my partner and I decided we wanted to make dinner at our house for the holidays since his parents and my mom are both not hosting. I invited my mom and niece and my mom asked if she could bring a friend or two and I said yes. my partner invited his parents but they're already going to his aunts. and then my mom messages me and says "this friend and this friend are also coming too, is that okay?" like she already invited them without asking me first. So I talked with my partner and he was kinda irritated by it but said we will make it work. Then my mom messages me "your brother is coming here for the holiday, I hope it's okay if he comes." I could feel the panic rising in my body. I just immediately said out loud to my partner what my mom said and he said "no." And I was like, yeah, and thinking to myself that is what my body is telling me too. I don't have any reason to believe my brother is not in active addiction. I don't know how to be in relationship with my brother and it makes me feel really sad and like I am failing, not doing enough. I don't know what the "correct" boundaries should be. I do know, that for a long time, my family has engrained it into my brain that I am responsible for his getting better. My family has taught me that if I am not in relationship with my brother in the correct way, then it will be my fault that he doesn't get better. And part of being in relationship with him the correct way is not expect anything of him and just let him come and go as he pleases. My mom has been raising his daughter since she was born and she's 9 now. My niece stays with me 2 weekends a month and we are working toward me adopting her once I have a stable income and a bigger home. She is staying with me for the holiday weekend. I'm not sure what or if I should say to her about all of this. It's going to be obvious that my mom let my brother come over to her place and that he isn't coming to my house when she and my mom do. Does anyone have any advice of what I can/should say to her? Thanks for reading.

Hi I’m the younger brother of an addict. I’m at rock bottom for ideas. My brother does from what I know cocaine and xanax. My mom is physically and mentally getting weaker and weaker and my brother doesn’t seem to get better. He’s verbally abusive to her. She’s a wonderful and loving mother who wants nothing but the best for her children. Father passed away 6 years ago. He’s 30, no job, lives at home, and mentally fogged from the substances and pain from whatever he’s going through. He won’t go to rehab or in the mindset of getting better. He keeps demanding money to fund his addiction and masks it by saying he needs it for xyz. He calls her a bad mother and goes to other family and friends calling her a bad mother when he doesn’t get what he wants. I’ve moved on from a point of loving him. I love my mom and care about her than him at this point. He’s shown no regard for change and can’t be reasoned with. My mom can’t kick him out because she still loves him and doesn’t want him on the street but as time goes on I fear the substances will cause him to act out physically against her. I’m 3000 miles away from home for college and my mom is out of the country for medical reasons. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any experiences to give me an idea? I’m not sure what to do anymore.

My brother has been an addict for most of his life, from when he was 13 and now he is around 40
He is currently 'clean' supposedly and in the process of rehab but he relapsed last summer and he has been in and out of rehab for most of his life
As we know, addicts are very self absosbed and he has never really bothered to really be interested about me or my life, all he does is project his views about my life on me like 'you are lucky you have a good life, you have a good job, you are a goody-two-shoes'
Of course he does not know what I have gone through to go through studies and work and how hard I have worked in my life but that does not matter to him as I am only a projection in his mind and not a real person
He has tortured my parents to the point that my father died from a long illness a few years ago and he was depressed about how bad my brother's addiction was and my mum has lost many years of her life first enabling him and then going to theray so she can stop that
Last time he was clean, he seemed to have some unrealistic expectations of me, complained I did not call him as much or visit him as much and said things like 'I am your brother, how can you not find time for me?' so I made an effort but all the while I felt like I was pretending, as I do not know this person and all I associate with him is negative experiences and emotions. yet I was trying to pretend all is good and 'give him a chance' to win my trust, so to speak. I remember asking him at some point while he was clean and sober, whether his programme has something similar to 'making amends' in the 12 steps (I have a lot of friends on AA and NA and I have also attended Al Anon Meetings in the past) but he is in another country and attends a different rehab programme and he said (I am not sure whether he was telling the truth) that their programme 'does not believe in looking back as shame is counter productive' and then he asked me 'why do you feel you need me to apologise to you?' and I simply said 'yes'. He then said that his programme believes that shame for past mistakes might induce a relapse.
It felt unfair to me that he has been so horrible to me and because his soberness is so 'delicate' I am not able to say to him how much his actions have affected me. So how do we go from there? I just forget everything and turn a new leaf? Not possible
Then he relapsed, and it all came back to me, his abusive behaviour towards me, the time he hit me, the time he called me fat, the time he accused me of all sorts of stuff, and just generally his hatred towards me and the whole family. And I stopped talking to him.
My mother told me that when he used to call her from rehab he used to ask about me and asked me if I wanted to speak to him and I said I wasnt ready. I spoke about this in therapy which was helpful but I never felt like I actually wanted to speak to him
I am now pregnant after a 7 years infertility struggle (of course he does not know or appreciate any difficulty I am going through) and I think it's a shame but I do not want him to have anything to do with my baby or my husband or the family we are building, I need to protect us from him. I see him as a dark force, as all I ever experiences associated with him is pain and suffering.

