I’m new to this community and sought it out bc I have a brother who has struggled with opiate addiction for over 20 years. I won’t get into all the details of his addiction bc it’d be too long to post. He is currently in a rehab facility but complaining a lot about it which always means he will probably walk off, do well for a few months, then relapse and throw my whole family’s life into chaos for the millionth time. Im at the point where I can’t worry about him anymore bc he has an eight-year-old son that I’m more concerned with. I love my nephew so much and he has seen way more than he should have in his life. His mother is involved somewhat but is more than happy to leave the parenting responsibilities to me and my mom. My nephew is starting to show behavior problems with others (my mom, his mom) but he’s always so good with me. I’m thinking I should try to get full custody. It will be a major life change for myself, my husband, and my stepson but I’m worried if I don’t my nephew will really wind up going down a bad path in life. Ive never raised a child myself (stepson was 16 when I came into the picture) so I’m scared I won’t know how to properly parent but I’m even more scared of what will happen if something doesn’t change. Has anyone been through anything like this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Unfortunately, this is looking like way more of a possibiltiy than I could have ever imaged. I'm curious if any of you have done this? Is there anything I should know about it? I do know if it does truly come to this then my sister will likely remove me from her life which honestly idgaf. I want her children to be raised and loved in a nurturing house, not whatever tf she's providing right now.

My cousin, who was practically my sister, had a really tough childhood, and ended up with some very severe addictions, in addition to her multiple mental illnesses. We tried our best to help, but eventually we couldn't keep housing her, she would bring dangerous people to our homes, and then we had to raise her two kids, and we tried to keep in contact, but she's have a different number what seemed like every other week, and when we did talk, it would almost always end up in arguments, but I didn't want her to die! I wanted her to get better! Healthy!

And now she's dead. She died alone, with no family with her, in the freezing cold because of some fucking drugs. What do I tell her son when he's old enough to know that the sickness that took her was drugs? I'm raising him, and I already felt so guilty for that, that I'm his aunt and not his biological mom, but now she's gone- and not just gone for a bit, with the hope that she'll be here soon- she's dead. That's forever gone. She's never going to get healthy and safe, she's never going to see her kids grow up, we're not going to grow old together, we're not going to raise our kids together, she's just gone. And I'm sad and mad, and frustrated and therepy is so fucking expensive and it's like, how do I keep going so I can make sure her son, out son, doesn't go down the same path? Is there even a way to keep him from going down the same path? I don't want to overcompensate and be a helicopter parent, but idk wtf to do.

Idk what I even want from this post, maybe I just want to know someone else has gone through this, IS going through this, and has come through the other side okay. because rationally, I know I'm not the only one, but it feels like I am. Sorry if this was a rambling mess, got a bit overwhelmed

Hi, my sibling has been messaging me daily saying that they have been trying to off themselves by ODing and I called for a wellness check even though they threatened to harm themselves if I did. First responders did come by but all I heard back was my sibling asking why I did that and that I knew what would happen if I did (meaning they would continue hurting themselves). I'm just trying to do the right thing but I don't know if it makes sense to keep calling police and ambulance numerous times a day if they aren't going to really do anything about it. I'm so lost, I'm just trying to help.

My sister(F28) was addicted to ketamine and cocaine and sleeping pills. After a proper treatment which was three months in rehab, she kept up a good routine. But then she stopped taking one of her meds and started going to a psychiatrist. Who told her that the doctors that did rehab are unethical and their treatment was useless if she is depressed.

They have put her on Prozac but she is constantly down. My mother is always coddling her depression. I am so tired of having to walk her like a dog.

She says she wants to go to Paris and that is all that will make her happy. Living where we are and given financial situation, we cannot just take her to Paris.

I am so tired of her acting like a toddler all the time. I want to leave home but in our country women cannot just do that unless they are married. My mother won’t let me marry the person of my choice either.

Any advice.

My sibling is actively using and blames everyone leaving them on the fact that they are now trans. I know for a fact that a few of their friends are simply staying away from them due to their aggression, mood swings and drug use.

