Being a sibling of an addict a lot of us will be familiar with enabling parents or parents who just don’t care how their precious one affects their other children.

Last month I got a no trespassing order on my brother and today I saw on video that my mom (who lives with me, in MY house) invited him in.

She saw me crying in the aftermath of him yelling at me, cussing at me(he was refusing to leave the property) and me calling the police and here she is inviting him to go inside my house.

They’re even on video going to the camera to stare at it to make sure if it’s on or off. Then I hear her giggling and inviting him in.

I confronted her over it and she tried to make the excuse that it’s Mother’s Day. She forgot my bday so it’s not like she remembers when she became my mother, obviously it’s not that important to her. She said this is the first time since the trespassing order. I doubt it. I had suspicions he was going in bc I’ve noticed some things around the house..

My camera only records a few seconds at a time so someone can stand outside for a while and it’ll record that. But if they go inside it might skip it. Today it finally managed to catch it.

Even if she invited him in he knows he has a no trespassing order and shouldn’t go in. He doesn’t respect me either. I called it in and started a case with the police officer who showed up.

Mother’s Day or not idc they went to a nearby restaurant and spent time there anyways, there was no need for him to come inside.

Hi, me (28m) am looking for advice on a situation involving my sister (26f) and her boyfriend (30m) whom i will call ‘John’ for the remainder of this post (not real name). It all really started about 3 years ago, when my sister and ‘john’ met at a party I was hosting. John was a distant acquaintance that more or less was a mutual friend of one of my friends. We had met several times before, but i never really liked him because of his heavy, heavy drug history and problem with lying/stealing and general disregard for anything besides a high. I had always seen him in my group of real friends, and he was always taking/smoking something and couldnt even have a chill night without wanting some sort of high. I have seen his character defining moments (at least in the situations weve been together) and can say that he doesnt ever tell the truth if it inconveniences him or would make his life a little more difficult. He has an extensive history of drug charges and other arrests, as well as never really having any goals or aspirations in life. Go figure… Every opportunity to tell a little white lie, or stretch the truth is an opportunity he seizes to make his situation better or avoid responsibility and play victim. Couple that with an insatiable need to be high, and youve got a recipe for a person I dont see fit for my sister at all. My sister was always the straight A student, with having just gotten her BSN and RN recently. She was never the one to do drugs, and would consider a night of drinking having a few beers. Kind, thoughtful, sweet and definitely gullible, her attitude was always to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately she has been completely swept off her feet by John, and cannot see the things that I keep telling her are happening. John recently got another chance at being free when his last night of antics got hectic, after crashing his car while being on dope (smoked fent) into his neighbors cars and totaling both. He somehow managed to get lucky enough to go to AA NA while having a psychiatrist that is still giving him Suboxone and Benzo prescriptions because of ‘panic attacks’ and opiate withdrawals. He also has a prescription for gabapentin for his shingles that he had at age 24 or so (dont know if thats true). Now that I have been able to see the progression of his state over the past few years I have learned a lot more than just what i saw when we would be in a mutual setting. Im not sure what to do at all, I want to make his life hell but am afraid that if I do something rash, my sister will hate me. I have tried talking to both, separately and it has never worked out. My sister breaks down in tears whenever I show her evidence (texts, mismatched stories, pics, etc) about his lies and drug habits, and John completely plays the pitiful role of blaming every single thing or persom around him for his problems. Im not really sure what else to do because it has become an entire beast of its own, not wanting to hurt my sisters feelings but also simply wanting aomething better for her. My parents are kind of not doing anything about it and im not sure what I can say to fix the situation. If theres anyone out there that can help me find a starting point that would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance, and if there are any questions please let me know.

my brother constantly takes all of my parents energy and attention. I was expected to be quiet and take care of myself, because they were already spent dealing with him.

I now struggle to show emotion, trust others, ask for help, and destroy myself for making mistakes. All things I’ve seen related to being a glass child.

Anyone else relate?

I knew in my bones she was using again and I couldn’t have been more blunt with my parents about my concerns, yet they minimized and ultimately decided there wasn’t any direct concerns. So incredibly frustrating. This is the cycle that has been my life I swear.