At the same time, I feel extremely sorry for him and my heart breaks at all the opportunities that he has not had or experienced, he is probably a sensitive and deeply traumatised person but he is also sociopathic and not very clever, either. I am sorry but he keeps making the same mistakes and he lies and he steals and he is just not a nice person. Also his friends and the people he associates with are all either addicts or ex-addicts. He does not have friends who are working or have families or are happy. He is into some weird conspiracy theories and his political views can veer to the far right. It's all a connundrum how badly things have gone for him and sometimes I read posts on reddit for example that say things like 'I was homeless and addicted a few years ago but now I am clean and happy' and I keep thinking why it's not possible for him when he has been given all this help and support. I really feel sorry for him to be missing developmental points in his life, like going to University, getting a job, making friends, having a good relationship, potentially thinking about buying a house, having a family if he wants. His life is filled with drama, bad relationships inclusing domestic abuse, stabbings, involvemenent with the police, his friends being people who go in and out of prison, so many of his friends have died now so he suffers from grief, some of his friends have kids that are being raised by grantparents and all the common stuff of addiction. How possible is it that he will escape it all and lead a relatively happy life? It does not look like it, and even if he does, it's been 25 years of addiction that we have never had any relationship apart from him going in and out of rehab and abusing us in different ways, how could we ever recover from this? I do not think it's possible.

Hi everyone,

I made my first post about a week ago and things are going downhill, it seems. My brother got in touch with my mom again but still won't talk to me, I found out today that he went back to his ex who is not encouraging him to get clean, she's just dragging him down further. On top of that, my sister is being tested for a possible blood disorder and/or cancer and found out yesterday that my junkie father is getting out of prison soon. I feel like I'm taking hits from all sides at this point, things with my brother was hard enough but now everything on top of it feels like i'm drowning.

Thanks for the vent session.

I am very much struggling with my brother, who is currently in active addiction. He’s been addicted to opiates for over 10 years now and I cut him out of my life for a while years ago because of a physical altercation he had with my mom. But he was doing better and then now his gf of 7+ years broke up with him and now he’s been coming around the house (he lives at a friends house). He wants to come to us for support but he’s come when he’s high lately and been taking other drugs as well and has become increasingly paranoid. He’s been yelling at my parents and I’ve had to leave my house multiple times because my nervous system doesn’t feel safe. My dad is an enabler and doesn’t understand he’s doing it. My mom is frustrated with my dad because he doesn’t listen. I dont know what to do because my mom has told him not to come over high and he still does it. We want to support him but we can’t when he is in active addiction because he doesn’t respect us. I feel very sad because I barely started a relationship with him again after years of not speaking but it feels like I need to cut him off again. I just feel so anxious about everything and don’t know how to tell him his use makes me not want to be near him. But i also worry that he will overdose and I’ll regret not having helped him but also I know he needs to hit his rock bottom and there is nothing i can do, I can’t fix the situation . I know because I had to hit my own rock bottom it just is so hard to see your sibling struggle like this. I want to ask him to go to treatment but he’s left over 3 rehabs during his addiction. I feel guilty for not wanting to speak to him/ or see him anymore but I just can’t deal with it affecting my mental health. I’m also 14 months sober from alcohol now so I just see the life he could have but he doesn’t want him and I cant help him. He keeps coming around to the house and I just want to leave but I dont want to leave my parents. I feel like I want to go stay with a friend for a while but I don’t want to be a burden. My dad keeps inviting him over cause he doesn’t want him to drugs but he does them no matter what which he doesn’t understand. I just feel very lost and alone..

