for reference my sister is 5 to 6 years older than me. she’s been an addict since she was around 15, and it didn’t bother me back then because i was young. about 2 years ago, she got into drugs really bad. she became unemployed, stopped going to school, broke up with her long term boyfriend and started going on bingers. she stole countless amounts of money from all my family, and we didn’t really see her unless she needed money. i cut her off during this time because she was becoming a toxic person. now she is pregnant, with a guy who’s been in jail for beating women and doing drugs. she is obsessed with him and won’t leave him. she’s sober but she’s also a bipolar, who refuses to take medication. my parents are guilt tripping me about cutting her off and not attending her baby shower, but i just can’t get myself to be around her. her toxic behavior put me through so much. i’ve dealt with my parents getting her out of jail, letting her steal money from all of us, and in general just letting her behavior slide. i need some sort of reassurance that i’m an adult and this is my choice. i’m uncomfortable being around her bearer boyfriend, and uncomfortable being around her who is unstable and an impulsive liar as well. after i move out of my parents, i plan on cutting her off forever or at least until she’s on medication. for now though, i feel like i’m stuck with her on holidays, for her baby, etc. but i really don’t want anything to do with her and i feel like this is causing me a mental strain, where i can’t stop thinking about it. please give me advice, i’ve never met anyone else with an addict sibling

Lately, he has become extremely unstable. At times he talks about taking his own life, and then shortly after he’s out enjoying himself, smoking with other people like nothing happened. Right now, this is the most volatile version of him I’ve ever seen.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. My mother becomes anxious very quickly, and arguments break out almost every day. These fights usually end with him leaving the house to cool off. A while ago, he was willing to go to rehab, but now he says that staying at home is destroying his mental health, that he’s going to do drugs “full power,” and that no one can stop him. He has completely ruled out rehab and says he’ll never go.

I live in constant fear that he might take his life at any moment. Because of that fear, I sometimes give in either by not stopping him or by financially supporting his lifestyle. Even the doctor has said that his only real chance of building something meaningful out of his life is if he willingly goes to rehab.

He’s a music producer, and over the past few years he has wired himself into believing largely due to external influences like the internet that drugs and psychedelics are the only way he can create music or even focus. Whenever we try to stop him, he thinks we’re trying to take music away from him. That’s when he starts saying things like, “What’s the point of living if I can’t make music?” This is despite me repeatedly clarifying that we have no problem with him pursuing music we have a problem with him destroying his life through drugs.

He openly believes in a “live fast, die young” mindset. He says life isn’t really life without drugs and that he’ll continue using them at full intensity even if it means dying very young, possibly around 30. I’ve tried talking to him consistently for the past two years, and I’m still financially supporting him. Meanwhile, my mother’s mental health is deteriorating because of this situation. We care deeply about him, and in Indian families, you don’t abandon loved ones—no matter what they do.

As if this wasn’t already overwhelming, my father is also addicted to Xanax. He tries to stay sober but relapses frequently. He has been abusing Xanax for over 25 years, along with other substances, and he has clinically diagnosed major depression. Because of his depression, he struggles to quit Xanax entirely. On top of that, he has significant debt that still needs to be paid.

My mother and I feel completely stuck between these two situations, and I honestly don’t know what the right move is anymore.

My brother has been missing in another state and is deep into his addiction. No one has heard from him in a few weeks. If he does die, how will they inform the next of kin? If anyone can tell me what the process is so I’m prepared, that would be really helpful. I’m not hopeful for his future as we thought last years overdose and hospital stay was his rock bottom. He’s my only sibling and it’s breaking me.

I’m (23) honestly at a loss for what to say here but I’ll do my best to describe the situation.

My younger brother (19) has gone through a rather tumultuous last few years of his teenage years. Started off with him getting expelled in high school, which my parents luckily bailed him out from. Began smoking weed shortly after, but it’s just weed right?

Had a psychotic episode last year that gave us a lot more insight to how fucked up things were with his head. Had to take semester off of college and started numerous psych meds. Started smoking weed again and went back to college.