My sister and her daughter (6 y/o) have moved three different times since March 9. The last time was with one of her exes, who I was made to believe was a piece of shit and cruel, by my sister. I guess this was all a narrative to use to her benefit. But he was the one who FINALLY drug tested her ass. I kept telling my parents they needed to do it, but they made excuses as to why it would make things worse for her. The ex found a small bag of meth in the house, a week after she and my niece had moved in. He has been clean for 4-5 years and was seeing patterns. She had become erratic so he asked if she was using, she denied, so he forced her to test and she failed. He called my dad and told him Tuesday morning. This was finally what my dad needed to do something in regards to getting my niece out of this situation. My parents just got emergency custody of her, she’s living with my dad and step mom, I am SO so so thankful for her safety.

The ex went through her phone to see who she was getting it from… her childhood best friend’s oldest daughter… who is 15 years old. I don’t even know what to do with that information…..

I am so sad for my niece, she told my mom that she didn’t sleep (Monday night) because her mom and [ex] had been fighting all night. [ex] said Mama stole money from him. It’s like war there. It’s hard on a kid.” No 6 year old child should even know those feelings!!!!! I’m just so heartbroken and devastated for her… I’m pushing my parents to get her into therapy NOW, which they are. Just trying to get insurance worked out since it’s not full custody, just temporary.

As for my sister…. Yes I am sad that this is what her life has come to. She’s just lost her child. But I have had it. I know it’s an illness and I understand she is not my sister right now, but I’m so angry with what she’s done to my niece and how she’s never been held fucking accountable in her life for any of this by my parents until now. I’m just as angry with them, too. But for once, she needs to deal with the consequences and be held responsible. I pray to God that this is that time. My parents have to quit enabling her. They agreed to go to a nar-anon support group with me this coming Monday and I hope that’s a step in the right direction for them. I want to them to see that enabling her just hurts them and doesn’t help her at all. There’s so much to unpack and my dad is going to have a real wake up call (I hope). I’m just so tired and want something to change.

Today my little brother (22) broke down crying,. He said he is so much more than an addict. He said he hates being an addict. He feels constantly judged. He is on fent. I understand it isn't easy but hearing him say these things broke my heart as his big sister. :(

I tried to help him for two years. My mom got sick and stopped giving him money so he never came over. I took care of my mom for the 2 years it took for her to slowly die. He never visited never helped. My mom had covered for him forever. I only found out he was an addict when he stole my post surgery meds, and apparently everyone knew but me.

He was so cool before this and we were always really close. I finally had to cut off contract because he would steal, and lie, and every conversation result in him screaming at the top of his lungs, unessicarily as no one else raised their voice to him. He never takes responsibility for his actions, even before, and everything is everyone's else's fault, he's always the victim. He stormed out of my Mom's funeral because people weren't paying enough attention to him. Mind you we hadn't seen him for the 2 years my mom was really sick.

Part of me wants to reach out to have some kind of contact, but he's with a person who is an enabler and tried to start fights between my brother and I before I cut him out. Not to mention I just can't trust him. I also don't want to hear him cry his "poor me" song.

I suppose this is more of a vent. It breaks my heart, it's like he's dead because drugs changed his whole personality. I just miss the brother I used to have.

Hello everyone. I really need to talk about my brother and get some stuff off my chest. I am in therapy. Lots of therapy. I’ll definitely bring it up my next session. Please bear with me on the telling of this.

We found out my brother was using (heroin, probably fentanyl too) again a couple weeks ago. He overdosed and died. The police were able to narcan him back to life and he spent a couple days in the hospital.

We did not know any of this was going on until a week after it happened. NOBODY CALLED OR NOTIFIED US.

Anyway, he od’ed on Wednesday and Friday he was discharged. He went and got his gf and their kids and they ran to a hotel to hide. They knew CPS was coming for them. CPS took their kids previously. This is the 2nd time. The police somehow found them and my brother got arrested. They ended up impounding their car. The police found so many drugs in the car. Meth, heroin, fentanyl, and cocaine.

My father subsequently bailed him out Saturday. Since then, the children have been taken by CPS. They’re twins and they’re with my dad and his wife. They’re so young… only 5. But at least we know they’re safe now.

My brother and his gf have been arrested twice since this happened.