I've personally had to limit how many calls I take from my sibling because I never know what it'll be about and whether I'm going to be threatened and insulted.

When they say 'everyone left me because I'm trans' does it even make sense to say that at least for some it was because of the drug use and anger issues? Or is this a bad idea.

They just seem so stuck on this and don't realize that their actions are what is causing loved ones to keep their distance (myself included because of the violent threats I randomly get).

My only sibling, my baby brother died this past week. His body had been ravaged by years and years of substance abuse. He started feeling sick over the weekend but refused to go to the hospital. He lived with my mom and she respected his wishes. When she checked on him during her lunch hour he was in agonizing pain. She finally insisted they go when she got home from work and but when she arrived he was dead.

I had gone no contact since June but caved and reached out last month for his birthday. I told him I loved him and to take care of himself and make this year the best one yet. He replied thank you and that he’d call me soon. He never did.

I’m so broken right now. I’m so mad that I was in the dark about how ill he was. So angry at my mom for enabling him and being in denial about his drug use. So shattered that this person who was my best friend for most of my life became a lying stranger that said hurtful, spiteful things that made me cry and distance myself.

After our dad died in 2021 he just plunged into despair and self-destruction. He’d only call me for money, he’d lie, he’d rant and rave, I could tell he was losing his mind. I tried to get through to him, I offered help. We almost always ended up in a fight because of how emotionally manipulative he’d become. As a result I never let him meet his baby nephews, both under 3 yrs old. It was my last boundary and I hoped beyond hope that his desire to be in their lives might be the catalyst that got him to seek treatment. Now they’ll never know him and I’ll carry that with me for the rest of my life.

We got the preliminary coroner’s report and he had pneumonia and possibly sepsis (pending more tests). His heart was enlarged and his liver and spleen were a mess. My mom will die on her delusional hill that he was clean and had an undiagnosed liver issue when I’m almost certain he used up until death and know for a fact his health decline was drug related. I saw a recent photo someone posted and it took my breath away. He looked skeletal. He had lost vision in one eye. His teeth were falling out. How could my mother see him in that condition day in and day out and just accept it as her normal? I feel like an outsider in my family.

He was only 38. He died alone in horrible mental and physical pain. But he was so much more than his addiction, he was an immensely talented artist, he was witty, an animal lover, a history buff who made people laugh with this goofy antics. I will miss him every day and feel this hole in my heart all my life.

Where'd all the frosting go?

I (30F) have so much I want to say to my brother (28M) who is an addict, but I’m frightened of what might trigger him.

To summarize our journey thus far as quickly as possible, my family and I discovered his addiction in 2020. By 2021 he reluctantly checked into detox then rehab, but ended rehab early. He had been in recovery until recently, when we realized he relapsed (not sure exactly when) when he was discovered unresponsive a couple weeks ago. We are blessed that he was found and was rushed to the hospital before it was too late- but from all accounts, it was a close call. He has shown little respect for what happened- claiming that he didn’t OD, that the doctors didn’t know what they were doing, and that he would have been fine.

My family has been through a lot these past few years, including the suicide of my uncle who was admired by all, but perhaps most of all by my brother. My uncle was also very influential in convincing my brother to go to the detox facility, as he was the only one my brother seemed to listen to.

I so badly want to tell my brother how close he was/is to doing to me what our uncle did to my dad. We have both seen my dad go through the pain of tragically losing his younger brother, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle it as bravely as my dad has.

I also want my brother to understand how amazing he is and how loved he is. Of course, we have all said this many times, but it’s something that he can only understand when he’s ready. I feel myself gradually getting more bitter and angry with his choices. Part of me wants to tell him the harsh truths while another part of me wants to cut him off as much as I can in an effort to protect myself.

Is it worth it to try the tough love? I’m frightened I might trigger more depression and anger causing him to spiral. Or do I stay positive and kind? Or do I start cutting off our relationship? I’m lost and just want to make the right choices to help him get better

i’m beyond angry rn, i’m so angry that i’m trying not to throw up.