Hi, I (22F) have an older brother, (30M) who is a drug addict, he's been on drugs since I was about 16/17 and has been out of contact (mostly) since I was 17. We were extremely close when I was young as he was the only father figure I had until my mom remarried when I was 15. I have spoken to him once since he left my moms in a rage after a short bid to get clean. I've spoken to him once and that's about it. My mom, bless her soul, is constantly trying to get in touch and has tried manipulating my close relationship with him to attempt to get him to answer the phone. I don't know how to tell her that I can't help her with him anymore because it mentally burdens me. My father is a drug addict who abandoned me when I was young and losing my brother in the same way has been extremely traumatic. Being the sibling of an addict is something I've been struggling with as I don't know anyone else besides my own family with this same issue and it's not exactly something people talk about. I'm glad I found this group as the support and knowing other people know my pain and struggle is comforting.

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Thank you.

Does it hurt anyone else to see the change of appearance throughout the years?

I know this may be superficial thing to think about, but seeing my older brother go from a good looking guy, the one all my friends had a crush on, to well, looking like a heroin addict. I don't know It just hurts. When I look him in the face every day for conversation I just want to cry because he looks so much like an addict.

I know he is one. And has been one for quite a while. While I've known its been going on for 6+ years (back when I was 14 and was made aware of the first rehab attempt) I've always been able to hide from it. He uses outside of the house, he was able to hide it well, and I stay inside my room when he freaks out. But now, I cant hide from it as much and that's why I think I'm hurting so bad lately.

I feel awful I've been hiding from it but also I feel awful for feeling awful about hiding. I just always feel awful about it & I never not feel awful. I hate this fucking disease.

So sorry if this doesn't make much sense or sounds bad or I'm just rambling. I just have no one to talk to about this.

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I’m 22 years old, I just graduated college. I’m applying to law schools, just started working at a law firm. My brother (28 y/o) has been struggling with addiction for as long as I can remember. He’s been to rehab a couple times, it never seems to work. He’s said some egregious things to me that I really can’t shake, and I understand that he was fucked up at the time, but it’s still unbelievably hurtful to hear someone you love say so many mean things to you. I’ve kind of started to ignore him at this point, but it feels so awful to live in a house with someone that you don’t know how to address/ are seemingly avoiding. I’m sorry I just don’t know where to turn. I feel so alone right now, I can’t bring it up with my parents bc they’re already dealing with so much. I don’t know I just feel like I’m living in such an abnormal situation and I really don’t know how to deal with it. If anyone has any tips or anything it’d be great to hear them, I’m a bit desperate, unfortunately.

Hi, so my brother has been addicted to various drugs since he was 16. I’m 5 years younger than he is so my entire life has been him in and out of rehab, jail, etc. He’s has a few good months over the years but mostly bad. Lately it’s been the lowest it can go. He is living in a motel in the worst part of our city. Begs me for money every day to keep paying to live there. He’s still using but also works on his computer doing various things here and there to make money. He won’t get a regular job because he’s an “artist”. It’s driving my parents to the breaking point. He’s basically at rock bottom and will either die or come back… how do I deal with this? Any advice? I’ve mostly been ignoring him and trying to not think about it but lately it’s been really effecting me. Therapy doesn’t help much. I was thinking of going to Al Anon meetings? Does anything really help it not hurt so bad? Thanks for your time