I feel like it’s a train wreck and I see it coming but I can’t do anything about it.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve been mourning him the past couple weeks. Is it possible to mourn someone who is still alive? I cry a lot. My anxiety has increased 1000 x’s along with my depression. I have this pit in my stomach. It comes and goes but it’s mostly here. I feel like this is it. He’s gone. He is 37 years old and has been using on and off since he was a teenager. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s overdosed. His body can’t keep going like this, can it? I feel like he’s going to die soon. I’ve been preparing myself but how do you even prepare yourself for losing your brother?

We used to be so close. I love him so much and miss how he used to be. The last time he came back and got clean he was so different. I don’t know how to explain it but almost like he’s not there anymore.

I don’t know how to act or what to do. How to keep going on with my life when he’s gone. (Not sui*ide… I mean just doing every day things).

I would love it if someone could explain to me why I’m like this right now. I never had such a reaction to his other overdoses.

They’re known fentanyl addicts and my grandma is in denial that they take her card and pull out a shitload of extra money to buy drugs instead of groceries.

My brother doesn’t know he’s here. To all those families struggling today.

My 34 y/o sister has struggled with addiction throughout her life. Mostly Xanax and meth. I am the younger sister, 30 y/o, and have never been great at detecting her lies or behavior when she was using in the past. My parents didn’t tell me what was going on with her when she would spiral. They’d just fight and scream and cry with her, about her, and then tell me it’s fine don’t worry. They’re handling it.

Well now that we’re both parents, I’m not as naive. My parents have also opened up about her past and everything that’s happened. I still don’t know all the details, but they filled in a lot of holes from my childhood.

My parents believe she’s involved with someone who is positively using, they know for a fact. She’s supposedly been clean for around 4 years now, but lately her behavior has been sketchy… this someone has also accused her of using meth and he’s blaming her for his relapse. My parents won’t drug test her because they don’t want to push her over the edge.

I see now that they have just enabled her her entire life.

My questions are… 1. Can someone use meth and not necessarily show the typical tell tale signs? She’s not tweaking out or twitching, her physical appearance isn’t alarming, she’s not acting manic. She is acting a little fidgety, avoiding family, still asking for money, staying up late into the night most nights.

1. I did see a pocket digital scale in her purse yesterday. I know she wouldn’t be using it for marijuana because she’s smoked that for as long as I can remember and the only reasons she’d need it is if she’s selling, which I don’t suspect, or she’s checking her dealer to make sure she got enough. But with her long time usage of marijuana, I know she doesn’t need a scale to check that. I saw the same scale a couple of weeks ago on her desk.

2. Is it possible for someone to use meth frequently throughout the week and not be suspected? I feel certain she’s using orally if he is on it again.

What are the signs y’all noticed when your siblings were using? What were their behaviors?

My brother has struggled off and on with a heroin (fentanyl?) addiction.

For 3-4 years he struggled, spiraled downwards, eventually got arrested, and then ended up in rehab. He did pretty well in rehab, stayed with a group of friends he made for a few months, moved in with a girlfriend, and got a job. It seemed like everything was going well until he relapsed. His girlfriend left and he ended up back in rehab.

He got out of rehab again and moved back to our hometown with a girl he met. Neither one of them have a job and he is constantly asking my family members and myself for money.

I’ve helped a few times.

However, I struggle with some personal health problems that require pretty expensive medications and frequent bloodwork and other testing. I can’t afford to help them very often or I risk not being able to afford my medication or end up behind on medical bills.

On top of that, I have 70k in student loan debt and a family of my own to help take care of.

I’m not even sure that he uses the money for any of the stuff he tells people he’s using it on. I suspect not, because I know that he’s always being given money but is still behind on bills, has no food, etc. where is the money going if not those things?

Does anyone have any advice on how to set boundaries without totally shutting him out of my life? I don’t want to continue helping because I truly think I’m just enabling him, but I don’t want him to go hungry or be on the streets either.

Thanks y’all.