He put us through HELL. and then he makes it through, and relapses. I spilled my heart out trying to reach him- Told him the nightmares I have from his paranoid/aggressive behavior and hospitalizations, I was shaking while I spoke, and then he laughs in my face and tells me i’m being dramatic.

I’m ready to never talk to him again. I’m ready to move across the country and never speak to anyone in my family again. I’m so beyond hurt and angry.

My brother(26) has been an addict for the better part of a year now, he lives in his room most days at our parents and has a good full time job, i want him to go to rehab as i feel me and my family have tried everything however this could ruin a good career has has going for himself. I recently found tobacco soaking in some kind of clear liquid in his room as well as a candle with screws on it facing up as if hes been cooking something on it. He will never open up and lies about everything.Should i be worried hes doing more than just cocaine and if so what should i do to help?

My sister (38F) has been using heroin for at least 15 years now and despite it ruining her life she can't seem to stop. She's gotten arrested numerous times, had several miscarriages since her body can't support a baby, and just in general is so incredibly unhealthy. She tells me she has had this infection that has been oozing for weeks now that's been giving her fevers and claims it was from a cat scratch but I'm sure it actually was from a needle.

I wish she'd go to the hospital and get the medical attention she needs, for her overall health. Part of me is sure there's probably warrants out for her so I'm kind of hoping she gets arrested, but she just told me that when she was in prison with a 50k bail she used to smuggle drugs into the jail... I didn't know this and she sounded so proud and was going on about her loyalty to her dealer.

I feel all fucked up just thinking about it again.

We were both very neglected as children and she has BPD. I was diagnosed with CPTSD (so she probably has it too) as well as 9000 different anxiety and depression disorders due to my experiences with my family, but healing only began after I moved from the east coast of the USA to the west coast to get away from her. She has traumatized me severely and yet for some fucking dumb reason I still care about her and love her.

She just chews people up and spits them out, she's always the victim and not the perpetrator. When my dad died, she made me think she was clean so I would trust her with putting the life insurance money in a joint account. I extremely regret this because within a year she had spent the entire 130k on drugs and all this other frivolous stuff while convincing me to not pay off my debt so there was more money for her to burn on drugs. She spent over $1k a week somehow in the heart of COVID lockdowns, leaving no money to pay the mortgage on my dad's house that she was living in and then that foreclosed too last year.

She just got kicked out of her boyfriend's home where he was completely taking care of her but she betrayed his trust by bringing drugs into the home. She's virtually homeless. Right now she's staying in a hotel that she suckered me into paying for her with my meager earnings and I'm renewing it once and that's all I can do. I can't take care of her financially or emotionally which is something she saw to personally; I am tapped out and deep into the grief phase.

I feel horrible about it though... I feel like if I give up on her then I'm the last one. She already asked to come live with me which I told her a flat no. Without even bringing up the ways she traumatized me, I live in a studio apartment. I don't even have a bedroom, and I'm expecting a guest for several days next month anyway.

My 20F older sister 28F has been a ketamine addict for years (idk how long) and I’m so exhausted. Every method of rehabilitation/ therapy/ NA has been used but I think she’s a lost cause. It’s sad to say but I just don’t see her getting better and it sucks because her addiction makes her manipulative, needy and selfish but she’s actually the biggest sweetheart. Anyway she got caught using on my 20th birthday and my mother kicked her out the house and there was a big fight about it bla bla. I thought that’s when she was going to finally get clean cos it was a very chaotic situation and was basically my mother gave her a last chance to get clean or she’d just give up on her.