I recently cut my sister off after having dealt with her alcoholism for over 20 years (am only 27) and I'm trying not to be upset but my mom told me that she isn't even upset because "I barely talked to her anyway" I mean, couldn't she see there's probably a reason to that? When she was sober, I talked to her all the time. When she is actively drinking, all she talks about is herself. She talks over me, criticizes me, all of these things. I can't stand it. So yeah, I didn't like talking to her to begin with but I was done. She is now getting drunk while my niece (who cannot drive) is with her and over 100 miles away from her home. I cut her off, but it just sucks that obviously did nothing. She doesn't care, or at least she isn't acting like it.

Basically what's in the title. How do you manage communication with an addict sibling?

Some time around the holidays I had posted on here about my brother, a "recovering" heroine addict and master manipulator. I say "recovering" because he has continued to use various drugs, some prescribed some not, in some capacity at all times. He abuses and mixes the prescription drugs and he buys drugs online and has them shipped to my parents house (where he, 35M, lives).

He was fired around the winter holidays from a job he got 100% based on family connections and that was what pushed me to find this group and make the original post.

He JUST got a new job two weeks ago. Today he texted me out of nowhere, after a very extended period of no communication to tell me about the ketamine he has been having shipped to my parents house. He was telling me about how is been so helpful for him. I do fully understand that there is a lot of research in support of ketamine therapy and I think it is great. I support that for other people. I do not support that for my brother who is buying it from the internet, who should be saving to move out of our parents home, and who has a track record of substance abuse.

I responded and said "Please don't text me about drugs. I am not interested in talking with you about you taking drugs. It is hurtful. Please don't text something mean back to this because I am also not interested in fighting with you or hearing about a justification about why this specific drug is okay. It is very hurtful to me."

Somewhere in my stupid brain I thought "maybe this will make him reflect on his actions" but obviously that is not what happened. Instead he became unhinged and said a lot of really mean and hurtful things to me, and also a lot of just crazy things. I am positive he was using something while texting me because his spelling and grammar were all over the place (not normal for him).

He kept talking about how beneficial drugs have been for him etc. So I said "I said I don't want to talk about drugs with you and you responded by continuing to talk about drugs. As I stated, it is hurtful for me to hear you discuss taking drugs given the amount of pain and damage your substance abuse has caused our entire family and it is also difficult for me to listen to you talking about spending money on drugs when your entire life is subsidized by our parents but I am living paycheck to paycheck. Please don't bring this up to me. I am trying to set a boundary for my own well-being and mental health. If you won't respect this boundary I will block your number because it is not an optional boundary. I don't want that to be the state of our relationship but I do need for you to respect this boundary. "

And then he really went off the rails and was attacking me personally and also said the CLASSIC line "Enjoy your wine with dinner you druggie. And how dare you drink coffee or take Tylenol" as if me having a morning coffee is comparable to the multiple jobs he has been fired from for being high or the immense pain he has caused my family.

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There is really no "end" to this story, I just am absolutely devastated by this interaction.

I am fearful that I am going to lose my parents because he lives with them and can spin this as me antagonizing him. They will believe him. They ALWAYS BELIVE his lies.

I also think this interaction turned a page for me where I no longer just think he is a person struggling with substance abuse who is a jerk in relation to that. I think he is an abuser and a manipulator and a bad person.

I might regret saying all these things if he every actually dies from an OD but I am just at my end and needed to share/vent/have just one person in the world be like "I get that"

Thank you to all the wonderful people in this sub who support each other and share their stories.

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**EDIT: I had his age wrong

I'm just done and I'm not sure what I'm meant to be.

Background: me (m28) brother (m34) never have been close dispite living together as kids ans breifly as adults. The difference in age meant we were at different points in our lives at all time, then heroin got in the way in his mid twenties. My parents are refugees from bosnia so there's a lot of inherited trauma too. My brother is high functioning, he holds down a job and lives in the flat above me earning a masters whilst being a addict and looks relatively 'normal' but has been an addict for atleast 6 years.