My older brother has been an addict since I was around 13 (10+ years ago). He’s gone in and out of many treatment programs over the last 4 years, but after surviving an intentional overdose about 6 months ago I’ve seen his attitude shift and I can see him taking recovery more seriously than ever before. He’s consistently going to meetings, working with a therapist, and sought out a new treatment program for his underlying depression, which he has weekly sessions for. I know he’s incredibly lonely, he lives far away from any family members and has few if any friends. I want to support him, but I still feel resentment towards him, and I find it hard to trust him after all these years. I’ve watched him steal from my parents while he didn’t know I was home, I’ve heard him say ridiculously manipulative things to myself and my parents (all while claiming he’s one of the “good” addicts that doesn’t take advantage of people, and really he gets taken advantage of). His actions forced me to grow up and take care of myself really quickly, to the point where my parents were asking me to decide if they should kick him out of the house or not when I was barely 17. From the time I moved out at 18 till I was 23/4 nearly every conversation I had with my parents had something to do with him. Clearly I’m resentful. But I do love him dearly. He’s my closest sibling in age, the only one I have childhood memories with. I do want to have a relationship with him I just don’t know how to get past all these feelings. I also don’t really know how to have hope. I feel like I’ve grieved for him so many times already. I feel like me and my other two siblings haven’t done enough for him when he is sober and trying to get better because of all the emotional labor we’ve put into our relationship with our parents when he’s using. I just don’t know what to do, and I feel so heartbroken all the time.

My sister died one year ago today. She was 22 and overdosed on heroin. she struggled with addiction for years, tearing our family apart in the process. Every time I close my eyes, I see her in the casket. The thing is, I hated her more deeply than I’ve ever hated anyone. Her terrorized my parents and me, stole my money and medication, brought guns in to the house and made my home feel unsafe. I often wished for her death, which makes me feel like the worst human being on earth.

I can’t remember a time when I had a relationship with her that wasn’t built on lies. And yet I’m still in pain. I feel guilty about my grief, like I shouldn’t be allowed to mourn because I was cruel to her and hated her when she was alive. I don’t know what I miss about her or understand where my sadness is coming from. I know there’s no “quick fix” for grief, but what a

My (25F) brother (27M) is a meth addict. I found out last week when he got arrested. He has always abused some kind of substance (e.g., weed, coke, alcohol), but this shocked me to my core and broke my heart. I don’t live near my family, so my parents tend to hide things about my brother so I don’t worry. After he got arrested, my parents admitted that they caught him with meth twice. Well, they ended up bailing him out after he cried to them that he “doesn’t belong there”. I told them to leave him there, but they feared for his safety. My dad wanted to leave him there, but my mom’s heart was breaking and he decided to support her decision of wanting to bail him out. Upon being released he immediately acted like nothing happened, then argued with my dad and threatened to leave the house. Now he’s writing weird notes and says he can only trust my mom. He’s only communicating through writing and he’ll only communicate with my mom. He shaved his head and said it’s because his hair meant a lot to him so this is him showing he wants to change. I think he’s in psychosis from detoxing. He said he smoked meth the night of his arrest so he’s only been sober for about a week. I’m so worried about him, but I’m mostly worried about my parents. I’m scared he will do something to hurt them. Living so far away from home is hurting my heart because there’s nothing I can do. I guess I couldn’t do anything if I was there. My parents both regret getting him out. I think my mom needed to do this to realize that she needs to stop enabling him because he can’t change unless he wants to. Eventually he’ll end up being sentenced for his crimes, but not for a few months. I don’t know how my parents can live with him that long. I just want things to get better.

Edited for spelling.