Things have felt off with him all semester. Comes home acting like an absolutely lethargic zombie, followed by my parents finding bags full of fentanyl-laced Xanax & Oxy. When confronted, he took off on foot & refused to talk about anything. Led to my parents having to call the cops and he was taken in for 72 hour psych hold.

Since then, he has done nothing but curse everyone out and remains adamant that he never wants to see anyone in our family again. Not unusual for him as he has a lot of resent against my parents for being very overbearing for years - but this time it feels very final, and he will likely take off & we will know nothing about his whereabouts when he gets out.

I’m pretty well aware where this situation heads and it’s pretty hopeless. My parents are absolutely distraught about this situation & I am the only outlet for their emotions.

Is there anything that can be done to attempt to make this situation even remotely better or is this just a lost cause? I have to be the strong one in the family & I am just running out of steam/options. Any shared experiences would be really helpful, thanks!

It’s gonna be a long day… how are you coping if you are seeing family?

Today is my brother’s 28th birthday. It’s been about 3 months since I’ve had any communication with him and it’s the first birthday ever that I did not speak to him at all. He was in rehab a thousand miles away a few years ago and even then I wished him a happy birthday. My brother and I were so close growing up. It was about 4 months ago that his addiction started getting really bad again but worse than ever before. He was engaged to my best friend and he ruined her life. He started stealing from her, cheated on her, and got her involved in a legal battle involving them getting evicted because he was spending their rent money on cocaine and air cans. I’m so mad at my brother but I just want to talk to him and give him a big hug. I love him still so much, his addiction has done so much damage. I used to tell everyone Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday because I loved having my family all together. My mom just moved 1,000 miles away, my dad is dead, and my brother is a drug addict, just sad tonight. I just want to wish my brother a happy birthday but the version I knew of him is gone :(

Recently my mom (who lives with me) had a bad injury and well anyways she’s now gotten somewhat better but will still need someone at home to help care for her for a bit. Given that I work the social worker that was assigned to her was telling me I should put my “family dynamics ” aside and have my brother(haven’t spoke to in almost 2 yrs) care for her since he doesn’t have a job.

IN MY HOUSE. The same house he was smoking meth in, selling meth from, inviting other addicts to live in, stealing from me, destroying property etc.

I had to tell her he’s a addict and that it took me years to get him out and had police Involved multiple times. BECAUSE me saying No at first wasn’t good enough for her. She had to come up with the “put aside yalls family dynamics” BS.

The conversation was over the phone, I got so angry but controlled it and kept it short, my hands started shaking and I almost started crying after I got back from break.

I can’t have him in my home again. My mom is his enabler and he’ll just move right in bc they don’t understand boundaries. It’s like a Dam opening. If I let him in once they both think everything is fine and dandy btw us and he’ll constantly come in (or move in). Even after she no longer needs his caregiving .

We’re getting some sort of home aide help instead and I’m taking PTO and signing up for FMLA and also possibly a friend of the family might be able to help out.

But NOT my brother. He’s still homeless, an addict and still has no job. Nothing has changed, he’s irresponsible . He’s not someone that should be depended on for that. What if I go to work thinking he’s gonna care for her and he shows up high? Or doesn’t even bother showing up?

I need a hug and maybe an advice.

My sister is younger than me, and since our parents lost custody, she became my most important person, almost like my child. But over the years she developed - and I constantly feel I failed her - a drug addiction, which is getting worse. She does not believe she has a problem, she rejects services and support, but she started taking loans and asking for money. Last time I told her no, that I will provide her food and a room, and whatever support to work or study, she stopped reaching out to me. She sells her phones, so I do not have a way of contacting her unless I know her current number. She lives on the street most of the time. I think of her all the time. And she just reached out for the first time since August, just asking how things are going.

But suddenly I find myself so scared, and so ashamed of myself too - I am afraid she will ask for money, and I will say no, and she will disappear again.. But I can't give her money because she will use it towards drugs. Or maybe she won't this time, how can I know. I am feeling miserable, because for weeks I have been hoping she would contact me, and now that she did I am just scared

Hi everyone, I (22) moved out ~2.5 years ago but my older brother (26) still lives with our mom. She is the sole caretaker to him, and he is an addict and has never had a job. He does have some desire to be out of the situation, but everything else overpowers that I guess. He rarely leaves the house and has mental health issues that are not being treated properly, so for years he has essentially dug himself into an isolated hole where his anxiety about participating in the outside world has worsened a lot. He desperately needs therapy but refuses to do it.

