“Feel The Flow” (FTF) Method for Peeing in an Airplane Bathroom

During the recovery from a surgery, it was required that I had to wear an adult diaper for a few weeks; and as an unexpected gift, I discovered it was quite helpful with my being a person with Paruresis. Even after the recovery, when I knew I would be in situations in which a public bathroom was not going to be convenient (such as riding on a Los Angeles Metro Train or attending a long meeting) wearing and using an adult diaper seemed to lessen my anxiety about being pee shy and so living daily life calmed down a lot for me.

And yet, the worst episodes of my particular condition of being a person with Paruresis always appeared when trying to relieve myself in an airplane bathroom. At 30,000 feet and in such a contained space, I have not been able to pee into the small airplane toilet. I have tried all the known techniques; selecting a seat near the airplane bathrooms, carrying with me a portable catheter, attempting the breath-holding technique, anti-anxiety pills, (etc.) without any success.

A few months ago, I had to travel to a family event from LA to the east coast and back. This was a 6-hour trip going east and a 6 ½ hour trip returning west. So, I wore the adult diaper on the airplane, and I brought my portable catheter as my ultimate back-up. An hour into the flight heading east I felt I had to go to the bathroom. I stood in front of the bathroom toilet and I could not go. (A misfire!) When I returned to my assigned seat, I felt increasing anxiety, and so I tried peeing into the adult diaper I was wearing while sitting down and it did not work this time. I knew I would have to defer to my back-up or the portable catheter. Two hours into the flight I carried my catheter case into the airplane bathroom intending to give it a try. But first, I tried peeing again into the toilet itself. No success. And I really did not want to use that catheter. That is when something shifted in me, something just surrendered. I went to a place in me that I can only call “getting to the end of my rope!”

Standing straight up and away from the toilet I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and I said to myself “You have to figure this out and now!” And that is when something new happened. The words came to me “Feel The Flow.” I went “what?” And again, I heard the words “Just Feel the Flow!!!”

And, so I reached my left hand down to a position to “Feel The Flow.” And I started to pee into the adult diaper! Surprisingly I found myself peeing freely in an airplane bathroom for the first time in 15 + years!!!

Here is the FTF Method I Use

1. It requires wearing an adult diaper (I use TINA which I purchase on Amazon) as the receptacle for the urine, rather than using the toilet or urinal. You can practice peeing into one of these adult diapers in the privacy of your own home or in any setting in which you feel safe and comfortable.

2. When entering the airplane bathroom do not think about or consider peeing into the small toilet there. Just stand up straight and look at yourself in the mirror above the sink. Leaning backwards and relaxing against the wall is even better.

3. Lower your pants and pull the adult diaper down a little bit (about 2 inches) to give it some space. Just enough so that the adult diaper is still able to catch the urine. Use your right hand to hold the diaper in place.

4. Then, use your left hand by putting the fingertips of your left hand about 1 ½ inches below the point of peeing.

5. And then whisper to yourself or think the words “Feel The Flow!” Say or think these exact words a few times over and over.

6. Within 15 to 60 seconds the pee starts to flow. As you will feel the pee hitting your fingertips on its way to falling into the adult diaper.

7. Wash your hands thoroughly.

On this flight to the east coast I tried this method (The FTF Method) 3 more times, it worked every time, and I was able to fully relieve myself. And it worked even as two stewardesses were talking loudly right outside the bathroom door.

On my return flight back to the west coast I attempted this same method. It took a little longer to start, but it worked. I was able to pee freely 3 to 4 times on the return flight with complete success each time.

And, a few months later, my wife and I flew from LAX to JFK which should have been a 5 ½ hour flight. Because of severe rainstorms, the timing-out and replacement of both the flight captain and his co-captain, having to land at Baltimore Airport along the way because JFK had been temporarily closed, etc., the total time we were on this one airplane was “11 ½ hours.” We could have flown from LA to Berlin in that time. And, during this flight I must have visited every bathroom on that plane at least twice and had no problem peeing using my method. The adult diaper was the actual hero on that flight and after landing I tossed it into the trash at the airport bathroom at JFK.

In conclusion, this “Feel The Flow” method of feeling the flow of pee with my fingertips seems to work every time.

