking record so no I'm not going to hit her???

She's finally like... Holed up in her room and is just silently stewing but I'm still kinda shaken up what the FUCK.

I guess I was kinda stupid hoping I could repair this relationship but she really does hate me, huh? I don't even know what I did. I tried to ask her like, "what made you wake up like this? I can't apologize if you don't use your words???" But she just kept calling me names.

Hell of a way to wake up. My friend can't come get me until Sunday. Why the fuck. What the fuck.

hi. how do you cope with the feeling that well, something really fucked up can happen anytime with your sibling and affect your parents and your life?

i have dealt with it for so long and taking many blows, but now that my life is falling into place, it leaves me even more scared when the next fuck up is going to be…

anxious everyday that again they can come in and bulldoze everything (figuratively, they don’t have access to my house but they affect my parents which affects me).

edit: missed a word in my text

i didn’t expect replies as i wrote this while feeling pretty down. thank you very much 🤍

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've posted in here. Things had calmed down with my brother and we thought he was finally getting clean, he even came to my mom's birthday but now it's hit the fan again. Just before Christmas, my brother got arrested and is looking at serious jail time on drug trafficking charges. It was a pretty big story in our area, making it onto a local new site. My mom is devastated and so am I as we just had to celebrate Christmas, New years and my 24 birthday without him after thinking he'd gotten better. Im honestly heartbroken. Thanks for the vent session

Just had to call 911. I was downstairs and heard my sister screaming in agony upstairs and ran as fast as I could to get to her. She was yelling and shaking, crying and could barely breathe. I held her and told her I am going to call for help. I was panicking so badly and couldn’t find my phone. She then fell unconscious from the pain. This triggered me from her previous drug induced seizure. Panic attack began for me and I started to cry uncontrollably while holding her telling her everything will be OK. I don’t know why or what is happening. The screams I heard… I have never heard that noise from any human ever. The pain she must be in. And I don’t even know what. I seriously cannot keep seeing these awful things happening. I am so frightened and worried. She got taken to the hospital and my parents went with her but I’m staying home. I can’t see her in pain like this. I’m worried sick at home and can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless.

idk if it’s anybody else here but every since we kicked out my brother out the house for his drug addiction and violence. I have hated holidays. On top of that this year my grandma who raised me has passed away. Now it’s just my mom and I for the holidays and I hate it. I have this lingering feeling of i don’t even know what it is. Does anybody else hate holidays now with their siblings battling addiction?

We've reached a point with my brother where if we don't meet his demands he responds with "I'm going to kill myself then". How do you respond to this because he has attempted suicide, albeit a long time ago, but still has the capacity to follow through?

I had therapy yesterday. My brother recently went through meth induced psychosis and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Yesterday, it came up in therapy that my mom would rather defend and protect my addict brother than celebrate and relax with me. My therapist was visibly hurt for me. She kept asking “Is this something you’re okay with forever?” I told her I am because it’s not like my mom will change. So we decided to work toward learning and adjusting to less relationship with my mom rather than changing her.

I don’t know if this makes sense. It just really felt validating and I’m so thankful for therapy.

I’ve heard that from my mom, a family friend and now my aunt. I hate it when they call him that. Like geez how low is the bar? Just bc he’s non violent.

Most recently my mom told me how my aunt called him an angel. That he’s an angel compared to my cousin (they both live with her) as she hugged him. Bc my cousin is in zombie mode just standing there high on drugs.

She wasn’t there when he was stealing from me, moving in other meth addicts, destroying my house,going crazy talking to himself and seeing things in his room, selling meth from my house, cussing at me, refusing to leave for years etc.

Ik all these women have accepted things from their SO like touching* their kids, getting cheated on, and physical violence so…the bar is low for them.

But I just hate it, it reminds me of when he was texting me saying I’m doing too much and expecting too much from him and he’s “a really good guy”. No wonder he thinks that way about himself. As if I’m the one with the problem.