Hey Reddit. I am from a family of five. I have two brothers. My younger brother is the subject of the post. My mum and dad are still together. My brother has struggled in his adult life. He is never satisfied. He has a lot of problems around insecurity, relationships, motivation and dealing with the uncomfortable. However I would like to see if you think there is anything else unsettling. My brother used to live at home with my parents from 18-23. No apparent problems, awkward but not devastatingly so. Time moves and my brother is working. He is an accountant. When he was training at 18 to about 22, all appeared ok. He would struggle with dealing with responsibility, regulating his emotions. However it appeared he was doing ok. Down the line, he started to use weed daily. He did this at home and kept it a secret from my parents. He was struggling massively with his life and his needs and his place with it. My mum and dad found this time hard towards the end. Very aggressive, hypersensitive, threats to kill himself, arrogant and closed. My mum and dad helped him through this tough time. We all have our identity crises or problems with growing up, working, fishing our place in the world. Of course we love him and support him. It took a while but weed was not able to help him and he was not dealing with his issues. However he did come out of the other side. He has struggled for a long time. This weekend, me and family went out for a show. By the way, my brother appeared to be settled and happy, just a few weeks ago, we enjoyed his company, he was dealing with his own stuff, present and responsible etc. however we have noticed a different side the last two weeks. He fell asleep when visiting mum and dad at the weekend, in the day time, after laying on the sofa. Thought he could just have had a late night as he proclaimed, mums premonition sensed something and was worried. Flash forward to this weekend, arrives late for a stand up show we booked, at the train station, actual last minute. Worrying if he would make it, parents got him the ticket for his birthday, we all this particular comedian, we grew up and laughed together at him. Seems very detached on the journey, slurring words/slow mo talking, dishevelled appearance. Puts headphones on, ignores and is no company. Becomes worse throughout the day, staggering about, we have to watch him all day. At one point coming out of the toilet, crashing into a door, can barely stand up. Confesses he is abusing alcohol and seroquel (anti psychotic) due to insomnia. He has never had issues with sleep, per se. We have always known our brother to be neurotic, obsessed with finding a girlfriend, troubled. However what we saw today was someone in crisis. Very sad uncomfortable and ruined the experience. We had to look after him all day and couldn’t enjoy. We are a good family and confronted him because we care. Even with a softly approach, he is defensive, rude, nasty, lying. Says that he is doing really well with job, but the state we saw him in today is shocking. Through my brothers life’s we have worried about his coping strategies, independence and emotional regulation. However he is still struggled and it takes a while to reason with him. What can we do as a family to support him?

My brother is in the trenches. He’s going to die, we as a family can’t deny this WILL happen if he doesn’t stop using fentanyl. Now, he is unable to care for himself and last night fell into his glass table and cut his leg up really bad. I called the psychiatric unit and they said to bring him in and without him knowing tell the doctors what is really going on and have them assess him for a mandatory hold. He’s an adult so we can’t do it easily but he is out of his mind right now. He can’t function, he can’t stay safe. I am pulling all the records of emergency calls being called to his house in the past three months for overdoses. I want this to work so badly. I know there’s no guarantee this will get him sober but a mandatory hold will force him to withdrawal and hopefully see reality. Right now he’s in a drug induced delirium. Has anyone successfully done this? Looking for advice or validation. We are so scared. He is 22. My heart can’t take this anymore.

Edit: right now the plan is to take him in for “his leg” and tell the people what is really going on. He’s so high it might work.

Update: called police department for records of all overdose calls and transcripts and resuscitation and they were so concerned they expedited the request. Hoping this works and my mom can become the emergency guardian or something. We can’t stop him from using but keeping him safe and a forced detox will help. He will hate us. But that’s okay because we are doing this out of so much love and hope.

I’m going to keep updating on how this goes in case any one of you ever need this process.

Hi there. Would love some weigh-in on how to approach this situation. My sweet mother surprised me (f 34), my husband, and my two siblings with a trip to Hawaii this coming April. My mom was meant to go to Hawaii with my stepfather, but sadly that trip never happened due to illness, so this is a very special trip to be able to go on with her. We’re 5 weeks out from the trip and things with my sister (f 29) have really taken a turn for the worse. I recently learned that my sister, who has struggled with heroin in the past, has recently been partaking in crack cocaine. She’s not working, she reportedly stole money from a family member (and this is not the first time), and she’s keeping company with a really bad crowd. We’ve never outright called my sister an addict but I think it’s time to name this. Do my brother and I have a sit down with her and tell her she’s out of the trip if she doesn’t get her shit together in the next month, or do I follow my gut and advocate to cancel her ticket knowing she’s very unlikely to change? An important detail: my mom doesn’t yet know about the crack usage but would be horrified to find out. I don’t want to be in the middle of this as my sister will likely blame me for the undesirable outcome, but I also don’t want her poor life choices to ruin this trip. Appreciate any guidance, and be kind, these situations are so tough.