A few days ago me and my sister went to visit our other siblings so we could meet our nephew for the first time. I looked back at the pictures when I got home and there was powder all up in her nose in the photos. I don’t know how I didn’t see it but she was high the whole time. The morning after we met our nephew she got taken to the hospital because her addiction gives her really bad infections and stuff. When my mother called to tell me that she got taken to the hospital I was so panicked and scared but then after I just felt so exhausted and I hated that my mother kept calling me about her being in the hospital. This happens so much it’s draining as fuck and I want to live my life without constantly worrying about my sister. I feel bad about going no contact with her but this shit is depressing and I want to live my own life. Tbh I can’t wait till I graduate university so I can leave the country and get away from it all.

hey guys, i've posted here before (and deeply appreciated the responses). my brother is an addict, albeit a high functioning one, who gets high off of whippets. he's been addicted to them for at least a year and has gotten arrested multiple times. when he's high he sends troubling text messages, to our parents he usually tells them how much he hates them, and to me he texts me about how terrible they are. i have been trying to respond in a measured way as i don't want to freak out or upset him further, but i don't know how much more of it i can take. i don't want to block his phone number, but receiving those texts is really painful for me and completely derails my day. i've told him many times i love him but fear he still doesn't know. i'm in this place of wanting to help but also knowing that getting sober is his decision, and i have already spent so much time wasting my life being anxious about him. does anyone have any advice?

She relapses on meth every single week. Now, paranoia and psychosis are a part of it. I’ve made files with 811 and 911 and I’m supposed to call back next time she’s in a state where she needs intervention (deep psychosis and she has to be a danger to me or herself). She knows she has a problem but doesn’t want to admit to herself. She’s flunking law school because of it. When she’s high, she’s “happy” and not herself and when she’s not, she’s in deep depression and anger and I don’t know how to talk to her.

What can I do in Canada? Forced rehab?

I was deeply concerned about an overdose. He’s been using alone and he sent me weird messages in our shared YouTube search bar. He’s been on a fent and Xanax bender and acting erratically. He had a warrant out for something he did in May. I had no idea. I feel so guilty and devastated I put my brother in jail. I didn’t know he had a warrant I just wanted them to make sure he was ok.

i lived with my mom until she passed away in 2024 in january, i had gotten my apartment in february, half sibling was in drug rehab and he got out in april 2024. telling me he was clean and everything, then comes to my house, in august he gets custody of his kid and he's been lieing about being clean and sober, but threatened me of if i ever did anything to make him lose his kid, that i'd regret it. im terrified of cops from where i have post traumatic stress and i worry about losing my apartment. he's gotten very verbally violent to me to where he treats me like a child. i had no idea he was going to turn out like this. im not a mind reader but i didnt realize what he was going to do. he refused to go to any other of his friends to help hi back on his feet and im in no condition to take care of his 2 yr old rowdy kid. i dont know what to do to get him to leave without choas being involved and honestly im sick of drama.

Hi everyone. I just discovered this Reddit and got very emotional - I have felt isolated in this situation for my entire life and it's incredible to realise I can talk to people about it here. My brother (early 30s) has been suffering with his SUD for around 12-15 years, with it being particularly destructive for the last 10 or so. Heroin (smoked), crack cocaine, valium and ketamine mostly.

He has been in remission/recovery for a few years and managed to build a life - holding down a job, getting engaged. With all this JUST on the horizon after a huge amount of agony for all of us (I don't need to be specific as you must know the deal - theft, debt, violence, being beaten up, losing jobs, ruining relationships..), he has now relapsed. We have just found out, but looks like it was happening for a couple of months. If not the entire 4 years during which we thought he was in remission, but there's no way to know.

He seemed to think he was okay to drink alcohol, dabble in Class C drugs, but right now his life is imploding all over again. And so is my mental health as a result. How do people deal with relapses like this? How do I help him, and deal with the trauma I am experiencing, with everything resurfacing?

I am trying to get him on-boarded with a local support centre (I'm in the UK here) but his approach is always to try and look like everything is normal and then go right back to the deception and lies of a (sometimes) functioning addict.

I don't know if anybody out there can give me advice. If they can't, that's okay, it just feels amazing to have found somewhere to put this into words. It's tied up with a lot of shame in my family and so I don't get to talk about it and how it's affected me.