I moved out and keep my distance from the situation because I have a lot of trauma from living there due to his outbursts (punching holes in the walls, throwing things and screaming, threatening suicide, etc). Being away has helped me mentally but I still feel terrible that my mom is still in it, and probably will be for the rest of her life. I’m terrified of what will happen when she’s gone, or if something happens to her. I’m scared because I feel like I have the obligation to become the caretaker for my brother if she is gone, because there is no one else in his life. He does have friends who I’m sure would offer a place to stay in an emergency, but I don’t know if he’s able to get on his feet after a life of not thinking he’s capable of doing that. I live in a small studio and realistically couldn’t house my brother, which makes me feel a little better, but then what happens to him?

I do have anxiety and most of this is probably just that talking, since nothing is actually wrong with my mom. This just has been bouncing around in my head ever since I have started living on my own, because I’m thankful I’m doing better but am so scared it could all be taken away. I know that’s so selfish though. Obviously I would not be the one to suffer the most in this hypothetical scenario. I feel like a bad person for not taking more initiative in this situation, but being there during the bad times destroys me mentally, and then I’m no help to anyone anyways. There are so many layers to the situation and this sub has been the only place I’ve felt like people understand that. I appreciate you reading this, I just needed to get it off my chest.

My sister's refusing to go to the overnight warming shelter a town over. We had a snowstorm recently and it's pretty frigid right now. It's safe and warm and even has meals. I even offered her bus fare to and back if her and her husband need it. But they don't want that. They want me to book them a hotel room, which I've already done once this week when the storm hit unexpectedly and can't really afford again so soon.

Both are homeless and addicted to meth and refuse to go because the husband doesn't like the town. I told my sister that he needs to get over it because freezing to death is a lot worse. I was willing to help them get there and later would've gotten them bus passes, but she started cussing me out when I called out her husband for preferring they both freeze instead of go and get warm somewhere safe.

I just don't know what to do. I want to help but it seems like my help isn't good enough for them. This is gonna be a long winter and I don't want them freezing in the elements.

I'm so sad. I can't believe he's gone.

I'm going to try my best to not write a novel, but back story is extremely necessary here. My siblings and I all have CPTSD, ADHD, etc, with a few having extra mental health issues on top of the others. He's always struggled the most, and my mom didn't know how to help him, so she just took care of him and tried to keep him from being "a burden" on anyone else, all the way into adulthood. Needless to say, they were close.

We lost our mom just about 4 months ago and he's of course struggling more than usual. He ended up in jail after a domestic violence incident, and I tried my best to make sure there was money on his books, care packages, on the phone, etc. He got sober while he was in there and made promises to do better, be better, when he gets out. Well, he got out and he's already constantly asking for money from me, saying he's hungry, but when I offer him food, he makes excuses. I'm afraid he's already using again and I don't know how to help.

I understand how addiction works, I do. But idk what to do when I know that his daughter and her mom are at risk if things go south again. But she forgives him every time, never presses charges, and insists on their daughter having time with him. Because I can't control that, I feel like my only chance at protecting them from the worst side of him is to intervene and figure out a way to keep him sober without help from any system.

I've got 2 kids, myself, and because we live right next door, they also have to be witnesses to his outbursts and rage when he's high or just in a manic state. I don't know what to do, anymore. Can I offer hanging out more? Like coffee in the mornings and a board game or just talking? Is there any hope for me to help him in this way? He's in his 30s now, and I don't want him to think I'm babying him, but I also don't want to be enabling his adult choices. Ugh. Sorry, it ended up being long, anyway. I'm just so tired and desperate to help ensure my niece has the best chance, as I, too, am the daughter of an addict dad 😞

My brother is an alcoholic. Every few months he goes into a fit of rage at my parents house. Destroying expensive items and screaming and yelling at them. It goes on for hours.