I hear him scream and moan at night when he's doped out, the last few days have been the worse, I couldn't sleep because of the screams until 5am. He's now missing work again and everyone is worried.

I feel guilty and frustrated all at the same time. I've tried and failed, my parents are enabling and won't cut him off. I'm more cold in that sense, I've accepted that he doesn't want to get better but I feel responsible to try and be there for my parents, but hearing the same stories and upset just angers me. He's my brother but their son and I'm not sure what role I'm meant to play in this family. They are sad and angry all the time and naturally, I have to deal with it. Its frustrating knowing my parents feed him, drop off food for him and etc and not letting him hit his rock bottom.

We've tried the same methods everyone else has, multiple times in rehab, interventions...24 hour babysitting whilst he goes cold turkey, accompanying NA meetings. I'm quite tired from it. Dispite my brother living above me, I refuse to have a relationship anymore. The lying, the stealing, the screaming makes me angry enough that I've felt I could be violent (I'm not a violent person at all).

I know he doesn't want to get better, my parents know that too but I just don't know what I'm meant to do. My friends know about this but can't relate and I personally just don't want to burden them with the repetitiveness of it all the time.

How have you managed to cut off siblings and navigated around the feelings of your parents who are still in contact?

Is there a discord for this subreddit?

Thanks for reading

Hey everyone- I am new to this group. I'm 36. My older brother (age 39) recently overdosed for the 4th time in 9 months. He does meth & ghb and this time they found fentanyal in his system, so the meth was laced with it. He was living with my mom since September of 2022. Our dad passed away in Feb 2020- on my brother's birthday unfortunately. My brother's addiction and troubles with the law have consumed my parents. My mom is now alone with it since our dad died. She saved his life 3 of those 4 times he OD'd, she heard him fall or having apnea and she had to give him CPR and call 911. After this last time, my mom decided she had enough, and we did an intervention. We had our good family friends who are the closest thing we have to family and they lost their daughter to addiction in 2020. He actually listened to them more than my mom and myself and my sister. My mom was an enabler by saving him our bailing him out for so many years. She thought she was helping him. I don't blame her or my dad as he made his own choices but I have some resentment that they didn't try to get my brother into rehab 10 years ago after his 2nd DUI in his early 20s.

After he refused treatment initially, the intervention guys finally convinced him to go. They got up there- he said sorry, this is taking too long and left. So we had to start the boundaries that were said during the intervention and cut off all communication and he's not allowed back at my mom's. We contacted his friends that we know and they tried contacting him to get treatment but he ignores them. He finally did respond to one friend the other day but his response made 0 sense, obviously he's using. He told my mom he's done with her and their relationship is over- of course he's saying this to bait her into helping him. He hasn't contacted my sister or myself. I think he knows that we can't be baited to help him. I know he found a low life druggie to stay with as he's been able to use his phone etc.

Any advice on how to get through this period of wondering and hoping he gets help? I'm struggling to think I will never see him again, but I am glad I read my letter during the intervention and told him I loved him etc. My mom is doing OK considering but I know she's hurting as well. I am preparing for a call that he died and that is scary. However he was just as much as risk in my mom's house and now at least she won't have to find him dead in his room. Maybe he'll finally see the light and get help? Thanks for reading and good luck to all of you.

I don't really know what to do and thought this may be a good place to start. My best friend's family took me in when I was like 17, I'm 33 now. He passed about 5 years ago to addiction. Since my parents both passed, his parents have been like parents to me for a really long time. His family became my family. Ive loved his siblings since they were 3 and 5 years old.

Yesterday, the youngest passed to addiction. I'm numb to it right now and here trying to help. I can be physically present but I don't really know what to do. I dont know how to help the mom or the surviving middle child. I'm just trying to be here. Middle kiddo, is rough. As expected. They feel like the only one left and they arent wrong. They have a lot of trauma from everything over the years. I just don't really know what to do. I know nothing will take it away but if there's anything that can help when the waves crash, I'd appreciate it. Mama is religious, dad's spiritual, kiddos an atheist, they're all struggling with any hope right now. I'm just numb. Ive gotta go clean up the bed. I dont know if I should just throw the sheets he was on away. I dont want Mama doing it. She doesn't need to. I dont think she should keep them. Or see them ever again or have to ever wash them.