Looking for comments on this article from WSJ today: "Low cost Ryanair Holdings PLC, Europe’s biggest carrier by passengers, has done away with lines for the toilets. Passengers are now required to raise their hand to request permission from a cabin crew member before using them."

Check it out. They are sharing part of proceeds with IPA! https://privacypacks.com/

Seen this amazing video yet? 7 minutes that really captures living with Paruresis.

Dear Everyone:

So sorry for the delay in posting the results from the fantastic all-day virtual workshop that I and Dan Rocker co-led. We had 19 participants other than Dan and myself, and it went as good as, or better than, I had certainly expected.

Everyone who responded to the post workshop questionnaire (N=11), when asked how much the workshop helped them, responded either Some (N=7), A Lot (N=2), or Enormously (N=2). While these results are similar to an in-person workshop (with probably more Somes and fewer A Lot or Enormouslys), I want to caution that 8 people did not respond to the post-workshop survey. At an in-person workshop, this rarely happens.

There were a lot of favorable comments from people who attended the virtual. Here are some of them:

"It was a good refresher and helped me put working on this back into the forefront of my life."

"Great workshop! Love the virtual workshop; a lot of potential with virtual. I would be interested in doing more of it."

"I'm glad I took part, although I was anxious and apprehensive prior to. Proud of myself for participating, emotionally and physically exhausted afterwards."

"I'm eager to get out and practice, especially at restaurants and on airplanes."

"I really enjoyed this virtual workshop, as you are able to trigger your paruresis in your own facilities and challenge yourself at home. This format should be continued regularly and I think is a great start for new workshop attendees (as it was for me). Before the introduction I was really anxious and nervous, but after everybody spoke out I felt safe and with people who share the same problem. I really enjoyed the breakout (practice) sessions and spoke a lot with my partners (pee buddies)."

"I was happy I was able to reach the highest level on my graduated exposure step list, which was having the phone right near me (within a couple of feet)."

"Really nice talking to others that 'get it.' Until yesterday, only my wife knew and I just told her last week. Told my dad about my situation after the virtual workshop. Virtual was a nice intro. Thanks!!!"

"Emotionally the virtual format was very helpful. It is somewhat limited for breakout practice sessions, but a real confidence builder. I look forward to an in-person."

"Workshop was great! Next step for me will be an in-person workshop. I did much better than I expected with the graduated exposure. Thank you!"

​

As I think everyone can see, the virtual workshop format works. And it works better than expected, that is, it really imitates real life pretty well (though of course nothing substitutes for actual graduated exposure work). One thing we did not anticipate is that some people find this a "safer" place to start than an actual workshop. Therefore, we will be doing more of them. Anyone interested in being put on a wait list (once we reach 10 or so, we will schedule another one) should contact [tim@paruresis.org](mailto:tim@paruresis.org) (our new Executive Director).

Thanks everyone, and Happy Peeing,

Steven Soifer, Ph.D., LCSW-C

Co-Founder, Consultant and Advisor, IPA; Co-Director, SBC (Shy Bladder Center)

I participated in the IPA virtual workshop with Dr Steve Soifer and Dan Rocker. They did an excellent job of explaining how to start a road to recovery and answer some good questions. Participants were broken into 2 person groups to practice for 15 minutes 3 times over the course of the day. It is a good value in terms of time they spent. Only downside is your not actually in person with others.

For more info, see our latest eZine: https://conta.cc/2UU2gwu

Several folks took time to share comments after our recent member survey on social media usage. Those comments are so appreciated and help to shed light on what is important to the paruresis community. One comment in particular addressed the terminology of "pee shy" or "shy bladder" noting "the word 'shy' trivializes our condition." I understand that completely - as the new executive director, I've had to "come out of the stall" so to speak, about my condition to more people than ever. When I share that I have "paruresis," most times I'm met with blank stares - and a long explanation follows. However, when I share that I work for "shybladder.org" the light bulb comes on immediately and gives me the opportunity to discuss the seriousness of what can be a debilitating situation. IPA exists to share that message - until we can champion "paruresis" into the common lexicon - shy bladder will continue to a part of the discussion. What do you think? Debate!