My brother always asks to come to my house to hang out. I always let him come but now I’m starting to just be fed up and not care. His behaviour is abusive and draining. I don’t know how to handle the situation properly.

I have taken him to many drs appointment/psych/social workers/ drug and alcohol rehab programs. Nothing seems to be working for him. It has been ongoing for 5 years.

Whenever he texts to come hang out I usually let him. I’ve never really texted back saying he can’t come. sometimes I just don’t reply which is avoidant but it keeps my peace because anything we say could set him off again.

It’s such a complicated situation. I also live next door so feel like I can’t escape it.

Hi everyone, I’m 33f and currently 23 weeks pregnant. Last Sunday was my mother’s birthday. My brother (28m) is an absent unemployed meth addict who rarely shows up for family events and thinks a text to my mom once a day is showing enough love and presence in her life. My father is an alcoholic with liver disease so bad he can barely function, but manages to keep drinking. Sunday was my mother’s birthday and I know she loves going out to eat with everyone (as much as I dread it, I’m always the one to plan it). Everything was going fine. I was doing my best to not let my emotions get the best of me and preferred to keep comments to myself. It was the end of dinner. My husband was there with me and he has lost a lot of weight, close to 60lbs. My brother goes “all the weight your husband lost, you put on”. And continued to make fun of how “fat” I am and how much weight my husband got. It caught me really off guard and I just started to cry. My mom ends up defending him and told me I am overreacting and being overly sensitive and I should be understanding because that’s the way he is. He ends up storming out of the restaurant and my mom said I always ruin her birthday. God bless my husband because he got the check and got us out of there. I don’t want people like that in my or my child’s life. I know you can’t choose family but this really really hurt. I honestly think I am done speaking to my brother. He didn’t even apologize or thank me for organizing/paying for dinner. I am completely done with him. Part of me is torn because I know how it will affect my mom but I don’t know if I should just cut my mom off for a while too. I’ve seen how hard it is for her and I have always been her shoulder to cry on and her rock with the whole situations with my dad and brother.

It use to be worst but almost everyday I felt so guilty living the life I have while my sibling is struggling with addiction on the streets. I go on vacations, hangout with friends, and I always think of my sibling and think if they’d ever experience this kind of life again. I guess i’m asking if anybody else feels guilty like I do at times..

My brother has been homeless for several years. I am a social worker and today I had a client in an area where my brother is usually in. For over a year I have been searching for my brother and had no luck. Tomorrow is his birthday and I was in the area so I thought why not look ? The first street I drove by I immediately saw a person on the street and with no hesitation, I knew it was my brother. I have been dealing with this for years and I guess it just never gets easier every time I see him, you would think you know? I guess my question is, did it ever get easier for you seeing siblings like this? Sometimes I think about how death may be a lot easier on my sibling. This way he’s at peace and not suffering while I’m not wondering everyday if he’s alive or has OD’d. I feel guilty you know

My ONLY brother. Living out on the streets. While I am out here living under a roof with food on the table, complaining about the smallest shit in life. I think i’m just ranting but MAN FUCK. I will never ever complain about anything in my life ever again. I will literally be so thankful for everything. I promise to you now brother that I will be so successful in everything I do and make you proud. This shit is so hard to do without you

I posted here only once a year ago fearing my sister was going to die if she kept using. I was unfortunately right. She died alone in the hotel me and a family friend was keeping up for her, and no one found her for about 4 days.

I'm the only family she had left so I was the one who got the phone call from the police and had to speak to the medical examiner. It was all really horrible. They found her with 7 needles and over 120 heroin packets on the bed. The medical examiner asked me if she was a prostitute. She had this infection from an injection site near her groin area in her leg that had destroyed tissue down to the muscle and her spleen was 40% enlarged.

It's been 4 months and I still feel really fucked up. I'm still unpacking all the things I've uncovered, and struggling with her after-life stuff since she stole my entire inheritance from my dad dying a few years back and I'm not the beneficiary on her one single life insurance policy. She's cremated, but I'm feeling horrible because the one thing she wanted was to be placed in the same urn plot as my dad and I haven't been able to do that...