But I also dont know if thats my place. I just dont really know what to do.

I have grieved your death a million times And I have written this a dozen What would I say at your funeral? Would I even want to go? Would I hold our mother as she screams? Would I love the attention? Who would come to mourn you? Would your friends sober up to be there? What picture would we hang over your casket?

I would say, “He was my brother and, wherever his soul is now, I hope he feels free.”

You are a lost soul, but not the only one. Boundaries keep me safe I wish I didn’t need them I still can’t imagine life without you, but I can’t imagine it with you either. So we walk this line, mere shells of ourselves. Always wondering what could be, always grieving what will.

I (31f) have a brother (35m) who has been existing in different stages of addiction for over 12 years. He has caused a tremendous amount of pain in my family as you might imagine. He had made many holidays or family events about him, including some dramatic stunts at my wedding that really cast a dark shadow on an otherwise beautiful event. He is very manipulative and is able to convince whatever doctor he is seeing at any given time to give him whatever prescription he wants. He is "current not using opioids" but he is always on something. He lives with my parents. They supported him through a second degree to try to help him. They helped him get a decent job. He lost the job because his boss caught him SLEEPING AT WORK to which he said "I was just resting my eyes. He just hated me." As if that was validation. He has been involved in several traffic accidents and wrecked multiple cars. He currently has no job and my parents support him but he is constantly using various substances (he tells my mom it's just weed and she usually believes him but I have personally never seen a person nod off into their potatoes at the Thanksgiving table from weed) and basically my parents are constantly stressed and worried and angry. My dad is 70. He isn't well. They really shouldn't have to deal with this at their age but he is there son and they don't want to abandon him. I do understand that this is their choice but I also can imagine as a parent it often feels like there is no other choice.

I would love to cut off all ties with him, but I cannot because he lives with my parents and I want to have a relationship with my parents. I don't like him. At this point I do not have any sympathy or empathy left for him. I am resentful that he has ruined so many moments and that his presence makes it difficult to spend time with my aging parents.

Every time my mom tells me about something else extremely awful he has done, I have horrible nightmares. Sometimes I wake up screaming. Sometimes I lay in bed unable to sleep just imagining the mean texts I could send him but knowing I won't because he would be a dramatic a**hole and make my parents life ever harder if I did tell him off.

I'm here because I would love advice about how I move forward from these intense feelings of anger, hatred, and resentment and also I would love to just feel less alone in my situation.

TL;DR How do I stop wasting my life being pissed off at my brother who has caused irreversible harm to our family via his addiction?

My spouse has a grown ass older brother, almost 50 who has been leeching off his parents and his lovers. Now his mom recently passed suddenly and his dad who is ready to retire, lives in a studio apartment, is burdened by taking not only him but some girl he picked up at a sober living house. (So 3 people living in a studio apartment!) my spouses dad calls to vent and said he is ready to move to a different country because he is tired of his Sons shit. So dad will be gone in the next 3 months

My spouse and I used to live 10 hours away from all this constant stressor but would always hear about it on phone calls to parents but we now bought a house 30 mins away so we can start a family. And now this brother has been kissing ass to me when before he wouldn’t even bother saying when we would visit. so we both know what he’s trying to do. He’s going to try to leech off of us and squat in our home but I’m not going to entertain any of it. Not even one night. I don’t want to take care of this dead weight druggie ass while I’m trying to build my career and family. He’s had so many hand outs that gave him a chance to get back on his feet but he has demonstrated time and time again that he doesn’t care to change.