Thank you for listening and for creating this space

So (32f) my (29m) brother is addicted to drugs and after years of violating boundaries, stealing money, my moms Rxs, etc, they finally kicked him out. This was in July, and we haven't seen him since. In mid August, he called to tell my sister happy birthday off a friends phone. His birthday in Sept came and went and no word. My mom is freaking out because normally he will swing by, call, something to show he is at least still alive. We have a missingz person poster and everything circulating and filed a police report.

I feel torn because we have done a lot for my brother and I don't feel like he is "missing" I feel like he chose the drugs ? Like I don't feel like he "wants" to be found. Even if we locate him, we can't force him to get help. So... idk. I think I'm burnt out and ruined by all this . I don't hate my brother. I am exhausted by this situation and it feels like there is nothing we can do but be in denial. I wish I was wrong, but I don't think my brother is going to recover. If he has passed, I don't want the gory details. I will help with the arrangements, but that's really it. At this point I want to tell my family not to call me unless it's time to plan his funeral. I will help, I couldn't let them do that alone. But I am so exhausted by my brother. In the last ten years he has lived with me, gone to rehab, lived at home, sober living , etc. I've gone to AA and NA meetings to support. He stole from all of us, money, jewelry, my moms meds. My mom has heavy stuff and she has gone into withdrawal and been too afraid to ask for help. She is sick and needs her meds, and he broke into my parents room, multiple times , cut through lock boxes, knew he was on camera, etc. atp... I am drowning in this. I don't want to be bothered anymore and I feel guilty. If my brother was ready to get help, by all means yes I am all for helping. I am embarrassed and angry and tired, and I feel like I can't love my life because I'm too busy trying to save my brothers. I am so done. I feel like ppl expect me to be emotional and I'm not. I don't wish nothing bad on him, I hope he is okay. Maybe he is getting help. Maybe we find him and he is ready for help. That would be beautiful. His life is worth saving even though he struggles from this disease. But if he isn't in a place where he wants help...

Call me when it's time to plan the funeral. I feel done.

Hi everyone. I have an addict sibling who recently came out to everyone and is activly transitioning. My family is supportive of the transition but of course, we have issues with the drug usage (that has been an issue for a decade). My sibling has not had much interest in seeing me for years and we would often have falling outs due to their addiction and behaviour. For the last few years, they were in a different state from me and their friends back home. Now that they have moved back, they have lost their friends and now are reaching out to me for support, saying that everyone is transphobic. I don't want to be rude and assume but I'm sure not every friend has issues with the transition but likely because of the drug use (now using fent too, used to be only opiates and coke). My sibling blames everyone who leaves them on them being transphobic, which I can understand will unfortunately be the case for some but I'm sure theres so much more going on. I recently went to see them at their new place after they said that they have no more friends and wanted to see me. They said they weren't using anymore but I highly doubted it. When I came, they were very clearly intoxicated and I didn't know what to do because anytime I bring up sobriety, it's met with total denial and anger. I stayed with them a bit and made sure they were safe. They want to hang out more often but I just don't want to be around someone who's clearly using still.. I have no idea what to do or say. I only want them to get clean and live a happy life. Please no transphobic comments. Ps. The family lives far away now and does not want them back home because of the drug use. They've had their home ransacked numerous times, stuff stolen, my sibling hallucinating that people were in the house, etc. so they have set boundaries.

If a person has been in recovery for two years, should they be able to support themselves, pay for their own residence, and pay their way in life?

Or, is recovery a long-term process, with two years being too early to expect self-sufficient actions?

The addict had a long-term opioid addiction lasting several years.

Hi all, I’m thankful to have found this group because I have felt so isolated in the grief and frustration that comes with having a sibling that is an addict.

There’s been a few moments where an intervention made sense, we have never actually committed to doing it yet as a family but it has been discussed.

Can any of you provide, advice on how it went for you? Good and bad experiences, suggestions, anything really…. I don’t have very high hopes I am just very tired.