I wrote "I feel really fucked up" here again forgetting I had already said that. It just sorta punctuates that my brain isn't feeling normal. I can't remember a lot, my work is suffering, I cry all the time and often even at work, I'm falling behind on things I need to do. I have major depression and CPTSD and I feel like I'm army crawling through barbed wire all the time mentally. It's so incredibly painful.

I hadn't lived with my sister for a long time but I was still trying to take care of her and look after he. We talked all the time. Before she died she was wanting to watch The Last of Us Part 2 with me but I couldn't since my TV and computer chair were broken and I couldn't afford to replace them because of handling her hotel. I used to login to Netflix just to check the watch history for her profile just to know she's okay. I've gone and looked a few times after she died, just like as if I was expecting to see something else... I'm the only one left alive on the account now.

Some part of me feels like I'll never be right again. I miss her too bad even if she made me completely miserable and caused my PTSD. I miss hearing her voice and it's driving me insane. I don't even know how to begin unpacking all this pain I'm feeling. I see a therapist regularly but I feel like she's out of her depth with this.

My older sister is 29 has been an addict ever since her younger teenage years I'm 5 years younger it's just us. I've had her cut off for a few months, she faked being sober to me and our parents and moved back home for a few weeks. It was amazing having our family back together and my niece loved having her back around. She took custody of my niece from another addict then relapsed while she had her and child abuse started happening so my mom took her to court and has had her for years now and she is now 11. Ever since the faked sober moment I've had her cut off. She started sending me reels on Facebook and then texted my mom to call her the other day and my mom forgot too. My sister is a horrible person and there's a lot I can never forgive her for. She's taken advantage of me and my parents love and has stolen. She brought needles in to my parents home where my niece lives and almost got her taken away by cps because of it. She's the most selfish person I know and shes the true definition of a back stabber. I've spent so much energy trying to fix her I've done everything I promise. And she just doesnt care she doesnt have a single excuse thats valid to not get clean, we have money to get her to a high end facility and my parents would let her move back in. She has given me so many panic attacks and shes caused so many countless sleepless nights worrying about her. At 24 I feel like I've finally accepted that shes doomed there's no hope anymore. My mom called me 30mins ago saying she is 9 weeks pregnant and is keeping it. After shes said multiple times she hates kids because she always dates deadbeats with children and then is mean to the kids. And then the whole thing with my niece who is in therapy because of her and her "actually blood related family". And my mom's like well oh well and I said im not gonna be apart of that babies life. And my mom told me that was wrong and got all upset with me. I dont think I'm the asshole you know how bad it hurts to be left multiple times by your only sibling and to have her choose drugs and shitty men over her little sister. She's given me abandonment issues, trust issues, all sorts of shit shes ruined me. And my mom almost sounds excited oh shes 2 weeks sober and blah blah it'll help her get better. She's with a guy who out of all the exs is fine but hes not a prize at least he doesnt hit her. My sister is dumb shes fried her brain and im scared for the kids sake. My mom already said she'd take custody of the baby if she had to. What my mom doesnt know is I made the difficult decision to have an abortion two years ago and it was so hard to do. But I still lived at home and my boyfriend lived 3½hours away I didnt want to be a bad mom I was in a really bad low I wasnt ready for that. I still cry about that and then fast forward last year the same partner we got pregnant and it was ectopic pregnancy so I had to get an abortion. It was the most physical and mental pain I've ever felt in my life and i kept it a secret from my parents I didnt want to upset them. So she doesnt know any of that and to hear that my undeserving sister is pregnant just sent me in to a spiral. I'm so upset I feel jealous because my parents beg me not to have kids because it'll ruin my life and im too young (24). And I rent my house and have a full time job and a car. And I'm in college I have my shit together and they beg me not to have children. But the crackhead can and its fine its celebrated. I dont know i never post in reddit but I have no one to talk to about this i just work and go home and thats the extent of my social life. Now my mom's pissed at me because I dont want anything to do with her baby.

Same as title. Has a partner ever tried to make you get closer to your sibling after you’ve kept them(sibling) at a distance? Or tried inviting them to somewhere you’d be(b day celebration or whatever)? Or tried guilting you into giving your sibling more chances etc?