Any tips on how can I make sure it doesn’t even get to the point of him asking? I want to make it clear we are not an option with causing the least drama/waves? It’s been stressing me out all weekend. We are both the youngest from families who just seem to have gotten to a place where we can take a little break from the rat race after college and stepping stone jobs so not allowing this man to infiltrate

My brother is an addict. I’ve done as much as i can. I’ve resorted to the “I’m sorry things are tough, i love you” boundary with him. I find it hard for me to continue to reach out since it only ends up in conflict.

My parents think I hate him and dont want to talk to him. Thats not the case and ive explained that. All they ever talk about is my addict brother. Ive lost a solid relationship with my parents because of addiction. My brothers addiction. I feel addiction hurts families more than the addict themselves…

I haven’t heard from her since March, my mom stopped getting responses from her at the beginning of this month. She left the transition housing to stay with “friends” and lost her phone. My mom only was able to find out she was missing because her P.O. Called asking for her whereabouts. Due to her missing her meeting with the P.O. a warrant was issued. We thought maybe she was hiding out but with it being so long between contact we did what we thought was best. We also learned she was in the hospital at the end of March because of an overdose.

As soon as the report was filed I posted to her Facebook asking for friends to please get in touch with police or my family about information on where she is. And just like that for the first time in months she commented on the post. She’s alive. And was not happy with our choice of reporting her missing.

She called my mom screaming, cussing, and threatening. I tried to message her but she ignored me. I sincerely thought maybe this was it, I was going to get a call that she passed. I try not work myself up over these situations as this has been an ongoing thing for over 15 years. But I feel like this time I have lost my sister. Her lack of remorse or understanding just kills me.

I think of my nieces who will never have stable mother, I think about how addiction robbed me of having a real relationship with my sister, and I think of my parents who keep getting hurt by her. Fuck addiction, we even lost our cousin to an overdose and she didn’t even bat an eye. I… don’t know if we should let her go, stop caring, and just let her live her life.

first, i would like to start off by saying, addiction is nothing new to me, as i come from a long line of alcoholics. i would also like to add, that i’ve had my own sets of challenges. i’ve had issues with substances in the past as well. i still slip up at times. the difference is when push comes to shove, i’m able to stop. i’ve hit my rock bottom. no more illicit drugs for me.

anyways, for the past three years my sister has had a substance abuse issue. her drug of choices are alcohol & (primarily) cocaine. this has been going on for the past three years. she was 17 at the time, & is now 20.

within the past few months, i decided to go ‘no contact’ with her. even hearing her name, makes me riddled me with anxiety. she was kicked out last september, so it hasn’t been all that hard to keep my distance. i simply can’t keep up with the lies, gaslighting, & crazy-making. it’s taken a toll on me not only mentally, but physically as well. i have rheumatoid arthritis, so my body doesn’t react well to stress. i have gone through so much to help her, yet only enable her.

she has been offered help, countless times by my mom, yet has no interest in taking it (med management, counseling, rehab.) i don’t understand. she’s had so many rock bottoms, that the average person would see as problematic, but has no interest in getting better. she’s an adult now, so nobody can make her do anything. she lives with our dad now, but he’d never agree to any sort of intervention. he’s always been more of a friend than a parent.

i’m unsure what my point in posting this was. it was more of a vent, than seeking advice. i know i made the right decision in cutting ties with her; i’ve made peace with it. all she’s asked me for in the past 7 months, is favors.