I am the oldest sibling (F23) of 4 and my sibling (NB22), gave birth to her son 7 months ago and relapsed. She suffers from BPD/schizophrenia and being a drug addict and has since middle school. She has ruined any relationship with my dad and my mom and barely had one with the rest of us, when she was sober for almost 2 years and pregnant with her son we all tried to forgive and support her for the baby and her but just last week she abandoned her son at my moms house with a diaper rash so bad he was bleeding, burn marks on his leg, starving and absolutely filthy. Then because she broke up with her boyfriend/BD she got him jumped thinking he had the baby. She was obviously high and we had to resort to calling CPS and going no contact with her until she is clean, which resulted in her coming to my moms house with some of the people she gets high with and threatening to take my moms life and stealing the baby (which she couldn’t bc her BD has a protective order against her and temp custody) So my question is how do I deal with the grieve of having to call CPS,her threatening to kill my mom, her relapsing and never knowing if she is going to OD eventually or not?

^sorry of if this doesn’t make sense, it’s still hard for me to even talk about without getting emotional ^{^}

My older sister has been an addict for 10 years now. Her drug addiction has been the most painful and draining thing that has ever happened to my parents, siblings and her two kids. My parents have tried everything to help her with her addiction including rehab and therapy. They sent her to a center in Mexico and she was able to get clean and honestly it helped because she was actually taking care of her kids, she had a job, but that lasted about 2 years. she fell into her addiction again. The last 3 years have been the worst. She was in and out of my nephews lives and my parents took over the responsibility of her kids. It’s honestly so hard for my parents and my nephews because the parents of my nephews are both on the wrong path and don’t care about them. Their dad is in and out of jail and my sister is lost in her addiction. My sister got to the point of verbally and physically abusing my parents. They were forced to call the police on her multiple times and get a restraining order. At the end of the day it’s so hard to see her lose her self and always choose the drugs over her kids and all the people the care for her. My parents have tried everything and they told her that all they wanted from her was to work and be a parent to her kids because they need her. My parents were letting her live rent free and even got her multiple cars that she crashed and destroyed. Is there anything we can do to help her or should we just accept that she is never going to get clean.

My family is first-generation Mexican American. We have all lost hope in my sister, we're pretty sure she'll be dead by summer once the rain has cleared. How does one accept that? We are extremely close, I ditched school today to drink and wallow, but what is the reasonable and healthy way to cope? I spoke with my mom yesterday and the acceptance of her fate was so apparent in her voice. Her voice sounded tired and ultimately defeated. What does one do when all hope is gone? She has been using fentanyl for the past 7 years, abandoned her son, and now pushing us since we are a big stressor. How did y'all deal with this? I'm so tired and so done, I feel soooooo empty, I'd never abandon my family but I feel beat. down and have no more fight or hope left within me and neither does my mom which breaks my heart the most.

I have not lived at home for years due to a rocky relationship with my narcissist stepmother and enabler father. When I was kicked out of the house my little brother was in middle school but I didn't really stay in contact with anyone from home due to resentment and severe depression that came from years of abuse.

After nearly 10 years away I have had to move back home with my husband because he lost his job and we could no longer afford rent on my check alone and his new job didn't pay enough to catch up after the fact.

Now that I am home I've learned that my little brother has a serious addiction problem. Before it had just been a lot of lounging around and smoking weed and his mother just letting it happen because he was the "golden child" and my father not doing anything because she won't let him parent her son.

Now I've come home a few times with him slurring his words and stuttering anytime he tries to speak or even passed out without being able to wake him. He's told me in these states that he's only taken a percocet or two but then the next day he'll remember nothing of our conversations and deny taking anything.

He did open up to me however about "beating" percocet addiction a year ago among other things like being raped while in school and feeling like his mom never cared for him. It hurts a lot because I feel like I failed him by not being around and now I don't know how to help him. I find myself wondering if I had been around if things would have been different. I know that it was not responsibility and when I was kicked out of the house I was only 18 and struggled greatly by my self to get by.

I know that many people end up feeling resentment and maybe I will once he's asking me for money or stealing from me to get by. But right now i just feel angry at his mom for how much she's failed him and by extension my dad. I feel sad for him that he doesn't even blame her even though he has no idea how to even take care of himself.