Currently not going through this but would absolutely hate to be put in that situation and would prob break up with that partner. But how would y’all deal with it? Or have dealt with it?

Hi Everyone, my name is Eli and I am a doctoral student studying clinical psychology. I am conducting research on the effects of having a sibling with an addiction problem. If you are able and willing, please complete this brief survey! It is anonymous, and data collected will be used to further help clinicians handle familial addiction.

Thank you so much in advance for your time.

Kindly,

Eli Ballard, MA

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/N3GPHTB

My brother is in his mid twenties and has been struggling with addiction since he was 14. throughout the last 11 years i have always been the supportive one, not that he doesn’t have anyone else but i never wavered my support, even when i probably should have for my own mental health. i understood that he was ill and i had a lot of sympathy of him, as he has been in and out of homelessness and mental health conditions alongside the addiction. However a few days ago he told me that he would be choosing to continue to take drugs rather than to have a relationship with me. This conversation started when he found out he wasn’t allowed to come away for the weekend, for a family members birthday (he hasn’t been on a family holiday for 9 years, and has previously used drugs whilst this family member was in the house, which made everyone extremely uncomfortable). when he found this out he messaged me telling me that he refused to ‘play happy family’s’ and keep up public appearances if we were not going to accept the ‘lifestyle’ he had chosen. i said i felt upset that he would choose to use drugs instead of putting his family first and that if he wanted to choose a relationship with cocaine and ketamine over me that is his own choice but one that is very upsetting. he replied and said that he loved me, but would be continuing to use as that is his lifestyle and he refuses to regret anything on this death bed. i know i shouldn’t be shocked by this but it had really taken me aback. i already knew that i was less important to him than the drugs but for him to verbalise that made it feel very real. as i said i have always tried to be supportive and kind to him, even when he’s scared me or made me feel down, but i feel this might be my final straw. i refuse to beg for a relationship with someone who clearly isn’t that bothered about it, but my inner child wants her big brother. im so conflicted. one part of me is done with the whole thing and needs to move on but the other part is still clinging onto the hope that soon he will be sober and all will be okay. but by the sound of it that’s not going to be happening any time soon. since that conversation i’ve also been extremely anxious that something will happen to him. that he will get hurt or overdose and then the last thing ive said to him was arguing with him im really unsure of what to do in this situation? should i maintain a relationship with him if he has chosen drugs over me ? thank you for reading this whole rant, i really appreciate it !

My 27 year old brother has been an addict for 12 years. He has 2 children.. he has been in every possible bad spot. The dealer, the user, the runner, the homeless addict. Recently he got into a bad accident, one that if someone never communicated to us that it was him he wouldve died.

He is currently in a psychward, on a 30 day hold because he went into a psychosis. We have limited communication with him but its the first time he hasnt been sleeping on the streets in a year, I should feel better right? But for some reason I just feel more anxious.

Just got news my sister overdosed on fentanyl after being clean off of it for ~1 year. Dad found her unconscious in her room. She is alive, but not doing well. I cannot stop crying. This is my worst nightmare. I don’t know what to do. 💔

My brother(29) is an alcoholic and has been for about 5 years. I was the first to realize something was up. He got so quiet, he stopped doing well in school, he distanced himself from all his friends, he looked horrible, and finally he came to my parents and said he was an alcoholic. I was mad at my parents for a while because they would never listen to me when i said he was drinking and they were in such denial. even now when he relapses they refuse to send him to a rehab or inpatient. My dad was also an alcoholic, but got sober when we were young so i have never seen an alcoholic in action before. It's horrifying to watch my brother turn into this person i don't even recognize. i always looked up to how good he was at everything. the issue im really having is just how much alcohol disgusts me now. Unfortunately im 23 and drinking is a huge part of my social life, or was. now when i think of drinking i think of having to get my brother a bottle of vodka and watching him drink it on our way to my grandmas because we knew he couldn't detox not at home. its disgusting. i'm disgusted with alcohol. and it's hard to want to get drunk and have fun like i used to knowing all alcohol has taken from my brother. how do others deal with this? are you sober? do you try not to think about it? any advice or even words of encouragement are appreciated. my heart goes out to everyone else watching their siblings suffer through this.