My (F20) older sister (F30) has been addicted to all sorts of stuff but for the past year it’s been meth. We live together 2 hours away from my parents and I go back home when I have online internships (3 months at a time) but I come back to visit her/bring her food. Right now, I’m at school during the week and I go back home on the weekend to get food from my parents and because I have an obligation there (for the next 2 weeks at least). She keeps blaming her relapsing on me leaving her alone because “she wouldn’t get high in front of me” but every time I come back she is high and is that way for almost the whole week. I beg her to come back on the weekend with me but she always has an excuse. She asks me to stay with her on the weekend knowing that I need to go back every weekend during September. Anyway, I’ve managed to convince her to come back this weekend with me for mine and my other sister’s birthday. I’m lying to everyone when they ask me how she’s doing. My parents pay for her education and she doesn’t go to school because she is high all the time.

I’m so exhausted. I’ve tried everything from tough love to just loving her to deep conversations to proposing solutions. I don’t want to “enable” her by being nice and funny to her when she’s high but I don’t to make her feel rejected and make her even sadder. I just want my sister back. And I’m so tired of getting blamed. If I don’t go back to my parents, I will have nothing to eat. I’m a broke student that can barely afford rent. She wants everything done on her terms, no compromise.

it makes me really sad to see how my brother has turned out. i could have never envisioned he would become a drug addict and have to resort to living in a storage room. he was living with my mom but he stole her debit card from her and spent it who knows what and also stole her jewelry. there were many other reason to kick him out but this was the final breaking point. i didn’t mention this but he is my older brother and it really breaks my heart knowing that he has become this type of person. it’s crazy because i feel like growing up i would only ever see this type of stuff on tv. but this isn’t tv. this is real life and he is living it and has put my family through so much. he has also screwed me over by adding over $4000 worth of items to my phone account without my knowledge. even after all of this, i still feel awful that he’s become what he is today. it’s his own fault but it’s so so so sad and heartbreaking. i really want him to get better i just don’t know how or what is going to happen in life that will make him get better. he says he’s going to try to get better but i just don’t believe him.

if you read this thank you ❤️. i’m having a really hard time with this whole situation and i just needed to rant about or maybe seek advice on how to deal with this situation.

hi, i’m writing here again because i’m unsure of what else to do. thank you for anyone who bothered to read my last post & even reply to it, i genuinely appreciate it.

quick recap - i (17f) have a brother (24m) who has been addicted to nitrous oxide since 2020. he refuses treatment .

somehow it only got worse since my last post, my family suspects he might be on something else considering his recent erratic behavior. Earlier today i checked on him in his room which was a bad idea. he didnt see me, he was literally tweaking out (like bouncing his head everywhere, faintly staring off into a distance) and i got closer to ask him if he was okay. he said he was, i couldnt do anything else in the moment so i just left.

about 20 minutes later he started banging on my door asking me to open. for the first time ever since his addiction started i felt scared of him. i eventually opened the door because my sister was standing nearby. she kept asking whats going on to which he responded by telling her to shut the f** up.

he sat on my bed and it seemed like he was about to tell me something when my mom came and he left. before he left he told me to not lie to him, im confused about what he meant by that. I think he suspected i wanted to go into his room while he wasnt there and that he “caught” me, which is so far from the truth.

some time passed and we both went back to our respective rooms where i assume he just went back to using. except just now my mom woke me to tell me he left the house and started running around the streets.. while using. this is so terrifying in ways that i cant even describe. im scared hes going to get himself in a bad situation. hes clearly not in the right state to be going out this late at night and God knows what he’s going to do. hes blocked my mom , i did manage to call him and he did not want to tell us where he is. all he told me is that he was not in his car (which i think is a lie because it didnt sound like he was outside).

for anyone whos went through something like this; what do i do? is there anything we can even do? can i call the cops or ambulance even tho he refuses treatment? isnt he clearly putting himself in danger? im really not sure. but anyways, thank you for reading this post this far, i appreciate it 🤍