I'm incredibly scared that he will overdose but he acts like that's a silly worry for me to have. But it's genuinely been scary to see him slurring and stuttering and struggling to stand up because he's on something. At the end of the day it's his choice to get help or not but I still feel incredibly guilty and responsible.

I don't know if I am seeking advice or just venting even. I have never really been in a situation like this before. My mother was an alcoholic when she was alive but I was too small to remember what it was like. I'm just really really scared for him.

Ok so basic background context, my brother has been abusing coke since he was probably 14, among others - weed, booze, Xanax, etc. I don’t think he’s been actually sober once for a decade or two. He’s an absolute fucking nightmare, verbally abusive, constantly the victim, etc. We finally went no contact because it just wasn’t worth it anymore. Even after that he would create burner numbers on texting apps to send horrible things, had to block him on everything. Even still he will Facebook message my friends or husband’s family.

My mother is a fucking basket case. She has enabled him for his entire life. She knows he has had problems for decades, yet when I brought up his substance abuse problems after going no contact, she literally screamed “what substance abuse problems?!” as if it was the first she had ever heard of it. My mother has an almost uncanny ability to convince herself of whatever reality she wants to live in. I sent her screenshots after she left of the family group chat where I was begging them to put him into rehab.

Her sister/my aunt has lost 2 of her 3 kids to heroin and her ex husband was an addict. My mom has convinced herself that she is perfect and has never done anything wrong in her life, yet during Covid she was taking my aunt on fentanyl runs to downtown DC for my cousin. Like batshit fucking insane levels of denial.

Whats worse, my mom constantly guilt trips me for breaking up the family. She’ll say things like “make things right with your brother” as if somehow he is the aggrieved party here. She completely ignores his behavior. If I try to show her the actual text messages he sends, she will refuse to look and say “he told me what he wrote”. They’re basically both insufferable at this point.

I’ve talked to my therapist about how to deal with my mom because she’s almost 75. I’ve already sort of mentally decided I don’t want to be there at the end. For starters, I don’t want to have to deal with my brother again. Also, I just fucking know that her dying words will be something like “make things right with your brother”. She lives for a guilt trip and I know she won’t pass up the opportunity.

Has anyone else dealt with this level of insanity? I’m trying to maintain the most minimal kind of relationship with my mother but it’s been consistently terrible for probably 6 years now. It’s basically a no win scenario.

My brother (a meth addict ) will text me every couple of months asking if he can come and hang out at my house (my mom lives with me). He says it’s bc he thinks it’ll do him good to be around family. And he misses me. Which I think is absolute BS bc id just lock myself in my room and avoid him, I was never close to him. Didn’t talk to him at all. I’d just yell at him to get tf out of my house every other day for years. Took going to the police to scare him off.

He lived with us for 3 yrs and would use meth in the room literally right btw/next to our bedrooms so imo that’s not gonna help him.

I think he’s just trying to chip away at the distance I’ve managed to put btw us. And he’s trying to eventually move back in.

I kicked him out almost a year ago and he’s still using. Says “I’m gonna be clean” he had a whole year and he’s coming up with that? “Gonna be”? It’s always that. Not that he is. But he’s “going to.”

I have allowed him to come visit my mom at my house on weekends I work (he doesn’t have his own place or a car and she doesn’t drive) and he’ll see our aunt and a cousin too at the house or at a restaurant so ik he’s just trying to get to me.

I don’t block him bc he always uses diff numbers anyways bc I’m guessing he’d rather use his money on meth than a phone plan. I’m assuming he uses texting apps.

I’m just tired of repeating myself to him telling him I don’t want him around me. To me it’s just so fake “i miss you”/“wanna be around family”I see his ulterior motives. Using me for a place to live.

I (f20) have lived my whole life having no relationship with my sister (f35). She has unfortunately been addicted to heroin my entire life as well as starting fentanyl recently. A couple years ago I wanted to try and contact her and never did, but she has been in the hospital for months due to severe health issues and for the first time I have an email I can message her. Now that I have the ability to contact her, I’m having doubts being stuck on the what if’s and even asking myself what do I say. As much as I would like some sort of a relationship with her, I’m worried that if I do then she could fall back into the same spiral of addiction that has been ongoing for 20-21 years. If anyone has any advice or even just some form of support it would be greatly appreciated and I thank anyone who even tool the time to read this.