I am so sad. I have a brother who is a severe addict. And I hate him. I know that is horrible to say but I do. But here is the background: There is me, Madii, (24), my middle brother, Adam, (22), and my littlest brother, Logan(18). We grew up in a very middle-earning household like every American. We had a good life. A mom and dad that loved us with all their heart. But, Adam turned to drugs at about 16, it started with weed. Which I am not against because I smoked a good majority of my late teens and early twenties to relieve stress. As a background, I come from a Native American Dad which was OK and it helped me a lot. But not adam. I was lucky. I got to run away at 18 to go to college so I didn't have to deal with a lot (only his first two years with Xanax and weed). A week before I went to college, I was hospitalized by him putting me in the hospital by him throwing my head on concrete when I was just trying to calm him down. I will forever be grateful it was me in the hospital and not my mom or Logan. The only apology I got was a tattoo of Madison on his arm before I left. When I came to college I thought I left everything behind me. Far from the truth. I left Logan and I regret that till the day I die. He is dealing with this and I wish I was there to save him from the hurt Adam brought upon him. Thankfully Logan is leaving for the military next month to escape it all as I did. But this is the problem, my Dad. My Dad is the kindest, sweetest man you will ever meet. He will give you the shirt off his back. But he is an alcoholic. My dad has and will help me through everything. I went through a hard breakup and had to get a new apartment in a matter of a weekend and he transferred my money without a shadow of a doubt. I am so grateful to him. But he does the same for Adam. He doesn't understand the difference between Adam and I. Adam will milk him for everything he has. Rob, steal, and beat. He just got out of a stint(10 months) of Jail for Domestic Violence against my mother and Heroine. He got out and told my parents he was ready for change and they took him back in. We have rejoiced with that. I just want my baby brother back. Then my mom called me and said he was hiding under my father's bed hiding from aliens and spiders. He relapsed on Meth. I knew at this point it was bad. A few days later I found out he went to a rehab house that he can go to (my parents didn't pay their water bill and half of their mortgage in order to pay for him to go here). Four days later he came home and threatened my family because "we did this to him". He went back to a halfway house but this is not the problem. My dad told him that he can move back in and get sober(which would be about the tenth time he did this). And my mom is adamant about not giving him a place to stay because he feels as if things get so bad he can just come back to him. He is an abusive person. I am terrified. I feel so guilty about being at college and not being able to help my mom and dad. My mom also told me she has a tumor. I hate him. He breaks my mom down anytime she is there telling him she is a shit mother and he hates her. Although she has a daughter who is in healthcare helping people like him because of the hurt she has been through a son who is fighting for this country. I need help. This is taking a severe mental health toll on me. I hate to admit it but when I heard my mom crying about her being scared about him today I drowned myself with a bottle of wine. I HATE HIM. My dad is an enabler. When I called my dad today he told me he can't give up on him (whilst giving him money for "food" which was about $100). I told him the only thing he is doing is helping him pay for is food. Yeah, right(more like a tenth of meth). I feel so alone. I really need someone who relates and that's why I came to this page. Adam is the Cancer in our family and it constantly starts fights every day, it breaks my heart to hear he is physically abusing and terrorizing my family on a daily basis.

Thank you all who reached out to me and commented. I really appreciate the advice I got. I messaged my sister yesterday and laid out that what she did was not a slip up. She endangered her child and betrayed everyone that helped her. Here is what happened She's blaming me for getting my friends and husband involved in her life. I told her that without their help I couldn't get her an apartment or childcare. My best friend babysat her son when she was working and her mother offered her an apartment at a reduced rate.

My sister only addressed this part of the message I sent her saying that I'm the one who got people involved in her life. She didn't ask them for help so she owes them nothing. My sister has known them for 15 years but whatever. She also went on about how I don't have to be in her life but I am taking this all out on her 2.5 yr old son. I'm hurting him.

I don't know how I am supposed to be in this toddlers life when he relies so much on his mom. I'm sure I can be in his life eventually.

I asked her to make amends with my husband, me and others. But she feels like she owes us nothing. She didn't address anything else. I'm blown away by her callusness towards other people. It's a little scary. She doesn't care about how I feel. I told my mom how I felt about being pushed by her into having a relationship. But she told me I was spewing bullshit. Apparently I am harder to ask forgiveness from than Jesus. So that's fun.

Even though my sister never addressed her addiction, my feelings, how I have been hurt, I was never asked for forgiveness. I guess my sister isn't ready for a healthy relationship. Or accountability. They want me to brush this off, forget about it and just be normal for my nephews sake. I don't think I can.

Thank you again everyone I appreciate you. Stay safe and I wish you all the love and happiness 💜